Stuff I don't need to hear

I got a call from my sister the other day. The first thing she wanted to tell me was about someone who healed their cancer with their mind. The second thing she wanted to say was "I think you are obsessed with your cancer--that's all you ever think about."

I had to end the phone call right there--I don't need to hear that stuff. Ugh!
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Comments

  • EnglishGal
    EnglishGal Member Posts: 101
    Another example
    Again, another example of how other people just do not comprehend what all of us are going through. They have absolutely no concept. Of course, we're all going to think of cancer, how can one ever forget it? This beast has changed all our lives.

    One of the ladies I've made friends with at my support group (Tina, aged 50) has a sister who just does not understand. It seems she told Tina at a family dinner, "Ever since you've been diagnosed with cancer, you've turned into a real drama queen. Enough already!"

    Tina's family are not at all supportive; she said if it wasn't for me and her partner, Steve, she doesn't know where she would be.

    I intend on giving her the link to this website.

    Ann
  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member
    cancer is always on my mind
    and once you have gone through it, it is hard to forget. You are not obessed with your cancer. You are doing what you need to do to keep yourself well. Sorry to say your sister isn't very empathetic ,,cancer is serious and we all need support from our friends and family. I nenver heard of anyone who cured their own cancer with their mind,,it would be nice. Sometime I want to talk to my husband, but he doesn't want to hear it if I am afraid or having a bad day. Some people can't handle illness....val
  • mom2greatkids
    mom2greatkids Member Posts: 528
    So sorry. I have
    So sorry. I have experienced similar things from family as well. I'm the type of person that if something is bothering me I have to talk and talk and talk. I've gotten more so since my husband's sudden death last year. We shared everything. Now I feel as though I have no one to talk to. My daughter is in college. I try to help her keep her stress level down. She's one of those students who has to work harder than many to keep grades up. My son is the oldest, but he's only 23. He lives 600 miles from me. I feel as though I'm often fighting this alone.

    Since my husband's death I live with my sister and her family. I was SO upset about losing my hair. it still bothers me. She said "I'd just put on a cute hat and go." I told her "you don't know what you would do." No one does.

    There are some people I just can't be around. one lady during the summer (I don't know her well, but we know one another some) anyway, she asked me what type of cancer I had. I said ovarian. She said "oh I shouldn't tell you this, but my daughter died from that several years ago." That was real comforting.


    I have found women to be more likely to say stupid things than are men. I especially found that true after my husband's death. I had hurtful things said to me.

    Val, my Dad doesn't want me to talk about it. My Mom died from cancer (Non-hodgkins lymphoma) in '08. Of all things my step mother gave me a Prevention article about ovca that portrayed the dimmest of stats. I stopped reading it. She also had my Dad read it. I find I have to surround myself with only positive things and people. That doesn't mean I'm not realistic. No one has a guarantee of living 5 yrs. or even 5 days. Accidents happen all the time. After my husband died, my Dad told me I was going to have to stop dwelling on it. My whole world had been turned upside down in a split second and I'm not supposed to dwell on it? I was a zombie for 6 months.

    Laundry Queen, I'm sure you're like me and so thankful for this board! We all feel your pain! I miss my husband SO much. He would have been crying (literally) with me. He would have been so frightened for me (and himself, wondering who would take care of him :)

    Although I have not met anyone in person from this board, I count all of you as dear friends.

    Carla
  • mom2greatkids
    mom2greatkids Member Posts: 528
    So sorry. I have
    So sorry. I have experienced similar things from family as well. I'm the type of person that if something is bothering me I have to talk and talk and talk. I've gotten more so since my husband's sudden death last year. We shared everything. Now I feel as though I have no one to talk to. My daughter is in college. I try to help her keep her stress level down. She's one of those students who has to work harder than many to keep grades up. My son is the oldest, but he's only 23. He lives 600 miles from me. I feel as though I'm often fighting this alone.

    Since my husband's death I live with my sister and her family. I was SO upset about losing my hair. it still bothers me. She said "I'd just put on a cute hat and go." I told her "you don't know what you would do." No one does.

