Can you guys see me???

share what's on your heart
There have been a couple of times when Mom became so difficult that I couldn't take it, and we had serious talks. As time went on I began setting my own limits, too. When she was in a certain mood, I'd stay as far away as I could, and she had to be nice to get my attention beyond immediate things like keeping up meds. Share what's on your heart with your husband. Even if you end up losing him (perhaps especially if), he has to do his part to make each day count.

Brenda Bricco said:

He strikes again
We made plans last night to go see a friend in the hospital that is losing her battle with inflammatory breast cancer this morning, then go do some shopping and maybe and maybe some lunch. Apparently before I woke up one if his buddies that also wanted to go visit the friend called and trumped me in the trip to the valley. He got dressed and left to meet his friend so I took my dog for a two mile walk in the slushy snow. I thought that maybe by the time I got back it would all make sense but it still doesn't. I am not sure what he is thinking anymore. I feel so alone now. I don't even want to look at him or talk to him. How can I feel this way about someone I love so much?
Last summer he was accusing me of cheating and of others having interest in me. He was so bad that I withdrew from a lot of people to ease his insecurities. Here I sit by myself wondering how the heck I got here. I can't even cry anymore, I feel like I need to but I can't. I am numb one minute and angry the next. Feeling like I don't exist anymore...

You're not alone
You do exist, and you are important. I am in a position of being a cancer patient/caregiver for my husband. I am 8months post treatment for anal cancer ( stage 3 large tumor ) Its been tough and tho I'm doing ok for now I'm not out of the woods yet, and have a lot of side effects I'm dealing with. Talk about being trumped: my husbands multiple myeloma flared up after being on a maintenance chemo program and just last month he received a full bone marrow transplant. We have to stay in a town 3hrs from home for the next 3months to be near HIS hospital and HIS doctors and are on constant watch for rejection issues. I do not wish this on anyone, but everyone seems to have forgoten about my health and all the focus is on my husband....especially by my husband. He never took the time to learn much about my cancer and is relatively unaware of what I am going through. Yet...I have dropped everything to help him, setting up living arrangements, in home treatment, food, finances, and still keeping things in some order at home. I never hear "Thank you" and don't expect I will. I also have given up most of any social life I had for among other reasons his feeling insecure. What a joke....I have anal cancer!!!!! I pray a lot these days and remind myself that in the big picture this is just a very tiny part of the plan. This will be like a spec of dust when all is said and done. Crying helps too...this is probably not how you invisioned your life so a bit of caregiver pity is absolutely acceptable. I will pray for better days for you, keep in touch.

Brenda Bricco said:

Thanks Everyone,
I hate that
Thanks Everyone,
I hate that I let these things get to me. I just want my husband to stay here with me and be my partner for a long time to come. I sometimes feel angry that he might be leaving me even though I know that if he has the choice he will stay.
Two of his friends lost their battles with cancer (one lung, one breast) in the last month so the reality of this dreadful disease and all it takes from us is right in my face. I am feeling weak and don't want to let my husband know how afraid I am. I feel the need to remain strong and lift him up when ever he needs it. I really need to remember to go to my strength (praying and faith) when I feel this way.
God's blessings to you all.
Brenda

You're not weak!!!
Sometimes I feel weak too and feel I need to be strong for my husband also, but I have also learned that he still needs to feel needed. So let him help you with something...ask his opinion on how to do something or to physically do something for you. ( even if its not truely needed ) Don't be afraid, you are not alone in this battle, one way or another I feel your husband will come through and be with you for a long time. My prayers are with you.

eihtak said:

You're not alone
You do exist, and you are important. I am in a position of being a cancer patient/caregiver for my husband. I am 8months post treatment for anal cancer ( stage 3 large tumor ) Its been tough and tho I'm doing ok for now I'm not out of the woods yet, and have a lot of side effects I'm dealing with. Talk about being trumped: my husbands multiple myeloma flared up after being on a maintenance chemo program and just last month he received a full bone marrow transplant. We have to stay in a town 3hrs from home for the next 3months to be near HIS hospital and HIS doctors and are on constant watch for rejection issues. I do not wish this on anyone, but everyone seems to have forgoten about my health and all the focus is on my husband....especially by my husband. He never took the time to learn much about my cancer and is relatively unaware of what I am going through. Yet...I have dropped everything to help him, setting up living arrangements, in home treatment, food, finances, and still keeping things in some order at home. I never hear "Thank you" and don't expect I will. I also have given up most of any social life I had for among other reasons his feeling insecure. What a joke....I have anal cancer!!!!! I pray a lot these days and remind myself that in the big picture this is just a very tiny part of the plan. This will be like a spec of dust when all is said and done. Crying helps too...this is probably not how you invisioned your life so a bit of caregiver pity is absolutely acceptable. I will pray for better days for you, keep in touch.

I'm here!
I can totally relate to the question, "Can you see me?" I am caring for my fiance, who was diagnosed with Larygeal cancer in October 2011. The longest three months of my life. He has been in treatment and is almost done. Only 9 days to go of radiation, and two chemos. It would seem that at this point he'd be encouraged and upbeat, but he isn't. More like discouraged, depressed and ready to give up. He has lost so much weight and is struggling to get enough nutrition through his g-tube. I have gone from being the fun, loving, friend/lover/fiance to the enemy. He gets angry at me and I often feel lonely and overwhelmed. And all I'm trying to do is keep him alive and get him well. I live for the days when someone comes over to be with him and I get to go out. Yesterday I called in the "kids" (his grown children) because I couldn't get him out of bed or to treatment or to do his nutrition. I left and took the dogs for a long walk. I have to think about it as like having a fussy baby. You have to take care of them and love them and feed them and remember to take break when you feel unappreciated, tired and overwhelmed. I don't know if this is normal towards the end of treatment or what. I can see you and you are a special person to be doing this very difficult job.