Emotional-Normal?

Shan_39
Shan_39 Member Posts: 17
in Kidney Cancer #1
Hello Everybody,

I hoping that all the great RCC survivors on this board can offer me some help, advice or just a discussion board to cry on. :) I am a 39 yr. old wife, and a mother to three children (21, 14, 10). Back in February I went to the ER for a pain on my right side. I had the pain for about a week, but it would come and go, and then one day got really bad. So off to the ER I went, thinking my appendix had burst or something. ER doc did a CT scan and discovered a 4cm mass on my right kidney. This came as a complete shock. Anyways, I ended up having my right kidney removed on March 1, 2012. They removed the whole kidney because the tumor was right in the middle of the kidney. Pathology came back as RCC, but the margins were clear. I just saw my Oncologist last week and he said everything looks good, and that I should be just fine, recurrence is very low. This is all GREAT news! My problem is, why I am so emotional, and moody after this good news? And, I'm normally a very patient person, but my patience seems to have been removed along with my kidney! Sometimes, I just burst into tears, and I couldn't really tell you why. It has been a very stressful year for me, I lost my dad to lung cancer (almost a year to the day I had my kidney surgery), I started a new job,I quit smoking, I had my kidney removed, diagnosed with cancer, and my husband works out of state. I'm beginning to think the cancer diagnosis might be the straw that broke me! I have a great family/friend support system, yet I feel so alone. To everyone else, "I'm cured", and to me, I'm still trying to process that I even had cancer. I'm beyond grateful to be alive, but I don't think I ever got to express exactly how scared I was (and am) about having cancer.Everything happened so fast. Does that make sense? Am I crazy? I don't know if I should see a doctor and get some medication or if these feelings will pass on their own? I apologize for rambling. Thanks for listening and I appreciate any help.
«13

Comments

  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,361 Member
    #2
    Same Boat
    Shan-39,

    I was in the same boat as you. Had my 4.2 cm bugger removed at age 59 almost 10 years ago and I was cured. We that have RCC are a 3% minority of Cancer patients. Over 1/2 of us are cured by the surgery. With what you have given us there is no reason that you being fully cured by the surgery is as close to 100% as possible. What society has pounded into our skulls for all these years is that Cancer is a disease that keeps coming back and people have horrific lifes as a result. Not so with RCC involving small tumors. Much needs to be done to help RCC where larger tumors and mets show there ugly face. But those of us with small tumors get a free pass from those problems. Think of it as you had cancer, not that you have it. RCC is not like other Cancers out there and don't get caught up in what miseries other Cancers cause. We bit the bullet, now is the time to go out and live. My Neighbor Faye across the street had her surgery 17 years ago and at 81 today is doing fine and her husband can not keep up with her. Best wishes for at least 50 more heathy years now that you have stopped smoking. I also have a 10 and 14 year old, as well as a 13 15 and 16 year old. They are called grandchildren.

    Icemantoo
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #3
    icemantoo said:

    Same Boat
    Shan-39,

    I was in the same boat as you. Had my 4.2 cm bugger removed at age 59 almost 10 years ago and I was cured. We that have RCC are a 3% minority of Cancer patients. Over 1/2 of us are cured by the surgery. With what you have given us there is no reason that you being fully cured by the surgery is as close to 100% as possible. What society has pounded into our skulls for all these years is that Cancer is a disease that keeps coming back and people have horrific lifes as a result. Not so with RCC involving small tumors. Much needs to be done to help RCC where larger tumors and mets show there ugly face. But those of us with small tumors get a free pass from those problems. Think of it as you had cancer, not that you have it. RCC is not like other Cancers out there and don't get caught up in what miseries other Cancers cause. We bit the bullet, now is the time to go out and live. My Neighbor Faye across the street had her surgery 17 years ago and at 81 today is doing fine and her husband can not keep up with her. Best wishes for at least 50 more heathy years now that you have stopped smoking. I also have a 10 and 14 year old, as well as a 13 15 and 16 year old. They are called grandchildren.

    Icemantoo

    Psyched out
    Shan, Sure is a shock to the system isn't it? The word cancer sets up a terrible sequence of mental events. We have all been there. Hang around on board for awhile. You'll find great support, understanding and compassion. Then you'll begin to appreciate your good fortune at being diagnosed and cured early.
  • Neen
    Neen Member Posts: 6
    #4
    normal feelings
    I have the same feelings as you and probably everybody on this site. Hang in there this site has helped me a lot just reading what others have gone through or are going through helped me to realize I'm not the only one. It is scary, your not crazy and I did get on a low dose of anti depressants to help with the anxiety I was feeling and I too quit smoking so this has help with that also good luck!
  • JackieP125
    JackieP125 Member Posts: 56
    #5
    Neen said:

    normal feelings
    I have the same feelings as you and probably everybody on this site. Hang in there this site has helped me a lot just reading what others have gone through or are going through helped me to realize I'm not the only one. It is scary, your not crazy and I did get on a low dose of anti depressants to help with the anxiety I was feeling and I too quit smoking so this has help with that also good luck!

