Prayers for strength

cher76
cher76 Member Posts: 292
in Esophageal Cancer #1
Thank you everyone for your kind words and condolences. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to face. At least when we were fighting this terrible disease we were together, but now he is gone and my heart aches for him. I pray for strength to face the days ahead.
I have posted a link to Rickie's obituary.
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/valleystar/obituary.aspx?n=rickie-a-janssen&pid=155346568

Comments

  • ritawaite13
    ritawaite13 Member Posts: 236
    #2
    Hi Cheryl
    I truly feel your pain. I lost Greg on 10/24/11 and it's been tough. I have an amazing support system of friends and family but it's still tough. I have found a few books that have been helpful. I know you are a believer so I recommend Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo. Another good pick is You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson. I also have joined Mourning Dawns which is an online support group for widows of EC victims. The women on there are amazing. They all "get it" because they've walked in our shoes. They are very supportive and willing to listen to whatever you have to say. I learned about this group from Barb Rizzatello (mrsbotch from the CSN-EC discussion boards). If you're interested, just let me know and I can hook you up.
    Part of what I've tried to tell myself is that I can CHOOSE to be a happier person. This isn't easy but I HATE being miserable because miserable is just not who I am. My nightly mantra is "I choose to be happy". I keep a journal of at least 3 things every day that make me happy or at least make me smile. I re-read those journal entries when I'm feeling low and it somehow helps me to focus on the positive aspects of my life. I tell myself "I am alive!" "I am still enjoying my friends and family and the other good things in my life" - there are many! The other thing I know to be true is the fact that Greg would never want me to be miserable.

    I won't lie to you Cheryl, the holidays were rough but I survived them. Our 42nd wedding anniversary is coming up on January 24th and I'm not looking forward to it. Before Greg got sick, we had planned a 2 week trip to Hawaii (a long time dream for Greg) on February 18 and I'm not looking forward to that date either. Greg's 65th birthday would have been February 25 and that will also be a rough day. But I will survive all of these dates, just as I survived the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas and the first New Years Eve without him. I already know I will shed some tears on those days but that's okay. You will have all of these "firsts" too Cheryl and they're not easy but by taking just one day (or even one hour) at a time, you will survive them too. I truly feel that all of us former caregivers suffer from a form of PTSD. Going from focusing solely on our duties to focusing on nothing is not easy. We were so intent for so long on food, weight loss, appointments, medications, tests, feeding tubes, bowel functions and so on and so on that when it all ended, we were in a state of shock. Watching our husbands suffer and die from such a horrible disease was a traumatic experience and now we are suffering from that post-traumatic stress disorder.
    I think one thing that's important to remember is just to allow yourself to grieve. After being so focused on our husbands for so long, it's hard to focus on what we need but what we need is to grieve. We need to sob and cry and be okay and then cry and sob some more. We all need to allow ourselves as much time and as many tears as we (individually) need. I think that seeing our husbands suffer and die is something we will never get over but we will get through. At some point, we can emerge as the woman they've always been proud of - changed but okay and ready to face whatever life hands us next.
    If I can be of any help to you, please don't hesitate to contact me. In the meantime, I will pray for you. I'm not typically a churchy person or deeply involved in organized religion but I do believe in the power of prayer.
    Watch for signs Cheryl! Since Greg passed away I've gotten 4 pretty significant signs that he's okay and he's still with me - his body is gone but his spirit is still very much with me as I'm sure Rickie's is with you.
    Hugs to you,
    Rita
  • dodger21
    dodger21 Member Posts: 85 Member
    #3
    ritawaite13 said:

    Hi Cheryl
    I truly feel your pain. I lost Greg on 10/24/11 and it's been tough. I have an amazing support system of friends and family but it's still tough. I have found a few books that have been helpful. I know you are a believer so I recommend Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo. Another good pick is You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson. I also have joined Mourning Dawns which is an online support group for widows of EC victims. The women on there are amazing. They all "get it" because they've walked in our shoes. They are very supportive and willing to listen to whatever you have to say. I learned about this group from Barb Rizzatello (mrsbotch from the CSN-EC discussion boards). If you're interested, just let me know and I can hook you up.
    Part of what I've tried to tell myself is that I can CHOOSE to be a happier person. This isn't easy but I HATE being miserable because miserable is just not who I am. My nightly mantra is "I choose to be happy". I keep a journal of at least 3 things every day that make me happy or at least make me smile. I re-read those journal entries when I'm feeling low and it somehow helps me to focus on the positive aspects of my life. I tell myself "I am alive!" "I am still enjoying my friends and family and the other good things in my life" - there are many! The other thing I know to be true is the fact that Greg would never want me to be miserable.

