Scared of death

Ames
Ames Member Posts: 3
edited October 2011 in Lung Cancer #1
Three weeks before our wedding I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer. This is supposed to be the happiest time of our lives. We both cannot stop crying. It's so unfair. How did we get here?

I'm 44! I was the good girl all thru high school. It wasn't until my 20s that I finally gave in to peer pressure and attempted smoking. That didn't even last long but the damage was already done and it has lead me to this situation. I am so angry! I waited for marriage before considering children and now feel like my morals don't count.

I have a sister that is battling breast cancer for nearly 14 years. She has wrote and finished her "bucket list" at least 4 times that I know of. She is so hopeful that she will continue to survive. She has encouragement with all the research that they have found for breast cancer. Why isn't there anything found on lung cancer? I'm irritated with this situation. All I read in chat rooms and blogs is that I am going to die and soon. This is so unacceptable.

I am confused. I haven't felt ill and after our honeymoon came back with a cough that wasn't there before. My first chemo cocktail will be administered on Tuesday. I have plans to go back to work and act like there is nothing wrong. It just seems easier that way.

I am tired of crying, looking at my new husband wondering what I should say, questioning when do I shared this sickness with the rest of my family and friends, looking online for answers, getting a pat from my doctor with only the words of I'm sorry.

I need HOPE! I need to BELIEVE that something will be there for me. I need MORE than a band aid and a kiss on the forehead. I need to LIVE. I feel like this curve ball hit me at the wrong time....but when is there a right time for cancer.

Please someone....everyone send me something REAL. I want to know what treatment options are use using....any clinical trials/drugs that you are using...are you able to exercise....do you use pure oxygen to help you sleep at night like someone with sleeping disorder...do organic foods help....what does your diet consist of....does ginger and hot pepper's really help....I am willing to do anything to stay on this earth longer...with the love of my life.

Please help me cope.
Thank you,
Amy

Comments

  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    #2
    Ames
    So sorry you had to find us. I was a 1anomo and had vats to remove my lower right lobe. I didn't have chemo/radiation. There are many stage IV survivors on the Inspire web site, in which I visit also. Please register there and post what you posted here. You could copy your post from CSN and paste it on that site. There are discussion groups for I, II, III, and IV among others. Tons of information, and lots of hope. There are stage IV, long term survivors in remission. I wish you well. Lori
  • NayPaul
    NayPaul Member Posts: 230 Member
    #3
    mutations?
    You are young, and I gather a nonsmoker. Have you been tested for efgr and alk mutation? They are most common in younger nonsmokers. U don't mention what type of lung cancer you have. You need some specifics so you understand your treatment plan. Don't listen to those that say u will die soon. Man people live quite productive lives.
  • Hondo
    Hondo Member Posts: 6,636 Member
    #4
    Hi Amy

    You are in the right place for help a lot of others have been there and are still alive to tell there story. Cancer is not a sentence to death any more it is just a distraction in life that happens to many good people like you. It makes the week strong and you will be strong enough to overcome this little set-back in your life.

    Wishing you all the best
    Hondo
  • catcon49
    catcon49 Member Posts: 398
    #5
    Hondo said:

    Hi Amy

    You are in the right place for help a lot of others have been there and are still alive to tell there story. Cancer is not a sentence to death any more it is just a distraction in life that happens to many good people like you. It makes the week strong and you will be strong enough to overcome this little set-back in your life.

    Wishing you all the best
    Hondo

    hello Ames
    I'm so very sorry that you had to find this web site, But I am glad that once you were dx with lung cancer that you did find it. It is very scary to receive a dx of lung cancer. But you can deal with it. You need to tell your family and friends so that you have their support, you may need it. You are lucky to have found the love of your life, and that will help keep you strong. You may want to find out if you have a genetic mutation, there are some options you can speak to your dr about new treatments. Stay strong and we will say an extra prayer for you.

