How Quickly Things Change

sangora
sangora Member Posts: 213
in Esophageal Cancer #1
This disease changes so quickly that its hard to keep up. This past Monday I threw up some dried blood and since I had an oncologist appt the next day, Tuesday, just waited. I talked to her about the epsiode and she didn't say much about it. I had my treatment that afternoon and all went well. Wed, afternoon, I threw up more blood this time there was red tinges in it so I called the clinic. They got back to me and said that when I came in to get my Nueslasta shot thursday, the next day, the doctor wanted to see me. While I was talking to her on thursday, I threw up a large clump of both dried blood and fresh. She sent it off to the lab and made an appointment for an endoscopy for Friday morning.

The tumor is now so large that they could not get the scope past it, put was able to see that the tumor has become brittle and was in fact bleeding. There is a portion of it that is bulging like an anurysim. The doctor who did the procedure said that the tumor could rupture at anytime and that I would bleed out. What a shock to my senses. This is not how I thought things would end. Thank heavens I had planned ahead and had already met with Hospice. When the clinic called them to say I was in immediate danger, they were at my house by the time I got home and moving into action. According to the doctors, I could set off the chain of events turning over in bed, coughing or simply bending over. I have bleed some over night and was in much pain when I first got home. Hospice did their thing and I am now pain free though a little muddled in the head. You all have made me feel so much a part of your family, that I wanted you to know the graveness of my situation all of a sudden. When something happens, a friend is prepared to come on the site and let you know. I don't want to be one of those that just stops posting and you all not know what happened.
Sam Stage IV and loosing the fight.
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Comments

  • stephikindred
    stephikindred Member Posts: 140
    #2
    Oh Sam I am so deeply
    Oh Sam I am so deeply saddened to hear this news. I wish I could be with you to hold your hand and comfort you. You have been such a brave warrior and have given so much to us and we are so grateful for all you have given. I will be thinking of you and praying for you!
    Love Steph
  • bingbing2009
    bingbing2009 Member Posts: 177
    #3
    Hate to hear this!
    Sam, I am so sorry to read this news. You are such a warrior and a huge inspiration for all of us. You are certainly fighting the good fight with dignity and grace. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending lots of hugs and all the strength possible.

    Melinda
  • Daisylin
    Daisylin Member Posts: 365
    #4
    stephikindred said:

    Oh Sam I am so deeply
    Oh Sam I am so deeply saddened to hear this news. I wish I could be with you to hold your hand and comfort you. You have been such a brave warrior and have given so much to us and we are so grateful for all you have given. I will be thinking of you and praying for you!
    Love Steph

    Sam,
    I am so very sorry to hear of this recent turn. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, and hope that hospice will enable you to remain comfortable and pain free. We never know when our journey in life will end, and hopefully you will have many good days to come. I hope you are surrounded by loved ones as you face the shock and sorrow of what you are now dealing with.

    I wish to thank you for all of your encouragement and advice while Lee and I were battling the beast. You are a true inspiration to us all, how you've courageously dealt with all the blows and celebrated all the victories of our EC family.

    be well, my friend
    Chantal
    wife of Lee, deceased Nov 8, 2012
  • Heeran
    Heeran Member Posts: 171
    #5
    Hi
    Hi Sam,
    I've been following your posts since I came onto this board 6 months ago. There is no one in my thoughts stronger than you. You have been a great inspiration to this group and me. Sometimes I hate coming to this board because it's hard to read some of the posts and now my heart is breaking reading through your updates. Yes your painful journey is hard to read, but I appreciate you continuing to post updates.
    Take care.
  • Donna70
    Donna70 Member Posts: 852 Member
    #6
    Heeran said:

    Hi
    Hi Sam,
    I've been following your posts since I came onto this board 6 months ago. There is no one in my thoughts stronger than you. You have been a great inspiration to this group and me. Sometimes I hate coming to this board because it's hard to read some of the posts and now my heart is breaking reading through your updates. Yes your painful journey is hard to read, but I appreciate you continuing to post updates.
    Take care.

    so very sad to hear this
    Dear Sam,
    Just so sad to hear all of this happening to you. I was so hoping that you would have so much more time and not under these circumstances which sound very nerve wracking. I am glad Hospice is there. How many of us wish we could be there for you too. My thoughts and prayers are with you, many, many hugs. You have been so brave and always encouraged everyone here, to say that EC sucks is not enough. Hoping that you will have pain free days, take care,
    Donna70
  • fredswilma
    fredswilma Member Posts: 185
    #7
    Dearest Sam
    Your strength and courage have helped me so much over the last 20months, I am truly saddened to hear of this change and pray that you have peace and comfort during this time, Thank you for letting us be a part of your life and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Ann
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #8
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • JimboC
    JimboC Member Posts: 264
    #9
    Sam, I'm so sorry.
    This disease sucks. Thank you for keeping us informed. Thank you for everything. When I was first diagnosed as a IVb, you were an inspiration to keep up the fight and I thank you for that. I am proud to have been a brother in arms for the IVb fight. I wish and pray for all the comfort and strength you need as you enter this change in the fight. When people tell me "You look so good, you're going to beat it", I always tell them that not to be mean but this thing can change on a dime and you never know or can take it for granted. It's hard for people to understand. I am so happy the hospice has taken care of you and you are pain free. Please continue to post as you feel like it. I'll continue praying for you my friend.

