Sex after breast cancer?

tookiebird
tookiebird Member Posts: 5
edited May 2012 in Breast Cancer #1
Ok ladies, here goes! I am going to ask the question no-one asks.

I am four years out from mastectomy no reconstruction and chemo.
I could not take tamoxifen -- side effects.

Since treatment I have not had sex with my husband! What do I do?
How do I start? I did an estrogen ring for a while and also probiotics which helped with the pain and dryness, but I am scared! What if it hurts so much? My husband doesn't talk about it or ever mention so that is hard. Almost no desire anyway.....

Other than that doing pretty well. Finally lost 4 of the 30 pounds I gained. No carbs or alcohol. Take fish oil and my dyed hair is growing like crazy. I left it super short and white for a while which people said was very cute but just made me feel like cancer head. So fat I dont recognize myself.
Don't wear my $$$ prosthesis b/c my physical therapist said it was aggravating my shoulder.

Anyone else out there having this problem? Please advise!

Comments

  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #2
    Well not exactly
    We are having sex but he avoids the lumpectomy breast. I think he worries it will hurt still. Even more worry now as I also have lymphedema and some of the lymph fluid settled in the breast.

    I guess I would start with a frank discussion. You know he may also be worried about causing you pain. I am sure some of the others will have some input.
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
    You are so right no one
    You are so right no one mentions...I am scared from head to toe from many misc surgeries. (one year ago today hystercomty) EVERYONE says can't notice face (bike accident as kid platic surgery) but lop sided chest (very small chested) shoulder scar, hystercomty etc etc..like a battle field) Hubby is fine with it..and gained some weight from steroids.lost some of it

    but lack of desire, age , menopause, hysterectomy? WHO KNOWs

    Have you gone to a therapist (just you) or maybe could and adventually have him join!
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #4
    hugs
    First let me address the prosthesis, there are many kinds out there that should be comfortable and not hurt you. My first one was a tad heavy, later I was fitted for one that was super soft light and comfortable so you may want to look into that.

    Sex if the desire is there can still be good, it took me awhile after my lumpectomy but My Guy obviously loved and desired me none the less. After the mastectomy it was very difficult for me I would not remove my night shirt and he understood although he always told me it was okay I was still here. During intimate moments he would ask if he was hurting me and it allowed us to figure out what was okay. I have since had reconstruction which did wonders for my mind (I choose to do the recon because my Mom did not and I watched her struggle with her physical condition, back in the 70's radical mastectomies were brutal). I agree you need to talk frankly with each other and explore what works for you both, remember the mind is a great sex organ as well go into it with the idea it is going to be a fun and loving experience, it may take some time but I think you will get there.

    Wishing you all the best!

    RE
  • jphilpo
    jphilpo Member Posts: 177
    #5
    THANKS
    I am so glad you posted about sex. It's like the topic that is so uncomfortable.. I have struggled with pain issues. My husband is so caring and thoughtful, but it is difficult. I see my gyno next month so I will talk to him. I do use a lubricant and that has helped somewhat.

    Thanks for the post,

    Jean
  • mollyz
    mollyz Member Posts: 756 Member
    #6
    jphilpo said:

    THANKS
    I am so glad you posted about sex. It's like the topic that is so uncomfortable.. I have struggled with pain issues. My husband is so caring and thoughtful, but it is difficult. I see my gyno next month so I will talk to him. I do use a lubricant and that has helped somewhat.

