Cholangiocarcinoma

2

Comments

  • NaplesRI
    NaplesRI Member Posts: 2

    CC survivor/thriver age 39
    Hello there,
    I was diagnosed out of the blue with stage IV, inoperable, incurable, cholangiocarcinoma on March 24, 2010. All statistics said I would be dead now. Im obviously not :)

    I get chemotherapy now every other week and my cocktail is Gemzar/Cisplatin which has been studied to be the best combination of drugs to fight cholangiocarcinoma by the New England Journal of Medicine (study was concluded about a year ago). I also get a nutritional IV from a naturopath once a week. However, now the bank account is very low and I cannot afford to go that often to the naturopath as insurance does not cover it. I can honestly tell you that the naturopath is vitally important to me because it counters all the negative effects of the chemo, well not all of them but I fell incredibly better when I get the IV' than when I don't (the IV's have vitamins, minerals and glutathione in them) I also take many supplements (you can find the list on my blog at thecancerassassin.blogspot.com if you are interested). My blog tells my whole story and also has a ton of links to resources I have been collecting in the past year. My facebook page at The Cancer Assassin also has a ton of resources to share (more so than the blog at this point).

    I too have an extremely hard time eating or even being hungry, I would recommend edible marijuana products for that. They really help with the pain of liver cancer (mine is often extreme) and they really help me to have an appetite and to want to eat. Eating is absolutely vital when you have cancer. Your body cannot fight if it is malnourished and most cancer patients actually die from malnourishment than from their cancer, so you can imagine how important it is to get her to eat. Avoid sugars (sugar feeds cancer) and dairy. For me dairy completely makes everything worse. My bile duct goes crazy and I wake up vomiting and with immense liver pain and very phlegmy and congested and coughing up nasties. all from dairy. There is a great cook book called The Cancer Fighting Kitchen that contains a bunch of recipes and even sorts them by symptom (nausea, fatigue, chemo week/day, after chemo, what to eat if you have no appetite, etc) and it is priceless to me.

    Whenever you can, cook for her and make her food. Often I do not want to eat cause I feel so crappy and fatigued but if someone were to put food in front of me (make sure it is healthy and not full of chemicals, whole organic food) I would most likely eat at least some of it. Often on days when I have little energy and little appetite I will make a smoothie out of strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, yogurt, protein powder (I use diaryless whey and it tastes very good) coconut water (natures own gatorade and oh so good for you), almond mild (my milk substitute, no soy!) and whatever else sounds good. It is like a meal in a mug, so I know I get all my vital nutrients even though I don't feel like eating.

    I could tell you so much, but I don't want to ramble....Please let me know if I can help in any way.
    Many many healing vibes and prayers to your mother. And you are right! most doctors aren't extremely helpful mostly because they cannot recommend something that is not "scientifically proven" like the naturopath and pretty much anything "natural" at all. They usually stick to what they know and that is synthetic drugs.

    I hope this helps.

    Laura

    Question...
    Laura,
    I was so happy to read of someone receiving the same Chemo I am now getting- Gemzar/Cisplatin. (I was on oral chemo pills last fall)
    I just finished my 4th of 6 cycles (2 weeks of chemo once a week, 1 week off)
    I am fortunate that I have had no nausea with the chemo and eat better now than I have in quite a while. I also have not lost my hair which makes me feel good.
    I was diagnosed last summer and had my gallbladder removed. I was told no further surgery can help and that I have 6- 12 months to live, maybe longer. The cancer did spread from my bile ducts to liver.
    My question to you is how long have you been receiving chemo? My Dr said that when I finish my 6 cycles I get a "chemo holiday" and she will watch what happens via cat scan results. It sounds like it's possible that she would put me back on this chemo in the future.
    My pain comes from a cyst in my liver which I am considering whether to have it drained. Not sure what I will do there.
    I just found this site today- it is so good to know others share my cancer- though I hate it for everyone as it is one of the nastiest cancers!
    I look forward to hearing from you.
    Linda

    (reposted because I think I posted to someone else's comment previously)
  • LeeandShirley
    LeeandShirley Member Posts: 122 Member

    CC survivor/thriver age 39
    Hello there,
    I was diagnosed out of the blue with stage IV, inoperable, incurable, cholangiocarcinoma on March 24, 2010. All statistics said I would be dead now. Im obviously not :)

    I get chemotherapy now every other week and my cocktail is Gemzar/Cisplatin which has been studied to be the best combination of drugs to fight cholangiocarcinoma by the New England Journal of Medicine (study was concluded about a year ago). I also get a nutritional IV from a naturopath once a week. However, now the bank account is very low and I cannot afford to go that often to the naturopath as insurance does not cover it. I can honestly tell you that the naturopath is vitally important to me because it counters all the negative effects of the chemo, well not all of them but I fell incredibly better when I get the IV' than when I don't (the IV's have vitamins, minerals and glutathione in them) I also take many supplements (you can find the list on my blog at thecancerassassin.blogspot.com if you are interested). My blog tells my whole story and also has a ton of links to resources I have been collecting in the past year. My facebook page at The Cancer Assassin also has a ton of resources to share (more so than the blog at this point).

    I too have an extremely hard time eating or even being hungry, I would recommend edible marijuana products for that. They really help with the pain of liver cancer (mine is often extreme) and they really help me to have an appetite and to want to eat. Eating is absolutely vital when you have cancer. Your body cannot fight if it is malnourished and most cancer patients actually die from malnourishment than from their cancer, so you can imagine how important it is to get her to eat. Avoid sugars (sugar feeds cancer) and dairy. For me dairy completely makes everything worse. My bile duct goes crazy and I wake up vomiting and with immense liver pain and very phlegmy and congested and coughing up nasties. all from dairy. There is a great cook book called The Cancer Fighting Kitchen that contains a bunch of recipes and even sorts them by symptom (nausea, fatigue, chemo week/day, after chemo, what to eat if you have no appetite, etc) and it is priceless to me.

    Whenever you can, cook for her and make her food. Often I do not want to eat cause I feel so crappy and fatigued but if someone were to put food in front of me (make sure it is healthy and not full of chemicals, whole organic food) I would most likely eat at least some of it. Often on days when I have little energy and little appetite I will make a smoothie out of strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, yogurt, protein powder (I use diaryless whey and it tastes very good) coconut water (natures own gatorade and oh so good for you), almond mild (my milk substitute, no soy!) and whatever else sounds good. It is like a meal in a mug, so I know I get all my vital nutrients even though I don't feel like eating.