    I won't lie to you Cheryl, the holidays were rough but I survived them. Our 42nd wedding anniversary is coming up on January 24th and I'm not looking forward to it. Before Greg got sick, we had planned a 2 week trip to Hawaii (a long time dream for Greg) on February 18 and I'm not looking forward to that date either. Greg's 65th birthday would have been February 25 and that will also be a rough day. But I will survive all of these dates, just as I survived the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas and the first New Years Eve without him. I already know I will shed some tears on those days but that's okay. You will have all of these "firsts" too Cheryl and they're not easy but by taking just one day (or even one hour) at a time, you will survive them too. I truly feel that all of us former caregivers suffer from a form of PTSD. Going from focusing solely on our duties to focusing on nothing is not easy. We were so intent for so long on food, weight loss, appointments, medications, tests, feeding tubes, bowel functions and so on and so on that when it all ended, we were in a state of shock. Watching our husbands suffer and die from such a horrible disease was a traumatic experience and now we are suffering from that post-traumatic stress disorder.
    I think one thing that's important to remember is just to allow yourself to grieve. After being so focused on our husbands for so long, it's hard to focus on what we need but what we need is to grieve. We need to sob and cry and be okay and then cry and sob some more. We all need to allow ourselves as much time and as many tears as we (individually) need. I think that seeing our husbands suffer and die is something we will never get over but we will get through. At some point, we can emerge as the woman they've always been proud of - changed but okay and ready to face whatever life hands us next.
    If I can be of any help to you, please don't hesitate to contact me. In the meantime, I will pray for you. I'm not typically a churchy person or deeply involved in organized religion but I do believe in the power of prayer.
    Watch for signs Cheryl! Since Greg passed away I've gotten 4 pretty significant signs that he's okay and he's still with me - his body is gone but his spirit is still very much with me as I'm sure Rickie's is with you.
    Hugs to you,
    Rita

    Prayers
    Cheryl,
    You have been in my prayers nightly. Just take it one day at a time.
    Rita, what you wrote above was beautiful. I especially love that you CHOOSE to be a happier person. That is inspirational.
    Danielle
  • rose20
    rose20 Member Posts: 258
    #4
    Cheryl, we are praying
    I will post this on my facebook there are many there that have prayer chains, as they call them, in their churches and will be praying for strength for you.

    God will help you, I don't how He does it but He provides us with the strength necessary to face what we have to.
    I never would have thought I would survive after my son but here I am and God's strength never runs dry He supplies new strength for each new day. He will hold you up. Rest in His arms and let His comfort and peace cover you.
  • Ginny_B
    Ginny_B Member Posts: 532
    #5
    Brave woman
    You are a brave and strong woman and you have the right to mourn your loss. Just keep coming here and talking. Lots of support here.
    Hugs to you!
  • chrissiebass
    chrissiebass Member Posts: 56
    #6
    Ginny_B said:

    Brave woman
    You are a brave and strong woman and you have the right to mourn your loss. Just keep coming here and talking. Lots of support here.
    Hugs to you!

    cheryl
    What Rita wrote is so touching and beautiful. I can not say I know how you are feeling, because I don't, but only can imagine the heartache you feel right now. You and your family are ALWAYS in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and be in touch when you feel up to it.

    sending extra love and hugs,

    chrissie
  • unclaw2002
    unclaw2002 Member Posts: 599
    #7
    Cheryl,
    Thank you so much
    Cheryl,

    Thank you so much for sharing Ricki's obituary with us. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know that it will be difficult in the days ahead and there will be good and bad days --- so take them as they come and remember to take care of yourself. It is so overwhelming once the fight, as you said is over, and we are left behind without our loved ones.

