I'm only 24...I still need my mom

mroyal87
mroyal87 Member Posts: 6
in Grief and Bereavement #1
On April 28, 2012 my beautiful mom lost her 2 year battle with Pancreatic Cancer. After taking a year off of school and moving home to help take care of her we were told that she had gone into remission. My mom pushed me to go back to school. That fall I learned that her cancer came back. Just a few months later I was getting a phone call that I needed to come home cause her time was limited. When it happened I think I went into shock. I was so sad...but at the same time I couldn't feel anything. I was so numb. My mom was my best friend, my closest confidant, my biggest supporter and my everything. I couldn't have asked to have a better relationship with her. I couldn't understand why I couldn't feel anything when she died. It's been 2 months and suddenly everything has hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm in so much pain and I miss her so much. I'm so sad and angry that she's not here. it's not fair. I'm only 24 years old. I wanted her to see me graduate from college. I wanted her to help me pick out a wedding dress someday and be there to sit by my side at the head table at my wedding reception. I wanted her to be in the delivery room when I have my kids and hold them. I want to be able to call her and talk and just give her a hug. I would give anything in the world for one of her hugs. I've never felt such a helpless pain in my life. I love her and I didn't want to see her suffer anymore, but selfishly i wanted her here with me. I know she's in a better place and I know she's at peace, but i don't understand why this had to happen. i'm an only child and i feel lost without my mom.

Comments

  • grievinghusband
    grievinghusband Member Posts: 6
    #2
    I am so sorry for your loss
    I am so sorry for your loss and nothing I can say will help. I lost my wife a couple of months ago and she was my best friend, I too am lost without her. Telling my two children - a 7 yr old boy and a 5 yr old girl - that their mommy went to heaven was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Each day waking up is like a punchin the face once the overwhelming reality hits me apwhen I look over and see an empty side of the bed.

    Your mom is in a better place now, that you must know. She is no longer in pain and is at peace. I know the physical separation seems unbearable, because I am experiencing the deep rooted pain as well. And nobody I know, my family or my wife's family, friends or colleagues seem to know what to say, simply because there are no words that can comfort me. I have come to accept that for the foreseeable future I have to deal with this incredible emotional pain by myself, day to day. And just be there for my two kids. When I told my kids that their mom was gone, I told them they could hug her by hugging me, and they both take me up on that several times a day. It seems to hel them, and it definitely helps me. I have taken full refuge in them and my nay hope is that I live long enough to raise them into adults.

    My heart goes out to you and I will say a prayer for you and our mom. Take one day at a time, and write down your feelings. That seems to help me because as I said before, nobody really wants to listen to my anguish, and I can't blame them..

    I wish you the best..
  • AnnieTherese
    AnnieTherese Member Posts: 67
    #3
    Sweetheart...firstly let me
    Sweetheart...firstly let me say how sorry I am for your loss...

    I'm 61, my mum was 90 when she died 4 yrs ago, and trust me...I still need my mum !! You never stop needing your mother. And yes indeed, you have lost her at a very young age, I was very fortunate that I had mine for most of my life....and although she also died of cancer, she still had a long life.

    I send you my most sincere love xxx

    Annie
  • lulu1103
    lulu1103 Member Posts: 8
    #4
    I lost my mom and am also an only child
    I feel that I can relate so maybe we can help each other since we are going through similar things. I lost my mom 2 months ago to brain cancer. She was diagnosed in February and died June 26th, 2012. I called her my other half. She was my everything, my best friend...I am 28 years old. I try to lean on my dad as we called each other the 3 amigos. I live 2 hours away with my husband and 3 year old daughter however still came home a few weekends a month just to hang out with my mom and dad. We were as close as families can get and when my mom died, a part of me did as well. My parents got to celebrate there 29 year anniversary one week before she died. She was my dad's everything as well. I miss her every minute of every day and feel that I am struggling to make it through each day. I want her back and just want to be wrapped up in her arms. We would talk every day on the phone and text all day since I lived 2 hours apart. I am simply lost without my mom but am so lucky to have my dad by my side.
  • mismommy
    mismommy Member Posts: 2
    #5
    Oh my gosh. Your situation
    Oh my gosh. Your situation sounds just like mine. I hurt so much for you. I was away at college, too this February when my parents came to tell me the awful news. My mom had pancreatic cancer. She made it about 5 months and passed away mid-August. My mom was all those same things for me. I called her practically everyday when I wasn't home... Best friend, knew me better than anyone else- even myself, only one I could be completely honest with. I feel like I was in shock, too- for like 2 weeks. Now it's been almost 3...I just keep crying. I couldn't cry very much until now. Now it won't stop. She kept saying she was going to get better so she could dance at my wedding :( My 21st birthday is coming up in a couple of days. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Honestly. My mom won't see my kids either.... it just doesn't seem right, you know? Like how are we supposed to raise our kids if we don't have our moms' help? I'm afraid to go try to sleep. It's just too hard. I also am an only child. It sucks. There's no one else in my same situation with me, you know? No sibling to lean on... And I was doing most of the taking care of her these past 5 months and have so many memories from this time. I don't want to remember her this way. I don't. But it's all I can think about. :( I'm so sorry for your loss. So so sorry.
  • BenLenBo
    BenLenBo Member Posts: 145 Member
    #6
    mismommy said:

