Cannot comprehend what is happening to us.

annalan
annalan Member Posts: 138
in Esophageal Cancer #1
My husband Alan has been ill since Christmas. For three weeks he was treated for a water infection, he saw three doctors, had water samples, one even being sent to the hospital which came back free of cancer cells and four lots of antibiotics. I just knew something was wrong as he was getting worse not better, so I phoned the oncology Dr. that treated Alan when he had his esophagectomy in March 2009 and asked if he would see him. He was very concerned and sent him straight away for bloods, arranged an endosopy and scan. The Dr. told us on Friday that the cancer was back in his liver, Alan is too ill to have chemo so only palliative care can be given. At the moment he is very poorly in hospital and today has been given a blood transfusion. I really want him to get well enough to come home to be looked after with the help of our marvellous hospice care, but I'm not sure that will happen unless he improves considerably. We are in shock as are our two daughters and grandchildren.

Alan was stage 3 with 7 cancerous lymph nodes and poorly differentiated cells but he doesn't read the internet so didn't know the significance of those results, but I always thought we would be lucky, even saying on here once when Eric posted the recurrance rate was 70% and I said that still left us a 30% chance. But we were lucky we had an extra 20 months of good, quality time together and a chance to make more wonderful memories of two lovely holidays in Spain. We'd been married 46 years last Sunday and met when I was just 15 and Alan 19 I just can't imagine my life without him.

Comments

  • BMGky
    BMGky Member Posts: 621
    #2
    So sorry your family is having to deal with this.
    Prayers for your husband and your family. I don't know enough to have any suggestions but wanted to let you know we're thinking of you. BMGky
  • sandy1943
    sandy1943 Member Posts: 824
    #3
    So sorry to hear about
    So sorry to hear about Alan's latest hurdle. This is the kind of thing,we as cancer survivors fear.
    You will be in my prayers. Hoping Alan will be able to go home and be with the family.
    Hugs, Sandra
  • Fighting4Popi2
    Fighting4Popi2 Member Posts: 25 Member
    #4
    Prayers to you and Alan
    My heart is heavy reading your post.... I will be praying for Alan tonight... I wish I knew what to say to give you some comfort.

    You will both be in our thoughts...and prayers

    Lynn
  • TerryV
    TerryV Member Posts: 887
    #5
    I'm so sorry to hear.....
    I understand your comment about fearing life without Alan. I've known Nick since we were 12 / 13 years old. We've not been together that long but we have been very good friends for those many years.

    I hope that Alan improves and is able to return home to be with you for as long as is possible. May your hearts heal together as you walk this next path.

    You will be in our thoughts and prayers.

    Terry
  • Donna70
    Donna70 Member Posts: 852 Member
    #6
    TerryV said:

    I'm so sorry to hear.....
    I understand your comment about fearing life without Alan. I've known Nick since we were 12 / 13 years old. We've not been together that long but we have been very good friends for those many years.

    I hope that Alan improves and is able to return home to be with you for as long as is possible. May your hearts heal together as you walk this next path.

    You will be in our thoughts and prayers.

    Terry

    will keep you and Alan in my prayers
    So sorry to hear about the latest results and Alan's condition not being good. Hoping he does get to come home and you have some quality time with him with the help of hospice. It is always the fear of the other shoe dropping. Glad that you had those trips to Spain. Even though I am surviving 2 yrs so far, Ron and I have been together almost 43 yrs and it is always in the back of my mind that anything can happen now to either one of us and we are each other's best friends, so I know that fear of losing your life long partner but of course mine is not the same when your loved one is so sick. My thoughts and prayers that you all get some more time for you and your family. many hugs,
    Donna70
  • MissusB
    MissusB Member Posts: 111
    #7
    Donna70 said:

    will keep you and Alan in my prayers
    So sorry to hear about the latest results and Alan's condition not being good. Hoping he does get to come home and you have some quality time with him with the help of hospice. It is always the fear of the other shoe dropping. Glad that you had those trips to Spain. Even though I am surviving 2 yrs so far, Ron and I have been together almost 43 yrs and it is always in the back of my mind that anything can happen now to either one of us and we are each other's best friends, so I know that fear of losing your life long partner but of course mine is not the same when your loved one is so sick. My thoughts and prayers that you all get some more time for you and your family. many hugs,
    Donna70

    I feel so deflated reading this...
    as I know had he not died so suddenly Bill would be facing this as well. I am holding very, very good thoughts for you and of course, sending lots of prayers. Eric is testament to the fact that one can have both longevity and a decent quality of life after a Stage 4 diagnosis. He and Michelle are examples for us all. My Bill had primary liver cancer a few years ago and did Theraspheres before his transplant in 2008. If that becomes an option and you want to talk about the procedure, side effects, etc. please PM me. He also took Nexavar but I don't know if that's indicated in this situation. I will be thinking about you both. Love to you - Kim
  • annalan
    annalan Member Posts: 138
    #8
    MissusB said:

    I feel so deflated reading this...
    as I know had he not died so suddenly Bill would be facing this as well. I am holding very, very good thoughts for you and of course, sending lots of prayers. Eric is testament to the fact that one can have both longevity and a decent quality of life after a Stage 4 diagnosis. He and Michelle are examples for us all. My Bill had primary liver cancer a few years ago and did Theraspheres before his transplant in 2008. If that becomes an option and you want to talk about the procedure, side effects, etc. please PM me. He also took Nexavar but I don't know if that's indicated in this situation. I will be thinking about you both. Love to you - Kim

