the stent in my ureter, just wanting to talk about feeling guilty

lizzie17
lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
in Breast Cancer #1
I am still bleeding ---surgery dec. 22nd to remove kidney stone and insert the stent to my bladder, and the doctor now put me to bedrest. I was doing too much.

I feel so awful missing work and I love my job!! But physically, it is not possible nor advised.

Does anyone feel really guilty for being sick and unable to just be who we were?
It is so difficult to adjust to the new me. I want the old me back.

I want to go on a cruise, and the reply was, " we better wait until we see what happens with your health." I know he means well, but....that is my new story now.

Thanks for listening.

Comments

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #2
    not sure how old your are
    not sure how old your are but I am 52 and had total hysterectomy in May 2011- I totally listened to the dr...did nothing, missed 6 wks work and didnt' feel bad...NO FOOD IN HOUSE...oh well 3 adults there if need be..HOUSE WORK...ignored...I let things go I thought I never could...take care of yourself..dont' do too much...

    I ordered food to be delivered FOR ME..and didnt' feel guilty..everyone else could make or got get...and I DID not feel bad or guilty..

    first time selfish or put myself first..and PROUD of it..

    Denise
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    #3
    Don't ever feel guilty
    Don't ever feel guilty Lizzie. Look at what you are dealing with. Just focus on getting better and take care of yourself!
  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #4
    Not anymore. I use to not
    Not anymore. I use to not even call in sick when I was sick. Now that I am on total disability, I sometimes feel bored on days that I am feeling good with no where that I have to be, but guilty, No Way.

    Disappointed when I was told that I am grounded as far as going on a real trip. But no guilt. I cook when I feel good, (I love to cook), but if I don't feel like it, my son is capable and knows how to cook for himself, grocery shop, or go out to dinner... it is nice because if he goes to get something he comes and takes my order! laugh.

    Throw guilt for being sick out the window, it takes up way too much energy.
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #5
    disneyfan2008 said:

    not sure how old your are
    not sure how old your are but I am 52 and had total hysterectomy in May 2011- I totally listened to the dr...did nothing, missed 6 wks work and didnt' feel bad...NO FOOD IN HOUSE...oh well 3 adults there if need be..HOUSE WORK...ignored...I let things go I thought I never could...take care of yourself..dont' do too much...

    I ordered food to be delivered FOR ME..and didnt' feel guilty..everyone else could make or got get...and I DID not feel bad or guilty..

    first time selfish or put myself first..and PROUD of it..

    Denise

    you are right thanks
    I am 57 and have two adult daughters, one lives nearby. She told me she was not going to baby or coddle me about 5 days after surgery. Still getting over that.

    Today, I actually did nothing. And I feel OK about it!!

    I think since I didn't do what the doctor said originally, because I tried to be the same old mom, now I am slow to heal.

    You know what, I need to for once in my life put myself first, just hope I really can.
    For my sake.
  • sunnyaz
    sunnyaz Member Posts: 582
    #6
    camul said:

    Not anymore. I use to not
    Not anymore. I use to not even call in sick when I was sick. Now that I am on total disability, I sometimes feel bored on days that I am feeling good with no where that I have to be, but guilty, No Way.

    Disappointed when I was told that I am grounded as far as going on a real trip. But no guilt. I cook when I feel good, (I love to cook), but if I don't feel like it, my son is capable and knows how to cook for himself, grocery shop, or go out to dinner... it is nice because if he goes to get something he comes and takes my order! laugh.

    Throw guilt for being sick out the window, it takes up way too much energy.

    It's so good to read these
    It's so good to read these posts. I needed to hear this. Recently been struggling with having not much PTO and husband thinks I should go to work everyday even when I have pain and sorrow.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #7
    sunnyaz said:

    It's so good to read these
    It's so good to read these posts. I needed to hear this. Recently been struggling with having not much PTO and husband thinks I should go to work everyday even when I have pain and sorrow.

    I have personally had it
    I have personally had it with everyone's opinions. Seems like people want to tell us what we should feel or do. Even the responses among patients vary. The sad part is we listen and think we are failing if we cant do it. I hated saying I cant, and it was humbling. I am a nurse and there was plenty of judgement. I am the type of person who is independent so trust me if I can I will. Just recently almost two years after debilitating chemo have I been able to floor work in a 20 hour capacity. the insurance company doesnt want to pay me, my manager wanted to help me, but only in the way she wanted to help me. It made me crazy. I am my biggest advocate and expert. I struggle to put myself first, but when I see myself going down that path I stop. prior to diagnosis everyone was first, now I say I dont want the whole pie but I want a piece of it. If the house isnt cleaned because I need to rest, exersize etc... then it doesnt get cleaned. People can feed themselves or I can feed them but its not my job necessarily we are a family and we all work together. Anyway off my soapbox just Really....... do they think we are whiners? I say try it!!
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #8
    carkris said:

    I have personally had it
    I have personally had it with everyone's opinions. Seems like people want to tell us what we should feel or do. Even the responses among patients vary. The sad part is we listen and think we are failing if we cant do it. I hated saying I cant, and it was humbling. I am a nurse and there was plenty of judgement. I am the type of person who is independent so trust me if I can I will. Just recently almost two years after debilitating chemo have I been able to floor work in a 20 hour capacity. the insurance company doesnt want to pay me, my manager wanted to help me, but only in the way she wanted to help me. It made me crazy. I am my biggest advocate and expert. I struggle to put myself first, but when I see myself going down that path I stop. prior to diagnosis everyone was first, now I say I dont want the whole pie but I want a piece of it. If the house isnt cleaned because I need to rest, exersize etc... then it doesnt get cleaned. People can feed themselves or I can feed them but its not my job necessarily we are a family and we all work together. Anyway off my soapbox just Really....... do they think we are whiners? I say try it!!

    well said
    and I am feeling mentally stronger.

    i know the look i will get from her ---the "you are a whimp, hypochondriac, weak" look.

    BUT...oh well, I am her mom, and am doing the best I can.

    And I agree, I am also tired of being told what we should feel or do. No one really knows

    unless they are in our shoes, and actually LISTENED or was there to even hear

    what the doctor said/says.

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