Just an update

ditto1
ditto1 Member Posts: 660
in Head and Neck Cancer #1
on where I am. Gained 2 lbs back of the 10 that I lost, white counts back up. And over all energy level and eating ok. I guess this is what we need to know there is survival of treatment. I know it was just the 1st Chemo and it was a rough start and I have many more bumps in the road. I also have to work on being positive so this is a shot. I have to try and store ever time I make it back off the floor in hopes I can rely on it the next time cancer treatment says Yea Right, you think your tough.... Because 10 days ago I assumed it would beat me. I also cannot get enough of my friends on this site whether your replying to me or anyone else. So this one day at a time thing is what it is and there is no way around it. God knew one day is all we needed to deal with. But Thank God today was good. PS Also picked up my things at work after 37 years I hung up the towel. Wow so many changes did not plan on retirement for a few years but decided it would be best at this time. TODitto still working so will need to learn how to feel this new void in my routine. But will cross that after I meet NED down the road.

Comments

  • ratface
    ratface Member Posts: 1,337 Member
    #2
    similar circumstances
    I also retired shortly after treatment ended. Both retirement and cancer are major life stressors so realize that you have a double barrel pointed at you. Please keep a watchful eye on depression as it reared itself on me as I attempted to deal with these two issues at once. It was difficult to do either correctly.
  • katenorwood
    katenorwood Member Posts: 1,912
    #3
    can relate..
    Hello new to this site. I have ACC, I can definately relate to (throwing the towel in at work) It's not easy....use to be up by 4 am into work by 5 and go, go, go. I am busy with getting knowledge of my cancer and also playing with my grandbabies. Very new to this type of rare cancer I have, but not new to cancer...have lost many family members to this crappy disease ! You sound like a fighter, and stay positive ! Remember your never alone.
  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
    #4
    katenorwood said:

    can relate..
    Hello new to this site. I have ACC, I can definately relate to (throwing the towel in at work) It's not easy....use to be up by 4 am into work by 5 and go, go, go. I am busy with getting knowledge of my cancer and also playing with my grandbabies. Very new to this type of rare cancer I have, but not new to cancer...have lost many family members to this crappy disease ! You sound like a fighter, and stay positive ! Remember your never alone.

    Hi Ditto...q
    ...and thanks for the update.

    I'm glad at the moment you are doing well....glad that you realize it will be up and down ....

    I can't relate to what it must feel like to retire at 37 years (same company?) but I will be gald I get to cross that one day after many more NED's .. :):)

    Tim
  • Laralyn
    Laralyn Member Posts: 532
    #5
    Hey, Ditto!
    Glad to see your post and hear that positive attitude. Yes, it is hard. You know how people always tell you marriage takes work, and it really does? A positive attitude is the same way. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself no, that you're not going back to a dark or unhappy place right now.

    Don't be afraid to ask your doctor for medications that can help. It's not like we're having trouble coping with a mean boss, or a pay cut, or being a little overweight. This is serious, life-altering stuff and the treatment is punching us in the face on a daily basis. If you need a little medication to help you stay positive, it is very much worth it. I can tell when I've taken my lorazepam versus when I haven't.

    We're with you all the way! When you feel down, picture all of us out here, rooting for you, praying for you, and mentally helping you along.
  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    #6
    You'll get through
    Ditto1,

    You sound like the rest of us; you talk like many of us and you feel like all of us have at one time or another. There will be down days ahead, but not all of them, probably not even most of them. Just meet this thing one minute at a time, then one day, then one week……Gaining 2 lbs back is great, white count back up is great. Don’t let the treatments be in charge of you, you’ll get through them one at a time and then they are over. There is a lot to be said for one day at a time and it sounds like you understand that. I too, like you, look forward to meeting NED down the road.

    Good thoughts your way,

    Matt
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #7
    My husband and I have a bet going....
    he thinks I'll retire in September, I say I won't...but this disease has a way of making us look at things from a different perspective...I agree, tho...that retirement after that many years may be an adjustment down the road. For now, tho...it allows you to concentrate on your own needs, your getting thru treatment, and your healing.

    I'm hoping that now that they know how the chemo affects you, they'll pull out the big guns in the nausea department...there's a lot out there ready to be used (like Laralyn's nurse gave her new stuff)to help with the nausea.

    Also, as Laralyn brought up...there are meds to help with depression...I've never taken them in my life, but I was asking for them after the first chemo, and 6 rads...they DO help!

    Learning to live one day at a time...preparing for, and getting thru just THIS day is a skill. Every single day I wake up and feel my mind wanting to wander "out there", and I conciously say "whoa there, Miss p....there's nothing but fear out there"...and I (out loud) place my care for this day into God's hands...it's too big of a show for me to run on my own...I get much relief from doing that...I'll ask again tomorrow, and the day after that...

    p
  • Ingrid K
    Ingrid K Member Posts: 813
    #8
    good for you !
    Ditto1, congrats on the 2 lbs. who would have ever thought that gaining 2 lbs would be such a huge thing...also congrats on the retirement. I was lucky and didn't get diagnosed until 2 yrs after I retired, so I already had a new routine in place.