    cathy
  • Christmas mouse
    Christmas mouse Member Posts: 4
    #6
    Live or not live is up to you
    I hope you're doing ok since you posted your comment, are u suffering any side effects from chemo ?
    This is a depressing place to be but I'm glad I found it because I believe you should let your loved ones know about your condition but don't expect them, even your husband to fully understand what you're going thru, that will save u alot of frustration in the future.
    I also believe that as human being, we have to die sooner or later, unfortunate for us, it's the sooner. You need to learn to look at things on the positive side. You could have die before your wedding due to a freaky car accident but god is giving u more time. Everyday you wake up, make it a meaningful day with your family, give it your best intension, accomplish one more thing on your list. Pray for courage, peace. That's what live means, timing doesn't really , how many people have bonus days like us ?
  • Debbi818
    Debbi818 Member Posts: 10
    #7
    You're Not Alone`
    Amy,
    Congratulations on your wedding! And many people who haven't smoked get lung cancer.

    By now you've had your first infusion and are you having side effects? Write down all the questions you want to ask your oncologist (I had at least 20 questions and my friends had more)-he took the time to answer all of them. Google Lance Armstrong, it will help with that. I am in remission from lung cancer for 1 month now. I was diagnosed with stage 3. I had a lobectomy of my middle and lower right lung, then I had chemo. I know we all get different types of chemo and we all respond differently. I was on Alvertin and Cisplatin and couldn't work-I was too sick. I stopped reading the information online-it made me so depressed. Try and find a support group. I found one online. There you'll be with other people who understand what you're going through. Your husband might benefit from a support group also.

    I was on oxygen from the moment I got home from surgery until two weeks ago. 24/7. I looked at it as it was helping me to stay alive and breathe better. Like you I was willing to do anything to stay alive. Ginger tea helped me some with the nausea. Yes organic fruits are the best. My oncologist told me not to change my diet, to eat whatever I wanted to help maintain my weight. Chemo did change what I could eat or not eat.

    I read an article that said the color for lung cancer is clear (white) because this is the invisible cancer, many people feel we brought it on ourselves by smoking.

    Someone sent me a saying, "the moment I was diagnosed with cancer I became a survivor"You have a positive attitude wanting to stay alive with your husband.
  • Debbi818
    Debbi818 Member Posts: 10
    #8
    You're Not Alone`
    Amy,
    Congratulations on your wedding! And many people who haven't smoked get lung cancer.

    By now you've had your first infusion and are you having side effects? Write down all the questions you want to ask your oncologist (I had at least 20 questions and my friends had more)-he took the time to answer all of them. Google Lance Armstrong, it will help with that. I am in remission from lung cancer for 1 month now. I was diagnosed with stage 3. I had a lobectomy of my middle and lower right lung, then I had chemo. I know we all get different types of chemo and we all respond differently. I was on Alvertin and Cisplatin and couldn't work-I was too sick. I stopped reading the information online-it made me so depressed. Try and find a support group. I found one online. There you'll be with other people who understand what you're going through. Your husband might benefit from a support group also.

    I was on oxygen from the moment I got home from surgery until two weeks ago. 24/7. I looked at it as it was helping me to stay alive and breathe better. Like you I was willing to do anything to stay alive. Ginger tea helped me some with the nausea. Yes organic fruits are the best. My oncologist told me not to change my diet, to eat whatever I wanted to help maintain my weight. Chemo did change what I could eat or not eat.

    I read an article that said the color for lung cancer is clear (white) because this is the invisible cancer, many people feel we brought it on ourselves by smoking.