    I could tell you so much, but I don't want to ramble....Please let me know if I can help in any way.
    Many many healing vibes and prayers to your mother. And you are right! most doctors aren't extremely helpful mostly because they cannot recommend something that is not "scientifically proven" like the naturopath and pretty much anything "natural" at all. They usually stick to what they know and that is synthetic drugs.

    I hope this helps.

    Laura

    Keep up the good work
    I am caretaker to my husband who has been sort of newly dx with cholyangiocarcenoma. Actually had surgery in Sept, '10 and surgeon was sure he got it all and two subsequent CT scans confirmed that. We went to Florida for the winter and came back to his regularly scheduled appointments with surgeon and oncologist and new CT scan was a wreck. Stage 4 unresectable Choly... he will b getting Gemzar/Cisplatin chemo soon. Glad to hear it is working for you and hope it helps him. The oncologist calls it palliative chemo. Your story gives me back a little hope that he will make it ast least as long as you. Thanks, and as I said Keep up the good work!
    Shirley
  • ericamyers31
    ericamyers31 Member Posts: 11
    NaplesRI said:

    Cholangiocarcinoma
    Laura,
    I was so happy to read of someone receiving the same Chemo I am now getting- Gemzar/Cisplatin. (I was on oral chemo pills last fall)
    I just finished my 4th of 6 cycles (2 weeks of chemo once a week, 1 week off)
    I am fortunate that I have had no nausea with the chemo and eat better now than I have in quite a while. I also have not lost my hair which makes me feel good.
    I was diagnosed last summer and had my gallbladder removed. I was told no further surgery can help and that I have 6- 12 months to live, maybe longer. The cancer did spread from my bile ducts to liver.
    My question to you is how long have you been receiving chemo? My Dr said that when I finish my 6 cycles I get a "chemo holiday" and she will watch what happens via cat scan results. It sounds like it's possible that she would put me back on this chemo in the future.
    My pain comes from a cyst in my liver which I am considering whether to have it drained. Not sure what I will do there.
    I just found this site today- it is so good to know others share my cancer- though I hate it for everyone as it is one of the nastiest cancers!
    I look forward to hearing from you.
    Linda

    I am very intrastate to know
    I am very intrastate to know how you'll was able to get this kind of chemo because my mom was on the oral kind which has made her soo very sick. She just fished up 6-weeks of chemo which has made her lose over 60 lbs. she barley eats,(expect for pop cycles) everything makes her sick. O am willing to take any suggestions as to what to feed her? she has to stints on the outside draining her bile ducts.. PLEASE I am at my wits end i don't know what to do to help her. my mom is such a beautiful person she has been in the nursing field for over 30 years and its like she is just a shell of her self.. My mom is my best friend, she is my LIFE,MY Hero and i am willing to try anything to help her have just a little bit of a quality of her life back..Please email me at ericamyers31@aol.com or on here or reply to my message please!!!
  • ericamyers31
    ericamyers31 Member Posts: 11
    clkempf said:

    mystery pain
    I too have had procedures done, and have mystery pain...mine is in my right side. Was also told "probably" nerve damage or aheasions....(do not know how to spell it but you get the jest), I am very thankful for the gift of surgery , but like you it hurts....I am 54, diag. 2009, Stage 4 w/mets in liver. Thank you Jesus I am still up and running.

    WOW THAT'S GREAT, you just
    WOW THAT'S GREAT, you just gave me hope.. my mom is stage 2; but she has had soo many problems, and she has those stints in her bile duct which are on the outside and she has to drain them everyday. I just need help, hope anything to help my eat and get some strength. so was the cancer in your Bile duct/ WHAT HOSPITAL DID YOU GO TO? May God be woth you and keep you healthy & safe. Thanks
  • ericamyers31
    ericamyers31 Member Posts: 11

    CC survivor/thriver age 39
    Hello there,
    I was diagnosed out of the blue with stage IV, inoperable, incurable, cholangiocarcinoma on March 24, 2010. All statistics said I would be dead now. Im obviously not :)

    I get chemotherapy now every other week and my cocktail is Gemzar/Cisplatin which has been studied to be the best combination of drugs to fight cholangiocarcinoma by the New England Journal of Medicine (study was concluded about a year ago). I also get a nutritional IV from a naturopath once a week. However, now the bank account is very low and I cannot afford to go that often to the naturopath as insurance does not cover it. I can honestly tell you that the naturopath is vitally important to me because it counters all the negative effects of the chemo, well not all of them but I fell incredibly better when I get the IV' than when I don't (the IV's have vitamins, minerals and glutathione in them) I also take many supplements (you can find the list on my blog at thecancerassassin.blogspot.com if you are interested). My blog tells my whole story and also has a ton of links to resources I have been collecting in the past year. My facebook page at The Cancer Assassin also has a ton of resources to share (more so than the blog at this point).

    I too have an extremely hard time eating or even being hungry, I would recommend edible marijuana products for that. They really help with the pain of liver cancer (mine is often extreme) and they really help me to have an appetite and to want to eat. Eating is absolutely vital when you have cancer. Your body cannot fight if it is malnourished and most cancer patients actually die from malnourishment than from their cancer, so you can imagine how important it is to get her to eat. Avoid sugars (sugar feeds cancer) and dairy. For me dairy completely makes everything worse. My bile duct goes crazy and I wake up vomiting and with immense liver pain and very phlegmy and congested and coughing up nasties. all from dairy. There is a great cook book called The Cancer Fighting Kitchen that contains a bunch of recipes and even sorts them by symptom (nausea, fatigue, chemo week/day, after chemo, what to eat if you have no appetite, etc) and it is priceless to me.

    Whenever you can, cook for her and make her food. Often I do not want to eat cause I feel so crappy and fatigued but if someone were to put food in front of me (make sure it is healthy and not full of chemicals, whole organic food) I would most likely eat at least some of it. Often on days when I have little energy and little appetite I will make a smoothie out of strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, yogurt, protein powder (I use diaryless whey and it tastes very good) coconut water (natures own gatorade and oh so good for you), almond mild (my milk substitute, no soy!) and whatever else sounds good. It is like a meal in a mug, so I know I get all my vital nutrients even though I don't feel like eating.

