The first follow up MRI - Holiday's - NERVES!!!!!

AshleyWF
AshleyWF Member Posts: 46
in Brain Cancer #1
It’s been a while once more. I seem to drift off into a world where none of this exists from time to time. Or at least try.

I’ve read a few posts here now saying that the holidays were hard.. As you read of peoples resolutions and plans for their future with their family, it sinks in that, I have no idea what is going to happen, nor can I plan on certain things. The way our life turns out this new year relies on MRI’s and appointments.

The upcoming MRI on the 10th rings in my head with an unpleasant sound and bright red bold letters. My stomach in knots at the thought of what’s to come is now constant. I’m anxious to know, to see, to hear but at the same time wish I never knew a thing. We are all thinking the same thing, every friend, every family member, you can see it without saying a word, and not a word has been said.

The amount of gifts and cards for him received from others this year was overwhelming and it hurts to know why. Every extra present under that tree in comparison to last year, was a reminder. A gloomy cloud … It defiantly did not feel like Christmas.

I had read on here once “trying not to mourn her while she’s alive” How true and hard this is. From time to time I will open my eyes and look at him as he’s lying in bed and think that one day, a day that he will still be to young, a day that I will still be too young.. a day none of us want to think of… I might open my eyes and look over, to see an empty spot in that bed. What if this MRI informs me this day will come sooner than later? How selfish is it for me to think “what am I going to do then” …. I feel so selfish sometimes.

This is going to be our first follow up MRI. I read many times that these are nerve racking… never did I really know. Asking for lots of thoughts and prayers that our news is good news. Wishing I had a way to fix it all for him …… trying my hardest to hand it over to god, but what if gods plan isn’t what I’m hoping for …………..

Comments

  • chicken2799
    chicken2799 Member Posts: 105
    #2
    Holiday MRI
    I am on the opposite side of you, and I was diagnosed in October of 2009 with AA3! I know what you mean about the Christmas Presents. That year I had so many presents under the tree, and I felt like every one knew I was going to pass away soon. The doctor's have never given me a timeframe, and I have been cancer free for 2 years and almost 3 months. I go for my follow up MRI on January 18th! All I can think about is I wish it were time already because the suspense is driving me crazy! I look at my little girl who is 4 and my husband and pray that I will see her married! Pray that I will get to hold my Grandkids, and help her with them. It does not seem fair, but like you said we have to hand it over to God, and hope his plans are what we are hoping for. I can see your point of view on this too, because I lost my Mom to a Brain Tumor when I was 7, but I remember thinking that I was not going to have a Mom soon. That is what breaks my heart for my Little Girl! I am glad you posted, because on this site we can say how we really feel without our loved one's knowing that we are struggling too. Again for two different reasons, but you help me understand what my Husband must be feeling right now! I hope for wonderful news on his MRI, and please keep us posted!

    You are in my prayers!

    Michelle
    Mobile, Al
  • Young mom
    Young mom Member Posts: 4
    #3
    I hear ya
    I assume you are referring to your husband. I am in the same boat as you as we await an MRI at the end of this month for my husband. I am 40 with 3 young children and I selfishly think about what comes next and that it could not get much worse. I hope it goes well for you.

Discussion Boards