Taking Some Control at Doctor's App't

Marty36
Marty36 Member Posts: 84
in Head and Neck Cancer #1
Saw my ENT today. I like him, think he's a great surgeon. I'm about two months out from having Cyberknife, which fried my tongue. This after a surgery in the same place two months earlier. I have a sore on my tongue right where the surgery and radiation were. It's mildly painful, but not awful. I can eat fine. It has improved a lot, but not where he would like it to be. He had mentioned doing a biopsy the last time we talked, so I said, "You know, we are going to do scans in about six weeks so I'm just not up for doing another biopsy. I would like to just let it continue to heal and not interrupt that."

He was fine with that, but it's odd that I felt like I had to apologize for being assertive. He acknowledged that it was probably just inflammation--which will show up on the scans--and said that doing a biopsy would mess even more with the scans. He even said, "You know, I don't want to torture you and it seems like I never have good news, but I'm just conservative."

But at some point, I'm just exhausted from procedures and doing a biopsy just isn't what I want to do right now. I'll do the scans in six weeks, allow things to heal some more, and then assess at that point. But I felt I needed to assert some control. I guess what bothers me is that I was fairly assertive about it and I felt I needed to apologize for that. He said I should never worry about being assertive or challenging, but it really is about that doctor/patient relationship where you feel you've relinquished a lot of control.

Comments

  • longtermsurvivor
    longtermsurvivor Member Posts: 1,842 Member
    #2
    it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship
    with your doctor. So do I. You are a very well educated consumer, and you should never feel badly about being your own advocate. Lol, i had a conversation with my rads doctor before my swcond rads (you and I both know there are some real risks to this) where he asked me, "how much of the risks do you want me to discuss with you?". to wich I replyed "none.". that was good enough for him. I would have chosen just as you did, too.



    Pat
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #3
    I agree with Pat.....
    It sounds like your relationship with this Dr. is a good one....one where you CAN say your mind, and be listened to. The feeling of needing to apologize is coming from within you...I know this one so very well....I'm not an assertive person, so ANYTIME I am assertive (on any subject), I'm instantly feeling guilty...LOL....I hear this gets better with practice. One thing about having cancer, and getting educated about your disease...is when you speak, you aren't coming off the wall....you are speaking of a subject you know well. It sounds to me like your Dr. respects that.

    p
  • Hal61
    Hal61 Member Posts: 655
    #4
    phrannie51 said:

    I agree with Pat.....
    It sounds like your relationship with this Dr. is a good one....one where you CAN say your mind, and be listened to. The feeling of needing to apologize is coming from within you...I know this one so very well....I'm not an assertive person, so ANYTIME I am assertive (on any subject), I'm instantly feeling guilty...LOL....I hear this gets better with practice. One thing about having cancer, and getting educated about your disease...is when you speak, you aren't coming off the wall....you are speaking of a subject you know well. It sounds to me like your Dr. respects that.

    p

    There's a lopside to that Phrannie
    Hi Phrannie, glad to see you keep posting. You're heading into deeper water now, or at least cloudier, and the more you can keep a dialogue the better I think.

    I agree all to heck also, but, there are times when you should and will ask stupid questions, and by that I mean ones the doc has heard over and over, or the answers to which may seem painfully obvious, to the doc. Like most on here, I did my homework, but I believe a "good" doc wont roll their eyes at layperson's questions. They should be willing to explain what's happening to an intelligent twelve-year old, but some can't or aren't willing. Some are dismissive or bristle at irrelevant questions, and you feel you must--as one poster put it on here, "do the politically correct medicine dance."

    best, Hal
  • Ingrid K
    Ingrid K Member Posts: 813
    #5
    Hal61 said:

    There's a lopside to that Phrannie
    Hi Phrannie, glad to see you keep posting. You're heading into deeper water now, or at least cloudier, and the more you can keep a dialogue the better I think.

    I agree all to heck also, but, there are times when you should and will ask stupid questions, and by that I mean ones the doc has heard over and over, or the answers to which may seem painfully obvious, to the doc. Like most on here, I did my homework, but I believe a "good" doc wont roll their eyes at layperson's questions. They should be willing to explain what's happening to an intelligent twelve-year old, but some can't or aren't willing. Some are dismissive or bristle at irrelevant questions, and you feel you must--as one poster put it on here, "do the politically correct medicine dance."

    best, Hal

    who's the pup ?
    Hal, love the new pic... who is your buddy ? looks like a younger version of Phrannie's.
  • Hal61
    Hal61 Member Posts: 655
    #6
    Ingrid K said:

    who's the pup ?
    Hal, love the new pic... who is your buddy ? looks like a younger version of Phrannie's.

    Minnie
    Hi Ingrid, yes my new travel bud, wearing her travel/seatbelt vest; which she rarely wears, preferring to sleep under the dining table while I drive. She'll be 5 months on the 18th. I hope she turns out like Phrannie's. She's going to the bathroom across the country and I'm picking it up. Right now we're drydocked in Las Cruces, NM while my RV is being worked on.

    best, Hal
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #7
    Hal61 said:

    Minnie
    Hi Ingrid, yes my new travel bud, wearing her travel/seatbelt vest; which she rarely wears, preferring to sleep under the dining table while I drive. She'll be 5 months on the 18th. I hope she turns out like Phrannie's. She's going to the bathroom across the country and I'm picking it up. Right now we're drydocked in Las Cruces, NM while my RV is being worked on.

    best, Hal

    She's beautiful, Hal!
    ..and as I always say when I see a youngster......look at dem ears! :) She's learning a lifetime of good stuff traveling cross country...GSD's are the smartest dogs, I swear.

    If a Dr. was short, snappy, arrogant, or treated me like I was less than......I'd have to find someone else....I don't have the natural assertiveness to combat that...so thank GOD I'm blessed (so far) to have kind, good listereners, and great explainers....

    p

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