    I could tell you so much, but I don't want to ramble....Please let me know if I can help in any way.
    Many many healing vibes and prayers to your mother. And you are right! most doctors aren't extremely helpful mostly because they cannot recommend something that is not "scientifically proven" like the naturopath and pretty much anything "natural" at all. They usually stick to what they know and that is synthetic drugs.

    I hope this helps.

    Laura

    where do you get the edible
    where do you get the edible marijuana products, my mom is barely eating, she is always eating just Popsicle, and that's it..I am terrified she is making it worse by not eating, she has never ate milk products.Therefore i don't know what to cook her, we have always worked nights 2 gather so we did eat out allot.. and now that kind of food is just soo hard on her. she is always getting sick no-matter what she eats, and the pain med. have her all bounded up inside?? PLEASE PLEASE Anyone i will try anything!!
  • cathyhd
    cathyhd Member Posts: 8
    med1943 said:

    Cholangiocarcinoma
    My first suggestion is to get yourself to a Virginia Mason Clinic. At age 64, I was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma. My tumor was in the bile duct outside of the liver so they were able to do a resection (at Virginia Mason). I am doing well, it's been 19 months since the surgery. I live in Anchorage, AK and there is a big difference in medical care between here and Seattle. After my surgery in Seattle, I went through chemo and radiation. It was tough, but I made it. Good Luck to you.

    Can we talk?
    I have Colangeocarcinoma. It was resected. I had preventative chemo (gemcidabine/cysplatin) for several months. My CTs showed clear until last week. Now, it shows an enlarged lymph node in my stomach and the PET confirms a malignancy is likely (though my tumer markers are fine).

    We are preparing for the next step. I'd love to talk to you since you had some success. I hope this finds you well!

    My cell is 214 734-5023 and I'm really wanting to make the best choice since this is so chemo and radiation resistent!!
  • hateusernames
    hateusernames Member Posts: 2

    CC survivor/thriver age 39
    Hello there,
    I was diagnosed out of the blue with stage IV, inoperable, incurable, cholangiocarcinoma on March 24, 2010. All statistics said I would be dead now. Im obviously not :)

    I get chemotherapy now every other week and my cocktail is Gemzar/Cisplatin which has been studied to be the best combination of drugs to fight cholangiocarcinoma by the New England Journal of Medicine (study was concluded about a year ago). I also get a nutritional IV from a naturopath once a week. However, now the bank account is very low and I cannot afford to go that often to the naturopath as insurance does not cover it. I can honestly tell you that the naturopath is vitally important to me because it counters all the negative effects of the chemo, well not all of them but I fell incredibly better when I get the IV' than when I don't (the IV's have vitamins, minerals and glutathione in them) I also take many supplements (you can find the list on my blog at thecancerassassin.blogspot.com if you are interested). My blog tells my whole story and also has a ton of links to resources I have been collecting in the past year. My facebook page at The Cancer Assassin also has a ton of resources to share (more so than the blog at this point).

    I too have an extremely hard time eating or even being hungry, I would recommend edible marijuana products for that. They really help with the pain of liver cancer (mine is often extreme) and they really help me to have an appetite and to want to eat. Eating is absolutely vital when you have cancer. Your body cannot fight if it is malnourished and most cancer patients actually die from malnourishment than from their cancer, so you can imagine how important it is to get her to eat. Avoid sugars (sugar feeds cancer) and dairy. For me dairy completely makes everything worse. My bile duct goes crazy and I wake up vomiting and with immense liver pain and very phlegmy and congested and coughing up nasties. all from dairy. There is a great cook book called The Cancer Fighting Kitchen that contains a bunch of recipes and even sorts them by symptom (nausea, fatigue, chemo week/day, after chemo, what to eat if you have no appetite, etc) and it is priceless to me.

    Whenever you can, cook for her and make her food. Often I do not want to eat cause I feel so crappy and fatigued but if someone were to put food in front of me (make sure it is healthy and not full of chemicals, whole organic food) I would most likely eat at least some of it. Often on days when I have little energy and little appetite I will make a smoothie out of strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, yogurt, protein powder (I use diaryless whey and it tastes very good) coconut water (natures own gatorade and oh so good for you), almond mild (my milk substitute, no soy!) and whatever else sounds good. It is like a meal in a mug, so I know I get all my vital nutrients even though I don't feel like eating.

    I could tell you so much, but I don't want to ramble....Please let me know if I can help in any way.
    Many many healing vibes and prayers to your mother. And you are right! most doctors aren't extremely helpful mostly because they cannot recommend something that is not "scientifically proven" like the naturopath and pretty much anything "natural" at all. They usually stick to what they know and that is synthetic drugs.

    I hope this helps.

    Laura

    New to this site Cholangiocarcinoma
    Hi Laura, I hope this reply finds you well...My mom, who was doing absolutely fantabulous was complaining about itching, and we noticed she was yellow (really sudden onset) anyways we took mom to the ER and they found that her heart rate was very low, and did a battery of tests, the doctors told us that mom has a softball sized tumor in her Liver. Her heart rate was extra low due to all of the poisons backing up in her system. They told us her liver was not draining due to the tumor pressing into the bile ducts and blocking them. She was diagnosed with terminal Cholangiocarcinoma. The doctors didn't give us a lot of hope, they pretty much told us my mom had a few months to live and we should look into Hospice, they told us they wouldn't do any type of surgery for this and any thing we did do, would be palliative care, it may buy us some time.My sister and I were dumbfounded, we had no idea what to do. We are still in shock, this was just a 5 weeks ago. We decided to seek the best care we could find. We are in California, and we hear that the City of Hope is the best. Let me back up, while still in the hospital, the doctor put a billiary bag directly into the good part of her liver to drain the toxins in her body. It seemed to work well and the itching and yellowing started to go away. She left the hospital and we immediately scheduled mom for any appointment. While waiting for her appt. mom went through a period where she wasn't drinking or eating as much as she should and ended up in the hospital again, b4 we could get her to the specialist. She was sent home and has been doing awesome, but Fri. had a problem with fever and we found ourselves in the ER again. I am so frustrated , she still has not seen the Oncologist. She finally will this Thurs. I was wondering what your CA-19 levels are and if you have heard of Chemoembolization? (sorry for the misspells) Mom is a 2x cancer survivor, her 1st time she had Uterine (she beat it) 2nd time she was diagnosed with stage 4 Colon cancer (she beat that too!)
    I am confused because they tell us this is Bile Duct Cancer, but yet the tumor is in her Liver, they tell us the liver has no cancer and her Pancreas is clear.
    I was wondering what ur treatment is like and how you are feeling. My mom doesn't have any pain, I was wondering if you do? I guess I am just trying to hear more about your story and what the doctors say your prognosis is. I was wondering if your treatment is making you terribly ill? I was wondering if you had to do any of it all over again, would you? I am sorry if I sound like an idiot asking you these questions...I just don't know what to do....I just need to know if any treatments are worth my moms quality of life. I pray for you and your recovery, I pray that the Lord touches and heals you completely. I believe in miracles. I pray for them....thank you.
  • hateusernames
    hateusernames Member Posts: 2

