Well Here I am.... my Husband is Gone

kimmygarland
kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
in Grief and Bereavement #1
I posted on the head and neck forum that my husband, Bob, passed away on 6/17. He has been battling the beast for three years and was doing really well. He had an airway obstruction, followed by cardiac arrest and passed away. Ugh.... was very scary but it was his time.

He was a true warrior and even his doctors have told us he was a very brave man.

So here I am... on the grief board. Ugh. My son (he's 26) and I will be ok, but I know it will be a long and difficult road.

I have cared for him for 3 years and at times it was a full time job, and now, poof he AND all the care giving duties are gone. It's very strange.

We were married 29 years and I was 18 when we got together... I will adjust and live my life but needless to say it will never be the same and there will be a hole forever.

Not sure the point of my post, except I know you all understand here.

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Sorry
    Sorry to hear that you are now one of us. Just put one foot in front of the other for now. Time will mellow the pain, but you are right it doesn't go away. At least for me, over two and a half years out, it hasn't. Now I remember the good times more often than the bad. We were blessed with six years of the cancer fight. I say blessed because he lived longer than we expected, but shorter than we would have liked. He, too, was very brave and his number one concern was me. I told him often that I was a strong independent woman and would be alright. Now, I am trying to live that promise to him. We were married for 42 years. Again, not long enough. It is never long enough, but some how we pick up the pieces and mold them into our new life. Take care of yourself now. Hugs and prayers, Fay
  • Dotsmom
    Dotsmom Member Posts: 11
    #3
    I lost my husband May 22, he
    I lost my husband May 22, he was a Bob too. Head & neck cancer 2 years. We have one child 9 years old. It is very strange going from 24/7 caregiver to adjusting yet again to a new life. My husband was on hospice & while I wasn't quite done with him yet, it was time as you said.

    I don't think there needs to be a 'point' just a place to vent & know people understand.
    Peace
  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #4
    Oh Kimmy!
    I don't even lurk much here anymore; its too painful. I'm so sorry to hear about Bob. Prayers for you!
    Penny
  • pat719
    pat719 Member Posts: 1
    #5
    Well here I am too.
    My husband passed 7/7/12 We fought Esophageal cancer for over a year together. I wish I could sound as positive as some of you but I was with my husband 44 years and I don't remember a life without him. Our story: For a year we went thru chemo and radiation and I say WE because during that year I also faced his mortality and suffered his pain. At no point did I ever think this was his cancer. For better or for worse... I said it and I meant it. A follow up scan was taken in June 2012 and the drs told us his cancer was advancing quickly. They said he had maybe a year left yet a month later he was gone. A few days after seeing the dr he began to have difficulty breathing and we went to the local ER where they rushed him to another hospital specializing in the care he needed (a trache was placed). The care he received at this hospital was horrible horrible horrible and he was discharged to a nursing home with the plan to teach me to care for the trache and then bring him home quickly. The nursing home received NO orders from the hospital about his care and decided within the hour that he never should have been discharged. He was sent back to our local hospital and admitted in critical condition to the ICU. He didn't want to die and he fought so hard for 3 weeks and finally died from Pneumonia. I am stuck in this angry place because I believe the care he received (or didnt receive) in the hospital that did the surgery contributed to his death and they robbed us of that year. I am left feeling like I failed him. Just needed to get this out ty.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #6
    pat719 said:

    Well here I am too.
    My husband passed 7/7/12 We fought Esophageal cancer for over a year together. I wish I could sound as positive as some of you but I was with my husband 44 years and I don't remember a life without him. Our story: For a year we went thru chemo and radiation and I say WE because during that year I also faced his mortality and suffered his pain. At no point did I ever think this was his cancer. For better or for worse... I said it and I meant it. A follow up scan was taken in June 2012 and the drs told us his cancer was advancing quickly. They said he had maybe a year left yet a month later he was gone. A few days after seeing the dr he began to have difficulty breathing and we went to the local ER where they rushed him to another hospital specializing in the care he needed (a trache was placed). The care he received at this hospital was horrible horrible horrible and he was discharged to a nursing home with the plan to teach me to care for the trache and then bring him home quickly. The nursing home received NO orders from the hospital about his care and decided within the hour that he never should have been discharged. He was sent back to our local hospital and admitted in critical condition to the ICU. He didn't want to die and he fought so hard for 3 weeks and finally died from Pneumonia. I am stuck in this angry place because I believe the care he received (or didnt receive) in the hospital that did the surgery contributed to his death and they robbed us of that year. I am left feeling like I failed him. Just needed to get this out ty.

