looking for fellow wives of prostate cancer survivors

Dee,

Hello and welcome to the PCa forum. Connecting with other “PCa wives” is something that I and several other women have begun to do within (and outside of) the framework of a face to face PCa group that my husband and I attend. There are also a few online support networks for women and PCa. Use your search engine to locate them.

PCa is a couple’s disease. Of course it’s not contagious but, tx side effects may impact both the patient and his partner. Since the focus is on the patient, wives & partners of PCa patients are often “overlooked” in the treatment and recovery process. Many often recommend the book “Saving Your Sex Life, A Guide for Men with Prostate Cancer” by John P. Mulhall, MD, but open discussion, communication and support is important for women as well as men.

You may wish to start a new thread (topic for discussion) with your other post titled “impotence and Viagra.” Sometimes a new, current, thread may generate more up to date feedback from others (men and women) than a post on an older, inactive, ten-year-old (2001) thread.

If you would like to chat/connect, etc., please feel free to send me an email via the CSN private email feature.

All the best to you and your husband.

mrs pjd (wife of a PCa survivor, T3 stage)

middleagemom said:

Husband with Gleason 9
Hi Dee!

I just joined this forum for the same reason. My husband was diagnosed with PCa - Gleason 9 - this past February at 54 years of age. He had robotic surgery in March - the surgical margins were positive and it had spread to a lymph node. This summer he had chemotherapy (unusual treatment at this stage) AND radiation. Since July, there has been no detectable PSA - YAY!!

This really is a couple's disease. It's been life-changing for both of us but we gave thanks today, and every day, for his life and the success of the treatments so far. We take it one day at a time.

I hope you and your family enjoyed a Happy Thanksgiving!! No matter what, we have SO much to be thankful for in our lives.

And I hope your husband is healing nicely after his surgery!

husband gleason 9
Anyone who doesn't understand this is a couple's disease would be highly mistaken. My husband is 59, I am 49, we haven't had decent sex in 3 yrs, and we know we never will again. March he was diagnosed stage 4, mestasis to lymph nodes, marrow, lungs, and his bones are black from his hips to his neck. Gleason 9, psa was 1913. He is on hormone therapy, psa last week .5, alkaline phostase 44, began @ 185. (This is an indicator of bone cancer activity.) He is "healthier" than most healthy people now. Yes he has aches and pains sometimes, and yes we miss the sex. But we talk about it and we are able to giggle over his physical changes. (8" to nearly immeasurable. But the alternative is dying. We feel blessed most days, and others we are tired of living with this cloud all the time. We are happy with our choice to do the hormone therapy, along with xgeva and would recommend it to others. It is true, most people fail to see we both are caring this burden, but his oncologist nurses, they understand and that helps. I wish you all the best with ya'll diagnosis, and look forward to watching your posts on here.

Old-timer said:

I hear and believe in your message, DeeC
I would like to crash your club (wives of prostate cancer survivors) long enough to make a few comments. I wholeheartedly approve of your invitation to wives to share experiences and feelings. I believe it will help us guys for you to do that.

I cannot speak for other men, but here are a few things I believe to be true. Prostate cancer and cancer treatments need not end the loving relationship between a man and a woman. To the contrary, it may enhance our love for one another.

Invariably, I suspect, the sex life for all couples changes after the man undergoes PS, RT, and/or HT. Some adjustments to accommodate those changes may need to be worked out. But it is not necessary to end our sex lives. There may be tradeoffs, but some aspects of love-making may even be better than they were before PC came along. In any event, let’s continue to love one another and find intimate ways to express that love.

Well Said!
Jerry,

Thanks for such sage words of wisdom for both men and women of all ages! Your very poignant and well articulated advice is a breath of fresh air to read!

No worries about crashing any exclusive clubs since there's no such thing when it comes to PCa. PCa is a couple's disease.

IMHO, many men feel the same emotions that women feel and have the same needs for affection and intimacy after tx. Give and take, two way, honest and open, tactful, respectful communication is key in any mutually satisfying, creative, fulfilling, & loving intimate relationship, cancer or not!

All the very best,

mrs pjd