    Oh my gosh. Your situation
    Oh my gosh. Your situation sounds just like mine. I hurt so much for you. I was away at college, too this February when my parents came to tell me the awful news. My mom had pancreatic cancer. She made it about 5 months and passed away mid-August. My mom was all those same things for me. I called her practically everyday when I wasn't home... Best friend, knew me better than anyone else- even myself, only one I could be completely honest with. I feel like I was in shock, too- for like 2 weeks. Now it's been almost 3...I just keep crying. I couldn't cry very much until now. Now it won't stop. She kept saying she was going to get better so she could dance at my wedding :( My 21st birthday is coming up in a couple of days. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Honestly. My mom won't see my kids either.... it just doesn't seem right, you know? Like how are we supposed to raise our kids if we don't have our moms' help? I'm afraid to go try to sleep. It's just too hard. I also am an only child. It sucks. There's no one else in my same situation with me, you know? No sibling to lean on... And I was doing most of the taking care of her these past 5 months and have so many memories from this time. I don't want to remember her this way. I don't. But it's all I can think about. :( I'm so sorry for your loss. So so sorry.

    I just wanted to let you
    I just wanted to let you know it does get better. I lost my mother when I was 5 months pregnant with my first child. She had Leukemia, I remember feeling so cheated. My siblings who are 20 plus years older them I am, had children the same age as me, my mother was a fantastic Grandmother. I wanted that for my children, she was so excited to be having another baby in the family. It still hurts today, knowing she is not here to share in this game of life. You will one day remember your mother with a smile on your face, or hear yourself say something your mother always said. This will take you by surprise, and the tears will be happy memories for you. I wish you Happy 21st Birthday, make it a special day, in remembrance of your mother, she would have wanted that for you. Those bad memories, will leave, and only the great loving memories of your mother will take over. You will remember how to raise your own children by how you were raised. It comes naturally, and if you are lucky like me, my oldest son looks and acts like my father who is also gone. You will be fine, grieving is a process, and it takes time, don't rush it. I feel so sorry, that you have to go through this in life, but you are stronger than you think.


    Take Care and God Bless you!


    Carol
  • BenLenBo
    BenLenBo Member Posts: 145 Member
    #7
    mismommy said:

    Oh my gosh. Your situation
    Oh my gosh. Your situation sounds just like mine. I hurt so much for you. I was away at college, too this February when my parents came to tell me the awful news. My mom had pancreatic cancer. She made it about 5 months and passed away mid-August. My mom was all those same things for me. I called her practically everyday when I wasn't home... Best friend, knew me better than anyone else- even myself, only one I could be completely honest with. I feel like I was in shock, too- for like 2 weeks. Now it's been almost 3...I just keep crying. I couldn't cry very much until now. Now it won't stop. She kept saying she was going to get better so she could dance at my wedding :( My 21st birthday is coming up in a couple of days. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Honestly. My mom won't see my kids either.... it just doesn't seem right, you know? Like how are we supposed to raise our kids if we don't have our moms' help? I'm afraid to go try to sleep. It's just too hard. I also am an only child. It sucks. There's no one else in my same situation with me, you know? No sibling to lean on... And I was doing most of the taking care of her these past 5 months and have so many memories from this time. I don't want to remember her this way. I don't. But it's all I can think about. :( I'm so sorry for your loss. So so sorry.

