results of MRI
I got the results of my MRI and they've found something in my left breast as well. I'm choosing to do the bilateral masectomy. These last few weeks have been horrible. I feel completely out of control. I'm hoping now that I have a definite decision, a course of action, that I'll feel a little better. I know I'll feel much better after surgery, after I know if it's in the lymph nodes. I'm hoping and praying it's not. I am very tired, a tired I can't seem to explain to others. I'm not sleeping but it's not just that kind of tired. Everywhere I look there's pink ribbons and breast cancer awareness signs etc. and for the first time, I really don't want to see it. I know that sounds awful, it does. I just can't handle it everywhere in front of me right now.
Comments
-
I am so sorry
I am so sorry. I know how lost you feel. I am a person who wants to go to bed and escape my troubles, so I feel tired when I am stressed. Don't expect yourself to behave in any specific way. You may find yourself acting out -- I really lit into a guy at our book club who is always dominating the conversation with pronouncements he can't back up, and I let my frustration with him find its voice soon after my diagnosis. I apologized later, but my poor husband probably took a lot of that kind of thing without complaint.
I like to read funny books and watch movies and TV shows that allow me to go to another world -- indulge yourself with things that take your mind off your problems.
My diagnosis was just over a year ago, and I finally finished radiation two days ago. It's good to be thinking about a return to "normal," whatever that turns out to be. You will get there, too.0 -
Overwhelming for sure
I understand how you feel. I think we all can relate. You might feel better after you know your course of action because it will make you feel more in control. Sleeping has been an issue for me too and it's very hard to be in a good mood when we're sleep deprived.
I hope you know soon about the lymph nodes. In my case, they knew it had infiltrated, but not until surgery did I know how many they had to remove. That was 2 years ago and I had 17 removed with 8 positive and I'm doing very well and starting to feel "normal" again. That's in quotes because we never really feel normal, we have a new normal now
As far as the Pink, I know it can be too much sometimes and we all differ on how it makes us feel at different stages of this journey.
God bless and good luck.
Prayers and Hugs,
Wanda0 -
Praying for you
I too can relate to what you're feeling. I pray that your margins and lymph nodes are clear. As Wanda said, how you feel about all the pink changes depending on where you're at. Sometimes I don't want to even see pink and other times, it's comforting, especially if I know I'm helping someone through it or meeting up with a group of survivors.
Do something nice for yourself every day and rest when you can. Keep us posted.
Barb A0 -
Sending lots of prayers!Barb A said:Praying for you
I too can relate to what you're feeling. I pray that your margins and lymph nodes are clear. As Wanda said, how you feel about all the pink changes depending on where you're at. Sometimes I don't want to even see pink and other times, it's comforting, especially if I know I'm helping someone through it or meeting up with a group of survivors.
Do something nice for yourself every day and rest when you can. Keep us posted.
Barb A
Thi s whole experience can be more than a bit overwhelming. Hopefully you'll find a kind of peace soon. Personally, I had 9 nodes removed with 3 showing involvement but I had chemo first so things were pretty clear at that point - removed as a precaution and test. We're here for you - you can ask anything. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} And you can come to vent if you need to.0 -
so sorry to hear of your
so sorry to hear of your problems....I wish some Pixie Dust could help I would send you a truck load of it...
Thinking of you..
Denise0 -
sending prayerscamul said:Not much to say
except we are here for you and really do understand, having been there. Prayers are coming your way. Sleep if you are tired and it may help to shut off your phone and do something fun just for you!
Carol
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you, sending prayers and positive thoughts.
Take one day at a time!
Lots of Hugs,
Debi0 -
Sleep
Hi - I'm sorry you're going through this. I want to tell you that you need to rest. I remember when I was running around making appointments, running to work, getting ready, emotionally crazy, etc, I could not sleep either. And sleep is very important in order to stay focused, relax and feel a little more in control. If you can't sleep, I suggest you get something like "ativan". It helped me with anxiety and sleep while I was going through this mess. You don't need to take it daily, only before bed time. I just really want you to get your rest because it's very important.
I feel the same way about the pink everywhere, but it's about how some companies are taking advantage of the situation to make $. Not all institutions do that, but it is becoming too promotional and soon it will lose the attention it truly deserves, maybe? This illness is very serious and should be taken seriously. So don't feel guilty or bad about not liking the "promotions" about bc awareness. Plus you're going through a lot of emotions now so things may hit you harder than when feeling normal.
