Venting, screaming, crying and everything. Super long post

Hello Dearhearts,

I was planning on posting an update to the ct scan. Well, I have an update of sorts.

I had the scan on tuesday, after numerous tries to get it set up sooner. the onc "had" ordered it the previous Wednesday!
As I mentioned earlier, the scan was a breeze. No problems and the nicest folks.

Well today, thursday still no call from the onc about the results. Hubby has put in calls to the onc daily!
The pain remains steady and at times debilitating. We really need some reassurance and or answers. I hate to continue taking so many strong narcotics. But if I don't I'll be in a really bad place.

Today I thought I was having some sort of heart issue. Not a heart attack, at least I don't believe so, it happened twice today and also the day before yesterday. of course, we cannot get any response from the team at the cancer center.

So out of desperation I called my regular doc. What an amazing guy he is. He is the one who got me the first scan right after I saw him, which led me down the path that I am on now.
Anyways, I thought I should ask for a CBC since my counts were low before surgery and now I am so weak and pale. maybe I would feel some better if I had some energy?? maybe i have a small bleed going on? who knows??
I asked his nurse to order one for me, no problem, done.
Then the doc called me right back, I didn't expect that. I told him why I was wanting the CBC and explained about the pain. His first question was "when did I have the surgery?"

I was told that any and all things that happened at the cancer center, would also be sent to him. He is after all my regular doc. So I just assumed he knew everything that has been going on. No! He knew nothing! Had not received one single paper, lab result, path report Nada Nothing!! He was pretty flipped out about that, as was I. Everytime I had to give my info to someone at the center, I also made sure that his name was included to receive copies of everything. What a bunch of ****

So after much explaining and through many tears, I at least feel like I have someone besides me and hubby who will fight for me and make sure that things happen when they should and just make sure that I am okay. Because I do not feel okay.

I felt so good about the new oncs and going to the cancer center. I always tried to avoid that hospital if possible. Even went as far as Texas to avoid dealing with them. But I thought this time would be different.

I feel so lost and a bit betrayed by the system. Plus it does not make me feel very confidant that all will contine in a positive manner.
I know that ultimately it is up to me what steps I take. This crazy tumor, really two different tumors have about a 50/50 split on the best research docs suggested plan of treatment. Great! Just what I need, docs who are undecided too. So, yes it comes down to me. But who do I trust to help me with all this. How much more can I really take.
I am a complete mess due to the amount of pain and stress I am dealing with. I know that I don't have to decide anything right now, just heal and rest. But I don't want to wait to long. Given my history with cancer, I am leaning towards using what ever big gun blasters are available. I would hate to wake up in say a year and find out that one tiny microscopic cell travelled to my liver or anywhere for that matter. all because I did nothing else.

So this is my update of sorts. I really don't know anything different. I will have the new lab results tomorrow in the AM. Reg doc is really good in that department. I'll let you know.

Thank you for letting me get this out of my system. I have been all over the map tonight. Sad, angry, really pissed off, giving up, ready to fight, you name it, I have been there.

Thank you all for your continued prayers and loving support. I sure seem to need a whole lot lately.

Hugs to each and everyone of you. Great big (((hugs)))
Lisha