    I am so sorry
    OMG! !!! Ur story sounds just like mine... And u must be from somewhere near me cause my mom is getting her treatment at the University of Maryland. I want her to go to Hopkins & get a second opinion. I am begging you please get in contact with me; I want to communicate and share with you... My mom & I are best friends just as you said you and Ur mom are she is my entire life and my hero. Just as I told my Mom, she & I are in this fight 2 gather I am there for her every step of the way. I am just having sooo many felling one minute I am mad, hurt, angry and do not understand why? I have never felt so helplessness in my life...I want to fix my mom but I am at the mercy of Cancer that has invaded my mom body... Please inbox me and we can maybe exchange numbers something. I look forward to hearing from you, I believe in this battle we need all the support & resources’ we can have. I will keep Ur mom in my prayers & please do the same for me.

    Just wondering how your mom is Cholangio
    Hi there, I am trying to make heads or tails of who says what and stuff...I am sorry I have MS and get confused :( I am wondering how your mom is and how her treatment is going? My mom was just recently diagnosed and I am trying to find out as much as possible from people who are going through what our family is going through. Is treatment working? What treatment is she doing? Have she tried multiple types of treatment? Were there a lot of different choices? I just don't know what to ask without sounding rude and imposing, I apologize....I am praying for your mom and hoping hoping that this reply finds her well. Thank you....
  • Angel322
    Angel322 Member Posts: 26 Member

    New to this site Cholangiocarcinoma
    Hi Laura, I hope this reply finds you well...My mom, who was doing absolutely fantabulous was complaining about itching, and we noticed she was yellow (really sudden onset) anyways we took mom to the ER and they found that her heart rate was very low, and did a battery of tests, the doctors told us that mom has a softball sized tumor in her Liver. Her heart rate was extra low due to all of the poisons backing up in her system. They told us her liver was not draining due to the tumor pressing into the bile ducts and blocking them. She was diagnosed with terminal Cholangiocarcinoma. The doctors didn't give us a lot of hope, they pretty much told us my mom had a few months to live and we should look into Hospice, they told us they wouldn't do any type of surgery for this and any thing we did do, would be palliative care, it may buy us some time.My sister and I were dumbfounded, we had no idea what to do. We are still in shock, this was just a 5 weeks ago. We decided to seek the best care we could find. We are in California, and we hear that the City of Hope is the best. Let me back up, while still in the hospital, the doctor put a billiary bag directly into the good part of her liver to drain the toxins in her body. It seemed to work well and the itching and yellowing started to go away. She left the hospital and we immediately scheduled mom for any appointment. While waiting for her appt. mom went through a period where she wasn't drinking or eating as much as she should and ended up in the hospital again, b4 we could get her to the specialist. She was sent home and has been doing awesome, but Fri. had a problem with fever and we found ourselves in the ER again. I am so frustrated , she still has not seen the Oncologist. She finally will this Thurs. I was wondering what your CA-19 levels are and if you have heard of Chemoembolization? (sorry for the misspells) Mom is a 2x cancer survivor, her 1st time she had Uterine (she beat it) 2nd time she was diagnosed with stage 4 Colon cancer (she beat that too!)
    I am confused because they tell us this is Bile Duct Cancer, but yet the tumor is in her Liver, they tell us the liver has no cancer and her Pancreas is clear.
    I was wondering what ur treatment is like and how you are feeling. My mom doesn't have any pain, I was wondering if you do? I guess I am just trying to hear more about your story and what the doctors say your prognosis is. I was wondering if your treatment is making you terribly ill? I was wondering if you had to do any of it all over again, would you? I am sorry if I sound like an idiot asking you these questions...I just don't know what to do....I just need to know if any treatments are worth my moms quality of life. I pray for you and your recovery, I pray that the Lord touches and heals you completely. I believe in miracles. I pray for them....thank you.

    To Hateusernames
    Please write to me at my private email. I would like to answer your questions and talk with you about your Mother. My Mother had choloangiocarcinoma. I was her nurse for two years and would like to help you. You sound very lost. I've been there. I only wish I knew about this site at the time. Please write me at angelbaby300000@yahoo.com I am praying for you and your Mother. Hugs.
  • Angel322
    Angel322 Member Posts: 26 Member
    Today I lost my Mother 1yr ago
    to Cholangicarcinoma. She died in my arms. She took part of me with her when she let go that day. It was the most difficult day of my life. I still can't believe she is gone. I was her nurse for two years. I took her to every appointment, treatment, procedure and stayed overnight and at the hospital with her after her surgeries. I took care of her Biliary drain 7days a week and did everything I could to help her fight this terrible disease! I am the luckiest girl in the world because I had the most incredible Mother! She was an Angel on earth...so loving and giving to everyone she ever met! She adored me and I adored her. The bond my Mother and I had was so beautiful and will never die...it will live on and on forever!

    I pray for all of you out there with this disease! My heart goes out to each and every one of you suffering with this terrible disease and to all the daughter's and children like me that love their parent so much and so desperately want to help them! Hugs! Angel
  • northa914
    northa914 Member Posts: 100
    Angel322 said:

    Today I lost my Mother 1yr ago
    to Cholangicarcinoma. She died in my arms. She took part of me with her when she let go that day. It was the most difficult day of my life. I still can't believe she is gone. I was her nurse for two years. I took her to every appointment, treatment, procedure and stayed overnight and at the hospital with her after her surgeries. I took care of her Biliary drain 7days a week and did everything I could to help her fight this terrible disease! I am the luckiest girl in the world because I had the most incredible Mother! She was an Angel on earth...so loving and giving to everyone she ever met! She adored me and I adored her. The bond my Mother and I had was so beautiful and will never die...it will live on and on forever!

