Hi Everyone-New Here

froggerjen
froggerjen Member Posts: 28
in Esophageal Cancer #1
Hello,

My dad has esophageal cancer. He has gone through his chemo/radiation and is preparing for surgery, which will occur in a couple weeks. He is doctoring at the Mayo in Rochester, MN. I am looking for support and education.

Our family consists of my parents and I also have a sister. We are both married. My Mom is coping so poorly with this, no one can even bring it up in front of her. My dad seems to be coping better than my Mom. Part of me is so mad at her that Dad is the one with cancer but it seems like so much of my energy is worrying about Mom. We are not a family that talks about or shows emotions so it's been a little difficult. My sister and I are very close, though. So we stick together!

The closer the surgery date is, the more anxious I am getting and I look forward to learning from all of you!

Jen

Comments

  • billnvfoa
    billnvfoa Member Posts: 7
    #2
    Jen,
    Your Mom is going
    Jen,

    Your Mom is going through something she too never thought would have to experience. As long as Dad is in good spirts Mom will come around. It is great that you and your sister are close and that will be the support Dad needs. I have cancer to and know what your Dad is going through. Love and support is what everyone needs a this point.

    Bill
  • BMGky
    BMGky Member Posts: 621
    #3
    Congratulations for being eligible for surgery!!
    It is hard to think that congratulations are in order when facing such a dire diagnosis. Yet, a person is lucky to get to have the surgery. There are so many on this board who want most earnestly to have such a chance. We, here, all want the best for each diagnosed patient.

    You will hear from the multiple survivors who post on this board. Do NOT read the statistics. They are not up to date and include all sorts of other side conditions that are not just EC.

    When my husband was diagnosed, he took it much better than I. Devastation does not describe my reaction. Your Dad has reached a great milestone. With good surgical outcome, there are better days ahead.

    I don't know whether he is having MIE (which is cool and less invasive) or the IL (which is challenging with long term recovery): either one offers a chance for NED (No evidence of disease) That is the goal each person who has the surgery strives to reach.

    My husband had the IL. Was in ICU 10 days post-op and on the surgery floor for an additional 20 days. The work really began when he came home. Adjusting to meds, pain, weakness, food: You name it. It takes about 6 to 7 months to start thinking things are getting better.

    Don't lose sight of that goal. My husband works fulltime. He is very active. Enjoys food. Loving life. Many bumps getting to this point, and still, eating issues pop up every now and then.

    Post here and ask questions. Everyone on this discussion board is soooo helpful. When my husband was first diagnosed, I felt hopeless. Then, two separate friends spoke of a family member or a co-worker who had been through the treatment for EC and had the surgery, and are enjoying life even 6 or more years post-op. Whenever I faltered, I would remember those conversations and re-affirm that I was going to do all that I could to get my husband there.

    Good luck!! Let us know how it's going. Tell your Dad, "Hi!" and that we're all pulling for him, your mother, and your family.
    BMGky
    Dx Dec 2009 T2N0M0
    Chemo/Radiation
    IL April 2010
    Last scan: NED
  • GerryS
    GerryS Member Posts: 227 Member
    #4
    Stay positive.....................
    What your father needs is for all of you to be positive and supportive. I was diagnosed in Feb 2010. Stage 2. I had Ivor Lewis surgery at Mayo Clinic, MN in March 2010. My surgeon was Dr DeChamps ann my oncologist is Dr Alberts. My recovery was at St. Mary's. This is a tough surgery and recovery, I also had follow up chemo as one node had cancer. BMGky was right, 6-7 months recovery. Now to the positive, I am NED (No evidence of disease) for nearly two years now. I am working full time and enjoy eating again. I eat almost anything just not as much. I have so much to live for, supportive wife, 4 children (grown) and 6 beautiful grandchildren and a wonderful supportive rural community. This is what got me through it. Lot of prayers and support. Accept help from others and stay positive. This cancer is a shock and your father will need a lot of support. I have very few complications and am a very grateful man. I will pray for your family. God Bless.......

