I was on Caregiver board and Lung cancer board, now look where I am....


I lost my husband on November 14th, 2011 at 11:32 am (Monday) from Advanced Stage IV lung cancer with mets all along his aorta. I was there when he passed. To me he passed in a bad way. We did get to say our "I love you's" but he was suffering. I miss him so much. I know it has only been a few weeks but this really sucks. I am so alone. I wish this all was a bad dream. I write a journal daily on how much I love him and miss him but it is not him...I want him. All I do is cry anymore. Even though we were only married for 6 years it is the best 6 years of my life. I can't believe he is really gone. This really hurts. He took a piece of me and I won't get it back until we meet again. Why can't people understand that I don't "want to deal" with life right now. I hurt and I don't care. I am just alone and I hate it. I love my Markie, always have and always will!!! I can't wait to meet him again in heaven but until that day I will mourn for him!!!

Thanks for letting me vent!


  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    We all understand
    So sorry you lost your husband so fast too. You were still like newlyweds, only married for 6 years. No one knows how hard it is to lose the love of your life. And this is such a crappy time of the year, when everyone is happy about the holidays coming. Me? I wish they would be overwith. My husband will be gone 2 years in March. It was a horrible & sudden death which I can't get out of my mind. I love my house, but since he died here sometimes I feel that I'd do better if I moved out. We were married for 46 years and had known each other since we were 7 years old.
    I guess we just have to try & put on a happy face when we're with people, but I know the tears come often for me yet. I even went for counseling for 10 months & was on meds. Just take one day at a time and when you feel like crying, do it.
    Hang in there Kelly!! "Carole"
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    This is probably the hardest thing we will ever have to live with. My husband has been gone a little over two years now. It still hurts, but I am learning to live with it. It takes time. At first you just have to put one foot in front of the other. Take one day, hour or minute at a time. Those who haven't lost a spouse often just don't get it. They think you should just deal with it or get over it. It doesn't work that way. We each have to grieve in our own way and time. The holidays are extra hard. I ran into the side of my own garage the first Christmas Eve after my husband died. I was glad to read the phrase fog of grief. I really was foggy that evening. My mind was not on my driving. Take care and be kind to yourself. Don't let others tell you how you should feel. Crying is good for us. If you feel you need the help of meds, counseling or a grief group, get it. There is no normal here. Whatever you feel or do is normal for you and some of us here have probably felt and done similar things. Hugs, Fay
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    Hi Kelly
    I too am so sorry but like you said it will not be forever. Someday for those of us who believe we will once again be reunited in a place where there is no sickness no cancer and no more death. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

    God bless and be with you.
  • kmgerhke
    kmgerhke Member Posts: 20
    Dear Kelly
    Dear Kelly,

    I to was married only 6 years and it has been 2 years-I understand where u are coming from. I had to recreate an entire life for myself. It takes time. And lifer is diffrent forever. I am so sorry for your loss.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    Kelly...I read your posting
    Kelly...I read your posting and saw myself a year and a half ago. I lost my Terry after 32 years of marriage. I felt I did not want to go on without him. The sadness and loneliness consumed me. Things are better now, not great. I don't cry every day and I get together with friends and find things to keep busy. Time is a healer. It will never be the same but it will get better.
  • magadee
    magadee Member Posts: 12
    so sorry
    6 years isn't enough I lost Butch on friday Nov. 11 , 2011 we had 15 years and that wasn't enough. I am just going to go on with life knowing that He and I will be together again , its the only thing that helps me get out of bed. Everyone seems to avoid even saying Butch in front of me and all I want is Butch. Thankfully my parrot impersonates him perfectally and every once in awhile I here love you . Helps keep him closer to me . God I miss him