    All my best,

    Jimbo
  • JReed
    JReed Member Posts: 428
    #10
    Dang it Sam
    Dear Sam:

    We are very sad to read this news. Thank you for having a friend post to us when you are no longer able to. I truly hope that your experience with hospice is a good one and you will be provided all the comforts needed.

    You have been a warrior leader for us here on this site. Your experience, advice, encouragement, and support have been so helpful to us. You must know that you have helped so many and because your posts will always be here - you will continue to help others who will surely come here in the future. Those that have passed on have surely helped us and I pray that gives comfort to them and their families. Like I always say, our own battle with the beast may not end as we want it to - but others will absolutely gain something in their journey due to all of us before them.

    Thank you Sam and you will be in our prayers and we are sending you huge hugs and kisses from Michigan. You will have a special place in our hearts forever Sam.

    Hugs and FEC,
    Judy
  • paul61
    paul61 Member Posts: 1,392 Member
    #11
    I am so sorry to hear this news
    Sam,

    I am so sad to read your post today. You have clearly been a leader and example for how to live with cancer with courage and grace. I am glad that hospice is there helping you. You are in my prayers daily. I will be praying for your comfort and peace.

    With great sadness,


    Best Regards,

    Paul Adams
    McCormick, South Carolina

    DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
    12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
    2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
    Two year survivor

    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
  • TerryV
    TerryV Member Posts: 887
    #12
    So sorry and so GRATEFUL to you!
    Sam,

    This damned EC is SO unfair! As Judy Reed says - FEC! You have had such a good go of things and faced this so well. It's just not right that it turn on you so quickly. I'm glad that hospice is on top of things for you. I hope you are able to have many more sunshine filled (painfree) days.

    Donna is right when she says that many of us would like to be there to hold your hand. Know that while we are not with you physically, we are with you in spirit.

    I value my interactions with you. I feel blessed to have been a part of your life.

    Many, many {hugs} to you! Know that we are here for you when you need a boost.

    Terry
  • captdave
    captdave Member Posts: 153
    #13
    Sam, I'm very sad and pissed
    Sam, I'm very sad and pissed to hear about the change in your condition. It's always hard to hear that this F@#^ing disease is winning the battle with any of us. All that we can do is continue to live to fight another day and keep fighting. I'm very glad that hospice is there for you and able to give you comfort and make you pain free. I don't know what else to say. were all in this war together and I hate it when the disease wins even one battle against us. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!

    Dave
  • sandy1943
    sandy1943 Member Posts: 824
    #14
    Sam, So glad hospice has
    Sam, So glad hospice has come so quickly. Thanks for all the encouragement you have always been as you've fought the beast. We always hope for our stage 1V's to have a miraculous cure, as we always pray for science to make a breakthru and we won't have to say anymore goodbyes.

    so glad you have someone that will be posting for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you,
    sandra
  • Ginny_B
    Ginny_B Member Posts: 532
    #15
    And so the tears keep
    And so the tears keep flowing here. God bless you Sam.
  • megmacmd
    megmacmd Member Posts: 85
    #16
    SO Saddened
    DEarest Sam Im so saddened by this turn of event you have been an inspiration to me.Glad hospice was there for you. I often wonder how this will end for me 14 months into this stage 4 diagnosis and original 12 rounds of folfox. I must make the tough choice to restart chemo or not. Since this is not curable Im inclined to just live as long as I can feeling good without chemo, I felt sick on chemo and figure it probably wont change the ultimate outcome.Thank you for you honesty and all your posts they have helped me imensley negotiate this disease.I wish you a painfree time as long as you have and hope you have some compasionate caretakers.Praying for you Meg Mac stage IV
  • mardigras
    mardigras Member Posts: 215 Member
    #17
    We all love you and are praying for you!
    Dear Sam,
    You are so very brave and such a wonderful member of our EC family.
    I know in my heart that everyone here is rooting for you and praying
    really hard for you.
    You have helped us all to be a little braver and to fight this horrifying
    disease. Thank you so much for that.
    You will always be an inspiration and a joy to us all.
    God Bless you Sam, may you knowonly peace and love.
    Hugs and prayers,
    Marci x
  • birdiequeen
    birdiequeen Member Posts: 319
    #18
    Oh Sam

    It was so sad to read your post. As Paul said "you have been a leader and example for how to live with cancer with courage and grace." Even with this latest change of events you think of your online family and arrange a friend to keep us informed. What a thoughtfull gesture. I pray hospice will treat you with dignity and keep you pain free.

    with much admiration,
    Lee Ann
  • GerryS
    GerryS Member Posts: 227 Member
    #19
    I am praying for you Sam
    I have nothing to add except my personal prayers.

    Gerry
  • annalan
    annalan Member Posts: 138
    #20
    I hate this cancer with a
    I hate this cancer with a passion and am truly sorry to read of your latest trauma.. You're In my thoughts and prayers.

    Ann wife of Alan
    Dx Sept 2009
    T3N2M0
    Lost his battle Jan 31st 2012
  • BMGky
    BMGky Member Posts: 621
    #21
    So sorry to hear this. What
    So sorry to hear this. What a wonderful fight you continue to wage. This sudden turn is quite a shock. You are an inspiration to all of us who deal with this terrible disease. We are all praying for your comfort. BMGky

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