    Gerry
    Stage2N1M0
    Age 59
  • sandy1943
    sandy1943 Member Posts: 824
    #5
    Jen, Welcome to our family.
    Jen, Welcome to our family. I know it's hard since mom won't communicate. It would help her so much to vent her worry and anger (Yes anger). We all have it, whether we're the patient or caregiver, because it is something that effects us all. You're so lucky to have your sister to lean on. You didn't say his staging or type of surgery. As some of the others pointed out, the MIE is so much better, with a shorter recovery time.I had the ivor lewis 3 1/2 yrs ago. As some of the others have said, it is bad, but I am also still cancer free . I was stage three.
    Stay away from web sites with all the bad statistics. There are a lot of us that are beating the statistics. Read and ask any questions you want on here and you will get the real life experiences with a lot of knowledge thrown in.
    Dad will have a lot of life changes after surgery,but we have all adjusted to them. It is just a new wy of life.
    Please give us more info. if you can. How did he handle tratment so far? Everyone does differnt.
    Your dad will be in my prayers,
    Sandra
  • froggerjen
    froggerjen Member Posts: 28
    #6
    sandy1943 said:

    Jen, Welcome to our family.
    Jen, Welcome to our family. I know it's hard since mom won't communicate. It would help her so much to vent her worry and anger (Yes anger). We all have it, whether we're the patient or caregiver, because it is something that effects us all. You're so lucky to have your sister to lean on. You didn't say his staging or type of surgery. As some of the others pointed out, the MIE is so much better, with a shorter recovery time.I had the ivor lewis 3 1/2 yrs ago. As some of the others have said, it is bad, but I am also still cancer free . I was stage three.
    Stay away from web sites with all the bad statistics. There are a lot of us that are beating the statistics. Read and ask any questions you want on here and you will get the real life experiences with a lot of knowledge thrown in.
    Dad will have a lot of life changes after surgery,but we have all adjusted to them. It is just a new wy of life.
    Please give us more info. if you can. How did he handle tratment so far? Everyone does differnt.
    Your dad will be in my prayers,
    Sandra

    Thanks, Everyone!
    Such good response so quick! My dad's cancer is at stage 2 I think. He initially doctored in Fargo last summer. They did about 6 wks of chemo on him. It was supposed to be really harsh but for some reason he had no reaction to it. A rescan showed the tumor hadn't shrunk, so he went to the Mayo. They put him on a chemo/radiation regimin which he did in northern MN since that's where he lives. Monday, Jan 16th he will be rescanned at the Mayo to see how the tumor looks. If the dr. is satisfied, he will have the IL procedure the next day.

    I don't know, he is downplaying the surgery. My Mom seems to have no idea how bad it's going to be, she still thinks they can vacation in Arizona in a couple months! Do I talk to her about that or not? She's in a bubble or so it seems. Maybe it's just that I'm her daughter and she doesn't want to show weakness to me. That's how I would be with my kids. Anyway, thanks for the positive and helpful comments and I welcome all advice! Jen
  • froggerjen
    froggerjen Member Posts: 28
    #7
    One more quick note
    I also wanted to mention that my husband has prostate cancer. He was diagnosed 1 month after we were married in 2006. They found it very early and he has been doing "watchful waiting" ever since. Now he feels he is ready for surgery... maybe because of my Dad. So all the men in my life have cancer... I guess you can say I am going to be in the role of caregiver for a while. I should get lots of practice. Anyway, I didn't go into shock with my Dad's cancer news last summer, maybe because I had already been through that with my husband or maybe it's yet to come. Thanks for listening... Jen
  • TerryV
    TerryV Member Posts: 887
    #8
    froggerjen said:

    One more quick note
    I also wanted to mention that my husband has prostate cancer. He was diagnosed 1 month after we were married in 2006. They found it very early and he has been doing "watchful waiting" ever since. Now he feels he is ready for surgery... maybe because of my Dad. So all the men in my life have cancer... I guess you can say I am going to be in the role of caregiver for a while. I should get lots of practice. Anyway, I didn't go into shock with my Dad's cancer news last summer, maybe because I had already been through that with my husband or maybe it's yet to come. Thanks for listening... Jen

    What a load you carry on your shoulders!
    Goodness Jen! Care giving for both your husband and your father - your mom's very lucky to have your calm presence around to assist. You've got familiarity with the routine.

    I hope your dad took treatment well. The surgery *is* a big deal, but it's totally recoverable. My husband is almost 4 months past his surgery and is doing great most days. There are new challenges and rules to meals, but time and experience will help that. Fatigue and stamina issues aren't uncommon for him either.

    Don't "pooh-pooh" your mom's idea of the vacation just yet. Your dad may surprise you and be up to a relaxing getaway. I mean, your mom's not hoping to go snorkling or excessive touring, is she? :) Sitting in a lounge chair sipping daquaris might be a nice change from visiting docs. Especially if you can escape a MN winter ;)

    "Welcome" Jen! Sorry you're had to find us, but glad you came here to get information. You can't beat the real life experiences shared here.

    Love & hugs to you and your family!

    Terry
    wife to Nick, age 48
    dx T3N1M0 05/19/11
    26 rads & 2 weeks of cisplatin/5FU
    THE 09/08/11
    Clean Path 09/13/11

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