A heavy heart

nwasen
nwasen Member Posts: 235 Member
in Head and Neck Cancer #1
It's too early but I didn't sleep well. Went online to read our local newspaper and was very saddened to see a gal I had met had died.
I live in a small town of about 15,000. Last April while waiting for my PET scan there was a woman in the next cubicle awaiting her's also. She over heard what my cancer was and where I was from. Turns out she lived about 7 minutes from me.
She originally was stage 1 and had surgery but no chemo or radiation. I had asked my docs later why no further treatment and their response was surgeons do surgery. I could tell on meeting this Karen that her cancer was back. Her neck lymph nodes were popped out to where I could see them!
Long story short is that we kept in touch. I knew she wasn't doing well. She decided not to make the trek to the James in Columbus and to just have her treatments locally. (Bad choice to me, but we all make our own decisions).
As her cancer was taking it's toll, we would talk. she would never complain, just telling me she wasn't doing so hot. And then she would always ask how I was doing. I have to admit sometimes I almost felt guilty as I had been stage 4 and here I was doing so great.
Karen is gone now. We met for a reason I am sure...I cried reading her obit and was surprised to see what she looked like before cancer. And now I know that in earlier times I had seen her about town.
I am sorry to have rambled about someone who wasn't even a part of our message boards but knew of all people, you guys would be the ones to understand my tears and sadness for someone that I barely knew.
Peace, Nancy

Comments

  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #2
    Nancy
    When one of us is lost to this disease, it is a loss for all of us.

    Take care,

    Joe
  • longtermsurvivor
    longtermsurvivor Member Posts: 1,842 Member
    #3
    sad reminder
    of the disease we are fighting. Glad you're doing well.

    Pat
  • mixleader
    mixleader Member Posts: 267 Member
    #4
    Gone
    I completely understand. I have met several people with cancer in my journey who have passed and I felt bad about it. In particular, I became friends with my neighbor's Mom when she was being treated. We kept in touch via telephone most of the time since she lived about 75 miles away. She gave me great support and advice. Even as she lay dying, she was still trying to cheer me up. Her zest for life was amazing and her courage was astounding. I will never forget her.

    Roger
  • robinleigh
    robinleigh Member Posts: 297
    #5
    Connections
    It's amazing how quickly connections are formed in this world of cancer battle. There's not much room for "small talk" and tou feel people's hearts so open. Sounds like she was quite a fighter and I understand the effect it must have on you.
    Wishing you continued good health!
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #6
    Thoughts
    My thoughts going out to you Nancy....sorry for the loss of a survivor and a friend of yours as well.

    Best,
    John
  • D Lewis
    D Lewis Member Posts: 1,581 Member
    #7
    My sympathies
    So very sorry to hear about the loss of another survivor.

    Deb
  • nwasen
    nwasen Member Posts: 235 Member
    #8
    D Lewis said:

    My sympathies
    So very sorry to hear about the loss of another survivor.

    Deb

    Thanks everyone...
    Your comments have helped. I went to a potluck tonight for a local foods store where I am on the steering committee. As I sat there with this crowd of people enjoying my dinner I thought about how lucky I am to have found this place online where we have all fought or are fighting the battle.
    You are good people and have helped me in many ways.
    Thanks
  • Kent Cass
    Kent Cass Member Posts: 1,898 Member
    #9
    nwasen said:

    Thanks everyone...
    Your comments have helped. I went to a potluck tonight for a local foods store where I am on the steering committee. As I sat there with this crowd of people enjoying my dinner I thought about how lucky I am to have found this place online where we have all fought or are fighting the battle.
    You are good people and have helped me in many ways.
    Thanks

    Nancy
    Very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Very sad.

    kcass
  • Hal61
    Hal61 Member Posts: 655
    #10
    Nice post Nancy
    Sorry you lost your friend. Like the lady Roger mentioned, she sounds like a courageous survivor. I sat next to a young latino guy waiting for one of my radiation treatments. He was in a wheel chair, cancer had put him there. He asked how I was doing and I said I'm doing o.k.. I asked how he was doing and he said not too good. When I got up for my treatment I told him good luck, and he said "God be with you." He died pretty soon after that.

    I just can't think of people that can maintain their humanity and dignity in that time as "losing" a battle. That's where the analogy breaks down. Cancer may take them, but it never beats them.