    Hugs and love,
    Cindy
  • Bobs1wife
    Bobs1wife Member Posts: 150
    #8
    unclaw2002 said:

    Cheryl,
    Thank you so much
    Cheryl,

    Thank you so much for sharing Ricki's obituary with us. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know that it will be difficult in the days ahead and there will be good and bad days --- so take them as they come and remember to take care of yourself. It is so overwhelming once the fight, as you said is over, and we are left behind without our loved ones.

    Hugs and love,
    Cindy

    Cheryl and family
    My heart aches for all of you and I will be praying for the strength to let yourself grieve, and that with some time more, and more, of the tears can change to smiles with the memory of your life together. May you see Ricki in your children and grandchildren and be so proud.

    Rita, You are amazing. Choosing the path of happiness is what we all need to do, yet seems to take so much effort. There was the most beautiful poem I found once about celebrating the person you have lost with love, joy and happiness, rather than despair. I have looked and haven't been able to find it, so if anyone knows what I am referring to I would love to read it again, and keep it this time. It was over a year ago, and I can't remember if it was on this site, or not. It was simply beautiful.

    Love and prayers, Linda
  • Daisylin
    Daisylin Member Posts: 365
    #9
    Bobs1wife said:

    Cheryl and family
    My heart aches for all of you and I will be praying for the strength to let yourself grieve, and that with some time more, and more, of the tears can change to smiles with the memory of your life together. May you see Ricki in your children and grandchildren and be so proud.

    Rita, You are amazing. Choosing the path of happiness is what we all need to do, yet seems to take so much effort. There was the most beautiful poem I found once about celebrating the person you have lost with love, joy and happiness, rather than despair. I have looked and haven't been able to find it, so if anyone knows what I am referring to I would love to read it again, and keep it this time. It was over a year ago, and I can't remember if it was on this site, or not. It was simply beautiful.

    Love and prayers, Linda

    Cheryl,
    I am praying for your strength. Please remember to take one day at a time, and even one moment at a time. I have found that keeping busy is the best way for me to cope. I have taken on so many 'make work' projects at home and with friends, that I rarely find time to dwell on what I'm missing.

    I miss Lee like crazy, and maybe I'm still in the denial stage, but I find it very comforting to know that he's not suffering anymore. For him, the last 10 months of life were a living hell, and I'm so glad that he does not have to face any more pain and suffering. That's what gets me through the long nights and lonely days. He did his suffering, now it's my turn.

    I am so sorry for you, and hope that healing and well being finds you, eventually. Today marks 2 months and 1 day of my sorrow for me, and i'm still feeling numb. This is such an unfair disease, our wonderful husbands (and all the others here of course) did not deserve to suffer so much.

    I wish you all the best in the days, months and years to come,
    as always,
    be well my friend,
    Chantal
  • MissusB
    MissusB Member Posts: 111
    #10
    Daisylin said:

    Cheryl,
    I am praying for your strength. Please remember to take one day at a time, and even one moment at a time. I have found that keeping busy is the best way for me to cope. I have taken on so many 'make work' projects at home and with friends, that I rarely find time to dwell on what I'm missing.

    I miss Lee like crazy, and maybe I'm still in the denial stage, but I find it very comforting to know that he's not suffering anymore. For him, the last 10 months of life were a living hell, and I'm so glad that he does not have to face any more pain and suffering. That's what gets me through the long nights and lonely days. He did his suffering, now it's my turn.

    I am so sorry for you, and hope that healing and well being finds you, eventually. Today marks 2 months and 1 day of my sorrow for me, and i'm still feeling numb. This is such an unfair disease, our wonderful husbands (and all the others here of course) did not deserve to suffer so much.

    I wish you all the best in the days, months and years to come,
    as always,
    be well my friend,
    Chantal

    I feel the same way Chantal does....
    For Bill, although he had so many illnesses, he didn't have to suffer at the end and was taken quickly. When I am feeling lonely and miserable and afraid (which is often), I tell myself that my wonderful man didn't have to be afraid or suffer. It's so hard not to be selfish, and I have my lapses, but I loved him so much that I wouldn't wish his time here on Earth to be longer just so I could find more comfort. Rita - Cher - Chantal - love to you all. We can get through this with the help of our friends and loved ones and each other.

    RITA - I am so glad you've brought up the subject of "signs" - I believe Bill has sent me a few as well and only when I discuss it with someone who has had a loss do I feel comfortable.

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