Negative thoughts are creeping in...

pmd1490
pmd1490 Member Posts: 7
in Breast Cancer #1
Well, my mom had her first round of whole brain radiation today to treat her brain mets, and honestly it sucked the life right out of her. I prepared myself for the side effects, so I knew she was going to be fatigued and lethargic, but not this quickly. I tried browsing the internet to see if any good comes from a brain metastases diagnosis, and it doesn't look it it does.

I know I shouldn't be paying attention to statistics, because every breast cancer patient is different. But I can't help but feel that numbers don't lie. It didn't help that on my mom's medical records it read, "treatment plan: palliative radiation therapy". Is this really all they're doing? Just trying to make my mom comfortable while we wait for the inevitable??? Her oncologist said that when it comes to the point that no medicine will help her, she'd let us know. Is that her way of letting us know? Or is that gonna be sooner than we anticipated? Do I have to start preparing myself for the worst? My head is spinning right now with so many questions, and I wish it would stop.

I know I just need to think positively, but like the title suggests, those nagging negative thoughts are just beginning to set in. I know she needs me to be strong and positive, as she herself hasn't given up hope. But sometimes, this all feels like it's too much for my little body to handle. Worst of all, I feel like I'm failing my mom by LETTING these negative thoughts invade my mind. That makes me feel like the worst daughter ever.

Sometimes life just isn't fair and frankly...it sucks.

Comments

  • gagee
    gagee Member Posts: 332
    #2
    No you are not a bad
    No you are not a bad daughter. She is very fortunate to have a loving daughter like you. The unknown is what is the worst of all this. My prayers are with you and your Mom. Don't give up the fight as she seems to be a fighter also.

    Hugs to you Both. Diana
  • GreeneyedGirl
    GreeneyedGirl Member Posts: 1,077
    #3
    gagee said:

    No you are not a bad
    No you are not a bad daughter. She is very fortunate to have a loving daughter like you. The unknown is what is the worst of all this. My prayers are with you and your Mom. Don't give up the fight as she seems to be a fighter also.

    Hugs to you Both. Diana

    I know your frustration~
    Prior to my breast cancer diagnosis, I cared for my mother through her illness of heart disease and then renal cell carcinoma. It was the most challenging time as I went through this with her, and yet when I look back, it was also very rewarding. I was blessed to be the "chosen" daughter who lived closest to her~ to be there through it all~ thick & thin!! Some days were so hard. I was working part time, and still raising teenagers. The 2 year journey started with the heart issues, and progressed rather quickly to finding the tumor on her kidney. When she got diagnosed, I purchased a journal and began writing my thoughts down~ it helped me to process my frustrations. It also helped to write what the doctors were telling us, so I could remember what was taking place, and then go over it with my mom as her questions came. It allowed me to focus, and then have the meltdown later. It has also helped me to go back and read what I thought, and felt at that time. It then became my cancer journal, to write my thoughts down as I experience them.
    I would encourage you to try this~
    Bad thoughts come, but you can move forward and from my experience~find you must, in order to be a healthy and supportive care giver!
    It is not easy to see your mother go through this journey, life is not easy~ and there is no guarantee that it will be. But it is the journey in front of you right now~ and you must stay healthy as well as find a resource to grieve your emotions!
    Keep us posted as to how things are going~
    We are a caring group here on this site~
    ~Melanie
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #4
    Try to look at it from a different perspective
    What your mother is going through is very tough, both mentally and physically. And
    right now she just needs you to hold her hand, just focus on that part. No one ever knows
    what the outcome will be when starting a venture. But when it gets scary we all are glad
    to have company. So just be that for her - good company. Don't let the creepy thoughts
    avert you from this goal. Deal with what may happens when it happens.

    Hugs,
    Ayse
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #5
    wow..so sorry...I am not
    wow..so sorry...I am not much help on this but May I say JOURNALS helped me...whle doing it (writing) I did not think so but in HIND sight...it helped a great deal..


    Denise
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #6
    wow..so sorry...I am not
    wow..so sorry...I am not much help on this but May I say JOURNALS helped me...whle doing it (writing) I did not think so but in HIND sight...it helped a great deal..


    Denise
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #7
    wow..so sorry...I am not
    wow..so sorry...I am not much help on this but May I say JOURNALS helped me...whle doing it (writing) I did not think so but in HIND sight...it helped a great deal..


    Denise

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