I hate EC

Heeran
Heeran Member Posts: 171
in Esophageal Cancer #1
If I could punch EC in the face I would. I would spit on it, stomp on it, curse at it, and set it on fire. I hate what it's done to my mom and all of the worries it's caused. I know people say, "it's life" Bull crap, how does a person who is so wonderful, so sweet, so taking care of everyone else be cursed with this awful disease? I know it's not fair, but dang it, it's not fair. It's not fair. The sparkle in my mom's eyes are gone. Now they are filled with tears and lethargy. She used to dance around and now I see her dragging her feet and trying not to fall. Instead of laughing, she looks into lala land. she barely has energy to walk around the house. And now she has thyroid problems? What?

I've tried to be her cheerleader this whole time and it's even wearing down on me. She's scared to be alone so between my dad and me, one of us is always with her. I don't know how to calm her down and lessen her worries. All the medication in the world isn't fixing anything right now. I need my mom back. I really miss her. She's physically with me but it's not her. Sorry guys, today it's just one of those days that's getting to me. I miss seeing my kids. I only get to see them early in the morning when I'm helping them to get to daycare.

Comments

  • Daisylin
    Daisylin Member Posts: 365
    #2
    I'll hold it down, and you punch it....
    I know exactly what you are saying. I felt the same way with Lee. He was always so fun, bubbly and full of life. EC stole it all from him, and from me as well. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the sad tired person I've become.

    I am so sorry to you, and all of us who have to suffer, and watch our loved ones dwindle away, lose their spark and become shells of their former selves. I don't know what to say, other than I hear you, I feel for you, and I'm thinking of you and your mom.

    Chantal
  • wagnhc
    wagnhc Member Posts: 10
    #3
    Ditto
    I am so sorry for what you are going through. The 110 days that I spent taking care of my dad were the worst days ever. Know that we are all here to listen to you vent. I wish I would have found this discussion board when my dad first got diagnosed. Everyone is so caring. I will continue to pray for your family and everyone else fighting this horrible, horrible disease!

    *Heather
  • chemosmoker
    chemosmoker Member Posts: 501
    #4
    wagnhc said:

    Ditto
    I am so sorry for what you are going through. The 110 days that I spent taking care of my dad were the worst days ever. Know that we are all here to listen to you vent. I wish I would have found this discussion board when my dad first got diagnosed. Everyone is so caring. I will continue to pray for your family and everyone else fighting this horrible, horrible disease!

    *Heather

    Welcome to home base for us...
    Heather,
    GLAD you found us.

    please keep posting!!!
    MORE!!


    Eric
  • TerryV
    TerryV Member Posts: 887
    #5
    I recall our 1st visit to Oncology
    I'll never forget our 1st trip to the Oncologist's office. Nick, a "healthy" 48 y.o., and I walked into the office. It was full and the receptionist's desk was at the back. We had to walk through this crowd of people and I started looking at their faces. They all had a lost, vacant look - so little life in their eyes. They all looked down when they walked, most shuffled. Very few were able to smile at us (I get that now....) There were others carrying around grocery bags full of meds.

    I grabbed Nick's hand and squeezed hard. I told him - I will NOT let you become one of these "ghosts". That will NOT happen regardless of the diagnosis.....

    What a "welcome" that was to cancer. :p

    I'm with you - I HATE EC and the changes it has brought to my life AND to yours....