    I just wanted to let you
    I just wanted to let you know it does get better. I lost my mother when I was 5 months pregnant with my first child. She had Leukemia, I remember feeling so cheated. My siblings who are 20 plus years older them I am, had children the same age as me, my mother was a fantastic Grandmother. I wanted that for my children, she was so excited to be having another baby in the family. It still hurts today, knowing she is not here to share in this game of life. You will one day remember your mother with a smile on your face, or hear yourself say something your mother always said. This will take you by surprise, and the tears will be happy memories for you. I wish you Happy 21st Birthday, make it a special day, in remembrance of your mother, she would have wanted that for you. Those bad memories, will leave, and only the great loving memories of your mother will take over. You will remember how to raise your own children by how you were raised. It comes naturally, and if you are lucky like me, my oldest son looks and acts like my father who is also gone. You will be fine, grieving is a process, and it takes time, don't rush it. I feel so sorry, that you have to go through this in life, but you are stronger than you think.


    Take Care and God Bless you!


    Carol
  • jaycc
    jaycc Member Posts: 122
    #8
    BenLenBo said:

    I just wanted to let you
    I just wanted to let you know it does get better. I lost my mother when I was 5 months pregnant with my first child. She had Leukemia, I remember feeling so cheated. My siblings who are 20 plus years older them I am, had children the same age as me, my mother was a fantastic Grandmother. I wanted that for my children, she was so excited to be having another baby in the family. It still hurts today, knowing she is not here to share in this game of life. You will one day remember your mother with a smile on your face, or hear yourself say something your mother always said. This will take you by surprise, and the tears will be happy memories for you. I wish you Happy 21st Birthday, make it a special day, in remembrance of your mother, she would have wanted that for you. Those bad memories, will leave, and only the great loving memories of your mother will take over. You will remember how to raise your own children by how you were raised. It comes naturally, and if you are lucky like me, my oldest son looks and acts like my father who is also gone. You will be fine, grieving is a process, and it takes time, don't rush it. I feel so sorry, that you have to go through this in life, but you are stronger than you think.


    Take Care and God Bless you!


    Carol

    Mom is always here
    I'm so sorry , you are so young to have lost your mom. I also lost my mom to cancer at 19. But I do have siblings.
    Don't mean to repeat but these months are so hard, but as the months go by, it isn't as raw of a grief feeling.
    They are at peace and do not have cancer anymore. I think of it as the body is just a container, and she is around in mind/soul. Not the same, which is so very hard, but a mother's love is always there, because that's what mother's do.

    Hang in there, and hugs and kisses for you.
  • nisnyder
    nisnyder Member Posts: 3
    #9
    I know exactly what you're going through.
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I was 17 when I lost my dad to lung cancer and I'm currently 29, taking care of my terminally ill mother. I'm an only child, still not married, currently in college, and don't have any children, as well. I actually have panic attacks when I think about all the things they'll miss in my life. My heart breaks for you, because I know your pain, and although others go through it, you feel like you're the only person in the world that understands what you're feeling. Honestly, the only thing that keeps me going day after day is truly knowing and believing I will see them again. I don't know your thoughts on faith/beliefs, but if you have them, heres the time where they come in...take care, and if you ever want to talk personally, please contact me. Nikki
  • hakuna13
    hakuna13 Member Posts: 7
    #10
    Me too
    I feel your pain. I just turned 24. My mom was diagnosed at Easter of this year with Lung cancer that had spread throughout her body. I too was away at school and working full time, so I ended up quitting a bunch of my work and putting school on hold for a bit so I could be there with her. I ended up driving the 2 hours back and forth 4 times a week.

    Thankfully, Mom's battle was short, as she was in some serious pain. She slowly became less and less responsive, and eventually just stopped breathing. She died at the end of May, only 7 weeks after her diagnosis. Didn't really even have a chance to fight.

    I completely understand what you're going through. In the last 6 months, we completely renovated mom's house (the only house I've ever known) and it ended up looking like she'd never even lived there. Now all of the pictures, some furniture etc that we just couldn't part with, is in my basement. I don't feel like there's a 'home' anymore. (My dad passed away when I was 7, so it was just mom).

