End of Chemo Anxiety

amanda_33
amanda_33 Member Posts: 13
in Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin) #1
Hi Everyone! I went today and had my fifth chemo treatment and I'm a little worried. Near the end of my treatment my nurse came by and gave me a calendar for everything to do before my next treatment. She casually mentioned that I would have a CT scan done on March 28th and that if everything looked good, I would have my sixth treatment the first week in April and he was going to let me go. Well hearing this I immediately paniced, I know she must have thought I was crazy because I almost burst into tears. I asked her if she thought he was going to do another pet scan after my 6th treatment to make sure that it was all gone and she said she didn't think so, because I was having a CT scan done but that I could talk to the dr about it. I know that this may sound crazy, but the thought of beging done with treatment makes me more scared and nervous than I was about having treatment. I guess I want to make sure that it is completly gone before I am "let go". I am also worried because now I go back about once a week to have bloodwork done and they will not be watching me as closely as they have been. What if it comes back? I have also read online that when you have a large mass that sometimes it does not all go away because some of it is scar tissue. Will a CT scan be able to determine if what is left is scar tissue or cancer? I read that sometimes lymphoma patients also have radiation. Have any of you had to have radiation? I guess what it all boils down to is that I'm not ready to let go of the security I feel by going to chemo and seeing the doctor so much. Have any of you experienced this, because I'm feeling a little crazy here. I should be overjoyed that my treatment has gone so well, but I'm not. Please tell me about your experience! Thanks! Amanda

Comments

  • nikkig43
    nikkig43 Member Posts: 73
    #2
    Hi Amanda
    My husband (Joel) has Diffuse Large B Cell Lymphoma. He has it in his tonsil. He did not have surgery. His third R CHOP chemo infusion is coming up on Monday. He's lucky to have cancer in a location that the doctor can see. After his 1st chemo treatment, the doctor could see that it was working. His tonsil looked completely normal. He said he was probably already in remission after just one treatment. After this 3rd chemo he will probably have 3 weeks of radiation. His oncologist told us that radiation is an option for him because his cancer is isolated to one spot, otherwise he would have to have 3 more R CHOP treatments.
    Joel doesn't worry about things, but I'm like you. I want to know how we are going to make sure it doesn't come back. I start to wonder about his course of treatment and I ask a lot of questions. Ultimately, I have to remind myself that I really trust his oncologist. He is an expert in Lymphoma. Our goals are the same, permanent cure.
    Try not to worry. I have to keep reminding myself of that all the time. Keep talking to your doctors. Let them ease your fears. My husbands doctor gave me his direct email address. When I'm up at night, worried about something I send a quick email to him. Once, he responded in 3 minutes! I have only sent a few. ( I don't want to abuse this privlige, Hee Hee ). His quick responses have eased my worries tremendously.
    Take care Amanda. You are going to be fine.
    God Bless,
    Nikki.
  • JoanieP
    JoanieP Member Posts: 573
    #3
    Amanda
    Amanda , you are so normal. When you go to a Dr. every week and then it becomes 2 weeks and then 6 months it is scary. The Dr. knows when your body is ready to let go of the secutity but your mind doesn't I was diagnosed in 2009 Jan. When I saw him in Jan , he said "see you in a year." Then he saw the look on my face and laughed and said"o.k six months" It will get easier as time goes by. Sending prayers and wishes for your health Joanie

