Just saying hello and update

Hey everyone !!! Just passing through and heard that people were asking about me so thought I would say hello and give you a little update.

I have been visiting my specialists, as usual, and it's still up in the air as to whether they will do a complete hysterectomy for the cysts they are finding but are monitoring it all through testing regularly. Coming up on an appointment and another test soon and I have a feeling this will set the date for the hysterectomy. Pretty worried about it because most internists say I should not be given general anaesthesia because of my heart damage most likely from chemo drugs years ago plus the other health issues that have arisen since the bone marrow transplant so many years ago. They think they will only be able to give me anaesthesia in the spine and of course I am concerned about paralysis from that if there is a problem.

My back continues to be a great hindrance, still lots of daily pain, walking is difficult now and still need narcotics for pain relief. That continues. I do have a wheelchair I can use if it's super bad but so far my cane works well enough. I have special transportation to doctor's appts so that helps.

My atrial fib ceased about 2 years ago but is back a little now and then, nature of the beast so they say. This damage probably from chemo drugs, as they feel, will come and go but it sure is a game changer when it is full on as I get very dizzy and sometimes need to hit the ER for monitoring or worse case scenario - the paddles - but so far have managed to avoid that. The implanting of my pacemaker about 7 years for the heart arythmia has helped a great deal so thank heavans for that.

I continue to struggle with memory issues - good old chemobrain - and am finding that the confusion factor is getting worse, memory issues stay about the same. The nuerosurgeon at the Memory Clinic says he is seeing this kind of issue with cancer survivors who have had rads to the head and certain chemo drugs. However he thinks it's the result of not only the cancer treatments but also general aging of the brain, side effects of certain medications, and of course STRESS.

Speaking of stress, and we all know how prevalent that is from time to time, mine is daily but comes and goes in intensity. Now and then I have some anxiety issues but not many of late so that's good. Again, you all know how that goes, I am not the only one I know. Who wouldn't be stressed when dealing with cancer alone, from time to time, but then when side effects mount, as some of us deal with, it only can make it worse. Take it a day at a time is all we can do and try to either excercise or get our minds off of it all by doing something we enjoy but it's not always that easy. But we try.

My eyes tear terribly due to the radiation I got and that can't seem to be controlled so I have pretty much thought of just giving in and buying shares in Kleenex. lol. I have been diagnosed awhile back with early osteoarthritis (they feel from the rads) and fibromyalgia which can be very painful and somedays worse than others. I can't take any of the fibro drugs due to present medical conditions so have to just put up with it. Could be worse - could be raining. lol. Remember that quote from Monty Python? Hey, a sense of humour is good for you in positions like we are in, right? Right. lol

Sleeping is up and down with odd patterns but since I am on disability I just take more naps so that's not insurmountable. Still the pile up of medical issues that never go away, just add up, can be challenging - some days more than others as you call can relate too I know.

I stay in quite a bit because of all the above and now I seem to have developed some bowel issues - oh joy. They are trying to get me to do a colonoscopy but the prep itself is very hard on me and so even though I know it's inevitable that I will have one I am nervous. The idea of something screwing up like them tearing a hole in my insides isn't sitting well with me. I need another problem like a hole in the head. I have a great fear of any invasive testing so that's another reason. We will see how that goes but that is looming on the horizon as well.

I am sure I am missing something but those are the 'highlights'. lol. Sorry you asked how I was doing? lol.

Anywho I hope this little 'hello' and update find you all doing better and I hope you are all staying as positive as possible but not feeling guilty if you have days when all you want to do is tell it like it is, at that moment, IT SUCKS. It's healthy to let it out too and don't let anyone tell you that you are 'complaining' because who wouldn't feel blue now and again in it all - you need to vent too. Luckily there are sites like this one to allow us to do that without judgement or negativity.

All the best. Blessings to all. Maybe see you again soon.

Hugs,

Bluerose

22 year plus survivor of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma - Diagnosed in 90, recurrance in 91/92 and considered cured several years back. CHOP treatments first time and localized rads to
abdomen and pelvis and on recurrence autologus bone marrow transplant and total body rads.