    Someone sent me a saying, "the moment I was diagnosed with cancer I became a survivor"You have a positive attitude wanting to stay alive with your husband.
  • wisdom1340
    wisdom1340 Member Posts: 3
    #9
    Hi Amy
    Hi Amy, my dad was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, yes there is hope, We put dad on an alkiline diet, please try it. He was told he had 12-14 months to live, its been 4 months 2 chemo treatments and doc said today, whatever ur doing keep doing it, he said my dad has no more wheezing in his lungs, everyone does not die from stage 4 lung cancer, thats why Im here, to help those that need hope, there is hope and yet way more life to live, while we are all here, u know, I could be hit by a bus tomorrow and die, so please try to live each day with a smile, and a laugh, hell, I know thats hard but we have to try, smiles and GOD BLESS YOU ALL, Donna
  • Sharon0808
    Sharon0808 Member Posts: 2
    #10
    What does the future hold for us?
    Ok hello Ames, I have had Breast Cancer since 1999, and they to my colon in 2007. Oh, I was 42 when I got cancer, and had so much going on in my life at the time. Good things.... Anyway, after they took a foot of my colon...I just went about my business again. Then in May of 2008, it went to my upper left lung lobe! They took out my upper lobe on the left side. That surgery was a tough one, and I did not have much help with my recovery. I had to count on my daughter who was in school, and myself. I have always tried to stay strong for my daughter! She is so afraid I am going to die on her, and we have been so close all these years. We are like best friends as well! She makes me forget that I have cancer, and keep strong in my mind to keep going, and beat this nasty disease. So, in November of 2010, I found out I had a spot on my lower left lobe of my lung! Gheez, I was just numb to the news...My onc. just said, she was going to watch the tumor, because it was small . I for sure was Ok with that! About the end of January of this year, she told me it grew.... so I would have to do chemo...I started the chemo about February of this year. They put me on Gemzar..I did not have many problems with this chemo compared to the first chemo I did called Adriamyacin, and cytoxen. Something like that! I know the spelling is off here with those two names. With the Gemzar infections are the big one with that chemo! My blood count would get just so low while I was doing that chemo, and the first two days my bones would really hurt bad. I can't complain though....there are so much worse chemo out there for sure...believe me on this! I know you probably have been through the mill already too! Well, the chemo did not shrink the tumor nor did it grow at that time. She tried to have me do a biopsy, but they can't because the cancer is way to close to my heart valve, and the doctor came out and told me he would not chance doing a biopsy, way to dangerous! So my oncologist said, lets watch it, and for me to keep a open mind to maybe again taking out another lung lobe! My reaction immediately was NO WAY....It was because I had such a difficult time but mostly, because I did not have the help after the surgery. I asked was this all that could be done now? She hesitated a bit and told me that we could do Gemzar again! mmmm that did not work last time. I think she wants to do the biopsy because if it turned out to be lung cancer a separate incident then there would be more options for me! So far I have not had medical treatment for a couple of months, and it is so very nice...scary not knowing what that tumor is doing, but feels so damn good!!!! I go back end of December to do a Pet Scan. On top of everything else because of me being sick off, and on I had to sell my home,truck, and car! I forgot to say, I started selling things when I got sick in 2007. Things we're going here, and there! I should say, I have nothing now.....very sad situation....because I was a single person, and it was very difficult when they put me on SSDI. I was in IV Stage Cancer when I finally said to myself, after layoffs at work and so on! I don't just give up easy believe me. Let me finish with my cancer situation...LOL I just have to laugh about it, because it is almost unbelievable if I was to put everything I have been through.....I have cruised through this cancer since 1999, and still I am cruising. I pray that God allows me more time on this earth to be with my daughter while she goes through the most important parts of her life. I would like to be there for a marriage, and be a grandma one day! I have held on to that most recently. There are other things I want to stick around for still, but I won't bring those up at this time. Yes, you are right about the research for Lung Cancer...It is nowhere near...like Breast Cancer and other cancers! I will pray for you, and you have a long life with your husband. I think your attitude is the right one, and I did it as well. I have been going through the years like I have not had cancer, and really did not think about it much! It was like I did not have cancer....right now because again I have another issue I think of it, but try not to let it consume me. Some people can't function well knowing they have cancer. If we think that way, and everyday wake up with that thought, that we are going to die....it stops us from living right now! I have always been one to live for now! It seems you are doing all the right things Ames! Enjoy today, because tomorrow is not promised...I think that is how it goes. Get the most out of every minute, and day! When you are still here 5 years from now you are going to look back, and say Wow...I did things that I probably should not have done because I thought I was not going to be around much longer....Opps, still here...LOL And owe a lot of bills. That is a whole other story! If you want to catch me on Facebook...Sharon Wittman! If I do not hear from you....have a fantastic holiday with your husband and family.....;) You will do well, and keep that positive attitude! Keep strong, and workout! You don't have to do a lot, but enough to keep your body well tuned.... Check out all the cancer foods as well....Yes, you are going to be good!
