about my friend

jendrey
jendrey Member Posts: 377
edited March 2012 in Breast Cancer #1
My friend's sister recently completed 8 (12?) rounds of chemo and now they're talking surgery dates. Her surgeon is a real jerk. (I say this because I've seen firsthand how he treats people.)

So far, she has had a biopsy with a different surgeon. And from that he told her originally that she had stage 3 breast cancer. At that time he talked about "digging out some lymph nodes" at the same time as the mastectomy. But now, he's decicded that she is stage 4 and isn't going to be removing any lymph nodes at all.

When she asked about reconstructive surgery, he told her no. He told her "No, you're not a candidate for that."

It's like he said you're just going to die anyway so why bother wasting our time and money doing any reconstruction on you?

She's only 43 ears old and is devastated at being told this. I told her she's entitled to a second opinion and that she should get one.

Myself, I question if it's standard procedure that stage 3 and/or stage 4 aren't considered for breast reconstruction?

Is this true?

Comments

  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #2
    It is not true for stage 3
    Hi,
    I am very sorry for your friend situation. You are absolutely correc she should get a second opinion. If I understand correctly you are in Los Angeles are so UCLA or st Joseph in Orange would be my primary choice. Being diagnosed with stage III C in 2008 I can talk about my own experience. Nobody can give stage III or IV diagnosis based on biopcy only. PET/CT scan should be performed to order to rule out or confirm mets to other organs and bone scan for bones.
    Patients with stage III are eligible for reconstruction.
    Please tell her seek a second, third or whatever opinion, find a compassion doctor who will help her be happy.
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #3
    New Flower said:

    It is not true for stage 3
    Hi,
    I am very sorry for your friend situation. You are absolutely correc she should get a second opinion. If I understand correctly you are in Los Angeles are so UCLA or st Joseph in Orange would be my primary choice. Being diagnosed with stage III C in 2008 I can talk about my own experience. Nobody can give stage III or IV diagnosis based on biopcy only. PET/CT scan should be performed to order to rule out or confirm mets to other organs and bone scan for bones.
    Patients with stage III are eligible for reconstruction.
    Please tell her seek a second, third or whatever opinion, find a compassion doctor who will help her be happy.

    Of course, she's devestated
    Who wouldn't be? I think the reason she may "not be a candidate for" reconstruction is that at this time, she probably would not be physically strong enough for it because she's already been assaulted by chemotherapy and may be looking at more as well as radiation after surgery. Close scrutiny may be problemmatic with an implant. These are just guesses. I hope she'll get a second (and third if necessary) opinion. Please take good care of her now, especially her emotional needs.

    Why are some oncologists such jerks?

    Suzanne
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #4
    2nd Opinion
    She might have misunderstood what he meant by not being a candidate. Mine said I had to wait till after radiation (actually what he said was, "Are you getting reconstruction? Oh you're getting radiation and will have to wait."). But a second opinion would help satisfy her mind. I was a stage 3 with 15 nodes removed. Others I found had radiation and still got reconstruction before. There might be a reason I had to wait and since I didn't ask, don't know.

    Good luck to your friend.
  • jendrey
    jendrey Member Posts: 377
    #5
    Marcia527 said:

    2nd Opinion
    She might have misunderstood what he meant by not being a candidate. Mine said I had to wait till after radiation (actually what he said was, "Are you getting reconstruction? Oh you're getting radiation and will have to wait."). But a second opinion would help satisfy her mind. I was a stage 3 with 15 nodes removed. Others I found had radiation and still got reconstruction before. There might be a reason I had to wait and since I didn't ask, don't know.

    Good luck to your friend.

    ...
    It really just gets me how callous this surgeon is, that along with his egotistical manner just has no real place in dealing with, well, anyone; least not with patients.

    This surgeon is not her oncologist. He's just the doctor assigned to do her surgery. Oh, and he told her she'll be going home the same day with 3 drains.

    I have another friend (Stage 3) who had him for her mastectomy and he had the same attitude about reconstruction only he told her that she was to old to even think about it. She's 60.

    Personally, I don't think he is capable of sharing the operating room with another doctor such as a plastic surgeon. It's all about control with him and not so much on what the patient wants. My friend's sister needs to realize that he's working for her and not the other way around.

