Sick and tired of this beast!

Lorikat
Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
edited December 2011 in Anal Cancer #1
I am soooo tired of thinking about cancer. And I can NOT seem to stop! It is always at the back of every thought I have. Every ache, every pain, every upset stomach, cancer. Want to go somewhere? Check in with the cancer to see if I can make it without an accident or having fatigue hit me so that I have to quit and either sit in the car or go home. Try not to let every conversation eventually end up about cancer because that has GOT to be boring to most, but cancer is right there on the tip of my tongue. Mostly I just keep everything to myself except here on the board. It is so good to be able to talk to people going through the same or similar things.

My Mother also has cancer and being sick is ALL she wants to talk about! I was her caregiver for years before my dx and tx and I have a hard time listening to her any more, so I don't spend nearly the time I used to with her. I always leave SO depressed. Thankfully my brother took over as her caregiver when I was dx. He is doing a good job, as Mom can't manipulate him like she does me! (Mom has kidney cancer, has for years, chose no tx. Cancer has grown little over the last 3 years.)

I have my first checkup starting the Jan 25. Maybe when I get my results and they are good I will be able to clear my mind.

Feel bad whining when some are going through so much worse with less support..........upbeat from here on out......

Comments

  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    #2
    Lorikat
    Yes, I understand completely, we never know when we will have to go. Let me tell you it does get better. The 1st year was iffy, but after the 1st year I have full control. I completed tx 6-30-09, and feel better than I have in years.

    I have had 2 cancers and I understand the worry, just remember that because we are scanned for recurrence if anything should come up it will be caught at the earliest and most curable stage. Some people don't know they have anything until its at a later stage and then its harder to cure.

    I have been cancer free since 9-23-10 where I had my lower right lung lobe removed. I had a nodule come up on a follow up anal scan, where it was then re-scanned 3 months later and found to have grown, so it had to come out. It was a smokers cancer and not a metastasis. I quit smoking 5-4-09 before the anal cancer tx started.

    If I had not been scanned for anal I might not have caught it at a curable stage. Yes lung cancer is curable at early stages.

    I go for my next pet scan on 1-10-12.

    I wish us all well. Lori
  • alis7910
    alis7910 Member Posts: 80
    #3
    lorikat
    Hi:
    I am 2years and 4 months after treatment and I still worry about being caught with an accident somewhere! I understand how you feel; your feelings are important and it's ggod that you feel safe to express them here. I think we all got tired of seeing doctors and the treatments.it does get easier down the road, and then it is easier to feel grateful for what we do have.
    hugs to you and know that every day brings you closer to healing.
  • pjs62
    pjs62 Member Posts: 95
    #4
    Lori I understand....just
    Lori I understand....just last night I cried with my hubby about all we've gone thru & will be going thru. I was upset & angry....even the pity 'why me/us & why this cancer & why is it back, etc'!! Plus still unable to be intimate with my hubby...he's been so patient I'm very blessed. Guess we all go thru this at one point with dx. I feel bad he was on vacation last week we but couldn't do much (I'm afraid to go far or stay away from home long) & with me unable to work much no extra money anyway.
    Yes I know others may be going thru much more. But sometimes it does get you down going thru all this 'cancer stuff'. I hate that mine's recurrent & although my new drs tried the surgery first there's still some 'bad cells' hiding. And now the only option left is the major surgery which will be life changing (in many ways!ha)!
    I will pray for you that your check up will be ok.
  • Lorikat
    Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
    #5
    pjs62 said:

    Lori I understand....just
    Lori I understand....just last night I cried with my hubby about all we've gone thru & will be going thru. I was upset & angry....even the pity 'why me/us & why this cancer & why is it back, etc'!! Plus still unable to be intimate with my hubby...he's been so patient I'm very blessed. Guess we all go thru this at one point with dx. I feel bad he was on vacation last week we but couldn't do much (I'm afraid to go far or stay away from home long) & with me unable to work much no extra money anyway.
    Yes I know others may be going thru much more. But sometimes it does get you down going thru all this 'cancer stuff'. I hate that mine's recurrent & although my new drs tried the surgery first there's still some 'bad cells' hiding. And now the only option left is the major surgery which will be life changing (in many ways!ha)!
    I will pray for you that your check up will be ok.

    Pjs, We are so lucky!
    We have supportive, caring husbands. They have given up much to support us through this. I know of spouses leaving because their other half is sick, and oh how that would hurt! Please let us know when your surgery is....(you may have already said but I have chemo brain! )
  • lizdeli
    lizdeli Member Posts: 569 Member
    #6
    Lorikat said:

    Pjs, We are so lucky!
    We have supportive, caring husbands. They have given up much to support us through this. I know of spouses leaving because their other half is sick, and oh how that would hurt! Please let us know when your surgery is....(you may have already said but I have chemo brain! )

    Lori
    Wishing you great results on 1/10/12. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I will be at MDA on 3/5 for my scans. Most likely it will not coincide with your next check up, but maybe somewhere along the way we will be sitting in Dr. Eng's waiting room together!

    Liz
  • Lorikat
    Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
    #7
    lizdeli said:

    Lori
    Wishing you great results on 1/10/12. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I will be at MDA on 3/5 for my scans. Most likely it will not coincide with your next check up, but maybe somewhere along the way we will be sitting in Dr. Eng's waiting room together!

    Liz

    Liz... That would be so
    Liz... That would be so awesome .. Here's hoping .. If we come close datewise I would even go early or stay late! We are survivors.... Lori
  • pjs62
    pjs62 Member Posts: 95
    #8
    Lorikat said:

    Pjs, We are so lucky!
    We have supportive, caring husbands. They have given up much to support us through this. I know of spouses leaving because their other half is sick, and oh how that would hurt! Please let us know when your surgery is....(you may have already said but I have chemo brain! )

    Lori...my surgery is Feb.
    Lori...my surgery is Feb. 2nd which is Ground Hog's Day so its easy to remember!! haha
  • Lorikat
    Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
    #9
    pjs62 said:

    Lori...my surgery is Feb.
    Lori...my surgery is Feb. 2nd which is Ground Hog's Day so its easy to remember!! haha

    I will remember and think
    I will remember and think good thoughts and say a prayer for you. I will be at MD Anderson the end of Jan for my first check up after tx. Will see the surgeon then. Nervous! Lori
  • lizdeli
    lizdeli Member Posts: 569 Member
    #10
    Lorikat said:

    I will remember and think
    I will remember and think good thoughts and say a prayer for you. I will be at MD Anderson the end of Jan for my first check up after tx. Will see the surgeon then. Nervous! Lori

    pjs62
    Wishing you the best and I will be keeping you in my prayers.
    Liz

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