Last Post so Take Care

It's been quite a while since I posted here. For those of you who don't know me I had rectal cancer stage 3c. 1n 2006 usual treatment radiation/chemo/surgery/chemo then NED until summer 2010 about four and half years later. Colon cancer stage 3c again but this time in the ascending colon by transverse with three localized nodes involved. Laroscopic surgey and Folfox with full 12 treatments. I have been NED since March 2011 but unfortunately and the reason I am writing this is it appears (no doctor will admit this) my Folfox treatments damaged my liver. The end result-cirrhosis. The damage started around treatment seven when I started developing ascites (fluid) in my abdomen. This was completely ignored by my oncologist. So on went the treatments and on went the damage. I happened to take a trip in April to see the birth of another grand daughter and as assured by my oncologist that the ascites would just go away. Four weeks later my abdomen had swollen to over 50 inches while in Florida and I ended up in intensive care for ten days and another month in hospital(s). My kidneys almost completely shut down; my blood pressure dropped dramatically and was unstable; I went from 214 lbs to 149 lbs.; lost control of my bowels so bad I had to have a tube inserted in my rectum (I don't reccomend it for those with low pain tolerance) along with a foley tube; lost almost all muscle and fat; lost the ability to sit up and forget about walking; they told my oldest daughter to fly down because Dad was supposed to die in the hospital; well the fun goes on but time contraints...anyway eight doctors, three hospitals, dozens of tests and re-tests (I think for increased billing purposes) and the verdict was delivered six doctors voted that I had liver cancer and two felt cirrhosis. I opted to have a liver biopsy (transferred from hospital to hospital by ambulance (their motto "if you haven't hurt the patient take them out and do it again"). Anyway I digress such fond memories. The fact came back advanced liver cirrhosis not caused by alcohol; hep-c or fatty liver diease but by the likilhood of chemo doing the damage. The good news is cancer will not be what kills me...cirrhosis will. I'm still NED as far as I know CEA less than 1. They predict my death somewhere betwen 2-10 years usually less than five. I coming up on year two but so far so good. After six months of physical therapy I can walk again and even have some muscle back on my arms. But still bathroom issues that keep me home mostly unless a bathroom is near. I'm sort of a chemo inducted prisoner of my bowels. I have less freedom to travel than most State Prisoners( I am on diuretics and need to have the ascites drained about every six months (cat in abdomen and about three liters of fluid removed) It's less painful than letting the fluid build up. My oncologist who is a top man in his field when I returned home to see him said not even an oops I missed it or sorry. Rather he decided I could be a great case to do a study on the effects of the chemo since it is so rare. Isn't that great he can get a paper published due to his treatment and what I would argue a bad outcome-death for me. Anyway my point about my this long sad tale is trust your instincts and not your doctors. I was so sick after treatment seven when the ascites began that I should have quit chemo. But I was scared of cancer still being there or coming back and listened and trusted my oncologist. In truth the cancer may have been gone after surgery and chemo would not have been necessary and my death ensured. I often discounted the bark brewers; the juicers; the rap a magnet around your wrist types (no offense intended) as a function of desperation and misplaced trust. I can't say they are right or wrong now but after what seems like many years of sleeping on toilets; extreme pain in my hands, feet and well you know what chemo brings. The emotional toll on me (I'm not the same guy I was) and those who love me, I ponder could it have been worst to gargle some tree bark? So in closing and my last post please challenge doctors and standard treatments and never ever be so stupid (like me) to trust a doctor; a test; or a certain outcome (scare tacit). Whatever path you choose to fight the beast best of luck and kick it's ****. Hugs Lou