    With jerks like him in the medical field...some days I really miss my towtruck!!! =)
  • AMomNETN
    AMomNETN Member Posts: 242
    #6
    Run
    Your friend should RUN!!!! to a new surgeon. I agree with others that only the onc can tell her what stage she it plus I would think that after chemo and the onc sent her to a surgeon then it's time for surgery. My surgeon was great. He and the PS got along great. The only problem I had was finding a time they could both do the surgery. Ask others who they used. I liked my surgeon so well my husband is seeing him Wed. to have a place removed from his back. I found my PS at a women's support group. He was there talking about bc and reconstruction. He showed pixs of his work. I was impressed. One thing I've noticed is that most male surgeons try to do their best to when working with the breast. Men just have a thing about breasts. I have miminal scaring so I've been well pleased.

    Janie
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #7
    AMomNETN said:

    Run
    Your friend should RUN!!!! to a new surgeon. I agree with others that only the onc can tell her what stage she it plus I would think that after chemo and the onc sent her to a surgeon then it's time for surgery. My surgeon was great. He and the PS got along great. The only problem I had was finding a time they could both do the surgery. Ask others who they used. I liked my surgeon so well my husband is seeing him Wed. to have a place removed from his back. I found my PS at a women's support group. He was there talking about bc and reconstruction. He showed pixs of his work. I was impressed. One thing I've noticed is that most male surgeons try to do their best to when working with the breast. Men just have a thing about breasts. I have miminal scaring so I've been well pleased.

    Janie

    Wow , I agree she needs to
    Wow , I agree she needs to run, there are plenty of qualified surgeions with compassion out there. I have frequently had multiple opinions. I interview them. Went through 2 for my gallbladder, 2 for the breast, and 2 for the bum. has to be a good fit. and I am a pretty mild person. Why cant you have a reconstruction if you are stage four? Because they dont do the mastectomy? otherwise I cant figure out why not. How can he tell she is stage four without testing. sounds like crap quite frankly.
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #8
    carkris said:

    Wow , I agree she needs to
    Wow , I agree she needs to run, there are plenty of qualified surgeions with compassion out there. I have frequently had multiple opinions. I interview them. Went through 2 for my gallbladder, 2 for the breast, and 2 for the bum. has to be a good fit. and I am a pretty mild person. Why cant you have a reconstruction if you are stage four? Because they dont do the mastectomy? otherwise I cant figure out why not. How can he tell she is stage four without testing. sounds like crap quite frankly.

    I am with the others --- RUN, JUMP, SKIP to another
    Physician -- my opinion (it is what I did), get 2nd, or even a 3rd opinion.
    Options are so very important. Our lives are turned upside down, we jump
    on that 'roller coaster' ride of breast cancer, without signing a consent --
    we are ENTITLED to compassion, as well as clear and concise medical information.

    Hoping your friend makes a mad dash for the exit door -- copies of her medical
    records in hand.

    Please suggest that she have a friend, tablet of paper, and tape recorder with her while interviewing, potential new Physicians. I found it very helpful -- and the recordings helped me analyse exactly what was stated during my appointments. Our minds have a
    tendency to wonder during sensitive conversations, as a way of protection.

    Strength, Courage and HOPE for a Cure.

    Vicki Sam
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #9
    I think I would jump ship
    I think I would jump ship and find new Dr...(NOT for 2nd opinion) Years ago I had terrible OB, no bed side manner etc...changed asap..

    I wish your luck...

    Denise
  • jendrey
    jendrey Member Posts: 377
    #10
    disneyfan2008 said:

    I think I would jump ship
    I think I would jump ship and find new Dr...(NOT for 2nd opinion) Years ago I had terrible OB, no bed side manner etc...changed asap..

    I wish your luck...

    Denise

    ...
    Thanks everyone for your kind replies!

    (((Hugs)))
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #11
    jendrey said:

    ...
    Thanks everyone for your kind replies!

    (((Hugs)))

    I also just changed my gyn
    I also just changed my gyn she was an evil witch and the last time i saw her was the last straw. Love my new doc. makes all the difference. This subject takes compassion, its hard enough.(of course I am preaching to the choir)

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