    Hal
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #11
    nwasen said:

    Thanks everyone...
    Your comments have helped. I went to a potluck tonight for a local foods store where I am on the steering committee. As I sat there with this crowd of people enjoying my dinner I thought about how lucky I am to have found this place online where we have all fought or are fighting the battle.
    You are good people and have helped me in many ways.
    Thanks

    our friend
    I'm glad you made a new friend but I'm sorry for your loss, Nancy.

    Down our street lives a lovely lady whose husband was diagnosed with a peritoneal cancer of unknown origin about the same time my husband was diagnosed with hypopharyngeal/BOT cancer.

    Both men progressed through available treatments: my husband, Jim, is in remission but in spite of trying several different treatments at different cancer facilities, Dee's husband has found no cure. No doctor can give a prognosis because his cancer is still a mystery to them. Last week he could hardly get out of bed; this week he is out walking in the yard.

    I've been worried that Jim might be overly distressed at our neighbor's eventual passing - reading your story it struck me that your friend might have gained strength for her fight just seeing you were progressing and doing well. Maybe our neighbor has taken strength from Jim's remissions, too. I hope so.
  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #12
    Hal61 said:

    Nice post Nancy
    Sorry you lost your friend. Like the lady Roger mentioned, she sounds like a courageous survivor. I sat next to a young latino guy waiting for one of my radiation treatments. He was in a wheel chair, cancer had put him there. He asked how I was doing and I said I'm doing o.k.. I asked how he was doing and he said not too good. When I got up for my treatment I told him good luck, and he said "God be with you." He died pretty soon after that.

    I just can't think of people that can maintain their humanity and dignity in that time as "losing" a battle. That's where the analogy breaks down. Cancer may take them, but it never beats them.

    Hal

    !
    Well said, Hal, well said.

    Take care,

    Joe
  • Roselvr
    Roselvr Member Posts: 30
    #13
    Was she treated at James the
    Was she treated at James the 1st time? If so; I'm surprised at only surgery.
    I'm also a believer that you have to make your 1st shot count; & when my hub was diagnosed with stage 4 tonsil; it took me 2 days to decide where he was going to be treated. I knew it would not be local

    I'm sorry she lost her fight. :(
  • D Lewis
    D Lewis Member Posts: 1,581 Member
    #14
    Hal61 said:

    Nice post Nancy
    Sorry you lost your friend. Like the lady Roger mentioned, she sounds like a courageous survivor. I sat next to a young latino guy waiting for one of my radiation treatments. He was in a wheel chair, cancer had put him there. He asked how I was doing and I said I'm doing o.k.. I asked how he was doing and he said not too good. When I got up for my treatment I told him good luck, and he said "God be with you." He died pretty soon after that.

    I just can't think of people that can maintain their humanity and dignity in that time as "losing" a battle. That's where the analogy breaks down. Cancer may take them, but it never beats them.

    Hal

    Hal
    Very well put. <3

    Thanks, Hal. You have a beautiful perspective.

    Deb
  • nwasen
    nwasen Member Posts: 235 Member
    #15
    Roselvr said:

    Was she treated at James the
    Was she treated at James the 1st time? If so; I'm surprised at only surgery.
    I'm also a believer that you have to make your 1st shot count; & when my hub was diagnosed with stage 4 tonsil; it took me 2 days to decide where he was going to be treated. I knew it would not be local

    I'm sorry she lost her fight. :(

    James
    Yes, she was treated at the James the first time. she told me her first time she was stage one and only had surgery. I was quite surprised no chemo or radiation. I asked my radiation doc why no other treatment....all he said was that surgeons are surgeons..and that was all that was said. I got the message what he was driving at. I just have to wonder if she ever was told to go back for follow ups or what...
    Then her 2nd time she had surgery at the James but chose to stay small town for her chemo and radiation.
    I can understand the inconvenience of not wanting to make such a long trek, but ya only live once is my feeling. I knew it was going to be a tough road, but I wasn't ready to cash it in..
    I thank my ENT everyday...sometimes silently, sometimes I text him or email him or stop by his office just to thank him for saving my life so I can live another day to see another concert! He knew the best place for me was where they saw my kind of cancer everyday; not just once in awhile. I am forever in his debt.
    He doesn't know it yet, but the benefit show I am putting together the end of April I will be dragging him up on the stage to give him the biggest bottle of Grey Goose they make, hugging him and letting the audience hoot and holler for him. I dread to think where I would be today had I not listened to him.
    I think you are right Roselvr about that first shot......
    Nancy

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