I'm sorry if i post too much

Never too much
Please don't apologize for even thinking you post too much, there is no such thing as posting too much, please continue on posting however much you need to post, we're here for that, for each other, for the cancer patient, and the cancer patient's family, you become our family as well.
As to the chemo and the surgery let me tell you my story.
It took over a month before I got my first chemo, snafu's and all, and yes, I thought because they were waiting I was going to die any minute, that of course isn't the reality, a month is not going to make any difference, so try not to fret over it. Plus I wanted the cancer cut out of me, I wanted it gone, but they told me "no surgery", maybe never. So I got my chemo, and it was in my liver and a few other places, but it shrunk and some of it calcified and then 11 months later I got my surgery and they cut out all they could find. A lot of people never get their surgery, but their still here, still loving life, still watching children graduate from college, get married etc. Two and a half years later I'm here, enjoying my life, and am seeing the oncologist every three months and I am so happy to be here and live normally. Cancer sometimes spreads, but it isn't a death sentence, but when you're first diagnosed, that's how you feel, you go through a process, grieving, sometimes anger, sometimes depression, and eventually acceptance and the attitude that you'll do what needs done and enjoy life as much as anyone can. It takes a while to get used to the idea that you have cancer (or in your case, your mom has cancer)there are a lot of tears, a lot of why me, why us, a lot of fear. You will overcome those obstacles that make things seem bleak at this moment, hearing cancer is scary to anyone that has to come in contact with it. We'll be here to help you and your mom as best we can.
And as for chemotherapy, I never threw up from it, never lost weight, still have my original hair, your mother is still young and will probably do very well with chemo, they have drugs if needed to to help with nausea and other symptoms. The unknown is always scarier then the known, isn't it? It'll be okay.
And you will find you can handle it, eventually, you really will dear, it just takes time.
Winter Marie

it's OK...
give yourself time to adjust...and you will. You mother is no doubt carrying a huge psychological load. There is much for her and your family to learn, and you need time, so please don't assume the worst, even if there is liver involvement.

Sloan is one of the top rated cancer centers in the US. Chemo first is often done to prepare the patient for better surgical outcome. In fact, if the doctors know enough at this point to characterize your mother as a likely candidate for surgery (colon and liver) post chemo that is a very good thing, but generaly one must wait to see how the chemo works.

Also, many people are able to function fairly well despite chemo, even continue to work, so you will have to see how it goes for your mother. severe nausea and vomiting is not common.

you'll get through this. My wife's stage IV was a shock to her and our 3 children, the youngest of which is a senior in high school now. But life settled back down into a routine after treatement started. We have a good doctor who, despite my wife's poor prognosis, encouraged her to focus on living.

You can help your mother by making sure you do not put your life on hold.

hang in there..

Similar experience, 9 months down the road
Dear you

I’ve until recently only been lurking on this forum, but your post made me feel it was really urgent to reply to you. Though I’m older than you (in my 30s) I’m in a similar situation, and recognized all the feelings you described. This will be really looong (sorry!), but I hope you read all of it. It’s important to me to let you know that all the shock, terror, grief you are feeling in the beginning of such a diagnosis is not how it will feel all the time. And just by reading what you write here, I am sure that yes, you CAN handle this. It's just what we have to do, for our mothers.

In October last year my dearest mom was diagnosed with Colon Cancer, with mets to the liver and lungs. We were told the mets were too extensive so surgery on both colon and liver was out of the question, she would never be cured and all they could do was give palliative treatment with chemo. We were devastated. And the more I researched on the internet (which I'm sure you have too) about the consequence of stage 4 cancer, the more shocking and depressing it was. The doctors told us people were lucky if they lived for a year. Yet here we are, in august, 9 months later, the cancer is stable and my outlook has changed completely. Last Christmas we thought it would be our last one, but now we are sure of many more to come!

I love my mom more than anything in the world, she is my best friend. For months I thought only about all the things we would never experience. I mourned her upcoming death, while she was still here with me. I felt guilty for not having married, given her grandkids, and instead prioritizing a really busy career. So I ended up stopping my life; I changed my priorities at work, stopped working overtime and travelling, stopped hanging out with my friends, and all my life was, was cancer. My message to you is DON’T do that. My mom became very down when she saw what I was doing with my life, she felt guilty and depressed on my behalf, and I felt guilty and depressed for not being with her enough. I just wanted to show her I loved her. She didn’t want me to be unhappy and only have cancer in my life. Guilt is overwhelming in this, but we are now trying to ditch the world guilt all together. Why feel guilty when none of this is our fault?

Now we have tried to accept that OK, the cancer is here, and yes, it changes everything, and we are both affected by it, but we can’t let it take over our lives while we are still capable of living. Yes, there are really hard times in this, and I’m not always able to listen to my own advice, but it helps just to remember it now and then. Especially when I try to comfort my mother. She has good days when she feels like a fighter, and she has bad days when she just feels depressed. The best advice I got was when a doctor told me that it is not my job to change that. I cannot be responsible for changing her mood when she is down, it is an impossible task. But - I can talk to her and listen to her signals; if she wants to “be little” and be comforted, I try. If she wants to just wallow and cry and be left alone, I let her. I’ve also told her that just because she sees me cry, it does not mean I can’t be strong for her.