My prayers are with you. Don't give up and hang in there. We're here to support you.
Remember to always pray. And stay positive no matter what you hear and no matter what you see.
Sending you a big hug! @>----0 -
Strength, Courage and Hope ... just a fewLoveBabyJesus said:Sleep
Hi - I'm sorry you're going through this. I want to tell you that you need to rest. I remember when I was running around making appointments, running to work, getting ready, emotionally crazy, etc, I could not sleep either. And sleep is very important in order to stay focused, relax and feel a little more in control. If you can't sleep, I suggest you get something like "ativan". It helped me with anxiety and sleep while I was going through this mess. You don't need to take it daily, only before bed time. I just really want you to get your rest because it's very important.
I feel the same way about the pink everywhere, but it's about how some companies are taking advantage of the situation to make $. Not all institutions do that, but it is becoming too promotional and soon it will lose the attention it truly deserves, maybe? This illness is very serious and should be taken seriously. So don't feel guilty or bad about not liking the "promotions" about bc awareness. Plus you're going through a lot of emotions now so things may hit you harder than when feeling normal.
My prayers are with you. Don't give up and hang in there. We're here to support you.
Remember to always pray. And stay positive no matter what you hear and no matter what you see.
Sending you a big hug! @>----
comments to help you after your surgery:
take pain medication when necessary. Multiple pillows in various, sizes help with sleeping on your back. You will not be able to sleep on either side, or your stomach.
Please have cups, saucers, plates at arm level - as well as re-arranging your fridge for more commonly used items at arm levels. Tide/Downy small container sizes - also at arm level. Reaching up and grabbing heavy items -- will tear your stitches, as well as hurt your arms. Muscles and tissue in breast, as well as arm areas will be cut,moved and sewn back together.
Please make sure your PS staff show you how to 'milk' your drains -- this is very important. Not showering for 3 days or so was another obstacle for me.
I tried to take a bath ..but hence could not pull myself out of the our spa tub, no muscles or strength in my arms after bilateral mastectomy.. It took my husband, and daughter some time to pull me out of the tub == without hurting me. Not a pretty time, or sight to say the least. So I opted to shower ...My husband removed our shower head, and replaced it with a flex hose type so I could shower maneuvering the flex hose from waist down, as well as place shower water under my arms.
Lastly, please make sure you do your exercises as prescribed by Plastic Surgeon, and Physical Therapist.
Prayers, Positive thoughts and a Speedy recovery.
Vicki Sam0 -
I'm sorry your going through thisVickiSam said:Strength, Courage and Hope ... just a few
comments to help you after your surgery:
take pain medication when necessary. Multiple pillows in various, sizes help with sleeping on your back. You will not be able to sleep on either side, or your stomach.
Please have cups, saucers, plates at arm level - as well as re-arranging your fridge for more commonly used items at arm levels. Tide/Downy small container sizes - also at arm level. Reaching up and grabbing heavy items -- will tear your stitches, as well as hurt your arms. Muscles and tissue in breast, as well as arm areas will be cut,moved and sewn back together.
Please make sure your PS staff show you how to 'milk' your drains -- this is very important. Not showering for 3 days or so was another obstacle for me.
I tried to take a bath ..but hence could not pull myself out of the our spa tub, no muscles or strength in my arms after bilateral mastectomy.. It took my husband, and daughter some time to pull me out of the tub == without hurting me. Not a pretty time, or sight to say the least. So I opted to shower ...My husband removed our shower head, and replaced it with a flex hose type so I could shower maneuvering the flex hose from waist down, as well as place shower water under my arms.
Lastly, please make sure you do your exercises as prescribed by Plastic Surgeon, and Physical Therapist.
Prayers, Positive thoughts and a Speedy recovery.
Vicki Sam
I am so sorry that you are going through this & I totally understand about the tiredness being a different kind of tired. I'm still exhausted all of the time. Please try to get as much rest as you can because that is what you need right now.
I had a bilateral mastectomy with 23 lymph nodes removed ( all were cancerous) on April 26. It was a hard decision to make, but once I made the decision I"ve been ok. Please know that you will be in my prayers & your pink sisters will be with you during your surgery.