    There are some people I just can't be around. one lady during the summer (I don't know her well, but we know one another some) anyway, she asked me what type of cancer I had. I said ovarian. She said "oh I shouldn't tell you this, but my daughter died from that several years ago." That was real comforting.


    I have found women to be more likely to say stupid things than are men. I especially found that true after my husband's death. I had hurtful things said to me.

    Val, my Dad doesn't want me to talk about it. My Mom died from cancer (Non-hodgkins lymphoma) in '08. Of all things my step mother gave me a Prevention article about ovca that portrayed the dimmest of stats. I stopped reading it. She also had my Dad read it. I find I have to surround myself with only positive things and people. That doesn't mean I'm not realistic. No one has a guarantee of living 5 yrs. or even 5 days. Accidents happen all the time. After my husband died, my Dad told me I was going to have to stop dwelling on it. My whole world had been turned upside down in a split second and I'm not supposed to dwell on it? I was a zombie for 6 months.

    Laundry Queen, I'm sure you're like me and so thankful for this board! We all feel your pain! I miss my husband SO much. He would have been crying (literally) with me. He would have been so frightened for me (and himself, wondering who would take care of him :)

    Although I have not met anyone in person from this board, I count all of you as dear friends.

    Carla
  • kikz
    kikz Member Posts: 1,345 Member

    So sorry. I have
    So sorry. I have experienced similar things from family as well. I'm the type of person that if something is bothering me I have to talk and talk and talk. I've gotten more so since my husband's sudden death last year. We shared everything. Now I feel as though I have no one to talk to. My daughter is in college. I try to help her keep her stress level down. She's one of those students who has to work harder than many to keep grades up. My son is the oldest, but he's only 23. He lives 600 miles from me. I feel as though I'm often fighting this alone.

    Since my husband's death I live with my sister and her family. I was SO upset about losing my hair. it still bothers me. She said "I'd just put on a cute hat and go." I told her "you don't know what you would do." No one does.

    There are some people I just can't be around. one lady during the summer (I don't know her well, but we know one another some) anyway, she asked me what type of cancer I had. I said ovarian. She said "oh I shouldn't tell you this, but my daughter died from that several years ago." That was real comforting.


    I have found women to be more likely to say stupid things than are men. I especially found that true after my husband's death. I had hurtful things said to me.

    Val, my Dad doesn't want me to talk about it. My Mom died from cancer (Non-hodgkins lymphoma) in '08. Of all things my step mother gave me a Prevention article about ovca that portrayed the dimmest of stats. I stopped reading it. She also had my Dad read it. I find I have to surround myself with only positive things and people. That doesn't mean I'm not realistic. No one has a guarantee of living 5 yrs. or even 5 days. Accidents happen all the time. After my husband died, my Dad told me I was going to have to stop dwelling on it. My whole world had been turned upside down in a split second and I'm not supposed to dwell on it? I was a zombie for 6 months.

    Laundry Queen, I'm sure you're like me and so thankful for this board! We all feel your pain! I miss my husband SO much. He would have been crying (literally) with me. He would have been so frightened for me (and himself, wondering who would take care of him :)

    Although I have not met anyone in person from this board, I count all of you as dear friends.

    Carla

    It is hard to keep cancer off my mind,
    but I don't talk about it all the time. I can't stop the thoughts but I don't have to give them a voice. I am sure all of you ladies would love to have a day, an hour or even a minute without thinking about it. We don't have that luxury. I try not to talk about it much because I understand that the people in my life want to believe it is gone forever. Like Val said, we are not obsessing about it but it is a constant in our lives. It is our reality. The people around us have no idea how tough we all are. I have always been a worrywart and I still can't believe how I have been able to process this scary information and keep a smile on my face and an upbeat attitude. I have my moments as I am sure you all do but I will not let cancer or anything else keep me down.

    It is too bad your sister and others in all of our lives cannot appreciate the inner strength we all have. That is why I love this board and the support and love that comes from all my teal sisters.

