Dreams of spouse

david54
david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
in Grief and Bereavement #1
I’m am not certain if this has been posted before but I am wondering if any of you have recurrent dreams of your departed spouse/partner/significant other.

In my dream my wife is back in my life and I know it is not supposed to be this way. I ask myself how her doctor could be wrong, the death certificate with her name could be wrong and how I am going to balance my life now with her back in it. It is not a negative dream per se; it is one where I am more confused than anything else.

Last night I dreamed it was Christmas and my wife was with me trying to decide where to go and who to visit. I am confused because she is with me on the holiday and I ask people around me if they see Esther (my wife) and they say “No. We don’t see her but we hear you talking to her as if she is here.”

My interpretation is that in my “real world” I am attempting to redefine who I am, move on with life (for lack of a better description) yet my identity is still enmeshed as being a husband and married for 32 years and it keeps me feeling a bit stuck. My brain then goes into overtime when I am asleep!!

Does anyone else experience anything like this? Or is it time for me to lie down on the couch and share this with a Freudian therapist!!! (LOL)

Comments

  • hope0310
    hope0310 Member Posts: 320
    #2
    Hey David - I have not been
    Hey David - I have not been around in a while, lost my mom, best friend a year ago next month.

    I would think what you are going through is normal. Honestly, I am jealous, I do not dream of my mom and that bothers me immensly!! I think of her constantly, but no dreams.....I have never been one to dream though...or at least I do not remember them.

    Take care of yourself, this is you.....adjusting....
  • Cindy Bear
    Cindy Bear Member Posts: 569
    #3
    HI David
    Sorry for your loss.. I lost my Father in 96 and my mother in 2009. (I know that's not the same thing as losing a spouse) but when Dad passed away, I dreamt of him quite a bit, esp. the first 6 mos- a year. I haven't dreamt about him in a long time now. Since my mom passed, I haven't dreamt of her except for one tiny little silly dream that I remember. In my dream, we were standing outside her house, waiting for mulch to be delivered. It really bothers me that I don't dream about her. Anyhow, my own theory is that in my Dad's case, I was sort of prepared for his death and it wasn't a total shock. In my mom's case, I cannot come to terms with her having cancer and dying, and so my mind refuses to dream about her....Maybe the fact that you are dreaming about your spouse is a good thing, that you're making peace with her death.
    Not that therapy wouldn't be a good idea.. and hey you don't have to lie down, you can sit up now.. LOL
    Hugs,
    Cindy
  • debbieg5
    debbieg5 Member Posts: 167
    #4
    dreams
    DAvid, my husband died 7 months ago. First, let me say that I regularly dream a lot and remember a lot of them so that is not unusual for me. My first dreams of my husband (I think 3 of them) were all bad because we were arguing. In one of them we were trying to set up a hospital bed in our home bedroom and me and his grown daughters were trying to tell him where it should go and he was arguing for placing it somewhere else. since then I've had a couple of other dreams and I am aware in the dream that he is supposed to be dead so it doesn't make sense for him to be around. I think in the last dream I was even telling him that. I do think that dreams are a way for us to work through issues that we have during our waking hours. Some days I still find it hard to grasp the fact that he is really gone and won't be coming back. I think the dreams are working on the same issue.
    I wish us both peace in the months to come.
    Debbie
  • radevaelena
    radevaelena Member Posts: 10
    #5
    hope0310 said:

    Hey David - I have not been
    Hey David - I have not been around in a while, lost my mom, best friend a year ago next month.

    I would think what you are going through is normal. Honestly, I am jealous, I do not dream of my mom and that bothers me immensly!! I think of her constantly, but no dreams.....I have never been one to dream though...or at least I do not remember them.

    Take care of yourself, this is you.....adjusting....

    Want to dream of my mom
    I just very recently lost my mom to breast cancer and I really want her to visit me in my dreams...but nothing...no dreams at all (that I remember of)...
  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
    #6
    radevaelena said:

    Want to dream of my mom
    I just very recently lost my mom to breast cancer and I really want her to visit me in my dreams...but nothing...no dreams at all (that I remember of)...

