4/12/1991 - 11/26/2011

valincia Member Posts: 1
edited December 2011 in In Loving Memory #1
Josh was my little brother.. we were very close. He died ina hospice unit. I wasnt there when he took his last breath. I left to get something to eat. I got a text message about 20 mins later saying Josh passed. I didnt believe it so I drove as fast as I could and ran inside..I saw a sign on my brothers door that read "do not enter. Report to the front desk" I ignored it and there he was..lifeless. the oxygen mask off his face..his chest was still..his teeth we're clenched. I fell to his bed side and wept..I touched his face..I held his hands. and kissed his forehead..I played in his hair. layed in the bed with him until I was pulled away..everything after has been a blur...the viewing was extremely hard I sat there and looked at my dead brother for 9 hours and forced myself to speak to people who came to give thier final respects and love to my brother.. I just want him back. I love him and miss him so much.


  • magadee
    magadee Member Posts: 12
    being there
    I wish there was away to make this easier for you. Aug 13 1996 my Daddy died while slept upstairs . The nurse felt we would have much more time than we did, but I knew we wouldn't. My Butch gently insisted I get sleep. I felt guilty for not being there for Daddy. Ayear or so later a terminal resident in the nsg home I work at told me that he didn't want his daughter with him when he died . It was the last thing he could give her was to make sure that wouldn't be her last memory of him. Many times since I have watch loved ones leave the rooms to get coffe go to the bathroom or just get some fresh air and in those minutes they are gone the resident just slips away. Over the years I talked with Butch about it and while I belive my Dad waited till I was gone so that wouldn't be my last memory of him it still bothers me that I wasn't there. On Nov. 11 2011 I held my Butch as he slipped away. Being there doesn't change the feelings of rage lose guilt and sorrow. I guess only time will help lessen or deaden the pain. Try finding one really great moment in your memories and hang on to for dear life keep pulling it out replaying over and over. I have and in the past 2 days I am finding a few more , some even make me laugh while I cry. I think thats agood thing. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    Hi Valincia
    I am so sorry to hear the news but please know he is resting now with no pain. I lost two of my Brothers a few years ago; it too was so hard to see them go so young in their lives. I pray that God may give you peace in your life to go on without your brother.

  • Girl2010
    Girl2010 Member Posts: 26
    So similar..
    I think I can say "I know how you feel" and mean it. My brother was 19 when he passed (1/27/92-11/8/11) .. He has stage 3 brain cancer (anaplastic astrocytoma) .. He passed in our home, but was being taken care
    Of by hospice along with my parents. My parents called my sister and I the moment he left us and I was there 10 minutes later... Seeing him laying there .. Watching them take him away.. It was horrible. I miss him so much it hurts more and more everyday.. We were all very close in age do we were all getting closer as we got older. My son is only 3 and misses him so much... What kind of cancer did your brother have?