How do you deal with the emotional roller coaster?

Idaho mom
Idaho mom Member Posts: 2
edited May 2012 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hello everyone! Someone very close to me was just diagnosed with stage 4 colon and liver cancer. It's only been a month, be I can't seem to get a handle on my emotions. I am sad, scared, and hopeless much of the time. I have been trying to find positive books to read. I just finished one called, "It's just hair: 20 Essential Life Lessons" by Judith L. Pearson. http://courageconcepts.com/ It is a non-fiction self-help book for women battling cancer or anyone facing a challenge in life. She has such a positive attitude and is very inspiring! I have found a lot of comfort through this book.

Comments

  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #2
    i make myself busy with a few alternative treatments
    lovelly question.

    i learned to meditate and got off the dex, thats a steroid most on chemo get that makes our emotions pretty varied.

    the meditation works for me.

    even when confronted with important conflicts between my medical team, i just pray, meditate and make the best decision i can. after all its only my life on the line. i do have faith in all my doctors good intentions, but i also scene how human they are and what they miss, often day by day as i was getting vitamin c therapy daily.

    so no matter what life throws at me i smile, a big smile. i am just glad to be here. every breathe is just wonderful. i hope your friend joins this forum, we are here to support each other.

    the book sounds great.

    it does take time for emotions to settle down. the roller coaster ride so far has been alot of fun, filled with great people with and without cancer and that includes doctors of all types.

    try to find the beauty in each day, loosing a day to saddness is something i try to avoid, as everyday with this challenging health problem is precious.

    my fantastic kids and wife make it easy to forget cancer as i get lost in the wonder of their lives, i should say our lives.

    hugs,
    pete

    ps try and smile, even if you have to fake it. it works.
  • JayhawkDan
    JayhawkDan Member Posts: 205
    #3
    Happy Mother's Day...IdahoMom
    Hope you have a great day. I would echo much of what Pete said. I'm about 3 months in on this weird journey and just completed my 6th round of chemo yesterday, and I too have State IV cc, mets-liver. One thing that's really hit me on this emotional roller coaster is that I'm enjoying the good things in life so much more. I'm realizing the blessings I have and appreciate everything. Don't get me wrong, there are dark days, or at least moments, but I seem to get through them quickly. I guess I just feel like I don't have time to dwell on anything negative. I wish your friend the best and just be there for her. She'll appreciate having someone she can lean on and your friendship. I joke that I'm now the guy that nobody knows what to say to, but it's important to just be there, and be an understanding and supportive friend. I've found this board a good place for information and support. We're bombarded with so much information that it's difficult to sort it all out and understand it. This is a good place to come to make sense of it all. And, of course, there's the side benefit of lots of hugs, and we can all use a hug now and then. Hugs...Dan.
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #4
    My mom has her CT scan in
    My mom has her CT scan in JuneM I usually become very aggressive angry and emotionally eat during this time. I cry and just can't get a handle on things. I busy myself. I cdont stay in the house. I limit my conversations about cancer so they don't consume my day. Otherwise I can't work and become dysfunctional.this is a trip becuz, I am not the one with cancer. I think my mom takes it better than me most of the time.

    My sister and I freak out a lot about small things and can't sleep the closer it gets to her scans. This is our secret. You feel that you have no right to grieve or have emotions, becuz you aren't the one that is ill, but they are there and you have to deal with them. Some caregivers of survivers even go through post traumatic stress disorders. I almost got written up at work 6 month's after my mom was NED (tired ans angry).

    If it gets to the point where sadness is overwhelming, it may be time for therapy.

    Ktz
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #5
    Hi Idaho Mom
    Sorry to hear about your friend. Sometimes I think cancer is harder on the friends and family of those with cancer, You're in even less control of what's going on and often you can't (and probably shouldn't) tell the person who has cancer your fears. They have plenty going on themselves and can't be a caregiver to a caregiver. You know?

    I would suggest finding someone to talk to, either a professional therapist or possibly if you're the church-going type, someone there. There are also often support groups that are associated with hospitals that can be of help. I feel you do need to let it out and not hold it in...
    Best wishes to you and your friend.
    People DO get through cancer and survive while some live with cancer and it's more of a nuisance than a death sentence.
    -phil
    dx stage iv colon cancer feb 2004...living with cancer
  • tommycat
    tommycat Member Posts: 790 Member
    #6
    The Friend Card
    Hi Idaho Mom,
    You obviously care about your friend very much. Maybe you can greatly help her and greatly alleviate your feelings by concretely helping her.
    Here are some ideas:
    *Organize a meal train through one of the websites like Meal Train, LotsaHelping Hands or Caring Bridges.
    *If your friend is religious, ask for her to be put on the prayer list in church.
    * If she has children, find some playgroups (if the children are young) or movie outings (if older) to get the kids out and about while she rests after treatment.
    *If she has a spouse/other, make sure he gets invited out from time to time to relax.
    Her life has suddenly had the rug pulled out from under it....you can help her re-find her balance by helping her with the day-to-day things in life.
    You are a good friend...
    TommyCat
  • Idaho mom
    Idaho mom Member Posts: 2
    #7
    tommycat said:

    The Friend Card
    Hi Idaho Mom,
    You obviously care about your friend very much. Maybe you can greatly help her and greatly alleviate your feelings by concretely helping her.
    Here are some ideas:
    *Organize a meal train through one of the websites like Meal Train, LotsaHelping Hands or Caring Bridges.
    *If your friend is religious, ask for her to be put on the prayer list in church.
    * If she has children, find some playgroups (if the children are young) or movie outings (if older) to get the kids out and about while she rests after treatment.
    *If she has a spouse/other, make sure he gets invited out from time to time to relax.
    Her life has suddenly had the rug pulled out from under it....you can help her re-find her balance by helping her with the day-to-day things in life.
    You are a good friend...
    TommyCat

    Thanks
    Thanks for taking time to comment! You have shared some great ideas. The Dr announced on her first visit with him that she has less then a year to live. She has four children and two of them are disabled. I have been taking in meals to her a couple of times a week. I have taken her children for play dates. It's difficult as they are disabled but I am learning to work around their disabilities. I will try some of the suggestions. It's just the fear of it all and the death sentence that is looming..... I want her to know that I am with her 100%, but it is such a scary and emotional ride. It's nice to have others here who understand!!!!
  • bspangler47
    bspangler47 Member Posts: 145
    #8
    Idaho mom said:

    Thanks
    Thanks for taking time to comment! You have shared some great ideas. The Dr announced on her first visit with him that she has less then a year to live. She has four children and two of them are disabled. I have been taking in meals to her a couple of times a week. I have taken her children for play dates. It's difficult as they are disabled but I am learning to work around their disabilities. I will try some of the suggestions. It's just the fear of it all and the death sentence that is looming..... I want her to know that I am with her 100%, but it is such a scary and emotional ride. It's nice to have others here who understand!!!!

    Idaho Mom
    I can totally understand how you feel. It isnt easy at all to see someone you love dearly go thru alot. I believe there is counseling, a ministor/priest etc that can help someone to speak to. I would check with the hospital I am sure they have support groups. U all are in my prayers
  • dmj101
    dmj101 Member Posts: 527 Member
    #9
    in a agreement with Phil
    I aggree.. I think it is tougher on everyone else than the actual patient.
    I just take it as it comes and there isn't really much any of us can do about it..
    My friends and family are just so upset there is nothing they can do..
    I personally watch a stupid funny movie and I start to feel better. or I just let it go get upset, cry and then take a nap.. when I wake up I feel better.
    I know these won't work for everyone. but they do it for me..
    I mean at this point what will be will be. and I can't fight God.. so I have to have faith there is a plan.. and I don't know it all yet...
    I wish you PEACE and I hope you find it truly.
  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278 Member
    #10
    Emotions
    I would walk in the mountains by myself and cry. I would drive to the beach and walk between the cliffs and the surf and cry. I decided that the emotional pain and scare was normal. After that, I could battle the big C, and became much better personally and emotionally. I accepted that this as my new normal. I am a cancer fighter! I am living with cancer pain. I did not tell anyone, now I can talk about it with anyone. Cancer is my new normal. My CEA went from 1125 to 2.0!

    New questions: How do I continue? How do I battle the Big C? So, I changed my diet, I walked, I changed my attitude, I lost weight, etc...

    1 Year after chemo, I weigh 50lbs less, lost 7 in in the waist! (My wife lost 3 dress sizes, and looks better then ever.) We eat healthy and drink safe water. (6 stage RO, last filter to .5 microns.) I walk, mtn bike, and play with my dogs. I started my own organic garden, moved to the mountains, and enjoy life more. Sold my business. My wife and I enjoy life more! We gave up the hustle and stress of the city for the trees! We gave up the convenience, for viewing elk in our front yard. We turned off the TV for more positive serenity of watching the sun go down with a glass of wine. Smog and tail lights, for clean mountain air. (I do miss getting the cut off on the freeways, lol) I had to chop fire wood to heat the house. I have friends whom laughed at me, until they see my pictures. Elk in the front yard, how blessed is that??? Snow on St. Patrick's day! We gave up coffee for green tea.

    Bottom line, acceptance will help the focus on the battle at hand. Get educated about your body and cancer. The more you know, the more you fight the battle on many fronts, the better the odds are for your health. Be open minded, but not gullible.

    Best Always! mike

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