    Tears and Fear
    You sound just like me 3 1/2 months ago. After my surgery I was just plain mad, angry and emotional. Everything and everyone made me cry. In time I got past most of that. I still cry and find that I have a a huge amount of compassion and empathy for every living creature. I appreciate more and love deeper than ever before. It all comes with the territory. You will be fine. Just take it one day at a time. You are a survivor now. Embrace everyday with joy. I know I do.
  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    #6
    It all makes sense...
    Shan,

    Its the wham, bam, thank ya mam...oh, by the way, you're cured syndrome. We spend our pre-dx life hearing and experiencing the horrors that cancer brings to most people, suddenly we're told "You have cancer!" and before we have a chance to process and adjust to that we have surgery and are told we are "cured". Everyone around us breathes a huge sigh of relief and goes on about their normal lives, but we are still caught on the emotional roller coaster that having cancer is. What you are experiencing is completely normal and this is a great place to come and vent, cry, ask questions, etc. because everyone here understands and will rally to support you as needed. Stick around for awhile and before you know it you will be helping with the newbies.

    Good luck and Godspeed,

    Gary
  • donna_lee
    donna_lee Member Posts: 1,045 Member
    #7
    garym said:

    It all makes sense...
    Shan,

    Its the wham, bam, thank ya mam...oh, by the way, you're cured syndrome. We spend our pre-dx life hearing and experiencing the horrors that cancer brings to most people, suddenly we're told "You have cancer!" and before we have a chance to process and adjust to that we have surgery and are told we are "cured". Everyone around us breathes a huge sigh of relief and goes on about their normal lives, but we are still caught on the emotional roller coaster that having cancer is. What you are experiencing is completely normal and this is a great place to come and vent, cry, ask questions, etc. because everyone here understands and will rally to support you as needed. Stick around for awhile and before you know it you will be helping with the newbies.

    Good luck and Godspeed,

    Gary

    Emotional!!!
    Let's take a look...
    You were told you had Cancer with a Capital C.
    You had to plan your life, your families lives, and everything you do-home, work, extended family, friends, etc. for: pick all that apply- your health, your impending surgery, your recovery, your absence from what you were engaged in, and even the potential for not recovering from surgery, the possibility that the cancer was inoperable, and yes, the realization that it could eventually cause your death.
    Then you were under anesthesia and had to go thru the process of tubes in and out, get up and walk when you felt like you'd been run over by an 18 wheeler.
    First your family dotes on you, then they want you to be better and pretend all is OK and you are well and back to normal. Then you get back into the public and they ask, "How are you?" They all do care, but they want to hear you're better, recovering, doing well, back to normal, etc. Except sometimes you just want to cry because you are emotional.

    Do not deny yourself the right to feel sadness, grief, anger, or the mercurial changes that happen within yourself. Each is a part of what has been brought on by having a life threatening and life changing illness.

    I think I know what I'm referring to, since I've been in your shoes. Not once, not twice, three times and almost a fourth. I've been thru Hospice Volunteer training and a key subject was dealing with emotions and grief; and I'm co-facilitator of a Cancer Survivors Support Group. I'm a former teacher, and I've worked with kids and adults all my life. And yes, I even saw a psychologist for a while to help figure out why I was so emotional.

    Hopefully, it will help you to just know that you are normal. Now, pull up your big girl panties and pick a nice short term goal that you can complete quickly and enjoy -make a cup of tea or coffee and read the paper without letting anyone interrupt, you is a start---
    Then do it. Feel success in the small things and pretty soon you will set your goals and sights higher.
    Pretty soon you will be making goals for a lifetime away, going to graduations, weddings for kids, playing with grandchildren. Because probably way deep down, those are some of the fears that have been making the emotions emerge. The fears that you wouldn't be able to set some of those goals.