    I had 6 chemo treatments and no radiation.
  • Sweetumscat
    Sweetumscat Member Posts: 2
    #4
    Amanda, Diagnosed with Large
    Amanda, Diagnosed with Large B cell lymphoma (can't spell it) onAugust 10,2009; started chemo on August 27 by September 17 scan showed cancer gone (called it Gladys) after only 2 treatments. Took 4 more, after that had scan, saw Dr. and was told "see you in four months". Had scans every four months for 1 year then scans are once a year. Next scan in September Dr. said if everything is clear I only have to go every 6 months. I am in complete remission for 2 yrs 6 months (best I can be). I celebrated after my last treatment. You should do the same. Do not be scared. When ever I get scared I said to myself you saw the Dr. 2 months ago and he said everything as fine just remember that. My cancer will not come back that fast. If the Dr. says you are okay then believe! My treatment went extremely well. I was a pest for the nurses, but like you I was scared. I was not scared of the cancer, but scared that I might catch something that would delay my chemo treatments (21 day cycle). My family said I was a germaphobic (which I was). After my last treatment I celebrated. My Dr. told me that because I had responded so well that my survial rate increased from 65% to 80% and my GP told me that most people don't have a relapse. I know that I am well. Enjoy your time and enjoy feeling good. I didn't know how bad I felt until I started feeling good. Time will fly by. Don't worry. You trusted your DR. to help you now trust him to keep you well.
    Sweetumscat
  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178 Member
    #5
    Not there yet...
    Hi Amanda,
    I am not at that point yet, but have often wondered how I will feel mentally when my Doc "lets me go". I'm so comfortable with my routine right now...Maint Rituxan infusion every other month accompanied with blood work and visit with Onc. I get my port flushed once a month, so when I have questions or concerns thats when I talk to the chemo nurse. I feel safe right now, but don't know how I'll feel when my maint routine is completed. I'm learning to trust my own gut feeling, but still need to work on accepting the idea that this cancer can come back. I soooo don't want to repeat this whole process all over again. I do understand how your feeling, but don't have any sure fire tricks to help ease your concerns. Try to think more positive thoughts and if you are feeling good, then accept it as a good thing and enjoy those days. Do whatever works for you. I fly by the seat of my pants most days, but do try to be as positive as possible. It's ok to feel a "little crazy"...there's nothing sane about having cancer..ya know?
    Take care and best wishes...Sue(Follicular NHL stage3-typeA-grade2-diagnosed 6/10)
  • amanda_33
    amanda_33 Member Posts: 13
    #6
    allmost60 said:

    Not there yet...
    Hi Amanda,
    I am not at that point yet, but have often wondered how I will feel mentally when my Doc "lets me go". I'm so comfortable with my routine right now...Maint Rituxan infusion every other month accompanied with blood work and visit with Onc. I get my port flushed once a month, so when I have questions or concerns thats when I talk to the chemo nurse. I feel safe right now, but don't know how I'll feel when my maint routine is completed. I'm learning to trust my own gut feeling, but still need to work on accepting the idea that this cancer can come back. I soooo don't want to repeat this whole process all over again. I do understand how your feeling, but don't have any sure fire tricks to help ease your concerns. Try to think more positive thoughts and if you are feeling good, then accept it as a good thing and enjoy those days. Do whatever works for you. I fly by the seat of my pants most days, but do try to be as positive as possible. It's ok to feel a "little crazy"...there's nothing sane about having cancer..ya know?
    Take care and best wishes...Sue(Follicular NHL stage3-typeA-grade2-diagnosed 6/10)

    Thanks!
    Hi Everyone,
    I just wanted to tell you thanks for the advice and sharing some of your stories and experiences with me. Most of the time I can take a step back and remind myslef that I am going to be ok, but I guess this was not one of those weeks. I have noticed I become a little depressed after having chemo. Have any of you experienced this? Amanda
  • vinny59
    vinny59 Member Posts: 1,036 Member
    #7
    amanda_33 said:

    Thanks!
    Hi Everyone,
    I just wanted to tell you thanks for the advice and sharing some of your stories and experiences with me. Most of the time I can take a step back and remind myslef that I am going to be ok, but I guess this was not one of those weeks. I have noticed I become a little depressed after having chemo. Have any of you experienced this? Amanda

    normal
    I'm probally the most upbeat person in the world, but during chemo, I really had some rough days. It is a consent mental battle, trying to be upbeat, and positive. It is very normal to be depressed after chemo, those drugs are very harsh.... be as postive as you can...... Vinny
  • allmost60
    allmost60 Member Posts: 3,178 Member
    #8
    vinny59 said:

    normal
    I'm probally the most upbeat person in the world, but during chemo, I really had some rough days. It is a consent mental battle, trying to be upbeat, and positive. It is very normal to be depressed after chemo, those drugs are very harsh.... be as postive as you can...... Vinny

    Yep...normal..
    Hi Amanda,
    During my chemo treatments the prednisone in my chemo cocktail(CVP-R) caused me to have crazy mood swings. One minute I would be just fine and then half an hour later I'd be in tears. When I would get terribly emotional and couldn't sleep, I'd log on here and get everything off of my chest...felt soooo good when others in the group would respond and tell me I wasn't crazy, and then talk me through my fears and emotions. Hang in there, everything your feeling is totally normal. We are here for you. Much love...Sue
    (FNHL-2-3A-6/10)

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