    Sharon
  • Sharon0808
    Sharon0808 Member Posts: 2
    #11
    What does the future hold for us?
    Ok hello Ames, I have had Breast Cancer since 1999, and they to my colon in 2007. Oh, I was 42 when I got cancer, and had so much going on in my life at the time. Good things.... Anyway, after they took a foot of my colon...I just went about my business again. Then in May of 2008, it went to my upper left lung lobe! They took out my upper lobe on the left side. That surgery was a tough one, and I did not have much help with my recovery. I had to count on my daughter who was in school, and myself. I have always tried to stay strong for my daughter! She is so afraid I am going to die on her, and we have been so close all these years. We are like best friends as well! She makes me forget that I have cancer, and keep strong in my mind to keep going, and beat this nasty disease. So, in November of 2010, I found out I had a spot on my lower left lobe of my lung! Gheez, I was just numb to the news...My onc. just said, she was going to watch the tumor, because it was small . I for sure was Ok with that! About the end of January of this year, she told me it grew.... so I would have to do chemo...I started the chemo about February of this year. They put me on Gemzar..I did not have many problems with this chemo compared to the first chemo I did called Adriamyacin, and cytoxen. Something like that! I know the spelling is off here with those two names. With the Gemzar infections are the big one with that chemo! My blood count would get just so low while I was doing that chemo, and the first two days my bones would really hurt bad. I can't complain though....there are so much worse chemo out there for sure...believe me on this! I know you probably have been through the mill already too! Well, the chemo did not shrink the tumor nor did it grow at that time. She tried to have me do a biopsy, but they can't because the cancer is way to close to my heart valve, and the doctor came out and told me he would not chance doing a biopsy, way to dangerous! So my oncologist said, lets watch it, and for me to keep a open mind to maybe again taking out another lung lobe! My reaction immediately was NO WAY....It was because I had such a difficult time but mostly, because I did not have the help after the surgery. I asked was this all that could be done now? She hesitated a bit and told me that we could do Gemzar again! mmmm that did not work last time. I think she wants to do the biopsy because if it turned out to be lung cancer a separate incident then there would be more options for me! So far I have not had medical treatment for a couple of months, and it is so very nice...scary not knowing what that tumor is doing, but feels so damn good!!!! I go back end of December to do a Pet Scan. On top of everything else because of me being sick off, and on I had to sell my home,truck, and car! I forgot to say, I started selling things when I got sick in 2007. Things we're going here, and there! I should say, I have nothing now.....very sad situation....because I was a single person, and it was very difficult when they put me on SSDI. I was in IV Stage Cancer when I finally said to myself, after layoffs at work and so on! I don't just give up easy believe me. Let me finish with my cancer situation...LOL I just have to laugh about it, because it is almost unbelievable if I was to put everything I have been through.....I have cruised through this cancer since 1999, and still I am cruising. I pray that God allows me more time on this earth to be with my daughter while she goes through the most important parts of her life. I would like to be there for a marriage, and be a grandma one day! I have held on to that most recently. There are other things I want to stick around for still, but I won't bring those up at this time. Yes, you are right about the research for Lung Cancer...It is nowhere near...like Breast Cancer and other cancers! I will pray for you, and you have a long life with your husband. I think your attitude is the right one, and I did it as well. I have been going through the years like I have not had cancer, and really did not think about it much! It was like I did not have cancer....right now because again I have another issue I think of it, but try not to let it consume me. Some people can't function well knowing they have cancer. If we think that way, and everyday wake up with that thought, that we are going to die....it stops us from living right now! I have always been one to live for now! It seems you are doing all the right things Ames! Enjoy today, because tomorrow is not promised...I think that is how it goes. Get the most out of every minute, and day! When you are still here 5 years from now you are going to look back, and say Wow...I did things that I probably should not have done because I thought I was not going to be around much longer....Opps, still here...LOL And owe a lot of bills. That is a whole other story! If you want to catch me on Facebook...Sharon Wittman! If I do not hear from you....have a fantastic holiday with your husband and family.....;) You will do well, and keep that positive attitude! Keep strong, and workout! You don't have to do a lot, but enough to keep your body well tuned.... Check out all the cancer foods as well....Yes, you are going to be good!
    Sharon

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