reality has hit and i am numb
Comments
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oh Johnny I'm sad reading your postjohnnybegood said:oh pepe
thank you so much for the shoulder.yes phil is a tough one and there are many tough ones in our cyber family if only i could be more like them.i have had many people tell me i am a tough lady but what they dont know is i may look tough on the outside but i am falling apart on the inside.thanks my friend and love you back....Godbless....johnnybegood
Your friends and family love you. Even in cyber space.
So what's any of us doing to do ?
Simple answer is just our best.
So love your family as well as you can, I guess that means loving yourself and caring for yourself.
You raised questions you alone can answer, that said the questions themselves show how thoughtful you are.
As for treatment I'll let stage4s here advise. a super healthy diet , exercise and some supplements may help. It's where my focus is. I pray the nodes shrink. I took tissue regenex and cologenpro, these supplement helped me heal fast, of course gut relief powder, probiotics , digestive enzymes helped as well. Just mentioning what I found helpful.
Everyday is a gift, I am determined to minimise the footprint crc has on my life.
I hope tomorrow finds you feeling well.
Hugs,
Pete0 -
I haven't researched this
I haven't researched this much at all but read about it on another discussion board but it is called Proton therapy (http://www.procure.com/) for lung tumors. Mayo is opening a new clinic to do this procedure so it must have some validity. I will send prayers your way and hope for better days ahead for you. Lisa0 -
Hi there, and a warm hug
Hi there, and a warm hug from San Diego....this is tough stuff.
Don't think about being strong or being brave or any other platitudes. Just do what the doctor says. One foot in front of the other....simply one foot in front of the other.
You CAN do this.
Your friend in California~0 -
That's how I feel sometimes
That's how I feel sometimes and I am not even going through it-my husband is. Cancer sucks. Chemo could kill it and make you NED as it has for some on this board. You're healing from surgery right now. Focus on getting your body strong so you can kill those cancer mets!
Erin0 -
Sorry you are at a tough point right now
I'm sorry you are at a tough point in your journey right now. I understand. A lot of us do. I just started my first radiation treatment today to try and get rid of the stubborn cancerous lymph nodes I've been battling for two years. But while I do this, I can't be on chemo. I was on Avastin, which would cause too much trouble if I end up with radiation burns - they would not heal. I was on Irinotecan which gives me really bad early and late onset diarrhea. Because of the areas I am getting radiation, I run the risk of bad diarrhea from the radiation, so they do not want the double risk. So, I have the chance that if there are other areas with little cancer cells lurking that chemo has been keeping quiet, they could grow or spread during the next several weeks. I've been off chemo for two weeks and have at least 6 weeks of rad to do now, so I'll be off for at least 8 weeks. I'm hoping my CEA stays down and nothing new pops up, and I can finally have a true chemo AND treatment break. But I know I could be facing the same situation as you.
I have always been tough, but find myself breaking down a bit lately. I'm pretty sure it is just a phase. I think about just stopping treatments and letting nature take its course, instead of dragging my family through more financial messes and emotional pain. But my family does not want me to stop treatment yet. They want me to try and stay with them longer. Some days it is hard to really know what is the right thing to do.
Just know that when you have a rough time, others have been there before you, and others will come behind you. You aren't alone in this. Right now is a low point for you, but you'll get through it, and then you can be a help to the next one that comes along having troubles with a similar situation. I know I'll get through this down time, and will be back to try and help others too, once I have that strength again myself.
Hang in there. You ARE tough! You've been through a lot and have kept going, and you can continue that. Just give yourself a break and don't expect to be positive 24/7 or tough 24/7. Ups and downs are part of life, and we have them, and we deserve them, and no one can expect us to be strong and positive all the time.0 -
Don't let it keep you down
Don't let it keep you down for long. I just found out about a possible reccurence in my liver for the third time and there is something behind my spleen. It never gets easier getting bad news. But a day later I am already recovering from the news and dusting off the old boxing gloves because this is going to be a brutal fight. You have plenty of hidden strength to fight this. we can all strengthen each other with our bonding.0 -
Johnnybegoodwolfen said:My Darling Daughter
When we talk, I can't start crying because I would never stop. I try to stay sane and strong through it all, so I can encourage you, fill you with hope, and suggest anything I can think of to control and rid you of this horrible beast.
