stopped by to say hi and update you all on Mark

KLScoville
KLScoville Member Posts: 161 Member
edited November 2011 in Caregivers #1
Hi all,

Well my "titanic" is still sinking slowly. I haven't posted in a while due to the fact I have been taking care of hubby. He has been taking 3 ml of liquid morphine every two hours like clockwork..yes even in the middle of the night. Also taking 30 mg of methadone crushed up and put into his morphine. He stated to me on Friday that "he is going to go soon". Told the hospice nurses yesterday that he is 'almost' dead. Told an ex-coworker that just visited us that "he is on his way out". He hasn't taken as much morphine today which is fine according to the hospice nurse. Only thing I do have to do is take his blood sugar every 4 hours due to his diabetes (he doesn't want to die from that, just from the cancer!) I told her that I wasn't going to push him. He must be heading to the next realm of his journey and I am not going to 'make' him do anything as long as he is comfy. Which he is. She told me to just drip it into his mouth and I told her that I wasn't going to do that for fear of getting that look from him when he wakes up and realizes what I am doing. Also for the fear of him haunting me once he does pass. He is at peace and comfy and that is all that matters right now.

Yesterday I couldn't get away from him, he wanted me close which I didn't mind except when I had to pee. He still moaned for me to be touching him, holding his hand or him touching my leg. I love him and I am prepared (since it has been such a real slow process) to let him go and told him that too. I told him to "let go and let God", he won't be in any more pain.

I haven't left the house since he has been bed bound (actually a blow up mattress in the living room) and I really don't mind. I do go outside to let the dogs out and walk with them at night around the yard but that is the extent of my outings. My daughter and best friend (my adopted sister) have been a big help to me..going grocery shopping, etc. The hospice Chaplin has also been a great help with visiting daily and picking up his scripts for me. God Bless them all!!!! I don't know what I would do without them. Of course financially my mom and his brother have been making up for what SSDI only allows us. Thank God for them too!!!

Okay all, thanks for letting me share!!

Love to all!
~Kelly

Comments

  • ddpekks
    ddpekks Member Posts: 162
    #2
    Thank you.......
    Kelly. I have been wondering how you are holding up. Very glad to hear that Mark is not in so much in pain. I know it's hard on you, but you are a real trooper and my hats off to you for your strength during this time of adversity. You and Mark had a beautiful life and I am so very glad he has you as he takes his final journey.

    Please keep us posted and you will remain in my prayers with affection.

    Deb
  • jimwins
    jimwins Member Posts: 2,107
    #3
    Thanks
    Thank you for sharing, Kelly.
    My heart goes out to you.

    Big hugs,

    Jim
  • Faithful_Angel
    Faithful_Angel Member Posts: 86
    #4
    Keeping up
    Kelly,
    I haven't posted hardly at since my dad died but I've been lurking around looking for your posts. I find it difficult to deal with all the sadness cancer brings. But you are doing such a fabulous thing with your husband. I wish you much comfort and peace in this difficult time. My thoughts are with you.

    Valerie
  • LeeandShirley
    LeeandShirley Member Posts: 122 Member
    #5
    Update
    Kelly,
    Thank you for your post and sharing your most difficult journey. You don't know how much it means to the rest of us who will follow in your footsteps; to share these days and the emotions you go through. You help show us the way. Thanks again and praying for peace for Mark and you.
    Shirley
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #6
    Hugs, Kelly
    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I've been wondering how things are going.

    Take care of yourself.
  • JackieA
    JackieA Member Posts: 150
    #7
    Kelly
    Thanks for posting. This journey you are on is so familiar to me. I want you to know that you and your husband are certainly in my prayers. You are handling it so well, and that I am somewhat glad for you. My heart goes out to you today.
  • KLScoville
    KLScoville Member Posts: 161 Member
    #8
    JackieA said:

    Kelly
    Thanks for posting. This journey you are on is so familiar to me. I want you to know that you and your husband are certainly in my prayers. You are handling it so well, and that I am somewhat glad for you. My heart goes out to you today.

    Thank you everyone
    Thank you everyone for your prayers, thoughts and well wishes! I am hoping that my husband goes in peace.

    Also thank you for letting me vent and update. It is well appreciated!

    ~Kelly

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