    Karen
  • mom2greatkids
    mom2greatkids Member Posts: 528
    kikz said:

    It is hard to keep cancer off my mind,
    but I don't talk about it all the time. I can't stop the thoughts but I don't have to give them a voice. I am sure all of you ladies would love to have a day, an hour or even a minute without thinking about it. We don't have that luxury. I try not to talk about it much because I understand that the people in my life want to believe it is gone forever. Like Val said, we are not obsessing about it but it is a constant in our lives. It is our reality. The people around us have no idea how tough we all are. I have always been a worrywart and I still can't believe how I have been able to process this scary information and keep a smile on my face and an upbeat attitude. I have my moments as I am sure you all do but I will not let cancer or anything else keep me down.

    It is too bad your sister and others in all of our lives cannot appreciate the inner strength we all have. That is why I love this board and the support and love that comes from all my teal sisters.

    Karen

    I should have said when I
    I should have said when I first diagnosed. I couldn't stop thinking or talking about it. No matter how busy I am, where I'm at it's there. I wish there were some magical button we could push to turn it off. I don't talk about it too much any more. Some days I don't even want anyone to ask me how I'm doing. I know they mean well, but I don't want to think about it....Karen, I don't know what we would do without this board!!
  • kikz
    kikz Member Posts: 1,345 Member

    I should have said when I
    I should have said when I first diagnosed. I couldn't stop thinking or talking about it. No matter how busy I am, where I'm at it's there. I wish there were some magical button we could push to turn it off. I don't talk about it too much any more. Some days I don't even want anyone to ask me how I'm doing. I know they mean well, but I don't want to think about it....Karen, I don't know what we would do without this board!!

    I'm afraid I know what we would do
    without this board. What I was doing before I found it. Feeling hopeless, helpless, completely at the mercy of cancer and feeling horrible for causing my family and friends such agony. This board not only gives love, comfort and support but it helps us see things more clearly when we are not able to.

    Karen
  • Tethys41
    Tethys41 Member Posts: 1,376 Member
    Wow
    This thread is kind of mind boggling to me. I worried about the disease as I was starting my treatment, and worried, and worried, and worried, mostly about the ascites that was accumulating and being drained every three days. The more I worried about the ascites, the sicker I got. This pattern repeated itself for two months. The last time I was in the hospital, for a peritoneal infection, I watched as more and more IV bags were being added to the pole. It occurred to me that I might not ever get out of the hospital alive. At that point, I made a pact with myself. The worrying was not helping me get better, so I would put all my effort into not worrying to see if things improved. It wasn't easy, but after only two days of diverting my focus from worrying, things changed drastically. The right people came into my life to give me the treatment that would help my situation. I was released from the hospital. I came home; I had been staying out of state since the beginning of my treatment because the expertise I needed was not available in the area where I live. AND the ascites dried up!!!! That was one powerful lesson in not worrying. Certainly the worry creeps in occasionally, but I don't think about cancer constantly. And If I find myself worrying, I remind myself that these are the good days, RIGHT NOW. I can either spend them worrying about the future, or enjoy them while I can. I'm very sorry to hear that many of you have not found peace in this situation. I pray that you do.
  • kikz
    kikz Member Posts: 1,345 Member
    Tethys41 said:

    Wow
    This thread is kind of mind boggling to me. I worried about the disease as I was starting my treatment, and worried, and worried, and worried, mostly about the ascites that was accumulating and being drained every three days. The more I worried about the ascites, the sicker I got. This pattern repeated itself for two months. The last time I was in the hospital, for a peritoneal infection, I watched as more and more IV bags were being added to the pole. It occurred to me that I might not ever get out of the hospital alive. At that point, I made a pact with myself. The worrying was not helping me get better, so I would put all my effort into not worrying to see if things improved. It wasn't easy, but after only two days of diverting my focus from worrying, things changed drastically. The right people came into my life to give me the treatment that would help my situation. I was released from the hospital. I came home; I had been staying out of state since the beginning of my treatment because the expertise I needed was not available in the area where I live. AND the ascites dried up!!!! That was one powerful lesson in not worrying. Certainly the worry creeps in occasionally, but I don't think about cancer constantly. And If I find myself worrying, I remind myself that these are the good days, RIGHT NOW. I can either spend them worrying about the future, or enjoy them while I can. I'm very sorry to hear that many of you have not found peace in this situation. I pray that you do.