I cannot comprehend the physical pain you and others are going through, only the mental anguish and feeling of complete helplessness. Words can't describe how it feels for me to know that I can't fix this for you, nor be there to hold you in my arms. I am so glad that you have many friends here to help you pull through this. Craig said it all so well. You will find the strength to keep on fighting.
You are the first person I think of each morning and the last each night. Even though I am not religious, I ask God each night to please take care of you.
We love you so much.
Love,
Wolfen(Mom)
I think what
Johnnybegood
I think what keeps me going is that I have accepted death. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. I don't make long term decisions and feel that in doing that I am focused on today. I don't think about cancer Not my cancer every day. I think of fueling my body. I'm not scared nor do I think I have to remain quiet with my position. My sisters tell me to hush. But no, I may not be here. I know every dies soon ir later nut we stage 4s know that tomorrow nay be different then today. Stay strong, in other words don't be afraid. Just move forward If you don't you ate missing the luge you have. Live it! Hugs!!!0 -
Hey Johnnybegood
So, another little hitch in your get up and go. That's it, a hitch. It sucks, you just want to get up and go and everything be fine and dandy, and it's a hell of a note when it isn't. It sucks big time.
And yes you're tough on the outside and scared and falling apart on the inside, most of us are. Heck, I spent many a night crying all alone to myself (my husband was next to me but sound asleep)I tried to cry as silently as possible, at night my world came crumbling apart as I laid there thinking of all the possibilities and scenarios.
In the day time I was super woman, nothing will get me down, etc. The super woman facade was not only good for my family but for me as well, it forced me to think positive for myself and find every avenue I could to be here, to stay here, as well as for my family to remain positive.
The night were my grief time, grieving because this d@mn cancer was invading my body, grieving at life changing so much for me and my family, wondering what was going to happen, these times were my weak times, times when my fears stared at me in the face.
And girl, we're all allowed our weak moments, our moments of fear of the future and possible outcomes. Your strength will stay with you though.
And we're here for you, you know that, you've been here for how many of us already? Too many to count. So when your fears start to overwhelm you, put out a holler, we'll be here for you to lean on.
I think of you often and always pray for the best for you. It'll be alright.
Winter Marie0 -
thank you allherdizziness said:Hey Johnnybegood
So, another little hitch in your get up and go. That's it, a hitch. It sucks, you just want to get up and go and everything be fine and dandy, and it's a hell of a note when it isn't. It sucks big time.
And yes you're tough on the outside and scared and falling apart on the inside, most of us are. Heck, I spent many a night crying all alone to myself (my husband was next to me but sound asleep)I tried to cry as silently as possible, at night my world came crumbling apart as I laid there thinking of all the possibilities and scenarios.
In the day time I was super woman, nothing will get me down, etc. The super woman facade was not only good for my family but for me as well, it forced me to think positive for myself and find every avenue I could to be here, to stay here, as well as for my family to remain positive.
The night were my grief time, grieving because this d@mn cancer was invading my body, grieving at life changing so much for me and my family, wondering what was going to happen, these times were my weak times, times when my fears stared at me in the face.
And girl, we're all allowed our weak moments, our moments of fear of the future and possible outcomes. Your strength will stay with you though.
And we're here for you, you know that, you've been here for how many of us already? Too many to count. So when your fears start to overwhelm you, put out a holler, we'll be here for you to lean on.
I think of you often and always pray for the best for you. It'll be alright.