    Thanks for the post,

    Jean

    Sex!!!!
    I asked this question a time ago,it's somewhere in the older post,I'm not sure what your Dr. told you or if you asked but my oncologist said there's nothing i could take because i was estrogen positive 95% my gynecologist just suggested the over the counter lubricates,but with the desire you have to get yourself in the mood either watch porn movie together with your husband i thought id never have sex again it hurt so bad but i lubricate the outside and i use replens you can get them at walmart and it's estrogen free and it's working i mean really working :o) good luck ~~MollyZ~~
  • deeb111
    deeb111 Member Posts: 141 Member
    #7
    sex aft bc
    Hello hope you r feeling as good as you can and yes I also Have the no desire and alot of the reasons you put here and more taking tamoxifen and gained ton of weight and Isome how no longer feel like a woman to be desired by any from labido to pain weight and harder yet no one else gets it they think oh you had surgery done with treatment and all goes back to normal but for me have not been normal since diagnosis on feb 14 2011 which was the same day 6 yrs earlier that my mom passed so i hope for you to get throgh this as I left my boyfriend not only for this but could have gone back but dont think its fair so I will no longer seek out relationship as i cant be unfair to other person your lucky you have your husband that is so nice my boyfriend wasnt capable of supporting me he did not know how so hope you stay well and good luck
  • Compromising2
    Compromising2 Member Posts: 16
    #8
    jphilpo said:

    THANKS
    I am so glad you posted about sex. It's like the topic that is so uncomfortable.. I have struggled with pain issues. My husband is so caring and thoughtful, but it is difficult. I see my gyno next month so I will talk to him. I do use a lubricant and that has helped somewhat.

    Thanks for the post,

    Jean

    My husband use lubricants
    My husband use lubricants but I still experience tender and soreness afterwards. I always soak in epsom salt and it soothes and take the soreness away.
  • Heatherbelle
    Heatherbelle Member Posts: 1,226 Member
    #9
    My husband and I should own
    My husband and I should own stock in the company that makes the lubricant "Astroglide". But, when I went in for my gynelogical exam last week, I told my husband maybe we need to switch to the heavy duty KY gel that doctor's offices use..
    I agree that you need to have a discussion with your husband regarding it. Thankfully my husband i are very frank and open in discussing this - we went from behaving like rabbits to a stand still after chemo, hysterectomy, scars, weight gain, depression, lack of hormones, mastectomy and reconstruction...but we've kept the lines of communication regarding intimacy open. Things are nowhere near how they were between us before i got sick, but at least I know that he still wants me, and HE knows that, well, it's not that i dont love him anymore, lol, but the lack of hormones, lack of natural lubricant, well i just dont get too frisky feeling very often. When i do, though, we take full advantage.
    *hugs*
    heather
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #10
    Heatherbelle said:

    My husband and I should own
    My husband and I should own stock in the company that makes the lubricant "Astroglide". But, when I went in for my gynelogical exam last week, I told my husband maybe we need to switch to the heavy duty KY gel that doctor's offices use..
    I agree that you need to have a discussion with your husband regarding it. Thankfully my husband i are very frank and open in discussing this - we went from behaving like rabbits to a stand still after chemo, hysterectomy, scars, weight gain, depression, lack of hormones, mastectomy and reconstruction...but we've kept the lines of communication regarding intimacy open. Things are nowhere near how they were between us before i got sick, but at least I know that he still wants me, and HE knows that, well, it's not that i dont love him anymore, lol, but the lack of hormones, lack of natural lubricant, well i just dont get too frisky feeling very often. When i do, though, we take full advantage.
    *hugs*
    heather

    I have tried several moisturizers
    Communications is a key. As far as dryness I have tried several moisturizers, until I found what works for me. The best for me LiquiBeads and Key.E Carlson suppositories (with Vitamin E). In addition my gynecologist suggested a new "natural" moisturizer Luvena, which is excellent in preventing yeast and bacterial vaginal infection as well as UTI.
    Wishing you improvement and good discussion
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #11
    New Flower said:

    I have tried several moisturizers
    Communications is a key. As far as dryness I have tried several moisturizers, until I found what works for me. The best for me LiquiBeads and Key.E Carlson suppositories (with Vitamin E). In addition my gynecologist suggested a new "natural" moisturizer Luvena, which is excellent in preventing yeast and bacterial vaginal infection as well as UTI.
    Wishing you improvement and good discussion

    bumping up ...
    darn spammers!!!

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