How long does it take???

I am so sorry
that you're going through all this. Life just sucks sometimes, doesn't it? I wish I could tell you that there was some 'defined timeline' when you'll feel better - or something you can do to feel better. I call it a roller coaster ride with no brakes! Some days you seem to make it through pretty well - then the next, you're hurtling toward the bottom again. I lost my two brothers to cancer - both within 10 months (while I had just gotten my own cancer diagnosis). It's been 3 years and I still have moments.

Have you thought of (or been to) any support groups? Or some professional grief counseling? I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you with children you need (or feel you need) to be strong for.

Please know that you're not alone. And I'm glad you posted here. It's a safe place to vent.

Hi Carole
I wish I had a short fix for what your going through but unfortunately no one does. Big celebration times on the calendars are extra hard when dealing with loss, Christmases, birthdays, Thanksgivings - all the good times we used to share with our loved ones who might have passed on. So if it is any comfort to you you are certainly not alone in feeling down especially around Xmas when it's all around you for so long, so many reminders.

I am a cancer survivor but know loss in many ways for myself and others on these boards and I know how hard it is. For me I found a good counsellor who specialized in grief counselling and that got me through the first few Christmases and other holidays. You might try finding a good counsellor through your family doctor.

You said that your husband always got you through the tough times but now perhaps you can turn yourself around a little in a positive way by being there for your kids. I know that my kids were the reasons I continued surviving, they needed me and by helping them it helped me too. Sometimes we get lost in our grief and don't see the answers that could be right in front of us.

Other than those things I guess it's just about time. It's a cliche but it's true, time does heal. It has for many of us on these boards.

Keep us posted and keep writing, that is good therapy too.

Blessings,

Bluerose

Does the pain subside
Dear Carole, I lost my husband to cancer 20yrs ago. He was 48 and I was 45. I still miss him very much and cry during the holidays. The unbearable pain is now a deep aching feeling. For my 3 kids and myself, we needed to find something positive. So, we decided to always talk about him.....try to enjoy the happy times we had, things we did, and Dad's funny sayings. There isn't a get together that he isn't included. Now that I have cancer, I know that when I am gone, my kids will be able to get through the tuff days ok. Dealing with the loss of a loved one and being able to move on is different for everyone. I just wanted to share with you how we chose to do this. You will make it through this, God is with you.