my sister

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Comments

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    jjaj133 said:

    Thank you Gail, I am going
    Thank you Gail, I am going to do the best I can for her with whatever time left. What you say is so true. Plus, she is as sweet as they come and as stubborn as a mule. So I hope she is too stubborn to give in!
    Hugs,
    Judy

    Dear Judy:)
    One other thing I might add, Judy...

    Life does not play fair as we all know..."The What and the Why's" come into play at different times in our lives and we are simply left to wonder how they all coincide, like one of those thousand-piece jigsaw puzzles...

    I would say that although Life has dealt you a harsh blow...the winds of change did put you in touch with one another - and now that you are togethger, you are making the most out of this unexpected opportunity. The other way that this story could have been written, is that neither of you would have found one another and the story would have turned out differently.

    People come into our lives at different points - some stay with us a lifetime - while others stop by and help us through a difficult time in our lives....we never which way the wind will blow when "Chance Weds Opportunity."

    I've found through this board that one can "Live a Lifetime - In a Short Time."

    And both of your lives will be forever entwined - your hearts changed for the better - memories that were captured instead of the one that was never found. It is true that it is better to have known someone - than to never have known them at all.

    And while I know this does not make it any easier for you, or ease the hurt you are feeling - and that we feel through you...let's talk about your feelings for a minute...

    What you are feeling and what is beginning to wash over you and settle in, are the thoughts of "What Could Have Been" AND "What Should Have Been." This is surely where the tears will come from when all is said and done.

    This is where the anger and pain and perhaps even bitterness are stemming from...you lost someone...you found someone...and now faced with the prospect of losing them again...I'm so sorry. Try not to turn to the dark side - I fell into that void and it cost me alot of time. Grieve and weep, but don't turn away from that, which makes you what you are to the people in your life - and to us - and to me.

    Let me tell you a story that sort of parallels this...

    My only sister was murdered 25-years ago by a 4x serial rapist. We had been separated by our parent's divorce for about a dozen years prior to that and we saw each other sparingly.

    She was 6-years old when we split up and lost her life that fateful night at just 18...just a week or two shy of her high-school graduation and her senior prom...I can still her dress hanging on the door that she was to wear. It's such a haunting image, even all of these years later.

    While that is not cancer related...loss is loss...and we lost each other though our parent's shortcomings...it cost us most of our relationship...just as she was maturing into a fine young woman, we got to go to the movies a couple of times and we talked deeply...I hang onto those memories, because they are all that I have left.

    Her body was so badly mutilated, she was only recognizable by her class ring. At the funeral, the casket was closed - and when that happens, there is a part of us that "Doesn't Get to Say Good-bye." There is a part of us that understands what is happening, but we can't connect the mental dots that our person is gone, because we did not get to see the body.

    That seems to be part of the closure process - and when you don't get that, it just leaves this hollow emptiness inside ourselves...

    I guess, I'm just trying to say that I understand loss pretty well - and I understand how life does not always work out like we planned or wanted it to...I had a few short memories that I cherish and will hold close to my heart until I die...

    And you will have some memories of the time you have spent with your sister...all too brief...but alot of times in life, things are just so far beyond our control...we all live with this illusion that we are in control of our lives - the truth and reality of such thoughts we find are fleeting and the thought of being in control rears its head when we truly find out that certain circumstances can change lives and alter the future one way or the other and that we can't always dictate the flow or the outcome.

    Just enjoy one another and build as many memories as you can. And I'll leave you now with last thought in mind....

    "Do we measure the quality of our relationships by the days on the calendar - or from the memories that we grasp and hold onto as we walk along the way?"

    Love/Craig
  • Phil64
    Phil64 Member Posts: 838
    Sundanceh said:

    Dear Judy:)
    One other thing I might add, Judy...

    Life does not play fair as we all know..."The What and the Why's" come into play at different times in our lives and we are simply left to wonder how they all coincide, like one of those thousand-piece jigsaw puzzles...

    I would say that although Life has dealt you a harsh blow...the winds of change did put you in touch with one another - and now that you are togethger, you are making the most out of this unexpected opportunity. The other way that this story could have been written, is that neither of you would have found one another and the story would have turned out differently.

    People come into our lives at different points - some stay with us a lifetime - while others stop by and help us through a difficult time in our lives....we never which way the wind will blow when "Chance Weds Opportunity."

