Thank you John23 and Tommycat re relies to Carl...Renee

Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
22 years ago I lost my husband to prostate cancer that had metastasized to his bones. He chose no treatment other than radiation to help bone pain. He just wanted to be home. So with the help of Hospice, which was new in this area, I kept him home. I learned to give him his shots for pain, change out IV bags, and anything else that needed doing in order for him to stay home. I was 39 and had no medical training.

One day I went to give him his pain shot and he literally jumped out of bed and accused me of trying to kill him. His cancer was so bad at the time he should not have been able to even GET out of bed. I was so shocked I just stood there until my brain began to function again and I put the needle down and told him didn't have to have anything he didn't want. Tried to reason with him but he was convinced. I got him back to bed and in less than an hour he was in such pain that he asked for the shot.

For 22 years I have mourned the fact that the husband I loved so much thought I was trying to kill him. NO ONE told me that the drugs could cause such thoughts and reactions. By this time he was on dilauded (sp?). 22years of guilt that I didn't do a better job of making him feel safe and loved..... (he passed away at home with me holding his hand....)

And now that I am fighting SCC rectal cancer myself I find that this was probably a drug side effect. THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! I will breath much freer now.

I have been on the Anal cancer board because I misunderstood my diagnosis which was SCC Rectal being treated as SCC Anal. Which worked outwell since the treatments were the same. Now watching BOTH BOARDS! Thanks, Lorikat


  • tommycat
    tommycat Member Posts: 790 Member
    Oh Lorikat...what a long
    Oh Lorikat...what a long time to hold onto so much misguided guilt. What the doctors don't tell us could fill an ocean!!!!!!
    Very glad that you found this discussion.
    PS: I too pop from this Board to the Anal Board because there are many similiarities between my stage 3 rectal dx and the anal dx.