    I have peace.
    I was trying to communicate that although the thought of cancer never leaves my mind, I have made peace and do not spend time worrying or curled up in a ball. For me it is similar to the fact that the man I had spent 27 years with died of a heart attack four years ago. He is always in my thoughts but that doesn't mean I am sitting around crying and mourning his loss. It is like anything we deal with, you come to terms with things. I think that is what most of us are trying to say.

    Karen
  • carolyn45
    carolyn45 Member Posts: 100
    kikz said:

    I have peace.
    I was trying to communicate that although the thought of cancer never leaves my mind, I have made peace and do not spend time worrying or curled up in a ball. For me it is similar to the fact that the man I had spent 27 years with died of a heart attack four years ago. He is always in my thoughts but that doesn't mean I am sitting around crying and mourning his loss. It is like anything we deal with, you come to terms with things. I think that is what most of us are trying to say.

    Karen

    We all process differently.
    Once we have a cancer diagnosis, we'd have to have an IQ if about 50 not to acknowledge the fear, despair, anger, and hopelessness that such a diagnosis brings. Multiple traumas, like the death of a dearly beloved spouse AND a cancer diagnosis, simply multiply the intensity of pain and the feeling of being out of control, like a roller coaster going full steam ahead and no end in sight. Some people come to peace faster than others, and that doesn't mean they're better, just quicker. Like roses on a bush, no one ever says, "Bad rosebud!" because it's a little slow in opening. We trust that with enough sun and time, a lovely flower will emerge.

    People can and do say the most ignorant things. When I was first diagnosed, I could hardly believe that a good half dozen of my friends seemed driven to tell me about people they knew who had died of cancer a few months after being diagnosed. This as I'm getting used to a bag at my waist emptying my small intestine, looking forward to rounds of chemo, and wondering if I'd ever be able to come home to Scotland! Family can be the worst at being present or compassionate because they're so overwhelmed with the fear of losing us. Some of us need to talk and talk, while others of us can focus our minds on positive thoughts, and some just shut down and soldier through. There's no right way, just our individual way of, as Karen wisely said, coming to terms with what is.

    I'm so grateful for this board because we can "talk" as much as we need and be supported for wherever we are. We are all "buds" learning to open our hearts to this enormous change in our lives. We'll always be AWARE that we have a life threatening disease with grim statistics. We also know that there are many wonderful stories of recovery and healing. We'll stop endlessly over thinking and worrying when we can. For some of us that's all we can do for awhile, and it's okay. In truth all of us are already beautiful roses, learning to open and show our beauty even if there doesn't seem to be as much sun as we'd like. I truly believe we will all come to a place of acceptance and peace in our own way and time.
  • LaundryQueen
    LaundryQueen Member Posts: 676
    carolyn45 said:

    We all process differently.
    Once we have a cancer diagnosis, we'd have to have an IQ if about 50 not to acknowledge the fear, despair, anger, and hopelessness that such a diagnosis brings. Multiple traumas, like the death of a dearly beloved spouse AND a cancer diagnosis, simply multiply the intensity of pain and the feeling of being out of control, like a roller coaster going full steam ahead and no end in sight. Some people come to peace faster than others, and that doesn't mean they're better, just quicker. Like roses on a bush, no one ever says, "Bad rosebud!" because it's a little slow in opening. We trust that with enough sun and time, a lovely flower will emerge.

    People can and do say the most ignorant things. When I was first diagnosed, I could hardly believe that a good half dozen of my friends seemed driven to tell me about people they knew who had died of cancer a few months after being diagnosed. This as I'm getting used to a bag at my waist emptying my small intestine, looking forward to rounds of chemo, and wondering if I'd ever be able to come home to Scotland! Family can be the worst at being present or compassionate because they're so overwhelmed with the fear of losing us. Some of us need to talk and talk, while others of us can focus our minds on positive thoughts, and some just shut down and soldier through. There's no right way, just our individual way of, as Karen wisely said, coming to terms with what is.