    I've found through this board that one can "Live a Lifetime - In a Short Time."

    And both of your lives will be forever entwined - your hearts changed for the better - memories that were captured instead of the one that was never found. It is true that it is better to have known someone - than to never have known them at all.

    And while I know this does not make it any easier for you, or ease the hurt you are feeling - and that we feel through you...let's talk about your feelings for a minute...

    What you are feeling and what is beginning to wash over you and settle in, are the thoughts of "What Could Have Been" AND "What Should Have Been." This is surely where the tears will come from when all is said and done.

    This is where the anger and pain and perhaps even bitterness are stemming from...you lost someone...you found someone...and now faced with the prospect of losing them again...I'm so sorry. Try not to turn to the dark side - I fell into that void and it cost me alot of time. Grieve and weep, but don't turn away from that, which makes you what you are to the people in your life - and to us - and to me.

    Let me tell you a story that sort of parallels this...

    My only sister was murdered 25-years ago by a 4x serial rapist. We had been separated by our parent's divorce for about a dozen years prior to that and we saw each other sparingly.

    She was 6-years old when we split up and lost her life that fateful night at just 18...just a week or two shy of her high-school graduation and her senior prom...I can still her dress hanging on the door that she was to wear. It's such a haunting image, even all of these years later.

    While that is not cancer related...loss is loss...and we lost each other though our parent's shortcomings...it cost us most of our relationship...just as she was maturing into a fine young woman, we got to go to the movies a couple of times and we talked deeply...I hang onto those memories, because they are all that I have left.

    Her body was so badly mutilated, she was only recognizable by her class ring. At the funeral, the casket was closed - and when that happens, there is a part of us that "Doesn't Get to Say Good-bye." There is a part of us that understands what is happening, but we can't connect the mental dots that our person is gone, because we did not get to see the body.

    That seems to be part of the closure process - and when you don't get that, it just leaves this hollow emptiness inside ourselves...

    I guess, I'm just trying to say that I understand loss pretty well - and I understand how life does not always work out like we planned or wanted it to...I had a few short memories that I cherish and will hold close to my heart until I die...

    And you will have some memories of the time you have spent with your sister...all too brief...but alot of times in life, things are just so far beyond our control...we all live with this illusion that we are in control of our lives - the truth and reality of such thoughts we find are fleeting and the thought of being in control rears its head when we truly find out that certain circumstances can change lives and alter the future one way or the other and that we can't always dictate the flow or the outcome.

    Just enjoy one another and build as many memories as you can. And I'll leave you now with last thought in mind....

    "Do we measure the quality of our relationships by the days on the calendar - or from the memories that we grasp and hold onto as we walk along the way?"

    Love/Craig

    very well said
    Craig, are you a writer? Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts and emotion.

    Judy, I hope you have a million memories to hold onto as you share the time you have left.

    And remember, no matter if we have cancer or not, ALL of our time on this great Earth is limited... We will all move on at some point... And I hope, when my time comes, I can be brave and take satisfaction in knowing that I have shared countless memories with Loved ones along the way! Some whom I've known for short times and some whom I have known my entire life...


    May God Bless and Keep You Forever,
    Phil
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867
    Sundanceh said:

    Dear Judy:)
    One other thing I might add, Judy...

    Life does not play fair as we all know..."The What and the Why's" come into play at different times in our lives and we are simply left to wonder how they all coincide, like one of those thousand-piece jigsaw puzzles...

    I would say that although Life has dealt you a harsh blow...the winds of change did put you in touch with one another - and now that you are togethger, you are making the most out of this unexpected opportunity. The other way that this story could have been written, is that neither of you would have found one another and the story would have turned out differently.

    People come into our lives at different points - some stay with us a lifetime - while others stop by and help us through a difficult time in our lives....we never which way the wind will blow when "Chance Weds Opportunity."

    I've found through this board that one can "Live a Lifetime - In a Short Time."

    And both of your lives will be forever entwined - your hearts changed for the better - memories that were captured instead of the one that was never found. It is true that it is better to have known someone - than to never have known them at all.

    And while I know this does not make it any easier for you, or ease the hurt you are feeling - and that we feel through you...let's talk about your feelings for a minute...

    What you are feeling and what is beginning to wash over you and settle in, are the thoughts of "What Could Have Been" AND "What Should Have Been." This is surely where the tears will come from when all is said and done.