Stay strong & take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Dawne0 -
So sorry you are goingLoveBabyJesus said:Sleep
Hi - I'm sorry you're going through this. I want to tell you that you need to rest. I remember when I was running around making appointments, running to work, getting ready, emotionally crazy, etc, I could not sleep either. And sleep is very important in order to stay focused, relax and feel a little more in control. If you can't sleep, I suggest you get something like "ativan". It helped me with anxiety and sleep while I was going through this mess. You don't need to take it daily, only before bed time. I just really want you to get your rest because it's very important.
I feel the same way about the pink everywhere, but it's about how some companies are taking advantage of the situation to make $. Not all institutions do that, but it is becoming too promotional and soon it will lose the attention it truly deserves, maybe? This illness is very serious and should be taken seriously. So don't feel guilty or bad about not liking the "promotions" about bc awareness. Plus you're going through a lot of emotions now so things may hit you harder than when feeling normal.
My prayers are with you. Don't give up and hang in there. We're here to support you.
Remember to always pray. And stay positive no matter what you hear and no matter what you see.
Sending you a big hug! @>----
So sorry you are going through this. We all understand your feelings. Getting
started with surgery and whatever treatment follows will give you a sort of
"mission" that you are active in to conquer this beast. Sending you prayers
and good thoughts. Let us know when you need the "pink bus".
Luv & hugs, Teresa0 -
Fatigue, Waiting, Not Knowing Are the Worst!
Hi,
A course of action is so much better than being in the waiting game. No one like uncertainty, we all want to know what we are up to, what the course of action will be and how it all will be accomplish.
Your tiredness is fatigue from no knowing. That awful drag down feeling will leave as soon as you have all those ducks in a row.
It would be better not to have cancer in the lymph nodes, but if it is, it is not the end of the world either.
Many women have had lots of cancerous nodes and have gone on from treatment to live, long productive lives.
Pinkwashing is what October is being called now. It began as a good movement and all the hanger ons are making the positive look as though it went amok. October has pass the 1/2 way point and pretty soon Pink will go into hiding again for another year.
Best wishes for a good plan.
Doris0 -
I am sending lots of prayersBarb A said:Praying for you
I too can relate to what you're feeling. I pray that your margins and lymph nodes are clear. As Wanda said, how you feel about all the pink changes depending on where you're at. Sometimes I don't want to even see pink and other times, it's comforting, especially if I know I'm helping someone through it or meeting up with a group of survivors.
Do something nice for yourself every day and rest when you can. Keep us posted.
Barb A
I am sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts too!
Hugs, Leeza0 -
Bilateral
Hi - sorry you are feeling so low, please know most of us have felt this way for a short period of time to a long period of time. I dont want to reel off what I had and we all have different treatments. My cancer can often be in both sides hence bilateral. I am very pleased I did this. I sailed through the procedures but did not like the drains or (sorry forgotten name) node mapping when they put in the dye. When you get home after hospital rest, rest, rest. Drink as much water as possible. Talk to your best friends/closest family, people who dont mind what time of day or night you call. Though I'm not a one for actually wanting help ie meals brought to me, if you are, please accept everything you can. I slept a tremendous amount for months afterwards, heaven knows how ladies who work coped, they are amazing. Read, watch TV. Dont know what your after treatment will be but having only chemo because it was the winter months I bought some really nice hats from headcovers.com some are really feminine if you match scarves well. If you are having chemo this is the best time of the year for it being cooler weather (though I dont know which part of the country you live in). I m 15 months on after surgery and 11 month on after chemo, and feeling really good now. Must exercise though, keep moving or I seem to stiffen up easily (I blame Tamoxifen for everything) but of course it is my age too where aches and pains kick in (55). One good thing about bilateral though early days to handle this yet, my plastic surgeon was brilliant. My mastectomies were done one month after another. If both done together they will look equal when/if reconstructed. Mine took a bit of extra work (long story) but though not perfect, they never were, I am very pleased with how I look. Hang in there. Do what your body tells you and eventually build up your body strength and mind strength down the line. Thinking of you. Roz0 -
I will be praying for you.gami43 said:So sorry you are going
So sorry you are going through this. We all understand your feelings. Getting
started with surgery and whatever treatment follows will give you a sort of
"mission" that you are active in to conquer this beast. Sending you prayers
and good thoughts. Let us know when you need the "pink bus".