    I am sorry you experienced
    I am sorry you experienced this. I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago and my wife a little over a year ago. There have been times when I miss my mom (and father) because they would have been so supportive to me. To be honest I have not dreamed of my mom that I can recollect. I certainly miss her. My hunch is when you don't expect or anticipate dreaming of your mom, that is when it will happen. Our subconscious is so sneaky that way!! I wish you a good nights sleep and wonderful dreams of your mom. Perhaps a dream of a favorite meal she made you? Or those nights when you were sick and she comforted you only like a mom can. Do you remember her voice? That is what sticks with me with my mom. I can still hear her voice and it offers me comfort during some hard days.
  • radevaelena
    radevaelena Member Posts: 10
    #7
    david54 said:

    I am sorry you experienced
    I am sorry you experienced this. I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago and my wife a little over a year ago. There have been times when I miss my mom (and father) because they would have been so supportive to me. To be honest I have not dreamed of my mom that I can recollect. I certainly miss her. My hunch is when you don't expect or anticipate dreaming of your mom, that is when it will happen. Our subconscious is so sneaky that way!! I wish you a good nights sleep and wonderful dreams of your mom. Perhaps a dream of a favorite meal she made you? Or those nights when you were sick and she comforted you only like a mom can. Do you remember her voice? That is what sticks with me with my mom. I can still hear her voice and it offers me comfort during some hard days.

    No dreams...
    I have been really hoping to dream of my mom but nothing...dreaming of some random stuff which do not relate to her...What's even worse is that I am having some memory lapses so I am having a hard time remembering things from the past....even things that happened a few days ago...I am about to make a major move from the U.S. to Europe and stay at my home there so I hope I will be able to have my brain rest a bit and hopefully that would help my mom to come visit me in my dreams...I know this may sound weird especially because I am 35 but it will mean a lot to me...Hugs to all to are going thru hard times~
  • kmgerhke
    kmgerhke Member Posts: 20
    #8
    debbieg5 said:

    dreams
    DAvid, my husband died 7 months ago. First, let me say that I regularly dream a lot and remember a lot of them so that is not unusual for me. My first dreams of my husband (I think 3 of them) were all bad because we were arguing. In one of them we were trying to set up a hospital bed in our home bedroom and me and his grown daughters were trying to tell him where it should go and he was arguing for placing it somewhere else. since then I've had a couple of other dreams and I am aware in the dream that he is supposed to be dead so it doesn't make sense for him to be around. I think in the last dream I was even telling him that. I do think that dreams are a way for us to work through issues that we have during our waking hours. Some days I still find it hard to grasp the fact that he is really gone and won't be coming back. I think the dreams are working on the same issue.
    I wish us both peace in the months to come.
    Debbie

    dreams
    I have dreamed of my husband 3 tines always him angry at me and not wanting to come back-He is there recieving his back pay and not speaking to me. But the dream I had of my father who died 16 years ago-First ever 2 months ago-And all I felt was LOVE.
    Karen
  • sarge57
    sarge57 Member Posts: 50 Member
    #9
    Dreams
    Hi David

    Dont worry you are not cracking up it is all normal at least I think it is, at least that is what I have been told. How long ago did you lose your wife ?
    My wife passed away in February of this year, I did get a lot of strange dreams about her like you have. I even got up one night saw her and my father standing together looking up at me in the middle of the nignt, he died a year before my wife did, the same month though.

    I found once you get on with your life and move on in a positive fashion the crazy head games tend to go away, not totally guess it just takes time.

    Good luck feel free to contact me would be happy to help

    JOhn
  • radevaelena
    radevaelena Member Posts: 10
    #10
    radevaelena said:

    No dreams...
    I have been really hoping to dream of my mom but nothing...dreaming of some random stuff which do not relate to her...What's even worse is that I am having some memory lapses so I am having a hard time remembering things from the past....even things that happened a few days ago...I am about to make a major move from the U.S. to Europe and stay at my home there so I hope I will be able to have my brain rest a bit and hopefully that would help my mom to come visit me in my dreams...I know this may sound weird especially because I am 35 but it will mean a lot to me...Hugs to all to are going thru hard times~

    Had a dream of my mom
    I now live back in the house I used to share with mom and finally had a dream of her a couple of days before 40-day mark...And the dream was a bit weird since I talked to my mom like it was not her...But the great thing is that after I came back home from 40-day at church and the grave, there was a white pigeon on our kitchen window!!!!! Best wishes to all~

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