Newly diagnosed, am terrified, but supposed to be strong

dhs1963
dhs1963 Member Posts: 513
in Kidney Cancer #1
Last week, i had an admominal ct scan to run out appendicitis. In the scan, they saw a 6 cm mass on my kidney. I went to see my dr, who sent me to a urologist. I am lucky: the cancer will be cured once the tumor is gone. It does not seem to have spread. The surgery has not been scheduled, but it will be soon.

I am lucky. It was caught before it spread, and it is cured by just the surgery. I am terrified. And, for my daughter and wife, I need to be strong. It would be bad for my 10 yo to see how scared I am.

I admit I am feeling sorry for myself, but then feel guilty about that: in a few months I will be cured, just with only one kidney. Others are not so lucky.

The scariest part for me is I have nothing to do right now...

Comments

  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,361 Member
    #2
    Scared. Who wouldn't be.
    dhs1963,

    I sure was scared when I was told I had Kidney Cancer 10 years ago. Cancer and surgery are scary words.Being scared is normal with the word Cancer sounding so terrible. You already got a good diagnosis so concentrate on what you are going to do with the balance of your life. OK so this summer will be a little slow. The week after my August 1, 2002 surgery my wife booked us for a Southern Caribbean Cruise the following January. On February 2, 2013 we will be going on our 11th annual Southern Caribbean survivor trip.

    OK so the surgery and recovery are not fun. That is the price you pay for being hopefully Cancer free for the rest of your life. Ten year old girls think the world of their fathers. She and you will get thru this just fine.

    Icemantoo
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896 Member
    #3
    afraid - of course. . .
    Hearing the C word is scary all by itself. So it's absolutely normal for you to be frightened.

    I have no medical background or education on Kidney cancer other than the book of google and my readings on boards like this. But I do have a husband with stage 4/grade 4 kidney cancer. And while I understand your fear, I honesty believe we are sometimes hit with serious diagnosis as a reminder from a higher source that good health/good life is no guarantee. Just sitting back and taking stock of everything that is right in your life and recognizing how much you take for granted in life is a healthy response. With your excellent prognosis, try to channel your fear into appreciation. Not preaching--just sharing something that has helped me and my husband.
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #4
    alice124 said:

    afraid - of course. . .
    Hearing the C word is scary all by itself. So it's absolutely normal for you to be frightened.

    I have no medical background or education on Kidney cancer other than the book of google and my readings on boards like this. But I do have a husband with stage 4/grade 4 kidney cancer. And while I understand your fear, I honesty believe we are sometimes hit with serious diagnosis as a reminder from a higher source that good health/good life is no guarantee. Just sitting back and taking stock of everything that is right in your life and recognizing how much you take for granted in life is a healthy response. With your excellent prognosis, try to channel your fear into appreciation. Not preaching--just sharing something that has helped me and my husband.

    frieghtened?
    dhs, feeling a little out of control? Maybe a sense of panic? Have trouble accepting the C-word?...nothing strange about it. Must be how the kid felt before his father shot an arrow through the apple on his head. Every one here with the cancer diagnosis has felt powerless. Not much one can do but stay strong, (especially for the family). Trust your health care team, and concentrate on getting better. Best wishes!
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    #5
    foxhd said:

    frieghtened?
    dhs, feeling a little out of control? Maybe a sense of panic? Have trouble accepting the C-word?...nothing strange about it. Must be how the kid felt before his father shot an arrow through the apple on his head. Every one here with the cancer diagnosis has felt powerless. Not much one can do but stay strong, (especially for the family). Trust your health care team, and concentrate on getting better. Best wishes!

    Welcome to the club...
    dhs1963,

    You hit the nail on the head when you said "I am lucky. It was caught before it spread, and it is cured by just the surgery.", concentrate on that and look forward to the surgery much like you looked forward to Christmas as a kid, only this will be the greatest gift you ever receive. The mixed emotions of fear and gratitude can be a difficult ride, it is normal, hang out here and we'll help you as needed.

    Good luck and Godspeed,

    Gary
  • lbinmsp
    lbinmsp Member Posts: 266
    #6
    Hello and welcome!
    The part of your post that made me smile was "I have nothing to do right now". I know how miserable the wait can be - between diagnosis/testing/etc. and the actual surgery. Since you'll be more than a bit 'down and out' for a while, ask your beautiful bride for her 'honey-do list' and get started! Fix that lawn mower (because she or somebody else will be using it). Take the car(s) in for tuneups and oil changes (a bad thing to have a vehicle go caput when she's coming to visit you at the hospital OR bring you home). Leaky faucets? Squeeky doors? GO FOR IT! That will keep you very occupied and also give you a great sense of accomplishment AND relief that you're doing all you can to ensure home and hearth and family are ready for your recuperation.

    Now, being scared - well, if you weren't I'd wonder if they shouldn't be taking a look at other body parts (HEADS UP HERE)! Being strong for your family is good but remember too that it's ok for others to be strong FOR you. If your 10 year old has internet access she'll find out a lot so I'm thinking that it would be better if you and your wife discussed in advance how to answer her questions and explain this to her - being as honest as you can be - but without scaring her.
  • OneWay49
    OneWay49 Member Posts: 1
    #7
    Hi, I'm Wayne. I had a
    Hi, I'm Wayne. I had a kidney out in 2008 from clear cell renal cancer. I suggest contacting M.D. Anderson in Houston Texas and asking if just having a kidney removed is all you need to do. I think in some cases they also have you do a round of chemo like Torisel to make sure you are 'as clean as possible' Torisel messes up the blood supplies of the cancer cells.

