30 days today I lost my Michael

Thirty days for me too!
Geri, you and I are the same path. My Don passed away on Oct 5th also. I just finished my first full week back at work. We were together for 30 years. I understand what you say about being alone. Life will never be the same either of us. I like to think of my life with Don as the most wonderful chapter in the novel called "my life". I miss him so much, but I know what he would say if he was here. He never gave up. He always was positive. When I would go home from the hospital just to shower he always said, "Have fun Babe." My hospice grief counselor told me when we feel guilty for laughing or enjoying something it's called "Joy Guilt". She said it's normal. So far I haven't done anything she says is a red flag. I have a lot of trouble concentrating and keeping my focus. I lose things all the time. I head for the store and then drive past it. lol She says our brains are in survival mode and anything beyond survival is just not a priority at this time. Will keep you in my prayers as we learn to live then next chapter of our lives. Hugs!

Thirty days for me too!
Geri, you and I are on the same path. My Don passed away on Oct 5th also. I just finished my first full week back at work. We were together for 30 years. I understand what you say about being alone. Life will never be the same either of us. I like to think of my life with Don as the most wonderful chapter in the novel called "my life". I miss him so much, but I know what he would say if he was here. He never gave up. He always was positive. When I would go home from the hospital just to shower he always said, "Have fun Babe." My hospice grief counselor told me when we feel guilty for laughing or enjoying something it's called "Joy Guilt". She said it's normal. So far I haven't done anything she says is a red flag. I have a lot of trouble concentrating and keeping my focus. I lose things all the time. I head for the store and then drive past it. lol She says our brains are in survival mode and anything beyond survival is just not a priority at this time. Will keep you in my prayers as we learn to live then next chapter of our lives. Hugs!

Should
Take the word "should" out of your vocabulary for awhile and do what is right for you. Grief is personal and we all have to deal with it in our own way. Hopefully, his family will understand if you chose not to attend the Mass. Now is the time to take care of yourself. That may sound selfish to some, but it isn't. It is just plain survival. They are doing what they think is right for them. It doesn't make it right for you. And try not to feel guilty about enjoying some things. Healing is a good thing. He would have wanted you to move forward. I know I keep repeating myself, but time does help. Baby steps. One at a time. Fay

Grief
Hi Geri,

I'm sorry your Michael passed away.
As Fay says, grief is individual and it's a process that takes time.

Don't feel guilty about enjoying yourself. You are working your way
back to a new normal for you. It's going to be tough for awhile
but you will get there.

You are always welcome here.

Hugs and good wishes,

Jim

Geri1959 said:

talking about our love
Hi Hart1249,
you and I are on the same journey... tell me about the love you lost, I so relate I find it hard to consentrate, I work with some very great extrodinary people that are very understanding in allowing me to take baby steps... I seem okay but when ever I have to deal with paper work regaurding his death ... that is very hard for me thanks care dear hart

My Don
Geri,
I miss Don so much... We were together 30 years (married 28 years last March 17th). I'm send you a link to a video our youngest daughter made for his Celebration of Life. Maybe it will show you a little of our story. Don was diagnosed on May 26th with Renal Cell Cancer. He had surgery to remove the kidney June 4th. We were told they got it all and he would need no chemo or radiation. On July 12th he was home alone while I was a work. He was unable to speak and was feeling ill so he called 911 and made noise until the police came. The officer called an ambulance. In the ER I was told the cancer had spread to his brain. He had four tumors and it was inoperable. They did 15 whole brain radiation treatments followed by chemo which was so suppose to go on every week for a year or two. On August 12th he had a seiure and again was unable to speak. He was in the hospital a week in June, a week in July, a week in August. We thought we were going to get through September. We had a cruise planned for February 2012. The doctor suggested we go sooner. We were suppose leave on October 15th. September 28th he was having trouble breathing and back by ambulance to the hospital. Cancer was now in the lungs and the brain tumors had grown. We were told very aggressive and resistant to everything they through at it. Came home from the hospital with Hospice and I was told he had 2-3 months. He lived 30 hours. I can't explain the shock. The broken heart. He never ever thought he wasn't going to beat this. He told me not to worry he would be fine. He went to sleep and was gone. I can't believe it's been a month. It's hard to imagine my life with out my guy. Every morning I wake up and say Good morning Babe. At night I say, Good night Baby! I love you! We did everything together. People teased us about being joined at the hip. But, we were best friends. That's part of the problem for me now. Neither of us really worked very hard at outside relationships. I have wonderful co-workers who are very kind. But you still have to come home at night.
Please please tell me the story of you and Michael. Maybe we can help each other through this.