I am so sure your mom wants you to go to college. She does not want you to stop your life because of her. She knows you love her, but don’t you think it would be an even heavier burden for both of you, if you take all the sorrows and grief on your shoulders – before she is even gone?

My biggest lesson these months is that you can’t take all of that in advance, because your mom could end up being here for many, many years to come. Maybe even be cured! And can you imagine putting your life on hold for 4, 5, 6… years? And remember, if she does get worse or needs you to be around at some point, you can always put things on hold. College will always be there, and is something that you can always postpone for the time being that your mom needs you. But you cannot do it in advance - do it when you have to.

I feel for you that the shock of all this is coming while you are about to embark on such a big and important step in your life. But believe me, the shock will pass and, though the grief’s still there, gradually this will (unfortunately) become something that is part of your family, part of your life. But this is a phase that will probably last for years and years. That is what I cling to now, when I see people here write about how much longer you live with stage 4. I no longer listen to statistics, I listen to real people.

Also it’s important to know that all chemo isn’t the same. My mom had no nausea or hairloss. In fact she had increased apetite, weight gain and a kind of hyper activity the days of the chemo. She did have other side effects, like neuropathy and fatigue, but she was in surprisingly good shape. Maybe your mom will be too? Maybe you can join some treatments while you are home from college, send her little care packages (if you are going far away from home)?

I’m sure it would help your mom a lot knowing that you are getting your education and living life, because it could also be a sign to her that you BELIEVE she WILL be around for several years. Tell her everything that you obviously do know about the disease, tell her to give you all the facts and not to hide anything. But also tell her that you believe in her, that you believe she can beat this. That you have searched forums where people write how they have lived MANY YEARS with stage 4 cancer, even though the doctors told them it wasn’t possible. That was a huge revelation to me, you see. And that’s what I do with my mom, I tell her these things because she does not have the strength to believe it herself. But gradually the cancer has become a routine in our lives, and now 9 months later, I have realized I can’t live in the future anymore, waiting for her death. It makes both of us so sad. I have to live my life now, and so do you.

It warms my heart to read how much your mother means to you, and you seem like such a bright and resourceful young man that can give your mother lots of comfort and hope. I have thought like you, that if my mom isn’t here anymore, I have no reason to live. That thought still comes back sometimes, but I know it would crush my mom. And I can’t comfort you there, because I am likewise terrified about the day I will lose a parent, regardless of how old they become. But I can tell you not to think that far ahead. And I can tell you that people can be capable of the most amazing strength in these situations, I’m sure you will even surprise yourself, though you might not see it now. By living your life, you are showing that you love your mom just as much as if you put it all on hold for her. Because living through this, THAT takes an enormous amount of strength to do. Show her not to give up, by not giving up yourself.

I know it must be so hard and devastating now, when this is all so new and fresh. But I think whatever you decide to do, it will make you a stronger person, and stronger for your mom. So poke a hole in this cancer bubble, enter it with your head held high and embark on this journey, one step at a time. NO running And put a lot of patience and courage in your backpack, as it will be a long, long trip.

The day I lose my mom will break me, but that day is somewhere far off in the future. And I don’t know what happens or how I will handle it, until it actually happens. That is why I cannot deal with that day now. Now, we live.

GWJ, As you can see there
GWJ, As you can see there are plenty of people that are in the same boat as you. Everything happens very fast and before you know if your thrown into a fight you never wanted to take part in.

As you saw from the other posters we all go through the same reactions. I went snooping through my moms paper work. I saw the doctors notes saying chemotherapy to provide palliative treatment and I went into a deep depression. Then I found this board and I found people who were living full lives with this condition and it gave me hope.

In June when she was diagnosed I was dreading the upcoming months. I figured my mom would be 50 pounds, bald, yellow skin... fading away. Instead shes actually put weight on, has not lost her hair, continues to function.. even better than when she was first diagnosed. She has had some bad days. Yesterday she went for her 2nd chemotherapy session and the doctors admitted her to the hospital because her blood work was off and she was running a fever. Turns out she had a nagging bladder infection that was there prior to her treatment. She called me today from the hospital and feels better than ever.

The doctor told her when he looked at her scans, " Well more than likely you wont live to be 100", " But I can keep you going for a good while yet, we can treat this like diabetes"

About a month ago I was sitting at my moms house. She could see I was depressed and it was prolly the 10th straight day I went to sit with her. She looked at me and asked me to stop coming over ! She said I will let you know when I am dying.. you are more depressing that I am. Your sitting with your mom on a beautiful 85 degree day... would you please go do something fun. I laughed and said you know what your right. When the initial shock of this starts to fade your mom will want you to live your life. Every parent has the dream of their child going to college or starting their career. Your part of your mom and dads dream and I do not think they would want you sitting there holding her hand. You will feel pretty awkward ten years from now when your mom is still going strong and your 28 years old still living with them :-)

Our thoughts and prayers go
Our thoughts and prayers go out to your family. The Big C is an unknown journey. Until one has faced it, they really have no idea of what we have gone through.

Ask questions and blow off anger here. We will understand.

Best Always, mike