I do no know what to do

kmgerhke
kmgerhke Member Posts: 20
in Caregivers #1
Okay-family of 7-We are mean to each other So I moved to Florida-Love my life-And last time I visited my mom I had my sisters jump me-Kept my mouth shut-Till I could not take it anymore-Just wanted to come home-Now Mom has Kidney cancer-It Kidney cancer took my husband 2 years ago. So I talked to friends and posted on face book and again I got blasted-They say I am part of the family-But when we discussed a trip for all of us to NY with Mom in September come last weekend No one told me-Till 2 days before and it was not hey u want to go it was us three girls are taking Mom to Ny And our sister in law could not go. At least she was asked.Then we get the news that they are doing surgery-And MY sister-other one tells me how I play the victim and how dare I speak to anyone about my mother. I get there scared-I know this disease all to well-But they have made me feel so unwanted and scared to go home. My mother does not need all of us fighting and bickering while she recoups. But now she is offering to by me a ticket. Up the day before surgery then home a few days later. How do I tell her thank you-But no thank you. I did not tell her that my sisters and I are fighting but someone has-Otherwise she would be fine with me here for her surgery. what should I do should I go or should I stay. Save myself or sacrifice my emotional state to please my sisters UGGG!Pretend and have a nervous breakdown-For I almost did last time I was there-So what to do-Please give me your opinions all sides-I know it will be my decision-but has anyone gone through the same

Comments

  • kmgerhke
    kmgerhke Member Posts: 20
    #2
    done deal
    So my mother called right back and begged-so I caved and would do anything for her. Please pray for me to have strength to let it all roll of me. For I have just my mother and I have waited a lifetime for the relationship we have today. I was planning on going all along but after if she needed me. It always feel good to be needed and wanted. Cause I need my mother for how ever long God gives her. Ill take it and feel blessed for her in my life.
    Karen
  • jimwins
    jimwins Member Posts: 2,107
    #3
    kmgerhke said:

    done deal
    So my mother called right back and begged-so I caved and would do anything for her. Please pray for me to have strength to let it all roll of me. For I have just my mother and I have waited a lifetime for the relationship we have today. I was planning on going all along but after if she needed me. It always feel good to be needed and wanted. Cause I need my mother for how ever long God gives her. Ill take it and feel blessed for her in my life.
    Karen

    Glad you made a decision.
    Hi Karen,

    I'm glad you made a decision. All I can suggest is you and your sisters
    try to get along and focus on what you have in common here - love and
    concern for your mother.

    I'm sorry you lost your husband and now your mother is dealing with the
    same cancer. I wish you strength and calm during this difficult time.

    Hugs,

    Jim
  • ddpekks
    ddpekks Member Posts: 162
    #4
    kmgerhke said:

    done deal
    So my mother called right back and begged-so I caved and would do anything for her. Please pray for me to have strength to let it all roll of me. For I have just my mother and I have waited a lifetime for the relationship we have today. I was planning on going all along but after if she needed me. It always feel good to be needed and wanted. Cause I need my mother for how ever long God gives her. Ill take it and feel blessed for her in my life.
    Karen

    Karen...I, too, am glad you are going.
    You need to think about you and your Mom, not the drama that goes on with your sisters. You need to do what you are comfortable with, what you can do that helps you get through your life wihtout guilt or remorse. Live your life for yourself and stop worrying about what others think or do. You can only control yourself, no one else. If your sisters do not include you in things, gossip about you, or are just plain mean to you, they are the ones that have to live with that. You don't because you can be the bigger person here and sleep nights without worrying about it. Life is too short, as you have already experienced in the loss of your dear husband, for which I am so sorry.

    Be there for your Mom in whatever roll SHE wants you to play. Smile at your sisters as if you have a secret they don't know about. Be kind in your deeds and you will be rewarded.

    Keep us posted on how your Mom is doing. I hope all goes well.

    Deb
  • kmgerhke
    kmgerhke Member Posts: 20
    #5
    ddpekks said:

    Karen...I, too, am glad you are going.
    You need to think about you and your Mom, not the drama that goes on with your sisters. You need to do what you are comfortable with, what you can do that helps you get through your life wihtout guilt or remorse. Live your life for yourself and stop worrying about what others think or do. You can only control yourself, no one else. If your sisters do not include you in things, gossip about you, or are just plain mean to you, they are the ones that have to live with that. You don't because you can be the bigger person here and sleep nights without worrying about it. Life is too short, as you have already experienced in the loss of your dear husband, for which I am so sorry.

    Be there for your Mom in whatever roll SHE wants you to play. Smile at your sisters as if you have a secret they don't know about. Be kind in your deeds and you will be rewarded.

    Keep us posted on how your Mom is doing. I hope all goes well.

    Deb

    Thanks
    Thank you both-Surgery is the 15th. And I will smile at the hospital in front of my mother. A little worried cause she herself is trying to get us all there. I know from experience in the health care field and personally that as we age and our time grows short we all sense when it is time to say goodbye. Even tho as survivors we do not relize the goodbyes until after the fact-So I pray it is that she is just scared-Especially since 6 months ago she under went open heart surgery.Time is no longer on our side as she is no longer 20. And this may be my final trip home. Over the past 10 years we have all been called to come say goodbye to my mother so I feel blessed to have had what time we have had. And will cherish this visit for my life time. even if I go insane in the process LOL.
    Karen

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