    Terry
  • Ginny_B
    Ginny_B Member Posts: 532
    #6
    You said what we all feel.
    You said what we all feel. Hugs to you as you walk this road.
  • megmacmd
    megmacmd Member Posts: 85
    #7
    EC is evil
    What an awesome daughter you are to be by her side. I hospiced my mom dad and sister through their cancer fortunately my children were older by then but at the time between work and their illnesses it seemed like forever but I look back and wouldnt change a thing except now I lookback with having stage 4 EC and realize how scared they probably were but kept up a good front. I only hope to be able to be as good to my adult children enjoy them til the end not try to scare them even if Im scared myself. Any type of cancer is life draining and not fair EC is particularly frustrating since it is not well known or"popular" like breastcancer my momand sister died of breast cancer and seemed tohave a lot more support and understanding.Hope you dont neglect yourself or precious moments with your children Im sure your mom would not like that. I share the most with my oldest child who ismarried and 28 and middle daughter who is 26 and enjoying life but try to spare my youngest son who is in college and just coming into his own. I dont want my children to remember my last times as burdensome. Im sure your mom would say the same make sure to take time for you being a caretaker is worse than having the disease I think having done both now.I feltso helpless but hospice was a godsend and hope it will be the same for me Im so sorry you have to go through this with young children when this should be a fun time for you. Best to you and your family andespecially your momshe is sooo lucky to have such a great daughter Meg
  • megmacmd
    megmacmd Member Posts: 85
    #8
    EC is evil
    What an awesome daughter you are to be by her side. I hospiced my mom dad and sister through their cancer fortunately my children were older by then but at the time between work and their illnesses it seemed like forever but I look back and wouldnt change a thing except now I lookback with having stage 4 EC and realize how scared they probably were but kept up a good front. I only hope to be able to be as good to my adult children enjoy them til the end not try to scare them even if Im scared myself. Any type of cancer is life draining and not fair EC is particularly frustrating since it is not well known or"popular" like breastcancer my momand sister died of breast cancer and seemed tohave a lot more support and understanding.Hope you dont neglect yourself or precious moments with your children Im sure your mom would not like that. I share the most with my oldest child who ismarried and 28 and middle daughter who is 26 and enjoying life but try to spare my youngest son who is in college and just coming into his own. I dont want my children to remember my last times as burdensome. Im sure your mom would say the same make sure to take time for you being a caretaker is worse than having the disease I think having done both now.I feltso helpless but hospice was a godsend and hope it will be the same for me Im so sorry you have to go through this with young children when this should be a fun time for you. Best to you and your family andespecially your momshe is sooo lucky to have such a great daughter Meg
  • ritawaite13
    ritawaite13 Member Posts: 236
    #9
    AMEN
    I hate it, you hate it, we ALL hate it! There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this beast. It drains our strength, our energy, and our resources. It's an evil thief that robs us of the most precious people in our lives. A friend gave me a small plate that I love. It says, "What Cancer Cannot Do" it can't prevent love, conquer the spirit, silence courage, take away memories, weaken faith or defeat hope.
    Hugs to you.....and thanks for saying what we are all thinking.
    Rita
  • ritawaite13
    ritawaite13 Member Posts: 236
    #10
    AMEN
    I hate it, you hate it, we ALL hate it! There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this beast. It drains our strength, our energy, and our resources. It's an evil thief that robs us of the most precious people in our lives. A friend gave me a small plate that I love. It says, "What Cancer Cannot Do" it can't prevent love, conquer the spirit, silence courage, take away memories, weaken faith or defeat hope.
    Hugs to you.....and thanks for saying what we are all thinking.
    Rita
  • mrsbotch
    mrsbotch Member Posts: 349
    #11
    We have all been robbed
    There are alot of things that cancer cannot do But what the Evil of it is that it has Robbed us of a future with our loved one. I lost my husband at age 63 this year . He was the apple of EVERYONE'S eyes, like your mom, so full of life and EC took that from him, and also from me.

    You have a right to hate it Heather.

    Sherry, Chantel, Rita and I all know too well what this piece of crap disease has done.Eric and Michele are facing their worst fears now. Ec is like no other cancer. It is all consuming and until we eradicate it it will keep taking more of us everyday.

    Cancer takes the caregiver right down with the person who has it. I know I will NEVER be the same again. 1/2 of me is gone forever and there is not a damned thing I can do about it so Heather HATE EC all you want because we all do too


    Barbara
  • plealrush
    plealrush Member Posts: 15
    #12
    I hate it too and now know I am not alone
    I read all the repliies to your posts and found that my experience is similar. Tim was also funny and talkative and this disease has taken that away. How stupid I was to take it personally, I read your post right in the nick of time and can have peace knowing not to take it personally. Take care. I know you miss your children and am sorry for that. I am with you sister. I hate this disease!!!!!
  • Ginny_B
    Ginny_B Member Posts: 532
    #13
    ritawaite13 said:

    AMEN
    I hate it, you hate it, we ALL hate it! There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this beast. It drains our strength, our energy, and our resources. It's an evil thief that robs us of the most precious people in our lives. A friend gave me a small plate that I love. It says, "What Cancer Cannot Do" it can't prevent love, conquer the spirit, silence courage, take away memories, weaken faith or defeat hope.
    Hugs to you.....and thanks for saying what we are all thinking.
    Rita

    Rita...
    You are such a strong woman!
  • JReed
    JReed Member Posts: 428
    #14
    ritawaite13 said:

    AMEN
    I hate it, you hate it, we ALL hate it! There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this beast. It drains our strength, our energy, and our resources. It's an evil thief that robs us of the most precious people in our lives. A friend gave me a small plate that I love. It says, "What Cancer Cannot Do" it can't prevent love, conquer the spirit, silence courage, take away memories, weaken faith or defeat hope.
    Hugs to you.....and thanks for saying what we are all thinking.
    Rita

    What Cancer Cannot Do
    Rita:

    Thank you so much for your reply to I Hate EC. The saying on your plate will become my mantra. I saved the words to a word document and it will be the first of what I hope are many encouraging and positive thoughts to focus on during our battle. I do need a super duper great name for this 'list' so if you have any ideas, I would appreciate hearing your suggestions.

    I love what Cancer Cannot Do! Thank you for sharing.

    Judy

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