Luv & hugs, Teresa
I will be praying for you. Right now I am sending you a big hug!
Sue 0 -
I'll be praying for you too.Barb A said:Praying for you
I too can relate to what you're feeling. I pray that your margins and lymph nodes are clear. As Wanda said, how you feel about all the pink changes depending on where you're at. Sometimes I don't want to even see pink and other times, it's comforting, especially if I know I'm helping someone through it or meeting up with a group of survivors.
Do something nice for yourself every day and rest when you can. Keep us posted.
Barb A
I'll be praying for you too. I guess sometimes I get sick of the Pink, but there again, I figure if it makes even one person halfway understand what we go thru, or, someone to contribute for a cure, it is well worth it.
Take care and keep us posted.
Hugs, Kylez0 -
You are in my thoughts andVickiSam said:Strength, Courage and Hope ... just a few
comments to help you after your surgery:
take pain medication when necessary. Multiple pillows in various, sizes help with sleeping on your back. You will not be able to sleep on either side, or your stomach.
Please have cups, saucers, plates at arm level - as well as re-arranging your fridge for more commonly used items at arm levels. Tide/Downy small container sizes - also at arm level. Reaching up and grabbing heavy items -- will tear your stitches, as well as hurt your arms. Muscles and tissue in breast, as well as arm areas will be cut,moved and sewn back together.
Please make sure your PS staff show you how to 'milk' your drains -- this is very important. Not showering for 3 days or so was another obstacle for me.
I tried to take a bath ..but hence could not pull myself out of the our spa tub, no muscles or strength in my arms after bilateral mastectomy.. It took my husband, and daughter some time to pull me out of the tub == without hurting me. Not a pretty time, or sight to say the least. So I opted to shower ...My husband removed our shower head, and replaced it with a flex hose type so I could shower maneuvering the flex hose from waist down, as well as place shower water under my arms.
Lastly, please make sure you do your exercises as prescribed by Plastic Surgeon, and Physical Therapist.
Prayers, Positive thoughts and a Speedy recovery.
Vicki Sam
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs, Jan0 -
Hate the waiting! But, youSIROD said:Fatigue, Waiting, Not Knowing Are the Worst!
Hi,
A course of action is so much better than being in the waiting game. No one like uncertainty, we all want to know what we are up to, what the course of action will be and how it all will be accomplish.
Your tiredness is fatigue from no knowing. That awful drag down feeling will leave as soon as you have all those ducks in a row.
It would be better not to have cancer in the lymph nodes, but if it is, it is not the end of the world either.
Many women have had lots of cancerous nodes and have gone on from treatment to live, long productive lives.
Pinkwashing is what October is being called now. It began as a good movement and all the hanger ons are making the positive look as though it went amok. October has pass the 1/2 way point and pretty soon Pink will go into hiding again for another year.
Best wishes for a good plan.
Doris
Hate the waiting! But, you have all of the pink sisters waiting and praying for you. I hope that helps!
Hugs, Angie0 -
Be sure to mentiion
Be sure to mentiion to the doctor that you have been unable to sleep. He can help you decide if you need medication or not. Even if you get some medication it will probably only be temporary unless the problem continues. You are on the prayer list.0 -
Just writing to let you knowLoveBabyJesus said:Sleep
Hi - I'm sorry you're going through this. I want to tell you that you need to rest. I remember when I was running around making appointments, running to work, getting ready, emotionally crazy, etc, I could not sleep either. And sleep is very important in order to stay focused, relax and feel a little more in control. If you can't sleep, I suggest you get something like "ativan". It helped me with anxiety and sleep while I was going through this mess. You don't need to take it daily, only before bed time. I just really want you to get your rest because it's very important.
I feel the same way about the pink everywhere, but it's about how some companies are taking advantage of the situation to make $. Not all institutions do that, but it is becoming too promotional and soon it will lose the attention it truly deserves, maybe? This illness is very serious and should be taken seriously. So don't feel guilty or bad about not liking the "promotions" about bc awareness. Plus you're going through a lot of emotions now so things may hit you harder than when feeling normal.
My prayers are with you. Don't give up and hang in there. We're here to support you.
Remember to always pray. And stay positive no matter what you hear and no matter what you see.
Sending you a big hug! @>----
Just writing to let you know that I am thinking of you and sending gentle hugs and prayers.
Hugs, Kylez0
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