    She's going to miss everything...my wedding, my kids, all of my concerts, Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day and everything in between. Every once in a while I go to call her and tell her about my day or week, and I remember there isn't anyone to call. I miss her so much.

    I hope you find a way to find some comfort and know that others are feeling your pain as well.
  • My_Immortal1313
    My_Immortal1313 Member Posts: 1
    #11
    Your post made my heart ache all over again.
    Firstly,I'm so sorry for your loss.
    I know what it is to lose a mother to cancer. I lost mine 3 years ago, I'm just turning 18 now!
    I feel the same as you ( in a guys perspective)
    I mean I wanted my mom to see me graduating, getting married to a girl she approved,seeing her grandchildren some day, being there on each of my Birthdays,being there for every mothers day and especially to hold me when life gets to hard.
    There's a big hole in my heart which can't be filled. I'm lost too. I think of her everyday. She's at peace now.but the feeling of emptiness doesn't end does it ? I miss her so bad and Im selfish to think that she should've stayed with me then going to heaven.
    I never got to say goodbye even. I got some time off school to meet her for her treatment in London.
    one Day I just got a call saying she didn't make it, breaking a piece of my future forever. My favourite Person in the world,my best friend just disappeared from this world.
    So don't worry. We're on the same boat .
    Ever want to discuss it with a overly emotional teenager. Just ask me.

    Always Be happy .
  • Natalie19
    Natalie19 Member Posts: 9
    #12
    Jun 09, 2013 - 11:03 am


    My

    Jun 09, 2013 - 11:03 am


    My mother passed away age 39 on the 13th of feb 2013 at 10.48am 

    she was diagnosed with cervical cancer only a year early .. It was the hardest year of my life but nothing was harder than now after she passed just over 3months ago . 

     

    I am 19 years old I have a brother who just turned 16 on the 3rd of may and my dads not in the picture my parents divorced 9 years awas Memories of my dad are not fond he was cruel to my mother she had a hard life growing up married at 16 had me at 21 . My mother raised my brother and I on her own it was a hard she was my best friend my only friend and I miss her So much I wake up every morning wishing it was a dream I miss her smile her touch her voice she was taken away from me too soon I'm soon to graduate Uni and she won't be there I can't comprehend her death I was a ghost at her funeral Im confused and I miss her so much I'm angry very angry I don't no why I'm angry at god I'm angry at life and everyone around me . I question why and I beg for her back there is not a day that goes by that I don't cry for her nobody understands and that annoys me I left my boyfriend because he dosnt get it I don't no what's wrong with me I feel his comfort isn't enough he tried but I push him away and I'm angry he dosnt try hard enough it's like nobody understands my mothers not with me anymore

     

    All I hear is time heads all wounds in time everything will be alright what people don't understand is that time is the only thing I don't have with my mum anymore and I hate the word time , time with my mum has been taken away from me and I hate life I hate everything for it I just want to hold her hand. 

     

    I break down everytime I think about her being diagnosed I hate remembering what cancer did to her and the way she changed and  she deteriorated I hate how cancer got her so sick ! And how she was in so much pain ! 

     

    The hardest thing I remember was her last few weeks she stopped talking and responding to us .. Her eyes rolled semi back with yellow pupils her breathing got heavy and slow and she just laid there looking at the ceiling from being 39 year old energetic healthy friend to me doing everything together I'm angry I took her for granted I'm angry at myself I'm angry at cancer I'm angry at myself for being a spoilt teenage growing up and not appreciating my mother as much as I should've I am angry at myself for not doing of saying the things I should've . The hardest was knowing she could hear us but not being able to respond you could see it in her face how frustrated she was that she couldn't respond to us before she couldn't move she used to throw her hands up and sigh because she couldn't talk anymore than eventually she just stopped moving and was only breathing it was hard watching the nurses move her around for her comfort with tears steaming down her face because she was in so much pain I am so angry and can't stop crying I don't no why this is happening to me and I hate how nobody understands me I love her I miss her and I wish she never got cancer why did she have to get cancer she never deserved it ! 

     

     

    I often wonder where she is I question everything I want to no she's ok and she's happy and cancer free 

Discussion Boards