one year ago

A year ago today was a Friday, 2 hours ago, I was told I had cancer and it was serious, real serious quoting my doctor. I was told Monday which will be Wednesday this year, I would be having surgery. What a year it has been, not that I have to tell any of you guys that but I need to tell myself. I had so many days I did not think I could get through one more day, days I just went inside myself in order to save my sanity and days I cried if for no other reason than I just felt like it, damn it! Can't count the number of days I had my husband's leg, arm locked while I was making my upteenth trip to the bathroom, I'd cry, he'd stroke my hair. Days I would have loved an ice cold Dr. Pepper, my drink of choice! Days after being unhooked from my cocktail of drugs, I'd make about 2 steps and then be all but carried by my husband to the car for the quick ride home so I could run to the bathroom.

Now my days are spent waiting for my third CT since December, hoping everyone is behaving themselves in there and playing nice with each other. I wish I could say I didn't think about cancer every morning when I wake up, at night when I go to bed and I'll be dang, when I get up to pee in the middle of the night One day I will, it's just not that day yet.

But even better, my days are spent enjoying my life, sitting outside in the fresh air, relishing my family around our dinner table sharing a meal I was able to prepare, laughing with my husband, holding hands, receiving that sweet kiss on the back of my neck while I'm cooking, enjoying my parents re-marrying after 50 years and so much more.

I am living with my cancer, that I can do I discovered, watching my family live with it, is harder. Having you all to listen to my struggles and fears and victories knowing you have already traveled this path is priceless. Thank you for helping me down this path.