Winter Marie
so much for you comments and support.i think of you often winter marie and dont know how you do it going to school and all.nana b i try to take one day at a time but the future still keeps popping in my head.i just dont want to leave my family with such a mess to clean up after im gone.the medical bills,my husband will lose our home the list goes on and on.a friend of mine told me the other day not to think about those things as your family will be ok,they will get thru it.she is right i just need to focus in the now.i just need to treat this cancer like a horse,you have got to let them know you are the boss and you are the one in control.thanks again everyone...Godbless....johnnybegood0 -
Try To Keep Your Chin Up
Didn't Lance Armstrong have testicular cancer that spread to his brain and his lungs? He has children and has won the Tours de France. I know that you are scared but look up. Anything is possible with "The Great Physician" on your side. You mention Him in each of your posts. If you start to get scared, read Psalm 91. Keep your immune system up. Some of the patients I have gotten chemo with drink pomegranate juice and their CEAs come down. Tumeric also helps. My oncologist drinks a little apple cider vinegar (yuck) and a little olive oil each day. No sweets. Do what your doctors say and leave the rest in God's hands. Maybe someone mentioned it in a post but isn't there a technique where they burn lung cancer tumors (if they are not near major vessels)? If it's still warm where you live, take walks and deep breaths if you are able. Do things that you enjoy and that make you peaceful. Keep writing down your feelings. If my colon cancer comes back, I will write the problem down, tear it up and burn it in a bowl on my table. A friend told me that she and her children did that when things got too big to handle. And remember there are many who care about you, and One Who will walk with you.
I am new here but my shoulder is available anytime. You're in my prayers. Pat0 -
hello PatPsalm 91 said:Try To Keep Your Chin Up
Didn't Lance Armstrong have testicular cancer that spread to his brain and his lungs? He has children and has won the Tours de France. I know that you are scared but look up. Anything is possible with "The Great Physician" on your side. You mention Him in each of your posts. If you start to get scared, read Psalm 91. Keep your immune system up. Some of the patients I have gotten chemo with drink pomegranate juice and their CEAs come down. Tumeric also helps. My oncologist drinks a little apple cider vinegar (yuck) and a little olive oil each day. No sweets. Do what your doctors say and leave the rest in God's hands. Maybe someone mentioned it in a post but isn't there a technique where they burn lung cancer tumors (if they are not near major vessels)? If it's still warm where you live, take walks and deep breaths if you are able. Do things that you enjoy and that make you peaceful. Keep writing down your feelings. If my colon cancer comes back, I will write the problem down, tear it up and burn it in a bowl on my table. A friend told me that she and her children did that when things got too big to handle. And remember there are many who care about you, and One Who will walk with you.
I am new here but my shoulder is available anytime. You're in my prayers. Pat
you seem like a wonderful and caring person.nice to meet you.i recently read the book"Anticancer a new way of life"and i am changing my diet and including the things you mentioned.it sure cant hurt...Godbless...johnnybegood0 -
sorryjohnnybegood said:hello Pat
you seem like a wonderful and caring person.nice to meet you.i recently read the book"Anticancer a new way of life"and i am changing my diet and including the things you mentioned.it sure cant hurt...Godbless...johnnybegood
Oh Johnny i'm so sorry to hear about your lungs my dear i will be sending best wishes hugs Tina0 -
I feel for you my dear
I have tears in my eyes reading the posts of this thread. You are not alone my dear. Although I'm not a patient, as a caregiver, I totally understand how you feel. My heart is aching to read your post and remind me of my mum who is also fighting so hard yet have new tumors in her lung. Her liver surgeon mentioned about 'tomotherapy' to treat the tumors in lung. Maybe you can talk to a specialist and see if they can do something for you. From my understanding it can go with chemo at the same time!
Hang in there and stay strong! We all support you!
Hugssss Dora0 -
thinking of you
Johnny, I am sad to hear this but wanted to say you can stay strong and you are NOT alone. I have been off the board for several mos, no special reason other than some days I just couldn't bring myself to read more sad news. You have been an inspiration to so many, including me. Now it's our turn. I was diagnosed 2 years ago this Thanksgiving and given a short time.. a few months. Went on Folfox, and Avastin did great, finished it and took 9 mos off and then the tumors (liver) started to grow. At that time I decided with my oncologist's approval to go to Mayo Clinic snd see if I was a candidate for resection.
Mayo is awesome... after about 10 appointments and every test imaginable it was determined I was a candidate and that I could have the surgery and be cured. I was going to be operated on by one of THE top liver surgeons and chief of the liver transplant team was going to be my anesthesiologist along with about a dozen more doctors and nurses. A big deal for sure since they were also going to remove part of my colon where the primary tumor had been. It was gone thanks to Folfox and Avastin. Keep in mind you cannot have a resection (I"m sure you know) if you have cancer in other organs.
