Month to month

Kathryn_in_MN
Kathryn_in_MN Member Posts: 1,252 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1
I now live month to month, but I pushed this month out a couple weeks. Labs and brain MRI this week, and I see the oncologist tomorrow. No anxiety - I just don't get it anymore and haven't for a long time. I kind of look forward to labs and scans to give me the information I need to make decisions going forward. But I kind of dread them a bit, just in case the information isn't what I really want to hear. I used to be in a hurry to schedule scans as soon as I could - anxious for the results. Now I push them out as far as I can, hoping for more treatment-free days. I've learned that a week or two isn't going to hurt anything, and can give me a lot more pleasure. Perscpective sure changes the longer I deal with this.

I was hoping for another month treatment-free, but no matter what I am very thankful for the 4 months I have had. I am much stronger physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have accomplished a lot these last 4 months and feel much better about life. I am strong and can do whatever I need to do going forward. I did not feel that way last fall when chemo had me beaten down. This break was exactly what I needed!

Now the great news comes in today! Looks like I should be getting another month off treatments! My CEA has dropped from 7 to 6.6. As long as I'm not trending upward, I think my oncologist will agree tomorrow to stick to our monthly plan of waiting and watching. Originally he wanted to keep me on maintenance chemo, till he saw the difference once I was off chemo - I am not the same person at all. I am LIVING instead of merely existing! My CEA always dropped under 3 in the past, so my onc and I aren't ignorant - the cancer is still lurking - waiting to return. But until then I like the wait and watch scene...

My brain MRI was normal too! (My family still doesn't believe that - but they do believe no tumors.) I still think my issues there are neurological. I don't really want to take the drugs that they try to give me for those issues. I've had amitriptylin, Lyrica, etc. to try to deal with my RSD when it was really bad. I preferred pain at a level 9 to taking those drugs. So maybe I just live with the severe tinitus and head aches. All I really care is that I have no tumors!

Comments

  • Minnesotagirl
    Minnesotagirl Member Posts: 141
    #2
    My fellow Minnesotan~
    Kathryn,

    I admire you so much. I love your composure to this dreadful disease ~ the way you lay your cards on the table, spread your hand for all to see, and then choose the card of the day which you want to play ~ so much better than letting the day choose your card!
    You inspire me to remember what is important ~ to make wise choices~ and most of all ~ to live!!!

    "Minnie"
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #3
    Dear K&M
    That's the reason I love staying here...I like watching people grow...I like people coming in with one frame of mind and then watching the transformation of their personal growth as they begin to see things differently as their fight continues and the calendar continues to roll over...it's a beautiful thing to witness.

    When you first joined, I was about 5-years in then and this brash and sassy woman, named Katherine, comes barreling in telling me she's a "Type-A Personality" and she doesn't have time for cancer - and cancer won't dictate to her...this, that, and the other thing.

    LOL!!

    What a difference nearly 3 years and a recurrence can do to change your way of thinking, huh? Do you think I was so far-fetched by the things I said then - and what I say today? Foks probably thought I was off my hinges...but I had already been down the road "then" that you are traveling on "now."

    One can never understand the perspective of what someone's saying until they truly walk that path...you may have nodded your head, but probably thought, "this guy don't know his **** from a hole in the ground." "That ain't going to be me."

    I nodded my head in affirmation as I read your thoughts...

    Here's what I liked about this post.

    "No anxiety - I just don't get it anymore and haven't for a long time"
    (Exactly)

    "I've learned that a week or two isn't going to hurt anything"
    (I remember when you were scared to miss a week or two of chemo).
    (I remember telling you if a week or two really made the difference, you're done already.)

    "I did not feel that way last fall when chemo had me beaten down."
    (Neither did I...it was a hard fight last time for me too)

    Yep, I've seen the changes in you, Kat:) It has been great to have a front row seat to the show. Continued good luck and am glad to see you feeling better...getting off "that juice" can have that kind of affect on a person.