    I pray for all of you out there with this disease! My heart goes out to each and every one of you suffering with this terrible disease and to all the daughter's and children like me that love their parent so much and so desperately want to help them! Hugs! Angel

    Big Hugs to You!!!
    So sorry for your loss. She not only sounds like she was an amazing woman, she also has an amazing daughter who truly did and still is living up to her name. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, they do mean a lot to we who are afflicted with cancer and those who care for us. Their love gives me the strength to fight for I fear the pain they would suffer more than my own death. My heart goes out to you today and everyday, words cannot begin to express how I feel for you. Take care, you are in my thoughts and prayers also!

    Andrea
  • Angel322
    Angel322 Member Posts: 26 Member
    northa914 said:

    Big Hugs to You!!!
    So sorry for your loss. She not only sounds like she was an amazing woman, she also has an amazing daughter who truly did and still is living up to her name. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, they do mean a lot to we who are afflicted with cancer and those who care for us. Their love gives me the strength to fight for I fear the pain they would suffer more than my own death. My heart goes out to you today and everyday, words cannot begin to express how I feel for you. Take care, you are in my thoughts and prayers also!

    Andrea

    Northa914
    Andrea,

    Your reply means so much to me. What your wrote was very moving and brought me to tears. I cannot thank you enough!! My Mom would be so touched by your kindness for me and for her. I truly lost the best person I've ever known. I would give anything to have her back. She is my hero forever! I very much care about everyone affected by this terrible disease and want to carry my Mom's fight on by reaching out to others to give my support. She would be very proud of me for that. Always know you are loved, your family/kids would cure you or change places with you, if they could. I would've done anything to help my Mom. Please write to me anytime here or at my private email at angelbaby300000@yahoo.com. I would love to keep in touch with you. My prayers are with you and your family always.

    Sincerely,

    Paula
  • northa914
    northa914 Member Posts: 100
    Angel322 said:

    Northa914
    Andrea,

    Your reply means so much to me. What your wrote was very moving and brought me to tears. I cannot thank you enough!! My Mom would be so touched by your kindness for me and for her. I truly lost the best person I've ever known. I would give anything to have her back. She is my hero forever! I very much care about everyone affected by this terrible disease and want to carry my Mom's fight on by reaching out to others to give my support. She would be very proud of me for that. Always know you are loved, your family/kids would cure you or change places with you, if they could. I would've done anything to help my Mom. Please write to me anytime here or at my private email at angelbaby300000@yahoo.com. I would love to keep in touch with you. My prayers are with you and your family always.

    Sincerely,

    Paula

    Angel322
    Hi Paula,

    I sent an email to you, please let me know if you didn't receive it. Please use that email address to reply if you ever need to "talk", vent, share...anything anytime! I wanted to see how you were doing and thank you for all of your supportive messages to all of us. Hope you're enjoying the summer, it's my favorite season of the year!

    Take care, you are in my thoughts!

    Andrea
  • Jersey Girl
    Jersey Girl Member Posts: 3
    northa914 said:

    Angel322
    Hi Paula,

    I sent an email to you, please let me know if you didn't receive it. Please use that email address to reply if you ever need to "talk", vent, share...anything anytime! I wanted to see how you were doing and thank you for all of your supportive messages to all of us. Hope you're enjoying the summer, it's my favorite season of the year!

    Take care, you are in my thoughts!

    Andrea

    Hi all!
    My mom, age 78 was diagnosed with Cholangiocarcimona in March, 2011. Her liver lesion was discovered by a fluke. She had fallen a few months back and was having persistent pain in her right side. Her doctors did x-rays which were negative and finally an ultrasound thinking it was her gallbladder. The first ultrasound was clear except for a chronic gallstone, however a repeat showed a liver lesion. From there she had a biopsy which was negative/inconclusive. I still had my suspicions so I had her ask her doctor for a repeat ultrasound. The liver lesion had grown! Her doctor wanted her to have a repeat biopsy, but I felt we were just wasting time. I went to the web site for Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York and obtained the number to speak with a case manager. From the nurse case manager we were referred to a MSKCC surgeon. Up to this point we thought it was Cancer of the Liver, but were baffled by the negative biopsy. The MSKCC surgeon knew right away what is was. In April, 2011 she had a Right Liver Resection. (Bile Ducts run thought the Liver). She had multiple post operative complications and now almost 4 months later, she is finally feeling well. Now we are faced with consultations with medical oncology for chemo and radiation and it has been frustrating. There has not been adequate research and clinical trials for adjuvant therapy following surgical resections for this type of cancer. We are told there are three post op courses one could take: Observation, (just follow up CT Scans), or Chemotherapy and Radiation or just Radiation. The statistics for survival/reoccurence appear to be almost similar no matter what avenue you pursue. My mom does not want to put herself through Chemotherapy or Radiation knowing the treatments may not prevent a reoccurence. Quality of Life is important to her as she always been a very active person. I found a physician at Mount Sinai in New York who specializes in pathology and Cholangiocarcinoma and we are going to get another opinion. Up to now what she have been told is that 5 year survival with just the Observation avenue is 36% and with Chemo and Radiation 40%. Not much of a difference after putting yourself through all of the side effects of Chemo and Radiation which takes months just to recover from them. The Memorial Sloan Kettering staff and surgeon was wonderful in my mother's surgical care and final diagnosis. She will continue to follow up with the surgeon periodically, and he is very supportive of the path my mother will choose for continued treatment, if any. I hope this info helps someone and their loved one.
  • Angel322
    Angel322 Member Posts: 26 Member

