Lost My Mother To Breast Cancer

You came to the right site!!
Sweetheart i love you and never met you,im am so sorry about your mother really i am this breast cancer is a beast,yes i know how your hurting i lost a brother in 2009 he was talking one minute and the next he was dead from a massive heart attack and i can say i grieved the cancer on me nobody can't make me think other wise i just couldn't except he was dead but after the cancer diagnosis i took it to God because this was the biggest thing ever happened and i was lost even more so than when my uncle died i mean it's was like God took him off my mind and but the cancer on my mind so i really got in the bible and got closer to God and now im strong in the Lord,God can be your mother and your father he can be everything you need but you have to ask him to take the pain away and read Psalms 23 over and over till you learn it and i promise you'll begin to feel better,then find other scriptures in the bible to read look in the back it has an answer for everything that you could be facing in life. we're here for you on this site.~~MollyZ~~

Welcome
Please come back to vent, visit, ask questions, any time you want. There are all different sorts of people here, but sadly many of us are mothers and know that when a child is hurting we just want to help. Dads/men left to raise a daughter do just not always know the right thing to say or do so they often just avoid doing anything. Talking about your studies is probably a safe topic in his mind. Everyone is not always able to turn to God at all times, and sometimes we get angry and question how if He is so awesome could He have let this happen. In a way, if you avoid Him, thats kind of like what your dad is doing to you, and you know that is not helping. You know those bracelets...WWJD (what would Jesus do) I used to tell my daughter to get one that says...WTMMH (would this make mom happy)...and if the answer is no, it may not be the right thing to do! Do you have a teacher, coach, advisor, someone you could talk to that your family would not even realize so wouldn't be insulted? If someone through school could not help, they may at least know someone who could. Please keep in touch and let us know your thoughts, you will be on my mind and in my prayers.

My_Immortal13 said:

You all are amazing.
I really don't know what to say.you guys really did make me feel better.This disease is horrible and it shouldn't happen to anyone.Your words are so effective.i read the psalms 23 aswell,its so true.that idea with the band is amazing.i mean that could really help me out.
I'm so sorry for your losses and the horrible thing you are going through.there are people worse off then me but I still feel so sad at times.
I cried while writing my story.it just hurts alot you know?
The pain I feel is still there,is that normal? People say I should move on but it's easier said then done.there isn't a day where I don't think about her.i have her pictures framed in my room so I can never forget her.i would die to hear her voice again.

My username is a song which I relate the lyrics to my feelings when i miss her.it's a song close to my heart.

I have so many regrets for all the times I fought with her and I never got a chance to say goodbye to her.i took her for granted and I was living in my own fairy tale that shell return to my arms again.she fought so hard and was a warrior.
She passed on May 17th so this month is just depressing.
All the events like mothers day really make me cry at night.
I'm abit over emotional for a guy....

My birthday is just after hers on november 13th,hers was on 12th.
Would you believe it that the note she left me had 13 points?
I used to think it was my lucky number but Im double minded now.

Those moments when people ask about my mom,those who dont know,really give me a mental shock but I don't reveal it till absolutely necessary.
It's so depressing.Maybe God seperated me from her during therapy to prepare me for this.its just so confusing.there will always be a hole in my Heart.

Hahaha I love you too auntie.you people are too nice to me.:]
No I don't have anyone else to express my feelings without bringin them down.
I'm thinking of maybe seeing a shrink secretly.im not sure..

As a mom of a 15 yr old and
As a mom of a 15 yr old and an 11 yr old, your post is really hard for me to read. It brings some of my worst fears to mind. The pain your are carrying with you is exactly what I do not want for my children. So keep in mind that what I say to you comes from that perspective.

I think you are right to seek help, I wish you didn't feel that it needs to be a secret. It sounds like your dad might also need some help, since he only feels safe talking about your studies. Perhaps there is way through one of those conversations for you to open up to your dad. My 15 year old is very private and doesn't like to share his innermost thoughts, maybe your dad has the same perspective about you? It brings me great joy when my son does open up and share some of those deep thoughts...they don't even have to be about cancer. I'm happy to hear how he feels about a girl, his friends, football practices, or something at school...maybe you can start there with your dad?

I was also going to recommend that you speak with someone at school...you might be surprised at what you find. When I was first diagnosed, my son was just starting high school. We had enrolled him in a new school far from home, and in a competitive challenging program. I was worried about too many changes at once for him and sent an email to his teachers. I told them about my dx, and asked them to watch for signs of stress beyond what would be normal in someone changing schools. To get to the point, one of his teachers had recently lost a mother to cancer and another teacher lost her mother to cancer when she was 16. Immediately, my son had two teachers on his side and ready to talk. If you talk with one of your teachers or counselors, you might find they have similar experiences (or know another teacher/counselor who does) and truly be helpful.

When you are first approaching the teacher/counselor you don't have to get too deep into what's going on...just a simple "I'd like to talk to someone about my mom's death." Their initial response should be enough for you to know if you've picked the right person...trust your instincts here. Yes, this will take courage...but you've already shown you have the courage it will take by posting here.