    -Craig
  • smokeyjoe
    smokeyjoe Member Posts: 1,425 Member
    #4
    Sundanceh said:

    Dear K&M
    That's the reason I love staying here...I like watching people grow...I like people coming in with one frame of mind and then watching the transformation of their personal growth as they begin to see things differently as their fight continues and the calendar continues to roll over...it's a beautiful thing to witness.

    When you first joined, I was about 5-years in then and this brash and sassy woman, named Katherine, comes barreling in telling me she's a "Type-A Personality" and she doesn't have time for cancer - and cancer won't dictate to her...this, that, and the other thing.

    LOL!!

    What a difference nearly 3 years and a recurrence can do to change your way of thinking, huh? Do you think I was so far-fetched by the things I said then - and what I say today? Foks probably thought I was off my hinges...but I had already been down the road "then" that you are traveling on "now."

    One can never understand the perspective of what someone's saying until they truly walk that path...you may have nodded your head, but probably thought, "this guy don't know his **** from a hole in the ground." "That ain't going to be me."

    I nodded my head in affirmation as I read your thoughts...

    Here's what I liked about this post.

    "No anxiety - I just don't get it anymore and haven't for a long time"
    (Exactly)

    "I've learned that a week or two isn't going to hurt anything"
    (I remember when you were scared to miss a week or two of chemo).
    (I remember telling you if a week or two really made the difference, you're done already.)

    "I did not feel that way last fall when chemo had me beaten down."
    (Neither did I...it was a hard fight last time for me too)

    Yep, I've seen the changes in you, Kat:) It has been great to have a front row seat to the show. Continued good luck and am glad to see you feeling better...getting off "that juice" can have that kind of affect on a person.

    -Craig

    Kathryn, so good to hear
    Kathryn, so good to hear your scans went well. YAY to not needing chemo. right now, hope this trend continues forever for you :)
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #5
    Ahhh Kathryn
    I am so happy your scans turned out so well!!!! I know I wonder over my newest aches and pains, I don't suppose that worry ever goes out the door.
    So very happy for you.
    Winter Marie
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    #6
    Kathryn, that is wonderful
    Kathryn, that is wonderful news. I can "feel" your peaceful attitude. When I first looked at your picture, the word that came to mind was "gracious". How right I was. Prayers for continued good results.
    Judy
  • joemetz
    joemetz Member Posts: 493
    #7
    thanks!
    Kathryn

    thanks so much for your post.
    I have read it a couple times and you make us think.

    you are inspiring.
    keep the faith and enjoy everyone moment of every day.

    my best to you

    joe
  • strattonmeier
    strattonmeier Member Posts: 6
    #8
    inspiration to the newbies
    Dear Kathryn,

    Your post is an inspiration to me, as I try to get a handle on my own experience. I too am a type-A personality; no time for cancer and WILL reach the point when I believe the words I say, "I will overcome this!" every time I speak them. Thank you for your insights, and congratulations.

    Love,
    Shauna
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #9
    Update
    Thanks for the update and it sounds like a very good one at that. Glad you are getting more time off from treatment and that you are getting so much accomplished. Good news on your CEA going down in the right direction especially while you were off chemo. Sorry about the headaches though as they can get you really down, but glad that you are handling that also. Keep up the great spirit.

    Kim
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #10
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • barbebarb
    barbebarb Member Posts: 464
    #11
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Inspiration! Thank you
    How u r handling your disease and sharing is so inspiring.
    I find the emotion or mind over matter part of this journey is overwhelming.
    Happy your cea is down and u r living and enjoying each day.
    I find it so difficult to stop thinking about the what If and it really interferes at times
    with enjoying e/day.
    Sometimes I feel I am coping more than living.
    Thank you for sharing. You are a strong person.
    I am new to the boards.
    Wishing u the best and feeling well.
    Barb
    Tonight I am going out for dinner w/a friend and feel like myself for a few hours. I had 2 surgeries-one in Feb and another 2 weeks stand am delighted to be able to finally get out of the house!
  • plh4gail
    plh4gail Member Posts: 1,238 Member
    #12
    Kathryn I'm very happy for
    Kathryn I'm very happy for your news...your sense of peacefulness is felt even through cyber lines!

    Hugs to you, Gail

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