    I'm so grateful for this board because we can "talk" as much as we need and be supported for wherever we are. We are all "buds" learning to open our hearts to this enormous change in our lives. We'll always be AWARE that we have a life threatening disease with grim statistics. We also know that there are many wonderful stories of recovery and healing. We'll stop endlessly over thinking and worrying when we can. For some of us that's all we can do for awhile, and it's okay. In truth all of us are already beautiful roses, learning to open and show our beauty even if there doesn't seem to be as much sun as we'd like. I truly believe we will all come to a place of acceptance and peace in our own way and time.

    Awwww...
    I knew you all would understand the issue. I think what bothers my sister the most is that she LOVES to cook & bake and I have chosen to change my diet. So I think she's annoyed that I won't eat all the chocolate-covered, high fat, high sugar desserts that she makes. So that makes me "obsessed" I guess.

    Food is such an emotional issue. I suppose she just wants me to "act normal" and everything can go back to the way it used to be. Don't I wish...sigh...

    Thanks for understanding. I appreciate everyone's kindness so much. This, too, shall pass.
  • CindyGSD
    CindyGSD Member Posts: 190

    Awwww...
    I knew you all would understand the issue. I think what bothers my sister the most is that she LOVES to cook & bake and I have chosen to change my diet. So I think she's annoyed that I won't eat all the chocolate-covered, high fat, high sugar desserts that she makes. So that makes me "obsessed" I guess.

    Food is such an emotional issue. I suppose she just wants me to "act normal" and everything can go back to the way it used to be. Don't I wish...sigh...

    Thanks for understanding. I appreciate everyone's kindness so much. This, too, shall pass.

    My sister...
    My sister sent an email to my work email account when she found out about my diagnosis from my mom asking me if I needed anything. It made me laugh. I generally have no problem talking about my illness to anyone, but I seldom mention it first or I might say, "Do like my new wig" as a conversation starter to make them feel more comfortable. My biggest issue is that many "friends" don't acknowledge I'm even sick and of course there are those that you never hear from. Sigh.

    Cindy
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    Tune her out !
    People especially loved ones cannot deal with our cancer because they are trying to push it out of their minds. I think they think it will disappear if no one talks about it (we wish !)
    So they tell us we are obsessed because by our facing it head on forces them back to reality. The reality is you are bravely living your life so continue to do what is right for you and tell your sister the next sound you hear is me obsessing about...click.
    Colleen
  • clamryn
    clamryn Member Posts: 508
    Isn't it sad
    I understand exactly. I get all kinds of remedies that people hear of to cure me. And they think if I don't do it and I don't get rid of the cancer that it will be my fault.

    I was telling someone the other day about how it seems that cancer comes into my conversation a lot and I don't mean to do it but, Hey what are we suppose to do.... it is our world. I sure would like to be in a happy world where everything is perfect, but that is not the case. So I guess I will have to continue to "obsess" about cancer.

    We are all right here with you.

    Linda
  • EnglishGal
    EnglishGal Member Posts: 101
    I thank God the day I found this board!
    That says it all, I am so thankful for all of my teal sisters.
  • EnglishGal
    EnglishGal Member Posts: 101

    I thank God the day I found this board!
    That says it all, I am so thankful for all of my teal sisters.

    We are all here for you!
    Just wanted to add that all of us are here for you. This is the only place we can air our innermost thoughts. Again, I am so thankful to be a member of this board.

    I too get varied responses about my situation - some friends think I have another fifty years but a couple have said, "Be prepared if you die sooner than later; your mass was pretty large. You have had a good life."

    And at my support group, one lady says, "We're all in a very serious position, as this cancer usually recurs even for those of you who are doing well now and feel great."

    I am considering perhaps dropping my support group as I always feel so depressed when I attend a meeting.