    Anger
    I lost my husband two years ago to brain cancer. He was 56 and we were told at the time of diagnosis he had a year or less. He lasted 15 months, but they were very difficult months. After he died there were many times I wondered if we did not fight hard enough. Should we have done things differently. We do the best with what we have, and what we know at the time. There is so much to deal with when a spouse is ill. It isn't just the care that they require. It's dealing with the doctor's, insurance companies, the household duties that they did that now becomes yours. Life becomes so overwhelming while you are coping with unimagineable grief. Don't be hard on yourself. You did the best you could and he knows that. There were several incidents regarding medical issues that made me so very angry. It's hard to let go of that anger. I am sorry for your loss.
  • baldwin
    baldwin Member Posts: 25
    #7
    Beckymarie said:

    Anger
    I lost my husband two years ago to brain cancer. He was 56 and we were told at the time of diagnosis he had a year or less. He lasted 15 months, but they were very difficult months. After he died there were many times I wondered if we did not fight hard enough. Should we have done things differently. We do the best with what we have, and what we know at the time. There is so much to deal with when a spouse is ill. It isn't just the care that they require. It's dealing with the doctor's, insurance companies, the household duties that they did that now becomes yours. Life becomes so overwhelming while you are coping with unimagineable grief. Don't be hard on yourself. You did the best you could and he knows that. There were several incidents regarding medical issues that made me so very angry. It's hard to let go of that anger. I am sorry for your loss.

    Hello. I read very often, do not write because, well, who knows
    My husband passed away in February after fighting colon cancer for five years. The cancer had spread to his liver, lungs, spine, bones, brain ,everywhere. We believed, and many will think we were foolish to believe that this would be handled as a chronic disease. I will not even begin to tell you how we fought this disease until the day my husband passed. Another post. But , I am too very angry. This past week, I took myself off the antidepressants and I am angry, very angry. Why, the old question of why. I know intellectually there will never be an answer to the question why, but still I ask WHY???
    I know in my heart that if my husband was to choose to live over someone else he would NOT.
    That is one of the things that I admire and respect my husband so much for. And, I would also do the same,but, I do get very lonely, and the days and nights are so empty. I put my faith in the Lord and I trust him that he has a plan for me, that I do not know at this time,but I must believe. I will be honest, every day I wish I were with my husband and I know that when God's plan is for that, I will be reunited with my husband for eternity. I have gone to many bereavement groups, counseling and I am getting along better than I was, but,this empty feeling creeps out without a sign and floors you. Your family and friends have gone on with their lives but you have not, can not. You do not hold this against them, afterall, didnt I do the same before I was in this same situation? With shame, I admit that I did the same.
  • baldwin
    baldwin Member Posts: 25
    #8
    Beckymarie said:

    Anger
    I lost my husband two years ago to brain cancer. He was 56 and we were told at the time of diagnosis he had a year or less. He lasted 15 months, but they were very difficult months. After he died there were many times I wondered if we did not fight hard enough. Should we have done things differently. We do the best with what we have, and what we know at the time. There is so much to deal with when a spouse is ill. It isn't just the care that they require. It's dealing with the doctor's, insurance companies, the household duties that they did that now becomes yours. Life becomes so overwhelming while you are coping with unimagineable grief. Don't be hard on yourself. You did the best you could and he knows that. There were several incidents regarding medical issues that made me so very angry. It's hard to let go of that anger. I am sorry for your loss.

    Hello. I read very often, do not write because, well, who knows
    My husband passed away in February after fighting colon cancer for five years. The cancer had spread to his liver, lungs, spine, bones, brain ,everywhere. We believed, and many will think we were foolish to believe that this would be handled as a chronic disease. I will not even begin to tell you how we fought this disease until the day my husband passed. Another post. But , I am too very angry. This past week, I took myself off the antidepressants and I am angry, very angry. Why, the old question of why. I know intellectually there will never be an answer to the question why, but still I ask WHY???
    I know in my heart that if my husband was to choose to live over someone else he would NOT.
    That is one of the things that I admire and respect my husband so much for. And, I would also do the same,but, I do get very lonely, and the days and nights are so empty. I put my faith in the Lord and I trust him that he has a plan for me, that I do not know at this time,but I must believe. I will be honest, every day I wish I were with my husband and I know that when God's plan is for that, I will be reunited with my husband for eternity. I have gone to many bereavement groups, counseling and I am getting along better than I was, but,this empty feeling creeps out without a sign and floors you. Your family and friends have gone on with their lives but you have not, can not. You do not hold this against them, afterall, didnt I do the same before I was in this same situation? With shame, I admit that I did the same.

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