My first Christmas without my mom its been 3 months, 6 days...

This will be my first Christmas without my mother. Im not taking this very well. But im trying very hard. Last Christmas was the first Christmas I had dinner at my house and my mother came and it was so nice...seeing as im only 32 and an only child this was a big thing to start having holidays at my house. I was so looking forward to another go at it...but then she died. I really hopes she sees this Christmas(from heaven) as even though she wont be here, I have invited every misfit I know who doesnt have a place to go for dinner. And this year instead of 13 people there will be 25!. I know that seems like a crazy thing to do, but what the heck else am I going to do. I need to keep my mind busy so I dont drive over a cliff. I bought outragous gifts for my kids, even though they were pretty bad this year lol...I even bought my 10 year old a beebee gun.....Ill make sure he doesnt shoot his eye out, I promise. And my 13 year old a tablet...which I know darn well she will destroy in a week. I bought my boyfriend those expensive concert tickets I always used to say were too unaffordable...fudge it who cares!!!! Im being sued for my moms old house because guess what I was on the deed and she was in foreclosure. So I gave a lawyer 2000 I didnt have right before Christmas because he can take care of it for me...I got a crazy Christmas to attend to.
If this post sounds insane....thats ok. We are here and we are living so thats what I intend to do live it up...I also plan on quitting my going no where doing nothing good in the world job soon too....woohoooo... MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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