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and prayers. Alan is hopefully coming home today as other than pain meds there is nothing more they can do. Most of the time he is asleep. I know he is really, really poorly but the Oncology dr. said that he could come home and not go into hospice if it was what I preferred, and I do. The hospice nurses will come in to help. We also have two daughters and their husbands who can't do enough for us so I will manage. It has all happened so very quickly just can't take it in but I am doing my best to stay strong for Alan and my girls.
  • annalan
    annalan Member Posts: 138
    #9
    MissusB said:

    I feel so deflated reading this...
    as I know had he not died so suddenly Bill would be facing this as well. I am holding very, very good thoughts for you and of course, sending lots of prayers. Eric is testament to the fact that one can have both longevity and a decent quality of life after a Stage 4 diagnosis. He and Michelle are examples for us all. My Bill had primary liver cancer a few years ago and did Theraspheres before his transplant in 2008. If that becomes an option and you want to talk about the procedure, side effects, etc. please PM me. He also took Nexavar but I don't know if that's indicated in this situation. I will be thinking about you both. Love to you - Kim

    Hello Kim thank you for the
    Hello Kim thank you for the offer of a PM but only God can help Alan now. I know Bill went quick and what a terrible shock that must have been - but quick is good, only my opinion, of course.
  • Freida
    Freida Member Posts: 182
    #10
    annalan said:

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and prayers. Alan is hopefully coming home today as other than pain meds there is nothing more they can do. Most of the time he is asleep. I know he is really, really poorly but the Oncology dr. said that he could come home and not go into hospice if it was what I preferred, and I do. The hospice nurses will come in to help. We also have two daughters and their husbands who can't do enough for us so I will manage. It has all happened so very quickly just can't take it in but I am doing my best to stay strong for Alan and my girls.

    Ann - I am so very sorry for
    Ann - I am so very sorry for this sudden and shocking turn of events. You must just be reeling. I am so glad Alan is getting to come home where he will be surrounded by your love and you both will be surrounded by the love of your family. I wish I could find some words that would be of comfort to you - It is hard to find words - in reality there are none. I wish you all as much peace and comfort as is possible at this time. Wish I could give you a real life hug, but cyber hugs will have to do.{{{{hugs}}}}
  • JReed
    JReed Member Posts: 428
    #11
    annalan said:

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and prayers. Alan is hopefully coming home today as other than pain meds there is nothing more they can do. Most of the time he is asleep. I know he is really, really poorly but the Oncology dr. said that he could come home and not go into hospice if it was what I preferred, and I do. The hospice nurses will come in to help. We also have two daughters and their husbands who can't do enough for us so I will manage. It has all happened so very quickly just can't take it in but I am doing my best to stay strong for Alan and my girls.

    Very sorry
    There are no words that I could add to what has already been said. But do know that you all are in our prayers and thoughts and I'm sure that you all will be so much more comfortable at home.

    Peace be with you,
    Judy
  • cher76
    cher76 Member Posts: 292
    #12
    annalan said:

    Hello Kim thank you for the
    Hello Kim thank you for the offer of a PM but only God can help Alan now. I know Bill went quick and what a terrible shock that must have been - but quick is good, only my opinion, of course.

    I know how very difficult
    I know how very difficult this is for you. Will keep Alan, you and your family in my prayers.
    Cheryl, wife of Rickie, dx stage IV EC, Oct. 2010
    Mets to bones and brain
    Deceased Jan. 4, 2012
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #13
    annalan said:

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and prayers. Alan is hopefully coming home today as other than pain meds there is nothing more they can do. Most of the time he is asleep. I know he is really, really poorly but the Oncology dr. said that he could come home and not go into hospice if it was what I preferred, and I do. The hospice nurses will come in to help. We also have two daughters and their husbands who can't do enough for us so I will manage. It has all happened so very quickly just can't take it in but I am doing my best to stay strong for Alan and my girls.

    Thinking of You
    Hello Ann and welcome to you and Alan. I was a caregiver for my dad, Ray. He passed from ec with mets to the liver in March 2010. I want you to go back and read your first post, the last paragraph. You write how grateful you both are for all of the good memories you have been able to make. Being able to go to Spain! Being able to celebrate your wedding anniversary. Those are the times I want you to remember. Also remember how wonderful your children and your son in laws have been to both of you. You are truly blessed. I am so happy Alan is able to come home. Home is where he needs to be. Keep making those memories, Alan is still here. Know that we are also always here for you. Keep in touch.
    Tina in Va
  • annalan
    annalan Member Posts: 138
    #14
    cher76 said:

    I know how very difficult
    I know how very difficult this is for you. Will keep Alan, you and your family in my prayers.
    Cheryl, wife of Rickie, dx stage IV EC, Oct. 2010
    Mets to bones and brain
    Deceased Jan. 4, 2012

    Again, thank you all for
    Again, thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. Alan wasn't well enough to go home today although hospice and carers, three times a day have been put into place. Really don't know if he will ever make it home but as long as he remains free from pain that's my main concern. Yes, Tina I did read the paragraph again and our last 18/20 months have been filled with Joy. Our youngest grandson is 20 months and he came into the hospital ward and said gan-gan for the very first time. Magic.

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