Surprise Visits

Reading the posts on this discussion board I know that I am not alone in this experience. I know there are many others, older & younger, who are experiencing the same thing I am. I realize that there are those who have been dealing with this disease for many years and those who are new to it. And this is an outlet for me to share my feelings and console and reassure and support others going through similar experiences.

As silly as it may sound, one of the first sad things I have experienced is the loss of playing on my Monday night golf league. I have played golf with the same guy for the last 15 years and with the same Monday night league for the last ten years. We are not the best golfers. We have won our league a few times over the 15 years, but usually we end up 3rd or 4th or 5th. We play to play and to have fun. Our entire league (all 20 people) is of similar mindset and mostly play for fun.

With the resection surgery I had to find a sub for at least six weeks. Now facing chemo I realize that I may not be able to play this season at all. And I miss playing already. And this makes me angry and sad.

Yesterday, going to get a CAT scan was the focus of the day. The Chest, Abdomen, and Pelvis CAT Scan required that I not eat or drink and I had to drink the Ready Cat Prep stuff... The CAT scan was at 1:50pm. That meant I spent most of the day hungry and thinking about the scan, researching chemo, and wondering if the nodule on my lung will be bigger or gone, and wondering if they will find mets on my liver or if there are any other hidden tumors lurking inside me...

And when the CAT scan was done, I felt sad and helpless. My blood has been drawn, the tests have been completed, and now I have to wait for the results. And the results are really out of my control. I can't study for this test... Monday night golf was not even something I was thinking about. Heck, I didn't even realize it was Monday.

Around 5:30pm dinner time rolled around. My daughters cooked my favorite dinner (spaghetti) however, I had eaten late after the CAT scan, and I was not hungry. Instead of eating dinner I wandered out back and built a fire in our fire pit. It was cloudy and cool and the fire was warm and relaxing. I was sitting by the fire wrapped up in my thoughts and reflections.

The kids came out after finishing their dinner and sat with me a bit. We chatted about their current challenges and then they all decided to take a bike ride and left me to my own reflections.

My phone rang and my friend Travis was on the phone and wanted to know what I was doing and if he could come over. I told him I had built a fire and that I had a few beers and in the fridge and he was more than welcome to join me. Travis and Terry arrived, then Louie and Maynard.

My golf buddies from the Monday night golf league decided to come over for the 19th hole! I was surprised that I didn't even remember that it was Monday night! How could I forget?

We all sat around the fire, we laughed and talked. My wife brought out hot dogs, chips, peanuts. They grilled dogs and enjoyed a little post-golf snack. We reminisced about golf and hunting trips and fishing. We talked about cancer and the tests and the possibility of chemo. And we discussed ideas for the next Monday night post-golf gathering -- they want chili :-)

This impromptu gathering caught me off guard. I was touched. It truly made my day. I am lucky to have friends who I have known for so many years, experienced so many things together with them!

God Bless you all and thank you for being a place for me to share my feelings and thoughts and worries...

Tommorrow I get results from the CAT scan and blood lab tests.