I can't believe this is my life

krlehr -
krlehr -

He would want you to continue on in life; he would want you
to raise your children as he would have while with you.

Try to stay focused on what your hopes were, and what they
would have resulted in, had his early departure not occurred.

Life and death are inseparable; none of us are here for all eternity.

Some of us leave unexpectedly and without notice, while others
of us have notice and time to prepare for the inevitable.

No matter what the circumstances, we do die and our survivors
should be able to move forward; our dreams and hopes live forever
in our survivor's minds.

Take those dreams and hopes, and run with them; live life to it's
fullest, as that is what was hoped for by your mate.

Your spouse's dreams are yours...... forever.

Best of hopes,

John

So very sorry!
It's so
So very sorry!
It's so unfair.
I would be angry too.
I hope in time you feel his love wrapped around you again.....
Very sorry for your loss.

You know reading your line
You know reading your line recalled the memories that I had...for me it took two years to stop being angry...no, not to get over the loss, but to stop being angry and hating the world. And in my darkest phase, I was very very rude, and disrespectful. My teachers were all over the place. They tried to help, but I pushed them away very very disrespectfully. I alienated myself from everyone. I had no friends, and whenever someone was approaching me at school I was short with my responses to indicate them that I do not want their friendship. I was so alone, and so lost! I hated everything and everybody! I hated the whole world! And I have to tell you now, it will be three years at the end of June that I lost my Mom and that I did not take her loss well and I regret for being so bad with people. I wish I had a better way of handling it. The reason I'm telling you this because now I've changed. I'm not saying I'm happy completely, but I realized that people here on this board have the best advice when they say "your loved one does not want you to go through like this". When I first read these lines here, I was like "bla, bla, bla, easier said than done!" But they are totally RIGHT! And now I realized that my Mom wants me to be happy, and doesn't want to drag me to the grave with her every year. I remember her, and I always will, no doubt! I still have times when I almost burst into tears and wondering why she isn't here, where the heck is she, but I force myself to live life to the fullest. I know she is guiding me, she is whispering into my ears, she is petting my soul when I sleep, and she shines from the stars every night at me. She'll never leave me alone! I know that! And, yes, I don't see her, and it is really really upsetting, but I know she is there!!! And I'm writing all this down to you because the EXACT same thing applies to you also. Yes, your husband will never ever show up at the doorstep no matter how much you want it, no matter how much you dream about it. He'll never show up on the street, or in the store. But the sooner you start focusing on his advices instead of him being away from you, you'll hear him! He'll help you! He'll never EVER will leave you alone! He'll whisper into your ears, he'll give you advice on how to deal with your kids when they will be in trouble, or in doubts about their future. He'll always be there! You just have to be patient! Patient because he also has to recover from his sufferings! You cannot expect him to immediately be there with you. If you love him enough (and I'm sure you do) you have to understand, he needs time. Time to heal, time to adjust, and maybe even meet up with friends/relatives he has not seen for so long. Then once he is over his sufferings that he had here on this earth, and once he has greeted every loved one and friend up there, he'll return to you, and guide you! He won't leave you ever! I can tell my Mom tonight to go and look for your husband and maybe cook something yummy for him! She'll give him food and helps him settle up between the stars! Then you can look up and find the shiniest star--- that will be your husband looking down at you smiling, and being proud of you!
All the best in the healing process, and please, please, think about what I wrote! He will not leave you ever!!! Just give him time! You'll realize he'll come back to you and lead you along your path!
Hugs to you,
- Sophie

I'm so sorry
And I feel your pain. I lost my husband to cancer in 2000. And now my precious 33 year old daughter has colon cancer.

You are grieving now and it is so painful - but you have to plod through it. There is no getting around it or "over" it, you just have to go through it. And it's an emotional roller coaster. You'll think you are the tiniest bit better then BAM - it hits you all over again like a ton of bricks.

What helped me so much and I'm going to suggest to you is that you check out WidowNet. It's grief support for the widowed. There you will find those going through exactly what you are going through, people from all over the world, your age, older, younger, parents, etc. There are very good bulletin boards and the people there are just as supportive as those here.

WidowNet saved my sanity after Bill died. And I went to several of the "get togethers" and they were wonderful. I tried a local grief support group but it just didn't have what I needed. It was very religious-based and lots of empty platitudes tossed around. "God's will." "The Lord needed him." "The Lord is my husband now." This did not help me at all. But giving support to and receiving support from those feeling exactly as I was feeling did help. That, and time. Lots of time. Be gentle with yourself. Grief is hard work.

Sandy

Grief
There isn't anything anyone can say to you that will make this better. I understand your anger. It will take as long as it takes. Grief is something that I believe starts in your gut like a physical pain that overwhelms your whole body. It moves on then into your heart where the sadness is also a physical thing & finally ends up in your brain where your common sense takes control and begins to heal you & you begin to accept it.

There are just stages to go through and you don't believe this now - but the physical and emotional bad feelings will begin to dull. No you'll never stop remembering the pain of loss, but you will be able to function without it almost killing you.

You already know all this, so I'll just say I am sorry and I will pray for you and your children. Please take care.

P & J

For the children
My Dad died of a massive heart attack when I was 8 (42 years ago). My other siblings were 12,10 and 6. Please go on for the children. All these years later I am so thankful to my Mother for her courage in keeping us together.
This courage is helping me now as I navigate stage 3 colon cancer at 49 myself. The strength I saw then I lean on now. Always keep his memeory alive and talk about him all the time. We had realitives that would edit out our Dad's pictures so us kids would not be upset (how stupid). Love and enjoy the children, laugh and cry together!