    This is where the anger and pain and perhaps even bitterness are stemming from...you lost someone...you found someone...and now faced with the prospect of losing them again...I'm so sorry. Try not to turn to the dark side - I fell into that void and it cost me alot of time. Grieve and weep, but don't turn away from that, which makes you what you are to the people in your life - and to us - and to me.

    Let me tell you a story that sort of parallels this...

    My only sister was murdered 25-years ago by a 4x serial rapist. We had been separated by our parent's divorce for about a dozen years prior to that and we saw each other sparingly.

    She was 6-years old when we split up and lost her life that fateful night at just 18...just a week or two shy of her high-school graduation and her senior prom...I can still her dress hanging on the door that she was to wear. It's such a haunting image, even all of these years later.

    While that is not cancer related...loss is loss...and we lost each other though our parent's shortcomings...it cost us most of our relationship...just as she was maturing into a fine young woman, we got to go to the movies a couple of times and we talked deeply...I hang onto those memories, because they are all that I have left.

    Her body was so badly mutilated, she was only recognizable by her class ring. At the funeral, the casket was closed - and when that happens, there is a part of us that "Doesn't Get to Say Good-bye." There is a part of us that understands what is happening, but we can't connect the mental dots that our person is gone, because we did not get to see the body.

    That seems to be part of the closure process - and when you don't get that, it just leaves this hollow emptiness inside ourselves...

    I guess, I'm just trying to say that I understand loss pretty well - and I understand how life does not always work out like we planned or wanted it to...I had a few short memories that I cherish and will hold close to my heart until I die...

    And you will have some memories of the time you have spent with your sister...all too brief...but alot of times in life, things are just so far beyond our control...we all live with this illusion that we are in control of our lives - the truth and reality of such thoughts we find are fleeting and the thought of being in control rears its head when we truly find out that certain circumstances can change lives and alter the future one way or the other and that we can't always dictate the flow or the outcome.

    Just enjoy one another and build as many memories as you can. And I'll leave you now with last thought in mind....

    "Do we measure the quality of our relationships by the days on the calendar - or from the memories that we grasp and hold onto as we walk along the way?"

    Love/Craig

    Craig
    How amazing you are.
    Thank you for such a caring post. i am so sorry about your sister. I do understand what you are saying. Mary keeps saying God sent me to replace her. I told her no one could do that of course. God sent me to love her.
    I was told today the cancer is going into the bone. I am preparing to drive up to PA. The dr. said maybe 3-4 months. I don't think it will be that long. They are having a terrible time relieving her pain. I believe morphine will be the next step.
    So I go and take you all with me. I feel the love, and support. I don't know what i would do if i didn't have this board to come to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    Judy
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867
    Phil64 said:

    very well said
    Craig, are you a writer? Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts and emotion.

    Judy, I hope you have a million memories to hold onto as you share the time you have left.

    And remember, no matter if we have cancer or not, ALL of our time on this great Earth is limited... We will all move on at some point... And I hope, when my time comes, I can be brave and take satisfaction in knowing that I have shared countless memories with Loved ones along the way! Some whom I've known for short times and some whom I have known my entire life...


    May God Bless and Keep You Forever,
    Phil

    Thank you Phil, and yes,
    Thank you Phil, and yes, Craig is a writer.
    The people on this board are always here for us. It is truly a God-send. I am sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us.
    I hope I can be brave too.
    Judy
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331
    jjaj133 said:

    Craig
    How amazing you are.
    Thank you for such a caring post. i am so sorry about your sister. I do understand what you are saying. Mary keeps saying God sent me to replace her. I told her no one could do that of course. God sent me to love her.
    I was told today the cancer is going into the bone. I am preparing to drive up to PA. The dr. said maybe 3-4 months. I don't think it will be that long. They are having a terrible time relieving her pain. I believe morphine will be the next step.
    So I go and take you all with me. I feel the love, and support. I don't know what i would do if i didn't have this board to come to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    Judy

    Sorry for all you have been throught.
    praying for you !
    Hugs my dear friend!
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867
    pepebcn said:

    Sorry for all you have been throught.
    praying for you !
    Hugs my dear friend!

    thank you dear Pepe,
    I am

    thank you dear Pepe,
    I am surprised when i open this site that hearts don't come "pouring out." So much support and caring from so many going through such heartache. I am so blessed.
    Hugs to you,
    Judy