Feeling a little down

Grandmax4
Grandmax4 Member Posts: 723
in Head and Neck Cancer #1
The last couple days, I've found myself feeling blue..tried to talk myself out of the funks, exercised, just not working.

Wednesday May 2, 2012 will be 6 months since I had my epiglottis removed by robot, at the James in Columbus, Ohio. I'm getting along well, but somehow saw myself back to my old self by now....now I see what every one means when they say " a new normal"

I ran into my niece last week at a large department store, a coule days later, I was talking to my sister on the phone and she said " _____ said she saw you at ____. I replied yes, it was so good to see her. My sister, yes, she said your face is swollen and you look quite " unnatural". I'm not going to lie, it hurt my feelings, the swelling is fluid trying to find another route after lymph nodes were removed.

Don't really know why I'm posting this, just a vent Happy weekend everyone

Comments

  • D Lewis
    D Lewis Member Posts: 1,581 Member
    #2
    So sorry you're down
    Hi Grandmax4,

    Hang in there. We all feel a little down some times. A lot down, other times. It does take a long time to heal, especially the lymphedema part. I'm almost two years out from end of my treatment, and still healing. Some things will never go away; that's the New Normal part. Other things can take years to resolve. Bummer that your niece made that comment, and bummer that your sister repeated it to you. Do a search on the Head Neck Forum (heck, even do a search on the internet) of the terms "cancer etiquette' for a funny (and not so funny) list of the thoughtless things that unmannered folk feel impelled to say to us, or to say about us.

    "Gee, my cousin went through cancer treatment, and she didn't get all skinny like you..." "Well, maybe she didn't spend eight weeks on a feeding tube while getting radiation to the throat..."

    "Why didn't you get all wrinkly..." "Um, what?"

    Deb
  • ditto1
    ditto1 Member Posts: 660
    #3
    You brightend my day
    I see my Doctor on Monday who will once and for all tell me what Im dealing with where the cancer has gone and what I assume will be my prognosis/treatment for the future, I was a little down today not because of where I have been but where I am going. So when I read you were 6 months out. It made me feel better, cause Im hoping for 6 months and more. Not dismissing your circumstance or the comments by your family members, just thought you might feel better knowing you gave me hope.. Something just tells me you are a beautiful lady inside and out. check for my blog at 6 months out.. God Bless You
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #4
    I just don't get it.....
    There may be a few differences in cancer ettequette, but they seem damn few in just everyday good manners...the kind most of us carry with us as we move thru life...a sensitivity to others in all walks...things we were taught as children. I'm SO sorry that this got to you...For all we know, your neice might be mortified to think your sister ever passed that along.

    I'd love to wrap my arms around ya, and remind you that you are only 6 months out of a long and gruelling test....that having done this road, and survived is testament to a will and faith that few get a chance to be part of, until they're at the end of road. Ignorance and insensitivity are all around us, in a million forms...and it's what we have INSIDE that steals us to "just plain dumb". You know that the lymphodema isn't going to last...so....(well, I can't type that here)...

    My problem on this board, is I have a dozen quips to toss back, none of which are particularily lady like....but I'd have ya laughing if I dared put them down here...

    p
  • Ingrid K
    Ingrid K Member Posts: 813
    #5
    phrannie51 said:

    I just don't get it.....
    There may be a few differences in cancer ettequette, but they seem damn few in just everyday good manners...the kind most of us carry with us as we move thru life...a sensitivity to others in all walks...things we were taught as children. I'm SO sorry that this got to you...For all we know, your neice might be mortified to think your sister ever passed that along.

    I'd love to wrap my arms around ya, and remind you that you are only 6 months out of a long and gruelling test....that having done this road, and survived is testament to a will and faith that few get a chance to be part of, until they're at the end of road. Ignorance and insensitivity are all around us, in a million forms...and it's what we have INSIDE that steals us to "just plain dumb". You know that the lymphodema isn't going to last...so....(well, I can't type that here)...

    My problem on this board, is I have a dozen quips to toss back, none of which are particularily lady like....but I'd have ya laughing if I dared put them down here...

    p

    stay positive
    Grandma, you are doing GREAT !! at only 6 months, I was barely getting out of bed most days, so you are way ahead of schedule. I am just now about a year out of radiation treatments and just now starting to eat real food again. Had my feeding tube for 15 months. People can be cruel, maybe not even on purpose.. sometimes they just really don't know what to say so they end up saying something stupid. You can always come here to vent... one of the many good things about this board. And phrannie, joke are always welcome here to keep things light...
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #6
    Comments...
    Ya, some people just don't think before opening their pie holes....

    If they could just walk a mile in our shoes sometimes....(unless it's my fishin shoes, then they might get some stink they can't get rid of, LOL)...

    My old saying was, "Other than having cancer, I'm in perfect health".

    I know that comments hurt, but realize that the intent wasn't to hurt your feelings. I'm sure it was small talk, an was said totally without thinking it through. Add to that I'm sure like many here, you at the moment are at a much higher sensitivity level than you normally are... But then again, who is normal after all of this? I'm the head of the Abi-Normal Clan, LOL....

    Stay positive, keep a little of that thinck skin that your radiation or chemo gave you.