    Hi all!
    My mom, age 78 was diagnosed with Cholangiocarcimona in March, 2011. Her liver lesion was discovered by a fluke. She had fallen a few months back and was having persistent pain in her right side. Her doctors did x-rays which were negative and finally an ultrasound thinking it was her gallbladder. The first ultrasound was clear except for a chronic gallstone, however a repeat showed a liver lesion. From there she had a biopsy which was negative/inconclusive. I still had my suspicions so I had her ask her doctor for a repeat ultrasound. The liver lesion had grown! Her doctor wanted her to have a repeat biopsy, but I felt we were just wasting time. I went to the web site for Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York and obtained the number to speak with a case manager. From the nurse case manager we were referred to a MSKCC surgeon. Up to this point we thought it was Cancer of the Liver, but were baffled by the negative biopsy. The MSKCC surgeon knew right away what is was. In April, 2011 she had a Right Liver Resection. (Bile Ducts run thought the Liver). She had multiple post operative complications and now almost 4 months later, she is finally feeling well. Now we are faced with consultations with medical oncology for chemo and radiation and it has been frustrating. There has not been adequate research and clinical trials for adjuvant therapy following surgical resections for this type of cancer. We are told there are three post op courses one could take: Observation, (just follow up CT Scans), or Chemotherapy and Radiation or just Radiation. The statistics for survival/reoccurence appear to be almost similar no matter what avenue you pursue. My mom does not want to put herself through Chemotherapy or Radiation knowing the treatments may not prevent a reoccurence. Quality of Life is important to her as she always been a very active person. I found a physician at Mount Sinai in New York who specializes in pathology and Cholangiocarcinoma and we are going to get another opinion. Up to now what she have been told is that 5 year survival with just the Observation avenue is 36% and with Chemo and Radiation 40%. Not much of a difference after putting yourself through all of the side effects of Chemo and Radiation which takes months just to recover from them. The Memorial Sloan Kettering staff and surgeon was wonderful in my mother's surgical care and final diagnosis. She will continue to follow up with the surgeon periodically, and he is very supportive of the path my mother will choose for continued treatment, if any. I hope this info helps someone and their loved one.

    Hi Jersey girl
    My Mother had the same exact disease as your Mother. Sadly, I lost her Father's day of last year. My Mom had a resection, then chemo and radiation. My Mom had 28 radiation treatments and was burned so badly internally from the radiation that she had to have emergency surgery to repair her whole stomach. How she survived that was miraculous. However, I truly believe the radiation not only caused her such destruction internally, but it brought the cancer back after the surgery and they opened her up. Her scans were all fine before this. You are doing the right thing by getting another opinion and being cautious before you put your Mom through anything else. I really commend you for that! Too many people put their lives in the doctor's hands and bad things can happen just like to my Mom. They do xrays once a week also when a patient is doing radiation, yet, everything always showed fine. All the while, the radiation was burning her insides, not keeping the cancer away! I have much regret with my Mom doing the treatments and always wonder what if she hadn't done them? We could've traveled, she could've had a better quality of life...and so and so on.

    I wish all the best for you Mom and will pray for her and for you! Treasure her each and every minute of everyday, because when you lose your Mom, your world will never shine the same. :( My Mom and I were best friends and everything to each other, this disease robbed me of so many years with her. I'm here left devastated but I hold on for her and I'm here to help others as much as I can. You keep being the wonderful daughter you are and advocate for her and see to it that those doctor's do everything for your Mom. I took care of my Mom for two years and was her full time nurse and caregiver, there wasn't a thing I didn't and wouldn't have done for her. I must ask one thing...does your Mom have a biliary drain? I took care of my Mom's 7days a week. Stay strong and tell your Mom to keep up the good fight!! I am here pulling for her to beat this thing! My Mom is watching her and ALL the patients here with this terrible disease. Hugs, Angel
  • Jersey Girl
    Jersey Girl Member Posts: 3
    Angel322 said:

    Hi Jersey girl
    My Mother had the same exact disease as your Mother. Sadly, I lost her Father's day of last year. My Mom had a resection, then chemo and radiation. My Mom had 28 radiation treatments and was burned so badly internally from the radiation that she had to have emergency surgery to repair her whole stomach. How she survived that was miraculous. However, I truly believe the radiation not only caused her such destruction internally, but it brought the cancer back after the surgery and they opened her up. Her scans were all fine before this. You are doing the right thing by getting another opinion and being cautious before you put your Mom through anything else. I really commend you for that! Too many people put their lives in the doctor's hands and bad things can happen just like to my Mom. They do xrays once a week also when a patient is doing radiation, yet, everything always showed fine. All the while, the radiation was burning her insides, not keeping the cancer away! I have much regret with my Mom doing the treatments and always wonder what if she hadn't done them? We could've traveled, she could've had a better quality of life...and so and so on.

    I wish all the best for you Mom and will pray for her and for you! Treasure her each and every minute of everyday, because when you lose your Mom, your world will never shine the same. :( My Mom and I were best friends and everything to each other, this disease robbed me of so many years with her. I'm here left devastated but I hold on for her and I'm here to help others as much as I can. You keep being the wonderful daughter you are and advocate for her and see to it that those doctor's do everything for your Mom. I took care of my Mom for two years and was her full time nurse and caregiver, there wasn't a thing I didn't and wouldn't have done for her. I must ask one thing...does your Mom have a biliary drain? I took care of my Mom's 7days a week. Stay strong and tell your Mom to keep up the good fight!! I am here pulling for her to beat this thing! My Mom is watching her and ALL the patients here with this terrible disease. Hugs, Angel

    Dearest Angel:
    Thank you for your caring ad supportive words. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. You must have been a great comfort to her. I am sure she is with you and watches over you everyday. I can only imagine the profound sadness you must feel.

    My mom does not have a biliary drain, thankfully. It did take her almost 4 months after surgery to finally get back to feeling like herself. She did have several post-operative complications.

    Cancer is such a heart wrenching diagnosis for a person to hear and their family. I can only hope that research continues to find a cure for all cancers and that the treatment options are not so debilitating.

    The reaching out to others with similar situations is a great way to provide education and guidance and hopefully a positive outcome for someone will prevail.

    I will continue to post what I learn about this cancer and I hope it will help someone else.

    Warm regards,

    Eileen
  • Ishi
    Ishi Member Posts: 2

    CC survivor/thriver age 39
    Hello there,
    I was diagnosed out of the blue with stage IV, inoperable, incurable, cholangiocarcinoma on March 24, 2010. All statistics said I would be dead now. Im obviously not :)

    I get chemotherapy now every other week and my cocktail is Gemzar/Cisplatin which has been studied to be the best combination of drugs to fight cholangiocarcinoma by the New England Journal of Medicine (study was concluded about a year ago). I also get a nutritional IV from a naturopath once a week. However, now the bank account is very low and I cannot afford to go that often to the naturopath as insurance does not cover it. I can honestly tell you that the naturopath is vitally important to me because it counters all the negative effects of the chemo, well not all of them but I fell incredibly better when I get the IV' than when I don't (the IV's have vitamins, minerals and glutathione in them) I also take many supplements (you can find the list on my blog at thecancerassassin.blogspot.com if you are interested). My blog tells my whole story and also has a ton of links to resources I have been collecting in the past year. My facebook page at The Cancer Assassin also has a ton of resources to share (more so than the blog at this point).