    Take care and remember God loves all of us...
  • dmnddbl
    dmnddbl Member Posts: 1
    #8
    just found out i have tumor on rt kidney.....
    i was up in my loft in my shed..fell bout 7ft ..had a chip of my pelvis..when they did a cat scan... when dr came said pelivs be find...but we saw amass on your right kidney... well next day was at renal clinic and after another scan & mri.. sure enough a small..tumor on rt kidney.June 6th am sch for a open partial right nephrectomy...DR asured me it hasn't spread.So i blessed that my azz fell out of loft or it would of never been discovered. But i was told it very painful surg..in my case where tumor is rib has to be shaven down to get to it...but reguardless i am scared....worry bout recoup time..
  • matchframe
    matchframe Member Posts: 58
    #9
    You have a right to be
    You have a right to be terrified! I know and have experienced that terror. Cancer is no small matter, but with today's medical technology we are all very fortunate. The fear before surgery will seem small after you start your recovery from surgery. The best thing to do right now is to vent how you feel and maybe some of us here can be of some help.

    Bill
  • matchframe
    matchframe Member Posts: 58
    #10
    dmnddbl said:

    just found out i have tumor on rt kidney.....
    i was up in my loft in my shed..fell bout 7ft ..had a chip of my pelvis..when they did a cat scan... when dr came said pelivs be find...but we saw amass on your right kidney... well next day was at renal clinic and after another scan & mri.. sure enough a small..tumor on rt kidney.June 6th am sch for a open partial right nephrectomy...DR asured me it hasn't spread.So i blessed that my azz fell out of loft or it would of never been discovered. But i was told it very painful surg..in my case where tumor is rib has to be shaven down to get to it...but reguardless i am scared....worry bout recoup time..

    You are blessed to find it
    You are blessed to find it early!! Mine was found early just like yours. I had a partial nephrectomy on my left kidney and they also had to remove my lower rib. The pain is short lived and the long lasting results is worth it. In my case after surgery I had a morphine button I could push when I felt pain, but it was set up to where you cannot overdose. I would tolerate as much pain as I could before pushing the button. The relief is almost instant. The less you push it, the earlier they will release you from the hospital.

    Be sure to keep us updated!!

    Bill
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    #11
    dmnddbl said:

    just found out i have tumor on rt kidney.....
    i was up in my loft in my shed..fell bout 7ft ..had a chip of my pelvis..when they did a cat scan... when dr came said pelivs be find...but we saw amass on your right kidney... well next day was at renal clinic and after another scan & mri.. sure enough a small..tumor on rt kidney.June 6th am sch for a open partial right nephrectomy...DR asured me it hasn't spread.So i blessed that my azz fell out of loft or it would of never been discovered. But i was told it very painful surg..in my case where tumor is rib has to be shaven down to get to it...but reguardless i am scared....worry bout recoup time..

    Welcome to the club...
    dmnddbl,

    What you are experiencing is completely normal and comes with the initiation into this club, "You have cancer." are very scary words. The good news is that if your tumor is small, surgery will likely be a complete cure and soon you will be saying "I HAD cancer.". It may be worth seeking a second opinion on the surgery as avoiding an open procedure vs. lap or robotic would be good. Either way in a few weeks life should return to "normal".

    Good luck and Godspeed,

    Gary
  • Alreem
    Alreem Member Posts: 7
    #12
    Hi dear
    I had the same
    Hi dear

    I had the same shock when i was told i had C

    I didnt wait long and did the surgery ,,,, they left two third of my kidney and was lucky too it wasnt spread out

    Surgery ,,, some pain ,,,, and wt the support of your family it will be over sooon

    Dont worry ,,, and be optimistic ,,, for your family ,,,, u will be fine hopefully
  • Shan_39
    Shan_39 Member Posts: 17
    #13
    Crazy Feelings

    Dhs1963,

    That is the same way they found my 5cm tumor! I had my right kidney removed on March 1, 2012. The surgery went fine, recovery was a little slow and painful at first, but each day I felt a little better.

    I have a 15 & a 10 yr.old daughter. My younger daughter we didn't go into too much detail about it being cancer, we bascially just told her that my kidney was "sick", so it needed to come out so it wouldn't make me sick. The "C" word is frightening enough for adults, which is why I tried to avoid using that word with her.

    Sometimes the emotional roller coaster of all this can take it's toll. Take each day as it comes. This is a lot of information to deal with and process. Keep us updated as to when your surgery will take place. Take Care

    Shannon
  • PK_Chicago
    PK_Chicago Member Posts: 58
    #14
    Good thing they found it!
    Be strong and talk to people about it - nothing to be worried about! My situation was VERY similar - I went in for a CT scan related to a colon issue and they found a 14.5cm mass in my left kidney! Needless to say my life changed that day!!! I am 6 months post surgery and went for my first post surgery scans today - I've felt great from the start. I won't tell you the surgery was a picnic - but I will tell you that when you have it - get up and get going as soon as they let you!!!

    Good luck!

    PK

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