    Best,
    John
  • Grandmax4
    Grandmax4 Member Posts: 723
    #7
    Skiffin16 said:

    Comments...
    Ya, some people just don't think before opening their pie holes....

    If they could just walk a mile in our shoes sometimes....(unless it's my fishin shoes, then they might get some stink they can't get rid of, LOL)...

    My old saying was, "Other than having cancer, I'm in perfect health".

    I know that comments hurt, but realize that the intent wasn't to hurt your feelings. I'm sure it was small talk, an was said totally without thinking it through. Add to that I'm sure like many here, you at the moment are at a much higher sensitivity level than you normally are... But then again, who is normal after all of this? I'm the head of the Abi-Normal Clan, LOL....

    Stay positive, keep a little of that thinck skin that your radiation or chemo gave you.

    Best,
    John

    The sun shines again
    Thank you all for your kind words and advice, I love this site, it makes me see how small my problems are compared to others, and it's a place to vent so noone in my family has to hear it :)

    Skiffin16, I was very fortunate and did not require radiation or chemo after my surgery..

    My Sis is known for liking to stir the pot, so I'm not going to allow her to ruin my mood

    Thanks again, I'll be lurking around
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #8
    Grandmax4 said:

    The sun shines again
    Thank you all for your kind words and advice, I love this site, it makes me see how small my problems are compared to others, and it's a place to vent so noone in my family has to hear it :)

    Skiffin16, I was very fortunate and did not require radiation or chemo after my surgery..

    My Sis is known for liking to stir the pot, so I'm not going to allow her to ruin my mood

    Thanks again, I'll be lurking around

    Pot Liquor
    or, ummm I mean stirrer.....

    Yes, and there are those people also.

    Another reason I like dogs.

    JG
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #9
    Grandmax4 said:

    The sun shines again
    Thank you all for your kind words and advice, I love this site, it makes me see how small my problems are compared to others, and it's a place to vent so noone in my family has to hear it :)

    Skiffin16, I was very fortunate and did not require radiation or chemo after my surgery..

    My Sis is known for liking to stir the pot, so I'm not going to allow her to ruin my mood

    Thanks again, I'll be lurking around

    Good for you!!
    Sometimes it's hard to remember someone is a pot stirrer, because they get so darn good at it...they know precisely when to do that stirring.

    Dogs are pretty darn honest...they don't stir pots, but they will steal your socks (just for laughs of course) :)

    p
  • sunshine_64
    sunshine_64 Member Posts: 50
    #10
    don't listen
    Hi Grandma4x

    Don't listen to anyone who says things like that! Your body needs time to adjust and it will, but in the meantime,
    think about how lucky you are to have received that expert treatment, and how much you've learned about your priorities
    in life - and you have a perfect right to vent.

    Sunshine_64
  • sunshine_64
    sunshine_64 Member Posts: 50
    #11
    don't listen
    Hi Grandma4x

    Don't listen to anyone who says things like that! Your body needs time to adjust and it will, but in the meantime,
    think about how lucky you are to have received that expert treatment, and how much you've learned about your priorities
    in life - and you have a perfect right to vent.

    Sunshine_64
  • sunshine_64
    sunshine_64 Member Posts: 50
    #12
    don't listen
    Hi Grandma4x

    Don't listen to anyone who says things like that! Your body needs time to adjust and it will, but in the meantime,
    think about how lucky you are to have received that expert treatment, and how much you've learned about your priorities
    in life - and you have a perfect right to vent.

    Sunshine_64
  • sunshine_64
    sunshine_64 Member Posts: 50
    #13
    don't listen
    Hi Grandma4x

    Don't listen to anyone who says things like that! Your body needs time to adjust and it will, but in the meantime,
    think about how lucky you are to have received that expert treatment, and how much you've learned about your priorities
    in life - and you have a perfect right to vent.

    Sunshine_64
  • Pam M
    Pam M Member Posts: 2,196
    #14
    Happens to Most of Us
    I attended a family party for my father's family a few months after treatment ended. We hadn't seen them for a couple of years. While getting ready, I was pleased because I looked so much better than I had in a long time. Four or five months later, I spoke with an aunt who hadn't been at the party. She asked me how I was doing, and I told her I was getting better all the time. She said "I'm so glad to hear that - they told me how bad you looked at the party". She wasn't a pot-stirrer, just a kind aunt who had no idea I thought I looked purty good that day. Ah well.

    On the other hand, a few weeks ago, I was talking to a cousin about how my face has changed, and she said "You know - you look fine - I didn't notice, until you said something". (My face is asymmetrical now.) I don't normally pay much attention, but I don't like to look at pictures of myself.
  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
    #15
    Hi GrandMax4
    Hi Grandma,

    I'm 48 yrs old, finished up treatments for base of tongue and one lymph node just 3 months ago. Eribtux really did me in ....and boy you should see the "waddle" under my chin. Doctor told me to be sure and massage it often (so I told my wife she has to rub my neck) ...the baby (I have five kids and one is 21 months old) loves to play with it ..lol...

    I share this just to let you know you are not alone. You sound like a strong and wonderful person ....and I just want you to know you and many otehrs on this board are my heros. :)

    Keep plugging!

    Tim & Jennifer Cogdill - McCall, Idaho

Discussion Boards