    I too have an extremely hard time eating or even being hungry, I would recommend edible marijuana products for that. They really help with the pain of liver cancer (mine is often extreme) and they really help me to have an appetite and to want to eat. Eating is absolutely vital when you have cancer. Your body cannot fight if it is malnourished and most cancer patients actually die from malnourishment than from their cancer, so you can imagine how important it is to get her to eat. Avoid sugars (sugar feeds cancer) and dairy. For me dairy completely makes everything worse. My bile duct goes crazy and I wake up vomiting and with immense liver pain and very phlegmy and congested and coughing up nasties. all from dairy. There is a great cook book called The Cancer Fighting Kitchen that contains a bunch of recipes and even sorts them by symptom (nausea, fatigue, chemo week/day, after chemo, what to eat if you have no appetite, etc) and it is priceless to me.

    Whenever you can, cook for her and make her food. Often I do not want to eat cause I feel so crappy and fatigued but if someone were to put food in front of me (make sure it is healthy and not full of chemicals, whole organic food) I would most likely eat at least some of it. Often on days when I have little energy and little appetite I will make a smoothie out of strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, yogurt, protein powder (I use diaryless whey and it tastes very good) coconut water (natures own gatorade and oh so good for you), almond mild (my milk substitute, no soy!) and whatever else sounds good. It is like a meal in a mug, so I know I get all my vital nutrients even though I don't feel like eating.

    I could tell you so much, but I don't want to ramble....Please let me know if I can help in any way.
    Many many healing vibes and prayers to your mother. And you are right! most doctors aren't extremely helpful mostly because they cannot recommend something that is not "scientifically proven" like the naturopath and pretty much anything "natural" at all. They usually stick to what they know and that is synthetic drugs.

    I hope this helps.

    Laura

    Need your help
    Dear Laura,

    I m writing to you from India. My Dad has just been diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma. He had Jaundice earlier which did not cure after repetitive attempts and has been suffering from last three months. Has lost his appetite and his health is detoriating day by day. I have not yet informed him of actual diagnosis. Shall update him with the same in a day or so. The doctors say he has passed the cureable stage and the disease can only be treated not cured. Still I dont want to loose any hope. Can you please suggest me a good Doctor who i can get in touch with. Also, he is a cardiac patient under gone a bypass surgery in 2010, he has a Blood Pressure and diabetes as well.

    Let me know if you can help me for the same.

    Regards
    Ishita
    ishita_dujari@yahoo.com/ishi.dujari@gmail.com
  • Ishi
    Ishi Member Posts: 2

    CC survivor/thriver age 39
    Hello there,
    I was diagnosed out of the blue with stage IV, inoperable, incurable, cholangiocarcinoma on March 24, 2010. All statistics said I would be dead now. Im obviously not :)

    I get chemotherapy now every other week and my cocktail is Gemzar/Cisplatin which has been studied to be the best combination of drugs to fight cholangiocarcinoma by the New England Journal of Medicine (study was concluded about a year ago). I also get a nutritional IV from a naturopath once a week. However, now the bank account is very low and I cannot afford to go that often to the naturopath as insurance does not cover it. I can honestly tell you that the naturopath is vitally important to me because it counters all the negative effects of the chemo, well not all of them but I fell incredibly better when I get the IV' than when I don't (the IV's have vitamins, minerals and glutathione in them) I also take many supplements (you can find the list on my blog at thecancerassassin.blogspot.com if you are interested). My blog tells my whole story and also has a ton of links to resources I have been collecting in the past year. My facebook page at The Cancer Assassin also has a ton of resources to share (more so than the blog at this point).

    I too have an extremely hard time eating or even being hungry, I would recommend edible marijuana products for that. They really help with the pain of liver cancer (mine is often extreme) and they really help me to have an appetite and to want to eat. Eating is absolutely vital when you have cancer. Your body cannot fight if it is malnourished and most cancer patients actually die from malnourishment than from their cancer, so you can imagine how important it is to get her to eat. Avoid sugars (sugar feeds cancer) and dairy. For me dairy completely makes everything worse. My bile duct goes crazy and I wake up vomiting and with immense liver pain and very phlegmy and congested and coughing up nasties. all from dairy. There is a great cook book called The Cancer Fighting Kitchen that contains a bunch of recipes and even sorts them by symptom (nausea, fatigue, chemo week/day, after chemo, what to eat if you have no appetite, etc) and it is priceless to me.

    Whenever you can, cook for her and make her food. Often I do not want to eat cause I feel so crappy and fatigued but if someone were to put food in front of me (make sure it is healthy and not full of chemicals, whole organic food) I would most likely eat at least some of it. Often on days when I have little energy and little appetite I will make a smoothie out of strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, yogurt, protein powder (I use diaryless whey and it tastes very good) coconut water (natures own gatorade and oh so good for you), almond mild (my milk substitute, no soy!) and whatever else sounds good. It is like a meal in a mug, so I know I get all my vital nutrients even though I don't feel like eating.

    I could tell you so much, but I don't want to ramble....Please let me know if I can help in any way.
    Many many healing vibes and prayers to your mother. And you are right! most doctors aren't extremely helpful mostly because they cannot recommend something that is not "scientifically proven" like the naturopath and pretty much anything "natural" at all. They usually stick to what they know and that is synthetic drugs.

    I hope this helps.

    Laura

    Need your help
    Dear Laura,

    I m writing to you from India. My Dad of age of 53 has just been diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma. He had Jaundice earlier which did not cure after repetitive attempts and has been suffering from last three months. Has lost his appetite and his health is detoriating day by day. I have not yet informed him of actual diagnosis. Shall update him with the same in a day or so. The doctors say he has passed the cureable stage and the disease can only be treated not cured. Still I dont want to loose any hope. Can you please suggest me a good Doctor who i can get in touch with. Also, he is a cardiac patient under gone a bypass surgery in 2010, he has a Blood Pressure and diabetes as well.