    Be good to yourself.
    With sincere best wishes for searching and finding what you need.
    Donna_lee
  • Shan_39
    Shan_39 Member Posts: 17
    #8
    icemantoo said:

    Same Boat
    Shan-39,

    I was in the same boat as you. Had my 4.2 cm bugger removed at age 59 almost 10 years ago and I was cured. We that have RCC are a 3% minority of Cancer patients. Over 1/2 of us are cured by the surgery. With what you have given us there is no reason that you being fully cured by the surgery is as close to 100% as possible. What society has pounded into our skulls for all these years is that Cancer is a disease that keeps coming back and people have horrific lifes as a result. Not so with RCC involving small tumors. Much needs to be done to help RCC where larger tumors and mets show there ugly face. But those of us with small tumors get a free pass from those problems. Think of it as you had cancer, not that you have it. RCC is not like other Cancers out there and don't get caught up in what miseries other Cancers cause. We bit the bullet, now is the time to go out and live. My Neighbor Faye across the street had her surgery 17 years ago and at 81 today is doing fine and her husband can not keep up with her. Best wishes for at least 50 more heathy years now that you have stopped smoking. I also have a 10 and 14 year old, as well as a 13 15 and 16 year old. They are called grandchildren.

    Icemantoo

    Thank you

    Thank you Iceman for your encouraging words and support! I felt better after reading your post this morning. It's nice to know that I can talk to people who understand exactly how I feel.

    Thanks again!

    Shannon
  • Shan_39
    Shan_39 Member Posts: 17
    #9
    donna_lee said:

    Emotional!!!
    Let's take a look...
    You were told you had Cancer with a Capital C.
    You had to plan your life, your families lives, and everything you do-home, work, extended family, friends, etc. for: pick all that apply- your health, your impending surgery, your recovery, your absence from what you were engaged in, and even the potential for not recovering from surgery, the possibility that the cancer was inoperable, and yes, the realization that it could eventually cause your death.
    Then you were under anesthesia and had to go thru the process of tubes in and out, get up and walk when you felt like you'd been run over by an 18 wheeler.
    First your family dotes on you, then they want you to be better and pretend all is OK and you are well and back to normal. Then you get back into the public and they ask, "How are you?" They all do care, but they want to hear you're better, recovering, doing well, back to normal, etc. Except sometimes you just want to cry because you are emotional.

    Do not deny yourself the right to feel sadness, grief, anger, or the mercurial changes that happen within yourself. Each is a part of what has been brought on by having a life threatening and life changing illness.

    I think I know what I'm referring to, since I've been in your shoes. Not once, not twice, three times and almost a fourth. I've been thru Hospice Volunteer training and a key subject was dealing with emotions and grief; and I'm co-facilitator of a Cancer Survivors Support Group. I'm a former teacher, and I've worked with kids and adults all my life. And yes, I even saw a psychologist for a while to help figure out why I was so emotional.

    Hopefully, it will help you to just know that you are normal. Now, pull up your big girl panties and pick a nice short term goal that you can complete quickly and enjoy -make a cup of tea or coffee and read the paper without letting anyone interrupt, you is a start---
    Then do it. Feel success in the small things and pretty soon you will set your goals and sights higher.
    Pretty soon you will be making goals for a lifetime away, going to graduations, weddings for kids, playing with grandchildren. Because probably way deep down, those are some of the fears that have been making the emotions emerge. The fears that you wouldn't be able to set some of those goals.

    Be good to yourself.
    With sincere best wishes for searching and finding what you need.
    Donna_lee

    Emotional

    Donna_Lee,

    Thank you so much for your insight! This is exactly how I feel. I just need to have good cry and let it all out. Just reading everyone's response makes me feel better. At least I know I'm not going crazy. :) I've decided as a short-term goal I want to start walking for exercise and work my way up to walking in a charity cancer event. I need to live and feel alive. Thanks again for listening. I look forward to sharing more and learning even more from this site.

    Thanks!
  • Shan_39
    Shan_39 Member Posts: 17
    #10
    Neen said:

    normal feelings
    I have the same feelings as you and probably everybody on this site. Hang in there this site has helped me a lot just reading what others have gone through or are going through helped me to realize I'm not the only one. It is scary, your not crazy and I did get on a low dose of anti depressants to help with the anxiety I was feeling and I too quit smoking so this has help with that also good luck!

    Neen,
    I do get very anxious

    Neen,

    I do get very anxious when I think of all that has happened. I will talk to my doctor about something to help. Congratulations on quitting smoking!

    Thanks,
    Shannon
  • Shan_39
    Shan_39 Member Posts: 17
    #11
    Neen said:

    normal feelings
    I have the same feelings as you and probably everybody on this site. Hang in there this site has helped me a lot just reading what others have gone through or are going through helped me to realize I'm not the only one. It is scary, your not crazy and I did get on a low dose of anti depressants to help with the anxiety I was feeling and I too quit smoking so this has help with that also good luck!

