All I do is cry

KLScoville
KLScoville Member Posts: 161 Member
edited December 2011 in Caregivers #1
I really miss my Mark. We had the services on Friday the 16th in the cold air of Ohio. I was surprised to see at least 30 people there as it was so cold. Also at his "celebration of life" there were about 100 people there. It was good to meet and greet everyone in Mark's life. Most everyone told me that "Mark waited 49 years of his life to find someone to make him happy, to find the 'one'" and I am the one". God I miss him. I can't believe he is gone. No one will ever compare to him. I don't want anyone else. He was the one and he will NEVER be replaced.

Thanks for listening!

~Kelly

Comments

  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #2
    We've all been there
    kelly,
    It's so soon since Mark died. Your tears are a normal thing. My husband died almost 2 years ago & I'm still crying. Today I was in a grocery store & so many husbands & wives were happy & shopping for the holidays. I envy them. It's going to take time but we're all here for you. carole
  • SlowRollin
    SlowRollin Member Posts: 75
    #3
    3Mana said:

    We've all been there
    kelly,
    It's so soon since Mark died. Your tears are a normal thing. My husband died almost 2 years ago & I'm still crying. Today I was in a grocery store & so many husbands & wives were happy & shopping for the holidays. I envy them. It's going to take time but we're all here for you. carole

    What a love story
    Ms. Kelly I am so sorry that you're hurting so much. My wife started treatment on the 4th of November and I've been pouring over these forums trying to "catch up" and not miss anything that I should be doing to help her get through this. I stumbled across your posts and found a beautiful love story of devotion and dedication. Truly a standard on how to love unconditionally. I've lost family members, but never my spouse. All I can honestly say is how lucky he was to have you and how much I pray you can find some peace in knowing that you were placed in his path for a reason. I agree with 3mana, there's absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel. I hope you remain on this board and continue to share. I've benefitted from you and the others' selfless posts and I will continue to pray that your pain will lesson so you can enjoy the loving memories you two made together. Sincerely, T.
  • JackieA
    JackieA Member Posts: 150
    #4
    SlowRollin said:

    What a love story
    Ms. Kelly I am so sorry that you're hurting so much. My wife started treatment on the 4th of November and I've been pouring over these forums trying to "catch up" and not miss anything that I should be doing to help her get through this. I stumbled across your posts and found a beautiful love story of devotion and dedication. Truly a standard on how to love unconditionally. I've lost family members, but never my spouse. All I can honestly say is how lucky he was to have you and how much I pray you can find some peace in knowing that you were placed in his path for a reason. I agree with 3mana, there's absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel. I hope you remain on this board and continue to share. I've benefitted from you and the others' selfless posts and I will continue to pray that your pain will lesson so you can enjoy the loving memories you two made together. Sincerely, T.

    thinking about you
    and praying for you to find peace during the holidays. Take care -lots of hugs for you.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #5
    Thinking
    Just wanted you to know I'm here. Crying is a good release. You need to cry, scream, pound on a pillow. We all know life isn't fair, but sometimes it really isn't fair. This is my third Christmas without Doug and I've shed tears as well. It hurts that they aren't here. I'm much better than I was that first Christmas, though. Today I went to lunch and a movie with my granddaughters. I'm trying to start new traditions. I wish you peace. Don't expect too much of yourself. Grief is hard. Cry and vent when you need to do so. It's ok. Hugs, Fay
  • KLScoville
    KLScoville Member Posts: 161 Member
    #6
    grandmafay said:

    Thinking
    Just wanted you to know I'm here. Crying is a good release. You need to cry, scream, pound on a pillow. We all know life isn't fair, but sometimes it really isn't fair. This is my third Christmas without Doug and I've shed tears as well. It hurts that they aren't here. I'm much better than I was that first Christmas, though. Today I went to lunch and a movie with my granddaughters. I'm trying to start new traditions. I wish you peace. Don't expect too much of yourself. Grief is hard. Cry and vent when you need to do so. It's ok. Hugs, Fay

    Thanks all!
    Thanks for letting me vent.
  • KLScoville
    KLScoville Member Posts: 161 Member
    #7
    grandmafay said:

    Thinking
    Just wanted you to know I'm here. Crying is a good release. You need to cry, scream, pound on a pillow. We all know life isn't fair, but sometimes it really isn't fair. This is my third Christmas without Doug and I've shed tears as well. It hurts that they aren't here. I'm much better than I was that first Christmas, though. Today I went to lunch and a movie with my granddaughters. I'm trying to start new traditions. I wish you peace. Don't expect too much of yourself. Grief is hard. Cry and vent when you need to do so. It's ok. Hugs, Fay

