Scared to death to have sex

RoseC said:

Me too
Yes, I have this issue too and no, it's not all in your head (or maybe it is, but that is so understandable). You're afraid and I don't blame you one bit. Your body has been through a lot. If you and your husband are happy with things as they are, why not let it be. If not, why not give it a try and see what happens? Sex isn't everything - yeah, it's nice - but it's not everything. Being close and loving each other is so much more important. There's no normal in any relationship - whatever works for the both of you is what's important.

Sex
Start off slow, use lots of lubricant, u will gain confidence as you go along. At 9 months out that's when we started to try, took several times before we got it right. Don't get too rough. I think u r using the estrogen cream. That really helps to open u up. at least he will know u r trying and I think u will find yourself losing the fear little by little. Good luck!

I would like to say that it
I would like to say that it felt good faster than it did! It really took some time, and truthfully still is not what it used to be. But I remember the first time I thought "wow that felt good" instead of so tense and uncomfortable. Unfortunately, one more thing we have to wait for!!

Wish you all the best!

Also scared to have sex
What is a dilator? Im curious. I also am scared to have sex. I finished treatment January 13 and my vagina feels like it shrunk. My boyfriend and I have tried and it just hurts. It hurts inside too like I am still burnt. Worse yet I have no desire and nothing arouses me. I think my nerve ending are burnt off. I don't feel like Im ever going to be interested in sex again and although my boyfriend has been very patient it is taking its toll on our relationship. Im also wondering if anyone else is experience severe depression after finishing treatment. My cancer, they believe, is gone. Getting scans March 8th. I should be thrilled but Im so depressed.

valerieu said:

Also scared to have sex
What is a dilator? Im curious. I also am scared to have sex. I finished treatment January 13 and my vagina feels like it shrunk. My boyfriend and I have tried and it just hurts. It hurts inside too like I am still burnt. Worse yet I have no desire and nothing arouses me. I think my nerve ending are burnt off. I don't feel like Im ever going to be interested in sex again and although my boyfriend has been very patient it is taking its toll on our relationship. Im also wondering if anyone else is experience severe depression after finishing treatment. My cancer, they believe, is gone. Getting scans March 8th. I should be thrilled but Im so depressed.

Hi valerieu
A dilator is a device that is inserted into the vagina with lubricant to open up the vaginal canal. As you are finding out, vaginal stenosis is a side effect of the radiation treatment, causing the vagina to shrink in both diameter and length. Using a vaginal dilator daily can help to stretch the vagina, thus making sex more comfortable. Check out the following website: http://www.vaginismus.com/. This is where I purchased a set of dilators in graduated sizes. I use mine almost daily in the shower (so as not to forget!). The other thing that has helped me is the use of a vaginal tablet called Vagifem, which my gynecologist prescribed. There are also creams that can be used, but I found them rather gloppy and messy. Replense and KY Liquid Beads are OTC products that you might also try. Anything to help keep the vaginal tissue moist and pliable. Sex may never be the same for you, that's the cruel reality here, but it is possible with the right kind of attention to that part of your anatomy. I would suggest setting up an appt. with your gynecologist, or even a gyno-oncologist if possible, who can understand the permanent issues that can result from treatment and offer some help. I wish you all the best with your upcoming scans.

cap630 said:

Also scared to have Sex -Lubricant
As Martha suggests - purchase a set of dilators from vaginismus.com. I have found a lubricant named Astroglide (gel) that is less gooey then K-Y. I have conquered the fear - now I'm working with the gynocologist to help with the discomfort. Moving in the right direction... Wishing you the best ~Carol

Astroglide
That is also the lubricant that I use. KY, for some reason, causes irritation for me.

mohoper said:

okay...
Okay, I thought it was "just me" having issues with sex etc. Lubricant leaves me irritated too. And a dialator... is that something a doctor prescribes? My husband is wonderful ~ if you've seen the movie Courageous, well, he could be a model for that movie & has been for 18 years; I feel so blessed. We are having "problems" regarding sex, & are just kind of working around it. Physical intimacy is important, but there is so much more too... Thank you!

mohoper
You don't need a physician to prescribe a dilator. I bought mine online from a company called Vaginismus. I bought a set of 4 that come in graduated sizes so you can begin with the smallest and work your way up. Check out their website. As I said above, I have the best results with Astroglide and don't find it irritating.

mohoper said:

Kit or Set?
Thanks ~ I looked at the website; did you get the whole kit or just the set? I'm going to order this week!

Kit or Set
I'm not sure what they called what I ordered, but all I have are the 4 different sized dilators and the handle that fits into the bottom of them. They came in a little bag with some sample lubricant. I think that's all that came with them.

mohoper said:

Kit or Set?
Thanks ~ I looked at the website; did you get the whole kit or just the set? I'm going to order this week!

Dilators
My 43 year old wife has had a partial vulvectomy and 28 radiation treatments to the pelvis. We purchased a set of Dr. Berman's dilators and a silicon vibratory lube from Adam and Eve. They come in a set of four graduated sizes from small to large. The lube dose not irriatate her like KY would. We used the medium sized dilator our onc gave use, but she didnt like the feel of it. The set we purchased vabrates which she says really helps with the relaxation of the vagina. She is 6 weeks post radiaiton and she still has a little discomfort right at first penetration but it stops immediatly. She was so glad that she had "feelings" in that area after radiation as were where told that what surgery didnt take, radiation probably would. They have been wrong so far. We use lots of lube, patience and caring to accomplish this.