Cry and lean on my shoulder any time. My email is JSAMeet@aol.com.. email me any time. I will call you or whatever you need. Yes it is scary, enough to make you vomit but it's not over. You are here and you are not going any place soon.
After about 1 hr and all of the surgery going to be laproscopic, they found nodules throughout my abdomen, too small to be detected even by a PET scan. They closed me up and my hope for a cure was over.
I came home 2 days later and my oncologist started me on Folfiri with Avastin a few weeks after that, in March. I am doing well, some side effects and neuropathy from the Folfox.
My tumors started growing during the time I was off chemo, I have 7 in my liver both sides. My CEA went from 8 to 200 and as of now is 14.5. My latest PET scan is the best I've had in 2 years and the tumors are small, the cancer activity is diminished.
Sorry for all this writing but I'm doing it to let you know you cannot give up hope. Believe. There are more options and mine spread fast when I was off the chemo then got smaller and smaller and smaller after I went back on it. Yours can too!!!! 3 weeks will zoom by like it did with me and once you are back on you will see the positive results.
Please please do not give up, we need YOU too. You will be in my prayers each day and night. And in between. Hugs from Orlando, God Bless You - Joyce0 -
thank youJoyceSteele said:thinking of you
Johnny, I am sad to hear this but wanted to say you can stay strong and you are NOT alone. I have been off the board for several mos, no special reason other than some days I just couldn't bring myself to read more sad news. You have been an inspiration to so many, including me. Now it's our turn. I was diagnosed 2 years ago this Thanksgiving and given a short time.. a few months. Went on Folfox, and Avastin did great, finished it and took 9 mos off and then the tumors (liver) started to grow. At that time I decided with my oncologist's approval to go to Mayo Clinic snd see if I was a candidate for resection.
Mayo is awesome... after about 10 appointments and every test imaginable it was determined I was a candidate and that I could have the surgery and be cured. I was going to be operated on by one of THE top liver surgeons and chief of the liver transplant team was going to be my anesthesiologist along with about a dozen more doctors and nurses. A big deal for sure since they were also going to remove part of my colon where the primary tumor had been. It was gone thanks to Folfox and Avastin. Keep in mind you cannot have a resection (I"m sure you know) if you have cancer in other organs.
Cry and lean on my shoulder any time. My email is JSAMeet@aol.com.. email me any time. I will call you or whatever you need. Yes it is scary, enough to make you vomit but it's not over. You are here and you are not going any place soon.
After about 1 hr and all of the surgery going to be laproscopic, they found nodules throughout my abdomen, too small to be detected even by a PET scan. They closed me up and my hope for a cure was over.
I came home 2 days later and my oncologist started me on Folfiri with Avastin a few weeks after that, in March. I am doing well, some side effects and neuropathy from the Folfox.
My tumors started growing during the time I was off chemo, I have 7 in my liver both sides. My CEA went from 8 to 200 and as of now is 14.5. My latest PET scan is the best I've had in 2 years and the tumors are small, the cancer activity is diminished.
Sorry for all this writing but I'm doing it to let you know you cannot give up hope. Believe. There are more options and mine spread fast when I was off the chemo then got smaller and smaller and smaller after I went back on it. Yours can too!!!! 3 weeks will zoom by like it did with me and once you are back on you will see the positive results.
Please please do not give up, we need YOU too. You will be in my prayers each day and night. And in between. Hugs from Orlando, God Bless You - Joyce
joyce for your encouraging news.i do remember you posting on how they closed you up because the cancer was just to bad.i felt so bad for you and now you are sitting there telling me its going to be ok.YOU are a strong woman and i may just take you up on that e-mail message.you take care and hang in there and thanks for the shoulder....Godbless....johnnybegood0 -
I am sorry to hear this however I see more and more cancer is treated as a chronic condition. They treat it as it moves around. And if you can have a quality of life while doing this, its worth it. Fight on, love your horse, we have 3 and they are such a joy to me. Horses even when in pain seem to fight on, we need to do the same. We will only walk this road once, I am counting on heaven and eternal life, but want to enjoy this life while I am here. Have you heard of radiation seeding? Could this be a help? There are new things daily. What about a second opinion? Keep researching. A good book out "From Incurable to Incredible" success stories of I believe stage IV cancers. Loved it. I will be praying for you. Janet0
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