    Thanks all!
    Thanks for letting me vent.
  • KLScoville
    KLScoville Member Posts: 161 Member
    #8
    grandmafay said:

    Thinking
    Just wanted you to know I'm here. Crying is a good release. You need to cry, scream, pound on a pillow. We all know life isn't fair, but sometimes it really isn't fair. This is my third Christmas without Doug and I've shed tears as well. It hurts that they aren't here. I'm much better than I was that first Christmas, though. Today I went to lunch and a movie with my granddaughters. I'm trying to start new traditions. I wish you peace. Don't expect too much of yourself. Grief is hard. Cry and vent when you need to do so. It's ok. Hugs, Fay

    Thanks all!
    Thanks for letting me vent.
  • sharpy102
    sharpy102 Member Posts: 368 Member
    #9
    KLScoville said:

    Thanks all!
    Thanks for letting me vent.

    @Kelly: Every night when we
    @Kelly: Every night when we get to go to bed in the children home all I do is cry myself to sleep after my Mom....she was my GOLD! It is totally understandable that you feel so lost...I was going down in a spiral downhill at the time when my Mom left...like you, I tried to take care of her and was there with her until the last minute....and today all I do is cry cry and cry...I hate Christmas! >.< But you have to know, we're glad you are here, and don't feel that your venting and bothering us....we need you, and you need us. Everyone here has their own story....we learn from each other...as I'm learning from you too at the moment even though me getting married is very very far out still but...I know I'll value my husband so much when the time will come.
    Hugs to you!
    - Sophie
  • womack1424
    womack1424 Member Posts: 38
    #10
    The One
    I understand how you feel, I lost my partner 2 months ago today, and she was "the one" for me. I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else either. Although, she told me she wanted me to go on and live a happy and abundant life, it seems as though I will never be happy again right now. I hosted a new years eve party at our home last night and for weeks I had been thinking this was my new beginning, wrong, I fell apart at midnight. I must have cried for 2 hours, I felt more alone and more pain last night than I have the entire 2 months she has been gone. Not sure where to go from here, except to keep plugging along day after day, I want my happy back.
  • KLScoville
    KLScoville Member Posts: 161 Member
    #11
    womack1424 said:

    The One
    I understand how you feel, I lost my partner 2 months ago today, and she was "the one" for me. I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone else either. Although, she told me she wanted me to go on and live a happy and abundant life, it seems as though I will never be happy again right now. I hosted a new years eve party at our home last night and for weeks I had been thinking this was my new beginning, wrong, I fell apart at midnight. I must have cried for 2 hours, I felt more alone and more pain last night than I have the entire 2 months she has been gone. Not sure where to go from here, except to keep plugging along day after day, I want my happy back.

    I couldn't face it
    I couldn't even face the new year. All day on the 31st I cried, thought that maybe later in the day I would "snap out of it" but never did. Was invited to go out but since my year has been a total wreck from day one I decided to stay home and stay safe. So I did and the 1st I was still a wreck and haven't changed from that. I will never get over him. This is way to hard. I asked God for him 7 years ago and now God took him away from me. It is not fair!!!

    Thanks for letting me vent!
    ~Kelly

    wife of Mark Scoville RIP Stage IV nsclc with mets.
  • womack1424
    womack1424 Member Posts: 38
    #12
    KLScoville said:

    I couldn't face it
    I couldn't even face the new year. All day on the 31st I cried, thought that maybe later in the day I would "snap out of it" but never did. Was invited to go out but since my year has been a total wreck from day one I decided to stay home and stay safe. So I did and the 1st I was still a wreck and haven't changed from that. I will never get over him. This is way to hard. I asked God for him 7 years ago and now God took him away from me. It is not fair!!!

    Thanks for letting me vent!
    ~Kelly

    wife of Mark Scoville RIP Stage IV nsclc with mets.

    Getting on
    I don't think it is about getting over them, more so of getting on with the new life that we are now faced with. That is the struggle I am facing. Wanting to call her at my lunch break or driving home from work to let her know I am on the way, that is my roughest time. We talk in my support group about the "new normal" because that is what we are facing, our normal has changed and we have to create a new one. What a hard task when you are still in love with someone who is not here anymore, I knew this was going to hurt but never imagined the pain would be this bad. I just keep telling myself she wanted you to be happy so you have to be happy for her, that helps sometime.
    Hope you days get more bearable. I will be thinking of you, and pray that your struggle will get easier with time.

    Michelle
  • angela.barnes38
    angela.barnes38 Member Posts: 15
    #13
    Your words moved me…you
    Your words moved me…you adore him so much; he must be very happy where ever he is.

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