    So what is one to do? Try and forget, but that's difficult to do. One only has to look on one's zipper scar running down one's tummy! Life is not the same for us anymore.
  • dreamer007
    dreamer007 Member Posts: 61
    stuff you dont want to hear
    wow! laundryqueen, i thought my sister took the cake with her comment to
    me "i have cancer vicariously through you"
    say what!

    i am fairly certain that a majority of cancer survivors have heard such nonsense
    at least once, maybe not quite as blunt and ignorant, however

    when i wake up, and cancer is not the first thing on my mind, its such a wonderful
    thing, but of course that changes very quickly, when i fully wake up

    MIND CONTROL AND CANCER
    get your copy at amazon.crapola

    dreamer
  • Tethys41
    Tethys41 Member Posts: 1,376 Member
    carolyn45 said:

    We all process differently.
    Once we have a cancer diagnosis, we'd have to have an IQ if about 50 not to acknowledge the fear, despair, anger, and hopelessness that such a diagnosis brings. Multiple traumas, like the death of a dearly beloved spouse AND a cancer diagnosis, simply multiply the intensity of pain and the feeling of being out of control, like a roller coaster going full steam ahead and no end in sight. Some people come to peace faster than others, and that doesn't mean they're better, just quicker. Like roses on a bush, no one ever says, "Bad rosebud!" because it's a little slow in opening. We trust that with enough sun and time, a lovely flower will emerge.

    People can and do say the most ignorant things. When I was first diagnosed, I could hardly believe that a good half dozen of my friends seemed driven to tell me about people they knew who had died of cancer a few months after being diagnosed. This as I'm getting used to a bag at my waist emptying my small intestine, looking forward to rounds of chemo, and wondering if I'd ever be able to come home to Scotland! Family can be the worst at being present or compassionate because they're so overwhelmed with the fear of losing us. Some of us need to talk and talk, while others of us can focus our minds on positive thoughts, and some just shut down and soldier through. There's no right way, just our individual way of, as Karen wisely said, coming to terms with what is.

    I'm so grateful for this board because we can "talk" as much as we need and be supported for wherever we are. We are all "buds" learning to open our hearts to this enormous change in our lives. We'll always be AWARE that we have a life threatening disease with grim statistics. We also know that there are many wonderful stories of recovery and healing. We'll stop endlessly over thinking and worrying when we can. For some of us that's all we can do for awhile, and it's okay. In truth all of us are already beautiful roses, learning to open and show our beauty even if there doesn't seem to be as much sun as we'd like. I truly believe we will all come to a place of acceptance and peace in our own way and time.

    I apologize
    My post was meant to be inspirational, not demeaning. Despite the fact that I have learned to manage my worry and my stress, it may come as a shock that I have an IQ considerabley higher than 50. For your consideration, I recommend the book "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought" (The Life 101 Series) by Peter McWilliams
  • LaundryQueen
    LaundryQueen Member Posts: 676

    stuff you dont want to hear
    wow! laundryqueen, i thought my sister took the cake with her comment to
    me "i have cancer vicariously through you"
    say what!

    i am fairly certain that a majority of cancer survivors have heard such nonsense
    at least once, maybe not quite as blunt and ignorant, however

    when i wake up, and cancer is not the first thing on my mind, its such a wonderful
    thing, but of course that changes very quickly, when i fully wake up

    MIND CONTROL AND CANCER
    get your copy at amazon.crapola

    dreamer

    Hahahahahaha!
    Dreamer

    I gotta get that book or video!

    ; )
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834

    stuff you dont want to hear
    wow! laundryqueen, i thought my sister took the cake with her comment to
    me "i have cancer vicariously through you"
    say what!

    i am fairly certain that a majority of cancer survivors have heard such nonsense
    at least once, maybe not quite as blunt and ignorant, however

    when i wake up, and cancer is not the first thing on my mind, its such a wonderful
    thing, but of course that changes very quickly, when i fully wake up

    MIND CONTROL AND CANCER
    get your copy at amazon.crapola

    dreamer

    I wish I had Cancer
    I wish I had Cancer vicariously!

    Carlene