What not to say

omrhill
omrhill Member Posts: 125
in Colorectal Cancer #1
Note to the World: If someone tells you they have colorectal cancer DO NOT SAY "oh, my mother died after battling that for years. It was awful."

Talk about ruining my entire day...

Robin

Comments

  • janie1
    janie1 Member Posts: 753 Member
    #2
    Hi Robin
    About 6 months ago there was a thread here titled (something like).....Dumb things people say.
    I'm sure there is a book or 2 written on it.
    People do say the darndest things.
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #3
    Folks Always Feel Compelled to Compare
    Instead of just saying "my sympathies are with you" or "best of luck"....

    ...that part of the brain sees the conversation go from something they have to match - because they don't know what else to say, so if we compare stories, you will feel better.

    Huh?

    One of my uncles committed suicide right before we were married...he was like my big brother...he was my fun uncle...and I loved him...him and my sister I had unconditional love for.

    So, I tell my boss I'm down there with my family...and he asks when I'm coming back....and I see when I get there....he says, "We'll just have to get by." And I said, "I know you will."

    When I got back, he told me that he had a hard weekend too - his "refrigerator" had gone out.

    I looked at him with a blank stare and went back to work.

    Alot of times we don't' need to say anything at all...sometimes just being quiet and giving an acknowledging look or smile can help to ease one and let them know you are empathetic.

    I'm sorry your day was ruined....let me give you a hug to get you going the other way again...I give good Texas bear hugs...that's the rumor anyway:)

    ((((((((((ROBIN)))))))))))

    -Craig
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #4
    I'd love to say something back like "And you know what? It's hereditary so I'd watch out if I were you!"
    (so many) people are idiots...


    PS: the server is   V E R Y    S L O W   today...
    only hit once
  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
    #5
    ormhill
    Isn't it amazing how dumb people can be? Perhaps you should have just laughed, and ruined her day. My experience matched yours up to the point of resection. Now, 2 yrs later, am NED, I made it when 78, being much younger, you will too. Just have faith, and don't worry.
    Unfortunately easier said than done. As Michelangelo siad: "every block of marble contains a ststue, all you have to do is take away the excess." LOL
  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
    #6
    PhillieG said:

    I'd love to say something back like "And you know what? It's hereditary so I'd watch out if I were you!"
    (so many) people are idiots...


    PS: the server is   V E R Y    S L O W   today...
    only hit once

    What a great response Phil.

    What a great response Phil.
  • Doc_Hawk
    Doc_Hawk Member Posts: 685
    #7
    Another no no
    When I first got my dx I told a friend and he asked "so when are you going to die?" After a second or two I popped back with "as many times as I've had to save your life, probably a few years after you." (he's a diabetic and had a couple of crashes and I had to get a candy bar into him right away.)

    Who ever said "there's no such thing as a stupid question" never had cancer.
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #8
    Doc_Hawk said:

    Another no no
    When I first got my dx I told a friend and he asked "so when are you going to die?" After a second or two I popped back with "as many times as I've had to save your life, probably a few years after you." (he's a diabetic and had a couple of crashes and I had to get a candy bar into him right away.)

    Who ever said "there's no such thing as a stupid question" never had cancer.

    Doc
    "Who ever said "there's no such thing as a stupid question" never had cancer."
    Amen to that!
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #9
    The Egyptians used to die of
    The Egyptians used to die of gum infections. It doesn't mean that you will die of crc. Some people do, but there are others who don't. Some people die in car crashes, while others don't. Don't put yourself in a category.

    Ktz
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    #10
    PhillieG said:

    I'd love to say something back like "And you know what? It's hereditary so I'd watch out if I were you!"
    (so many) people are idiots...


    PS: the server is   V E R Y    S L O W   today...
    only hit once

    Phil--love your answer
    love your answer
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #11
    Big mouth!
    Oh, people. They don't understand that sometimes just a pat on the hand or a hug would do. Stupid comments not required! Sorry you had to hear that.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Wenchie
    Wenchie Member Posts: 88
    #12
    PhillieG said:

    I'd love to say something back like "And you know what? It's hereditary so I'd watch out if I were you!"
    (so many) people are idiots...


    PS: the server is   V E R Y    S L O W   today...
    only hit once

    Phil's response
    Love it! Probably going to use it sooner or later...
  • Momof2plusteentwins
    Momof2plusteentwins Member Posts: 509 Member
    #13
    I got same comment
    I was getting a beg of fluid yesterday at oncologist office feeling like total crap and some lady asked what kind of cancer I had and she said how awful that what my brother died from. What do you say????
  • peterz54
    peterz54 Member Posts: 341
    #14
    it doesn't stop....
    I don't get upset when my co-workers ask about my wife (who is the one with mCRC), and say weird things like that. of course it would be different if it was said to my wife, and I haven't heard anyone do that yet.

    The one I get the most at work is "I'll pray for her." I know they mean well, and I thank them and let it go, but it really makes no sense to me, at all.
  • tommycat
    tommycat Member Posts: 790 Member
    #15
    know what you mean
    People say the stupidest things....one of THE stupidest is telling you how much worse it can be before you suffer and die.
    Yeah, right...................!
    Two things I learned to halt that crap in its tracks is to either immediately speak up and say "I don't want to hear that. I doesn't help and makes me feel bad" or to give them the Blue Glare---which is what my husband calls it when I don't say I word but give him my most evil look.
    (Funny, but my girls--who are 7---have now perfected that look as well. Hee!)
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
    #16
    Awkward
    It is always the elephant in the room..

    I like to make them feel worse so I don't..
    I remind them that tommorrow they could get hit by a bus..
    When they tell me it was a family member.. I remind them to get checked as most it genetic.
    When they tell me they are praying.. I say thanks I am too for you...
    Some I just stare at them -- that usually lets them know they said something stupid and then they won't even look at you the rest of the day..
    I have been heard to tell them "gee that was nice--- thanks for making me feel worse" when you say this you can be sure this idiot won't say another thing to you... YEA!!!

    A shame we can't idiotproof the world..
  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
    #17
    What gets me is when people
    What gets me is when people complain about having a cold or some other minor ailment when they know darn well what I have been going through. I said until you have had chemo or most of your liver cut dont complain to me about how sick you are or how you sprained your ankle.
  • druidshadow
    druidshadow Member Posts: 85
    #18
    PhillieG said:

    I'd love to say something back like "And you know what? It's hereditary so I'd watch out if I were you!"
    (so many) people are idiots...


    PS: the server is   V E R Y    S L O W   today...
    only hit once

    love it
    i love your response!

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