You are clearly a bright, resourceful, caring person. And we truly care, please come back and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs,

Linda

My_Immortal13 said:

Your right
Firstly,I'll admit that I was always sensitive as kid.So i get really emotional during these things.i know your fear,my mother had it too but she trusted me to not fall into this pit I'm hanging from now.Im sure she knew that she didn't have time left as she used to think about me and my little brother ,according my grandmother..Problem was that I was only close to her,no one else.i opened up to her about college,girls etc and she would be laughing and smiling.

Secondly.As guys,sharing is not very common.we tend to keep things to ourselves,I know that's bad because it doesn't help at all.It's just the way we are programmed.
I just bottle it up and and I eventually start crying.At that time I didn't have anyone to talk to besides my cousin who encouraged me to do so with her.
I think she helped me.

When I wrote the two posts above I was in one of those depression stages cause its may.this is the month she passed and I had gotten other news which had upset me.
Right now I'm still befriending my dad.we occasionally talk about music,still working there.
I opened up to him once,I told him that I missed her alot.i could tell that he became sad,that's why I don't share with family.
Don't take this the wrong way but i know he loves me,he just can't express himself.Its in his nature.

I'm a senior In high school and I've become friends with all the people there.
I laugh,too much it actually is weird.
Yes I've changed but the morals my mom left me are still intact.Close relatives point out that i have similar traits to my mother.even my laugh.
My dad isn't an optimist,I am.i think I'm changing him too.maybe.

The process of grief is inevitable if a loved one leaves.my family was in denial and they need to help themselves too.
Now I'm feeling bad that you feel fear.im sorry,it wasn't my intention.

You all are brave and strong fighters,you are our mothers and its safe to say,From all of us,that we love you more then anything.

Everyone mourns differently,sadly,Im just taking alot of time.the thought of forgetting is too painful.
The suggestion about counseling may work.i think I'm gonna ask about the school psychologist. I guess these baby steps are what heal the pain with time.
Thankyou for your kind words,they really do help me in ways you can't imagine

Apologize
I want to apologize if in my earlier post I wrongly assumed you were speaking as a daughter. I am truely sorry if I was wrong, when I talked about dads left to raise a girl, I think a dad or mom left in that situation to raise a daughter or son is left with all sorts of questions on what to do. I'm so glad you found us, as we said lots of helpful advice, and already we are all concerned for you so please stay in touch. Though I am 53yrs old I lost my mom 7yrs ago and still think of her everyday. Mothers Day is never an easy one. I am now though able to remember some funny things and my sister and I laugh about things she said or did more than we cry, you will get ther to in time.

I know how you feel..
I lost
I know how you feel..
I lost my mom this Satuday, May 26th to breast cancer as well. May 26th was also my 21st birthday. Everyone looks at me differently and they think I'm weird that my mom passed away on my birthday. Just like you, I feel so alone.. I have no one. My dad has another family and 2 children from a different wife and my brother (who I should be close to) has a lot of issues and is never there for me. I've learned to be on my own and never depend on anyone. I used to live with my mom and never left her side, my mom was my best friend, my only friend and the only person that loved me unconditionally. It is the hardest thing to accept and trust me you're not alone. I feel your pain. I now have to learn to live on my own. I was on my own for 7 months since she was sick. & it's the hardest thing to do everything on my own with no support from my mom or anyone. I love my mom to death and I wish she was still here.. but understand that we are living in HELL and our moms are both is HEAVEN. You're not alone hun, I feel your pain..
Stay strong and do it for your mom. She would hate to see you sad..
xoxo

so so sorry for all your
so so sorry for all your hardships...my heart aches for you..


Denise

Gabe N Abby Mom said:

As a mom of a 15 yr old and
As a mom of a 15 yr old and an 11 yr old, your post is really hard for me to read. It brings some of my worst fears to mind. The pain your are carrying with you is exactly what I do not want for my children. So keep in mind that what I say to you comes from that perspective.

I think you are right to seek help, I wish you didn't feel that it needs to be a secret. It sounds like your dad might also need some help, since he only feels safe talking about your studies. Perhaps there is way through one of those conversations for you to open up to your dad. My 15 year old is very private and doesn't like to share his innermost thoughts, maybe your dad has the same perspective about you? It brings me great joy when my son does open up and share some of those deep thoughts...they don't even have to be about cancer. I'm happy to hear how he feels about a girl, his friends, football practices, or something at school...maybe you can start there with your dad?

I was also going to recommend that you speak with someone at school...you might be surprised at what you find. When I was first diagnosed, my son was just starting high school. We had enrolled him in a new school far from home, and in a competitive challenging program. I was worried about too many changes at once for him and sent an email to his teachers. I told them about my dx, and asked them to watch for signs of stress beyond what would be normal in someone changing schools. To get to the point, one of his teachers had recently lost a mother to cancer and another teacher lost her mother to cancer when she was 16. Immediately, my son had two teachers on his side and ready to talk. If you talk with one of your teachers or counselors, you might find they have similar experiences (or know another teacher/counselor who does) and truly be helpful.

When you are first approaching the teacher/counselor you don't have to get too deep into what's going on...just a simple "I'd like to talk to someone about my mom's death." Their initial response should be enough for you to know if you've picked the right person...trust your instincts here. Yes, this will take courage...but you've already shown you have the courage it will take by posting here.

You are clearly a bright, resourceful, caring person. And we truly care, please come back and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs,

Linda

You have my deepest and
You have my deepest and sincerest sympathy.