    Retirement will let you focus on this journey and getting off the bus and getting better. You will find that what they say about retirement is true: you will never know how you ever found the time to work.

    And anyway - you already have a new job. Getting thru this and getting stronger. and you will do it.
  • ditto1
    ditto1 Member Posts: 660
    #9
    Ingrid K said:

    good for you !
    Ditto1, congrats on the 2 lbs. who would have ever thought that gaining 2 lbs would be such a huge thing...also congrats on the retirement. I was lucky and didn't get diagnosed until 2 yrs after I retired, so I already had a new routine in place.

    Retirement will let you focus on this journey and getting off the bus and getting better. You will find that what they say about retirement is true: you will never know how you ever found the time to work.

    And anyway - you already have a new job. Getting thru this and getting stronger. and you will do it.

    I agree
    a couple of weeks ago, when I would breakdown to tears it seems it was about equal for the depression of cancer and retirement at the same time. THODitto and I worked at the same location so we would drive in and home together most everday. She fussed about her driver occassionally but even she now misses our routine, so off she goes and I just see what can I do to stay busy for 8-9 hours. Well you just do what you do, clean house, review CSN and speak to God a lot. But life is full of new normals forced on us or by choice. I do feel God allowed me to be in position to retire knowing I would not have handled this well and had to be concerned with working as well. So I will keep an eye on depression most in my treatment group / wife all think I need to take an anti / something. I guess I just cannot imagine another script at my bedside. But I know from my own history that if depression sinks in it can be as mean of an intruder as cancer.
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #10
    ditto1 said:

    I agree
    a couple of weeks ago, when I would breakdown to tears it seems it was about equal for the depression of cancer and retirement at the same time. THODitto and I worked at the same location so we would drive in and home together most everday. She fussed about her driver occassionally but even she now misses our routine, so off she goes and I just see what can I do to stay busy for 8-9 hours. Well you just do what you do, clean house, review CSN and speak to God a lot. But life is full of new normals forced on us or by choice. I do feel God allowed me to be in position to retire knowing I would not have handled this well and had to be concerned with working as well. So I will keep an eye on depression most in my treatment group / wife all think I need to take an anti / something. I guess I just cannot imagine another script at my bedside. But I know from my own history that if depression sinks in it can be as mean of an intruder as cancer.

    ....and that is why, Mr. Ditto....
    you may want to nip depression in the bud...I mean, they are very small pills to swallow :)and the bottle is small (you'll hardly notice it on the bedside table). Depression is sneaky...in that it tells you what you're thinking is the truth, when in fact it's lying to you.

    Please rethink your decision, ok?

    p
  • ditto1
    ditto1 Member Posts: 660
    #11
    phrannie51 said:

    ....and that is why, Mr. Ditto....
    you may want to nip depression in the bud...I mean, they are very small pills to swallow :)and the bottle is small (you'll hardly notice it on the bedside table). Depression is sneaky...in that it tells you what you're thinking is the truth, when in fact it's lying to you.

    Please rethink your decision, ok?

    p

    Sure will
    keep an eye on it. Yea its tough seems time goes so slow sitting around the house all day. TV, Internet, Books , house cleaning etc. help and getting outside is good to. But it just seems so redundant. I hoping after I get thru this Cancer treatment I can look to see if there may be some options out there to volunter or something. But for today I will just get thru it. Starting next week will be 2nd chemo so likely down hill again for a while so that is why one day at a time and so far today is Good. Although I should have put more syrup on my pancakes, bit dry..... but the good news I have found Boost taste better to me than Equate so have been getting lots of calories and vitamins that way. Guess I just rambling now, bored um....
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #12
    ditto1 said:

    Sure will
    keep an eye on it. Yea its tough seems time goes so slow sitting around the house all day. TV, Internet, Books , house cleaning etc. help and getting outside is good to. But it just seems so redundant. I hoping after I get thru this Cancer treatment I can look to see if there may be some options out there to volunter or something. But for today I will just get thru it. Starting next week will be 2nd chemo so likely down hill again for a while so that is why one day at a time and so far today is Good. Although I should have put more syrup on my pancakes, bit dry..... but the good news I have found Boost taste better to me than Equate so have been getting lots of calories and vitamins that way. Guess I just rambling now, bored um....

    I'll attest to the fact that housework
    is redundant...LOL. It's never ending, and it's always the same things needing done. You're just in the first part of all this...I picture you wandering the house, picking up a magazine...then setting it down......walk to the bookcase, get a book...read one paragraph, set it down....go to the computer, look up something you always to know...find the answer, and that's done....restless and unsettled. But this will pass. It's a new routine...the days will start going by swifty.

    p

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