    Neen,
    I do get very anxious

    Neen,

    I do get very anxious when I think of all that has happened. I will talk to my doctor about something to help. Congratulations on quitting smoking!

    Thanks,
    Shannon
  • Shan_39
    Shan_39 Member Posts: 17
    #12
    Neen said:

    normal feelings
    I have the same feelings as you and probably everybody on this site. Hang in there this site has helped me a lot just reading what others have gone through or are going through helped me to realize I'm not the only one. It is scary, your not crazy and I did get on a low dose of anti depressants to help with the anxiety I was feeling and I too quit smoking so this has help with that also good luck!

    Neen,
    I do get very anxious

    Neen,

    I do get very anxious when I think of all that has happened. I will talk to my doctor about something to help. Congratulations on quitting smoking!

    Thanks,
    Shannon
  • Shan_39
    Shan_39 Member Posts: 17
    #13
    garym said:

    It all makes sense...
    Shan,

    Its the wham, bam, thank ya mam...oh, by the way, you're cured syndrome. We spend our pre-dx life hearing and experiencing the horrors that cancer brings to most people, suddenly we're told "You have cancer!" and before we have a chance to process and adjust to that we have surgery and are told we are "cured". Everyone around us breathes a huge sigh of relief and goes on about their normal lives, but we are still caught on the emotional roller coaster that having cancer is. What you are experiencing is completely normal and this is a great place to come and vent, cry, ask questions, etc. because everyone here understands and will rally to support you as needed. Stick around for awhile and before you know it you will be helping with the newbies.

    Good luck and Godspeed,

    Gary

    Gary,
    You expressed all my

    Gary,

    You expressed all my feelings exactly in your opening sentence! I feel so much better knowing that my feelings are normal, and are felt by others who have gone through the same thing. It feels good to be able to talk openly and express my feelings to everyone. I appreciate everyone's kindness, and i look forward to learning a lot from all of you.

    Thanks,
    Shannon
  • j_rod
    j_rod Member Posts: 125
    #14
    donna_lee said:

    Emotional!!!
    Let's take a look...
    You were told you had Cancer with a Capital C.
    You had to plan your life, your families lives, and everything you do-home, work, extended family, friends, etc. for: pick all that apply- your health, your impending surgery, your recovery, your absence from what you were engaged in, and even the potential for not recovering from surgery, the possibility that the cancer was inoperable, and yes, the realization that it could eventually cause your death.
    Then you were under anesthesia and had to go thru the process of tubes in and out, get up and walk when you felt like you'd been run over by an 18 wheeler.
    First your family dotes on you, then they want you to be better and pretend all is OK and you are well and back to normal. Then you get back into the public and they ask, "How are you?" They all do care, but they want to hear you're better, recovering, doing well, back to normal, etc. Except sometimes you just want to cry because you are emotional.

    Do not deny yourself the right to feel sadness, grief, anger, or the mercurial changes that happen within yourself. Each is a part of what has been brought on by having a life threatening and life changing illness.

    I think I know what I'm referring to, since I've been in your shoes. Not once, not twice, three times and almost a fourth. I've been thru Hospice Volunteer training and a key subject was dealing with emotions and grief; and I'm co-facilitator of a Cancer Survivors Support Group. I'm a former teacher, and I've worked with kids and adults all my life. And yes, I even saw a psychologist for a while to help figure out why I was so emotional.

    Hopefully, it will help you to just know that you are normal. Now, pull up your big girl panties and pick a nice short term goal that you can complete quickly and enjoy -make a cup of tea or coffee and read the paper without letting anyone interrupt, you is a start---
    Then do it. Feel success in the small things and pretty soon you will set your goals and sights higher.
    Pretty soon you will be making goals for a lifetime away, going to graduations, weddings for kids, playing with grandchildren. Because probably way deep down, those are some of the fears that have been making the emotions emerge. The fears that you wouldn't be able to set some of those goals.