    Let me know if you can help me for the same.

    Regards
    Ishita
    ishita_dujari@yahoo.com/ishi.dujari@gmail.com
  • nkl2012
    nkl2012 Member Posts: 1
    Ishi said:

    Need your help
    Dear Laura,

    I m writing to you from India. My Dad has just been diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma. He had Jaundice earlier which did not cure after repetitive attempts and has been suffering from last three months. Has lost his appetite and his health is detoriating day by day. I have not yet informed him of actual diagnosis. Shall update him with the same in a day or so. The doctors say he has passed the cureable stage and the disease can only be treated not cured. Still I dont want to loose any hope. Can you please suggest me a good Doctor who i can get in touch with. Also, he is a cardiac patient under gone a bypass surgery in 2010, he has a Blood Pressure and diabetes as well.

    Let me know if you can help me for the same.

    Regards
    Ishita
    ishita_dujari@yahoo.com/ishi.dujari@gmail.com

    cholangiocarcinoma
    hello ishita.
    first of all i request you to have will power and patience. I am also writing from India and based upon my past experience of a similar kind i would like to give you some information which i am sure will defifintely help you to clear your doubts . I lost my mother a month back she was also suffering from cholangiocarcinoma which was diagnosed in july 2010.Her cholangiocarcinoma spread to liver which resulted in her untimely demise.
    1. In this disease there is obstruction in bile duct due to tumour which prevents the flow of bile from liver to intestine. The bile starts building up in liver and results in itchig, yellow discolouration of skin, yellow ness of eyes and is called jaundice.

    2.Since your father was diagnosed with jaundice around three months back, you have not mentioned did doctor placed stnets in his bile duct to relieve him from jaundice. Placement of stents is usually the first step so as to relieve the patient from jaundice symptoms.

    3. After placement of stents doctor decides whether surgery could be performed or not. if surgery can be performed chances are good . however in majority of cases the cancer is diagnosed only when it is in advanced stage and chances of surgery are almost nil.From my experience i would like to add one more thing that the placement of stents should be done by highly experienced gastroenterologist only otherwise there are chances of infection called cholangitis which is very difficult to manage.

    4. I cannot comment on the chemotherapy / radiotherapy pros cons bcause my mother refused to go for it becaue of the side effects asociated with it. I can definitely give you some information regarding the hospital from which my mother got treatment a s well as some alternative therapies which can be useful in improving th life span.

    5. we had a bitter experience of treatment in some hospitals of Punjab where infection developed after insertion of stents as mentioned by me.We therefore decided to take my mother to Medanta ,Medicity, Gurgaon in the gastroenterology Department where previous stents were removed and metal stents were inserted through a process called PTBD after which my mother was relieved completely of jaundice and infection in a few days. Although treatment is costly in this hospital but trustworthy and fruitful. I therefore suggest you to consult once at this hospital to know the exact stage and treatment options.
    6. After my mother was discharged we decided to put her on alternative therapy. We started the medicine of Divya yoga Trust which included of aloevera juice , herbs , gomutra, tulsiras .After using all these medicines my mother regained her lost health in a months time . I dont mean that the tumour had gone but its growth was definitely arrested by use of these medicines . My mother remained fine for around 10-12 months but after that we came to know that tumour had advanced to liver which was an indication of advanced state and ultimately we had to prepare ourselves for this loss.After my mothers loss i decided to associate myself with some forum because if somebody is helped from my experience i shall feel highly satisfied and this is the reason why i am posting on this site .i also request you to stop sugarfree tablets if your father is using such tablets because these are also associated with tumours and are not safe at all. At last i can only say that there are certain things beyond our control but inspite of it our duty is to put in the best of our efforts and therfore i request you to have will power and take as much care of your father as you can . I am sending you a mail of the same post so that if you have any kind of query in your mind you can revert back to me. ok gud bye

    Er Neeraj
    India
  • betzee
    betzee Member Posts: 3

    Hi all!
    My mom, age 78 was diagnosed with Cholangiocarcimona in March, 2011. Her liver lesion was discovered by a fluke. She had fallen a few months back and was having persistent pain in her right side. Her doctors did x-rays which were negative and finally an ultrasound thinking it was her gallbladder. The first ultrasound was clear except for a chronic gallstone, however a repeat showed a liver lesion. From there she had a biopsy which was negative/inconclusive. I still had my suspicions so I had her ask her doctor for a repeat ultrasound. The liver lesion had grown! Her doctor wanted her to have a repeat biopsy, but I felt we were just wasting time. I went to the web site for Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York and obtained the number to speak with a case manager. From the nurse case manager we were referred to a MSKCC surgeon. Up to this point we thought it was Cancer of the Liver, but were baffled by the negative biopsy. The MSKCC surgeon knew right away what is was. In April, 2011 she had a Right Liver Resection. (Bile Ducts run thought the Liver). She had multiple post operative complications and now almost 4 months later, she is finally feeling well. Now we are faced with consultations with medical oncology for chemo and radiation and it has been frustrating. There has not been adequate research and clinical trials for adjuvant therapy following surgical resections for this type of cancer. We are told there are three post op courses one could take: Observation, (just follow up CT Scans), or Chemotherapy and Radiation or just Radiation. The statistics for survival/reoccurence appear to be almost similar no matter what avenue you pursue. My mom does not want to put herself through Chemotherapy or Radiation knowing the treatments may not prevent a reoccurence. Quality of Life is important to her as she always been a very active person. I found a physician at Mount Sinai in New York who specializes in pathology and Cholangiocarcinoma and we are going to get another opinion. Up to now what she have been told is that 5 year survival with just the Observation avenue is 36% and with Chemo and Radiation 40%. Not much of a difference after putting yourself through all of the side effects of Chemo and Radiation which takes months just to recover from them. The Memorial Sloan Kettering staff and surgeon was wonderful in my mother's surgical care and final diagnosis. She will continue to follow up with the surgeon periodically, and he is very supportive of the path my mother will choose for continued treatment, if any. I hope this info helps someone and their loved one.

    Hi--your post was very
    Hi--your post was very helpful. my husband was also just dx with cholangiocarcinoma...and we went to sloan. Dr. Fong will be operating on him. Who was your mom's surgeon? i'd like to hear more about your decisions etc. and if your mom is still alive. this is so heartbreaking, i'm still in shock. God Bless you.