    Be good to yourself.
    With sincere best wishes for searching and finding what you need.
    Donna_lee

    Thanks for this post Donna lee
    Your one statement "First your family dotes on you, then they want you to be better and pretend all is OK and you are well and back to normal. Then you get back into the public and they ask, "How are you?" They all do care, but they want to hear you're better, recovering, doing well, back to normal, etc. Except sometimes you just want to cry because you are emotional.
    This is what I went through - I am happy my recovery was relatively easy, but on the other hand, when I got home, since I wasn't screaming and writhing in pain, it worked against me. Even though I had major surgery on the inside, people thought I was OK. Even my fiance was waiting for his supper within three days. On day four he got up and went golfing all day as well as Sunday (day five). I was sad for sure. My sister checked on me every day until she went back to work on Monday so I was feeling pretty all alone. Except for being on this site...this is where I found relief. And eventually, you will be helping others, too. At that point, you will know you are on the road to your good life,
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #15
    Shan_39 said:

    Gary,
    You expressed all my

    Gary,

    You expressed all my feelings exactly in your opening sentence! I feel so much better knowing that my feelings are normal, and are felt by others who have gone through the same thing. It feels good to be able to talk openly and express my feelings to everyone. I appreciate everyone's kindness, and i look forward to learning a lot from all of you.

    Thanks,
    Shannon

    Sucks big time.
    You know what?...The facts are the facts.....What a crappy thing to have to live with...to have to live with....to have to live with...TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH!!!!!! I don't think that anyone here thought they would live forever. Yeah, it sucks big time. But we will all dig in. The thing is we do it for ourselves, but we do it for our loved ones. We hang tough.
  • Boomersdad
    Boomersdad Member Posts: 25
    #16
    foxhd said:

    Sucks big time.
    You know what?...The facts are the facts.....What a crappy thing to have to live with...to have to live with....to have to live with...TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH!!!!!! I don't think that anyone here thought they would live forever. Yeah, it sucks big time. But we will all dig in. The thing is we do it for ourselves, but we do it for our loved ones. We hang tough.

    Hi Shan and every body else,
    Hi Shan and every body else, Ive not been on for a couple of months,Everything you say Shan is the same for most of us, I had a full removel of a cancer size 7.5 cm and left kidney in Jan this year,the first few weeks were sore ,but I found I improved every day until about 6 weeks after the opp then things slowed down but I knew I was getting fitter each day, I went back to work 7 weeks after the opp, I also felt weepy and frustrated at how long it was taking but its just a matter of hanging in there,its now 13 weeks since the opp and I just get the odd sharp twinges mid belly, but the doc says its just scare tissue heeling ,My wife as been my best doctor in all that time and I cant thank her enough, keep smilling Errol
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    #17
    Boomersdad said:

    Hi Shan and every body else,
    Hi Shan and every body else, Ive not been on for a couple of months,Everything you say Shan is the same for most of us, I had a full removel of a cancer size 7.5 cm and left kidney in Jan this year,the first few weeks were sore ,but I found I improved every day until about 6 weeks after the opp then things slowed down but I knew I was getting fitter each day, I went back to work 7 weeks after the opp, I also felt weepy and frustrated at how long it was taking but its just a matter of hanging in there,its now 13 weeks since the opp and I just get the odd sharp twinges mid belly, but the doc says its just scare tissue heeling ,My wife as been my best doctor in all that time and I cant thank her enough, keep smilling Errol

    Progress
    Welcome back Errol - it's good to hear a fellow Englishman doing well and still hanging out with our excellent American hosts. Good for your Wife and I'm sure you'll both keep on smiling.
  • Boomersdad
    Boomersdad Member Posts: 25
    #18
    Texas_wedge said:

    Progress
    Welcome back Errol - it's good to hear a fellow Englishman doing well and still hanging out with our excellent American hosts. Good for your Wife and I'm sure you'll both keep on smiling.

    Hi Wedgie, It was very
    Hi Wedgie, It was very stressfull to come on here when I found out about my problems, but as soon as I posted you out there really did pick me up and help me through my ordeal.
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #19
    Boomersdad said:

    Hi Wedgie, It was very
    Hi Wedgie, It was very stressfull to come on here when I found out about my problems, but as soon as I posted you out there really did pick me up and help me through my ordeal.

    Wedgie
    Wedgie...hmmmm.....I like that!
  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    #20
    Boomersdad said:

    Hi Wedgie, It was very
    Hi Wedgie, It was very stressfull to come on here when I found out about my problems, but as soon as I posted you out there really did pick me up and help me through my ordeal.

    Wedgie
    Wedgie...hmmmm.....I like that!..Wait till Gary hears this one....
  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    #21
    foxhd said:

    Wedgie
    Wedgie...hmmmm.....I like that!..Wait till Gary hears this one....

    Wedgie
    Unfortunately to a UK citizen of my generation this pseudonym can only refer to the engaging loony left politician, Tony Wedgwood Benn, a patrician (former 2nd Viscount Stansgate who renounced his title to further his ultimately unsuccessful political ambitions to achieve the highest office). He occasionally talks very good sense but he talks a great deal else besides.

Discussion Boards